Wine-rable Mention.
Oct 5, 2009 DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Random, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, Yum... or Lack There Of., bitch
I would like to mention that I have grown to enjoy a room temperature glass of red wine when I get home from work. I used to hate red wine. I have always been a die hard Boone’s fan.
I think that now that I have hit the ground running at 30, I should graduate from Boone’s to a proper Merlot or Cabernet. I am talking better than Franzia. Better than that Jug-O-Rossi that you could literally get hammered off of and then want to fight (because that is what Carlos Rossi Wiiiiiiiiine does to a bitch) a bitch by beating the life out of her face with the blunt end of that bottle.
(This has never happened to me or by me.)
(I may or may not have witnessed/drunkenly cheered at it before.)
Who noticed that I said a bitch a bitch back to back? 
I just like saying “A bitch”.
Like, “don’t make me get gangster on a bitch.”
Or, “Don’t let a bitch come at me crazy.”
Also, “I wish a bitch would.”
“A bitch” is a milder version of “This bitch.”
“This bitch better get off of my ass.”
“This bitch has a lot of nerve.”
My favorite: “I know this bitch did not.”
This = a specific bitch. Meaning, when I say “this bitch” in your general direction … you are most likely THAT bitch.
A = an unidentified amount with no general bitch intended in the statement. Meaning, any bitch will fit.
Bitch.
HAHA. But let a person call me a bitch. I will use the fuck out of the word bitch. But if you think you know me well enough and throw out the word bitch in my direction as a verb/adjective/noun about me? Psh. Pssssssssssh.
Cass, Q, Squish, Tricky and Just A: The joke won’t work if I call you out on it first.
Lastly, I may or may not be buzzed right now. Off of 2 buck chuck. Fine wine bitches. Fine mofo’in wine.
Carry on after answering some randomly awesome questions simply for my pleasure. Heh.
Have you ever had a crush on an animated character?
Have you ever won a prize in a contest?
(I was lying about drinking Boone’s. That never happened since I was 15.)
Popping My TMI Thursday Cherry: “Fuck You Like a Whaaaa?”
Apr 1, 2009 Friendship, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Relationships, Sex, TMI Thursday's
So, because of an informal challenge, and because I have lived my life in a whirlwind of TMI… I am jumping on the TMI Thursday bandwagon.
Ready, Set, GO!
Once upon my old ass, I was allowed to go on my very first camping trip without parental supervision. I had to beg and plead to get my parents to allow it… but they finally caved. I am pretty sure that I left out the fact that I was going on this trip with my smokin’ football playing boyfriend.
*GASP!!* (who does that?!)
So we go to this kick ass location over the mountains. It was 6-8 of us rowdy drunken teenagers, with loud music and a lot of pot and alcohol. As soon as you could say “Freedom” we were commencing to getting wasted, some of us double-fisting bottles of Strawberry Hill Boones. (Who is old enough to remember those days of underage debauchery?!)
I don’t remember much, other than that there was a huge hill that we ran to the top of and rolled down several times, the group of about 20 campers at the campsite next to ours, and the fact that hunky football boy and I had yet to have sex. Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the fact that it was just him and I in a tent. Alone.
*Queue Porn Music*
So we are all sitting around a campfire, drunk off of our asses. I may or may not have taken another illegal substance other than the previously mentioned 2… but again, I have little memory of details. (alcohol and age dont mix I swear) HFB and I start making out all over the place, and before I knew it, we were stumbling back to our tent and ripping each other’s clothes off.
I did not consider the location of 1) our campsite and 2) our tent in the campsite. We were dead center of the campground. Our site and our tent.
We fell out in fits of giggles at the fact that the only condoms that *I* (not him, douche) brought were brightly colored ones. We argued (loudly, apparently) at which color to use… finally (loudly) deciding on the red one. (which, really looked hot pink when it was stretched out… I do remember that.) And then it happened. I, like the good little sex pistol that I was, flipped over into the infamous “face-down-ass-up” position.
And then… out of nowhere…
“FUCK ME LIKE A FOOTBALL PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!”
First, complete silence.
Second, a sporadic snort and giggle.
Then, the ENTIRE campground burst into uncontrollable laughter. Like, ROARING laughter.
What do I do? (Do you really have to ask???) “Well!? What are you waiting for??” I demand.
So he did. (He knew what was good for him.) Well, I dont really know what fucking me like a football player is… but I do know that he fucked the ever living shit out of me.
And it was goooooooooo oooood.
It was a live porn show for the campground. I was 16. Right. The next day, sober… (only for a hot second before I realized that in order to endure the humiliation that my mouth YET AGAIN caused me…) I was mortified. After a few bottles of Boones, I laughed right along with them. The remainder of the weekend random people all over the campground would shout the famous last words… “FUCK ME LIKE A FOOTBALL PLAYER!!!” into the night, echoing out into the air.
And… of course I never lived it down. I run into old friends who werent even THERE… and they still call me out for it.
*sigh*
So there it is. My very first memorable TMI moment. Be prepared for more where that came from.
To read other kick ass TMI posts, Visit LiLu. She always links them on her post. PQ posted a great one today as well.
Have you ever publicly humiliated yourself in a moment of sexual arousal?
What is your most embarrassing or funniest sex moment?
Tags: Boone's, camping, condom, drunk, football player, humiliation, Sex, tent, TMI Thursday's
