Today is Tuesday
Nov 24, 2009 DUH, Etc., Honest Tuesday's, Masturbate-able, Random, Thoughts and Perceptions
Or the 13th day since I have seen D.
Or 77 days until I get to see him again.
Or another work day. (at least it is not my last day)
Although it could be someones last day … somewhere.
Which would arguably mean that it would also be someone’s first day as well.
It is also the day that my cat woke me up at 6:30 to let his whiny ass out.
That may or may not be every day though.
Today I wish it was my birthday.
Or today could be another special day if I wished it hard enough.
Maybe today is a special day and I just don’t know it yet.
Today someone is falling in love.
One could also mention that today someone is telling someone that they are not in love with them anymore.
Today I caught up on my favorite blogs.
Today I considered finding a poor sap to use him for his member because I really really really really really want to have the sex.
I then considered the fact that I am married and it probably wouldn’t be a nice thing to do.
So then I diddled.
Then I decided that I am going to buy myself a new vibrator.
Today I got a letter from D. I haven’t read it yet.
Today I realized how poor I actually am.
And then I remembered where I work and how that fact is only temporary.
I still cried about it though.
And then I felt empowered.
Today I am sad and lonely.
I also feel like jumping off of a building.
Or finding a hole to crawl into.
Or both.
Today I am mad.
Although a good music-filled house cleaning should help all that.
And another diddle before work. Heh.
What is going on in your world today?
If you could ask me one question, and I was guaranteed to answer it, what would you ask me?
What is your favorite quote today?
And The Award(s) Go To….
Jul 7, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Current Events, Family, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Parenting, Random, Sex, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, Wicked Wisdoms, love
ME!
I have been presented with some awards. Awards for blogging. I have seen these little award avatars on other people’s blogs, but … you know … I never really knew what the hell they really meant, or if these so called “awards” were really handed out or created fictitiously by the blogger themselves. I am new to the blog-o-sphere outside of myspace. Sue me.
Apparently these things are real and now I haz 3.
Award #1: Queen of All Things Awe-Summ, given to me by Just A Girl.
The stipulation of award acceptance is that I name seven (7) things that make me uber-awesome. (Trust me. I know saying uber should strip me of my awesomeness but I am so awesome that I am untouchable … so …)
1) I have a piercing that you can only see if you have *also* seen my vagina.
2) I don’t mind being the bad guy. Ever.
3) I have a 6th sense for penis size prediction.
4) I kick ass. Literally.
5) I was not born with a filter. Some say defect, I say blessing. Tomayto/Tomahto.
6) I swing.
7) Uhm, have you met me!? Nuff said.
I pass this Queen of All Things Awe-summm Award on to:
Miss Tricky
LiLu
The Black Tulip
You bitches rock my socks.
Award #2: Keepsake Blog Award, given to me by Pretty Little Tangents
The stipulation of the acceptance of this award is that I post a sweet and funny keepsake that tells a little something about me.
So hear it goes.
All of you should know by now that I have 2 beautifully bratty kids. Xavier is my first born, Charli my baby girl. What many of you probably don’t know is that before Charli, I had 2 miscarriages while we were trying to get pregnant.
So the fact that she came, in this perfect little caramel colored package was icing on the cake for us. Xavier was an easy baby. She, is as difficult as they come … but because of the struggle to have her, and that I wanted her to be a part of our family so badly … she and I have this special bond.
Now that she is growing up and we are able to actually go and do things because she can walk and (kinda) talk, she and I do a great deal together. Where I go, she goes. One of the things that we do is go for walks. Charli loves to collect rocks. It doesnt matter if they are pretty, or if they are a handful of gravel on the side of the road. Charli gets just as excited.
A few weeks ago, she discovered the dandelion seeds. When we would go for walks, she absolutely HAD to stop and blow each one. I was practicing photography for my class and began to just take pics of her.
(Sidenote: Charli HATES having her picture taken. She literally runs from the camera)
I snapped this pic:
And I turned it into:
And this one just makes me smile:
What do these keepsakes say about me? That 1) I love pictures 2) I love my kids and 3) Pictures are keepsakes within themselves.
I am supposed to name 10 bloggers, but I cant so I wont.
Jamie @ Show & Tell
Briana @ Breezy’s World of Crazy
My Pahtnah @ DC Princess
Just A Girl @ Allconsumingego
Jody @ But Momma
Award #3: The Honest Scrap Award given to me by Breezy
The stipulation of acceptance is to write 10 honest things about me.
1) I would be a lesbian before I married another man if D and I were to divorce.
2) I dont usually like other people’s kids.
3) I am addicted to reality television.
4) And coffee.
5) And sex.
6) I wake up with my hands smelling like my vagina. This has occurred since before I can remember.
7) I have a quirky taste in white boys.
I would rather tell a joke than have a serious conversation.
9) I <3 nakedness.
10) I blog/read blogs/facebook more than I work. And now, I am freaking out because people are asking questions. Will I stop? Nope. I will just learn how to multi-task better.
My award recipients:
F.B.
J.P.
Therapy is Effin Expensive
Pretty Little Tangents
Enjoy the tidbits of info I have provided. If you are on here, take it for what you want. Do it, pass it on, dont, whatev. I just kinda like ya and wanted to share you with my own little piece of the blogosphere.
Lastly, I have a statement and a goal.
Statement: Although the Public Memorial of Michael Jackson was a circus, the actual memorial service was both touching and respectable. I appreciated each thoughtful memory as well as the tributes to his life in photographs. I broke down a couple of times, and was deeply saddened when his beautiful daughter choked out her obviously deep devotion to her father. I wish her and her 2 brothers nothing but joy in their futures.
Goal: Find and read other bloggers. I feel like I am stuck in this blog-basement where I am only able to see through gated windows. I need more to read. Please recommend your favorite blogs here… as well as if you are a lurker and you have a blog I should be reading… link here.
XoXoX!
Tags: award, blog, blogging, death, kids, michael jackson, michael jackson memorial
I’m On A Boat!
May 22, 2009 Current Events, Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Ranteriffic, Suck It!, Wicked Wisdoms, bitch
Not really but lets pretend we are all on boats while we read this blog.
Just like I am going to pretend like I have these amazing plans for Memorial Day Weekend. For all of you m-f-ers that have big plans (probably on a boat somewhere) for the weekend you all get a big fat ‘SUCK IT” from me.
Yep. I said it. “Suck. It.” While you all are off gallivanting like Andy Sandburg on boats all over America… I will be pretending like my 2-10 page papers, 3-2 page papers, a diorama of my treatment center for my group project, and endless homeless sign creation/photo taking is actually me on the biggest boat of all. Bigger than alllllllllllllll of your stupid real boats. My imaginary boat towers over them making them look like micro-machines boats in the bathtub.
/hatersessionfornowbitches.
I am tired of this quarter. I dont know what I was thinking getting myself committed to 5 days a week. I will never again do this to myself. Ever.
On a good note, I plan on finding a quiet place in the sun while the kids play around me at the park up the street from my house to write papers.
Multi-tasking = basking in the sun while writing papers.
Also, I was thinking about how I used to blog regularly on an unmentionable site with a group of really rad individuals. Some have stayed rad, some fell off of my RAD-ar. I was always pensive about moving to my own site simply because of the love for my interaction with others. I enjoy banter… and everyone seemed to enjoy it as well. I was scared that I would be out there all alone on a secluded island blogging with no one bantering with me. Granted, I blog to purge… but I also enjoy what other people have to say on the topics that are in my head.
I dont want to see you from a distance … me standing on the shore of my secluded island … on a boat without me!
In a few short months, I have found some amazing people to banter with to add to those who have migrated off of the unmentionable site. If you enjoy good fun in blog-format… you should definitely check out these bloggers. (Don’t leave my blog bitches… just ADD these to your list.)
PQ: My Partner-in-Crime
Squish: A life/rant/opinion blog. Usually in list form. If you like lists, music, and … karaoke you like Squish.
Miss Tricky: She writes about what she thinks. No bullshit. PS on Thursdays she posts about shiny things.
Just A Girl: Likes poop. A lot. And sex.
Lilu: Just read her. I dont even know what to say about her other than that.
Fast Times: She is growing every day and blogs about it. Also if you love Twilight… you will love her.
Franco Beans: (i.e. The Change I Wish To See) Has a sense of humor like no other.
Just JP: Heh. I enjoy him.
The Black Tulip & Pretty Little Tangents: Both new to my list but great reads nonetheless.
I am plugging these bloggers because they all make me feel accepted in the blog community. I enjoy reading just as much as commenting, and it is important to share the love. If you are a blogger… please feel free to link yourself.
Happy Friday!
If you could create a cruise… where would you go? How long would it be?
Who would you bring?
What are your Memorial Day plans?
Share a Quote of the Day! (Or something awesome to cheer me up. Wicked is cranky today.)
Tags: blog, bloggers, community, homework, i'm on a boat, memorial day, sailing
Joy of Mommyhood #6412346:
May 17, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Family, I WIN!, Parenting, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms
Just when I think that being a mom couldn’t be anymore rewarding.
Friday night, D found some dress that was given to us by one of his old co-workers a long time ago… when I was still pregnant with Charli.
It is the ugliest dress known to man.
So I convince Xavier to put it on.
Me: “Put it on. I bet it fits you!”
X: “Fine. I will put it on. But you cant post it on Myspace.”
Me: (this is too easy) “Ok. Deal. I wont post it on Myspace.”
X: (looking skeptical) “Or that one bookface thingy.”
Me: “Facebook?”
X: “Yes!”
Me: (fake sighing) “Fine. No Facebook either.”
So he puts the dress on. I come with the camera and … as I get ready to snap the picture …
X: “Oh! One more thing!”
Me: “What?”
X: “No blogging!”
Me: (fuckshithell) “What?! No! The original deal was no FB or Myspace!”
*Snap*
This is the genuine expression of someone who has just been duped. *grin*
Ugly Dress: $0
Digital Camera: $150
Laptop: Company Loaner
Seeing the look on Xavier’s face when I told him I was posting this on the internet: Priceless
Don’t think for one second that this picture is not going in the archives to put on display for every single potential girlfriend he brings home to mama.
I am the devil… and I am loving every second of it.
Did your parent humiliate you with pictures of you in compromising situations?
Do you have pics like this of your kids?
If you were a sandwich, what kind would you be?
Haaaaaaaaaappy Monday!
A Friday Blah-g
May 14, 2009 Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, bitch, love
TGIMFF Bitches!!!!!!!!! Woooooooooooo!
Seriously. I am so over the following:
1) This week.
2) This JOB and all of the fake-y people that surround me here.
3) This quarter. Specifically my teacher. Bless his heart but for the fucking love stop repeating yourself. I have heard the same stories at least 3 times already. I. Am. Over it. Oh and PS … ambiguity is not cute. Nor is it funny. Just answer the mother fucking question. K?!
My lovely friend Danelle won the “I Never” game from yesterday’s blog. Her prize was the choice of what my next TMI Post will be next week. Way to be diligent D! You rocked that shit!
For those of you who care… *cough*tricky*cough* Here are the answers to the game:
I never have pooped in front of Donovan. True
I never masturbate. Really?!
I never had sex in high school. False
I never was a stripper. False
I never passed out in D’s roommates bathroom naked. False
I never have been fisted. False
I never have pooped my pants. True
I never used heroin. True
I never have been donkey punched. True
I never have worn my strap on in public. False
Alllrighty then…
Lately I my ears have been taken over by the sound waves of those in some sort of love-anguish… whether it be the ending of a long drawn out relationship… the fear of possibly beginning one with some one, or not knowing if love will ever find them… again or at all.
For those of you who know me well… either because you are in my circle of trust
or because you pay the fuck attention to my blogs…
… then you are fully aware of my love of all things ‘being in love’ ‘finding love’ and/or ‘twitterpation’.
However something has tainted the water for most of the people I am around that has left a bitter taste in all of their mouths. No one is interested in hearing my Tony Robbins – esque Love Motivational Speeches!
What is going on!? This is no bueno!!!!
Wicked is not pleased. Not one iota. I will not live in a love-less world. Nope. You cant convince this girl that we are destined to be lonely, evil, bitter people cooped up in our own little hermit worlds.
With that said, I am damn grateful that I am not ISO. If, goddess forbid, D and I were to split up I am pretty damn sure that I would tell dating to fucking suck it as quick as it came to my door with some stale generic chocolates and grocery store flower bouquets.
Bring a bitch some Godiva for once, Ya digg?!
I feel for you, Daters… Love -Pursuers… ISOers… I really really do. But don’t ask this bitch to walk a mile in your shoes… because I will gladly hop in my car-o-commitment and drive that mile over walking it in a motherfucking heart beat.
What are you over about this week? Purge it here so it is left behind and you can truly enjoy your weekends.
Name 2 people you would take on a road trip with. Where would you go and why them?
Serious homework related question: What is the craziest sign you have ever read that was being held by a homeless person?
Tags: blog, commitment, dating, donkey punch, homeless, i never, love, poop, road trip
