TMIThursday: A Little Extra SAUCE w/ Her French … Kiss.
Jan 27, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, TMI Thursday's, Yum... or Lack There Of., bitch
Hello my gluttons for TMIThursday punishment!
As always — check out Ms. Lilu for making this recurring day of nastyness that we all kind-of look forward to possible. She rocks, in case you didn’t know.
Today we have a guest TMIT’er. (I am thinking I want to have guest TMIT’s for a few weeks … so if you have a TMIT story to share on my blog … email me @ wickedcourtni@gmail.com) She is a fellow-ess PQNation Blogger … known as “Rise Again” on our site … but to me she is my Alanaface.
I love her. And her blogs. When she gets around to gracing us with her blogpresence anyway. 
Show her some love. She is the bestest. 
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I am the Puke Queen.
It doesn’t matter if it’s because I’m pregnant, drinking, eating something off the Chinese buffet or trying to cough back up the overload of carbs I ate for lunch, I puke. Anytime, anywhere, and the amazing thing is that it embarrasses me to NO end to throw up in front of other people.
It’s like a joke now to anyone who knows me.
Unfortunately, sometimes that shit happens at a really inopportune time, like, say, a first date. I mean, hypothetically.
This story is so typical, it’s ridonculous.
J and I started chatting online in September of 2008. Conflicting schedules prevented a real meet and greet until almost November, but when we finally found a day I suggested karaoke.
Now, don’t get it twisted. I can sing. It seems, however, that being able to sing doesn’t necessarily translate well to being able to sing karaoke on a first date. When you’re drunk. Also, nervous.
Solution to all life problems?
Wait for it…
Alcohol!
(I see you are paying attention. Good, we won’t have to go over this later.)
We started at a sports bar, general first date chit chat with lots of beer (read: cider. read: not SMRT) and some pool. I was nervous like Lady Gaga in a room of asexual androids. My first real date since separating from my husband.
It kind of felt dirty. 
By the time we got to the karaoke bar, I was pretty lit, but J said he’d never had a Jagerbomb and I’m just so fuckin’ sorry but that’s like, a travesty.
What a waste! That shit didn’t even come in two separate glasses, but was premixed in a plasticmuthafuckincup.
Followed by another cider.
Do you sense a trend of drinks with too much sugar here?
I sensed it. I sensed it all the way up my sweet little esophagus.
So, I excused myself.
And then I got called to sing.
And then what?
I didn’t have a tooth brush. Or mouth wash. Or any of those nifty little breath strips that he always carries around. (Of which I am now VERY aware and use them often in just these types of situations. Well, and before morning sex. I digress.)
What I did have was a dude that I was totally into, who made a move, like, I dunno, two hours ago, sitting next to me in the booth. He RODE THE SCHOOLBUS WITH ME FOR FUCK’S SAKE! What guy will do that anymore?!
So what did I do?
Yeah, go ahead and puke in your mouth a little…it’s all the rage.
I let him stick his tongue so far down my throat it’s a wonder I didn’t lay it all out on the table right there.
And I don’t care. Yeah, I let him kiss me with puke mouth. Say somethin’, bitch.
There you have it. Feel free to share your own related or completely NON related TMIT’s.
Happy Thursday!
Tags: alcohol, french kiss, karaoke, sing
TMIThursday: Uninvited PenisGuest & Cherry Pop.
Jul 22, 2009 Friendship, Random, Relationships, Sex, TMI Thursday's, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage.
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs…
Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
Today’s TMIT will be like the mixtape of TMIT’s. I have a few short, totally related stories that are starring none other than the love of my life, D. He has been so gracious (read: given no choice) to allow me to put his majorly hilar. and totally inebriated fuck-ups.
Once upon a responsible life of 2 kids and responsibilities… there lived a me and D. We had parties. They were parties that consisted of a great deal (read: pyramid’s of beer cans) of alcohol present among other favors that could be punishable in a court of law if caught participating in. (I will leave that to your own wicked imaginations) So we would get smashed. Completely belligerent. The most affected? D.
I know, right!? Shocking. Especially those of you who knew him then. Bwahahaha.
Annnnnnyfuckingway.
Story number 1 of Uninvited PenisGuest:
We are all hanging out. Our good friend brought his new but old but new girlfriend over to hang out, and (I am almost positive) introduce us to her for the first time. We were all sitting in the living room, watching TV. D and our friend get up to smoke on the deck outside. Our loveseat sat perpendicular to the sliding glass door. New but old but new girlfriend was totally zoned out, watching the movie with her back to the slider. I was across the room on the couch.
Something told me to look up at what the boys were doing, and when I did, I was horrified to see D standing over the back of the loveseat, his penis rested gently on her shoulder. Horrified, I make eye contact with him. He seems to think the event is epic, (that’s what she said… I get it) and when he saw the look on my face … I am pretty sure that was when his brain cells connected as to how NOT COOL it actually was.
We both dart our eyes to our friend, who (rightfully) was livid.
Because none of us wanted new but old but new girlfriend to be made to feel awkward, this was the silent-eye-contact convo that happened.
Friend: “Are you fucking for real?”
D: “So this is not okay?”
Me: “Are you really asking us that?”
Friend: “Get your DICK off of my girls shoulder, dog. Now.”
D: “Are you sure? I mean…”
Friend: “NOW.”
D: (backing up slowly) “My bad, dog.”
Me: (looking at new but old but new girlfriend to see if she noticed. she didnt.) “THANK YOU.”
Friend: “I should fuck you up right now.”
D: “No disrespect. I thought it was funny.”
Friend: “SO not funny.”
Me: “Yeah. Like not even close to funny.”
D: (pathetic face)
Meet my husband. The Puthispenisonhershoulder Guy.
Uninvited PenisGuest Story # 2.
At one of the many parties we hosted, the knife hit was discovered. Or rediscovered. Whatever. Anyway, amongst the heavy drinking and endless knife hits, D became … what is the word I am looking for?! W A S T E D. Right. Wasted. Thanks.
After a several minutes, we all kinda stopped and looked around. D was missing. I scan the living room and the deck. I wander around to the dark staircase and decide to head up to see if he passed out upstairs. Instead, I trip over him. He was passed out face first, on the staircase, his pants and boxer briefs at his ankles.
*le sigh* Decisions, Decisions.
A good wife would have channeled her inner secret squirrel stealth pants pulling up skills and put him to bed.
Heh. I am NOT a good wife.
I snorted and hollered for all of our equally inebriated friends to come see D and his ballsandmore spread eagle on the staircase.
If I would have had a camera then … I would have taken a picture. And I would still have it and I would post that shit on this blog.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I dont. So you are all left to picture my husband and his balls passed out on a staircase. You are welcome.
Last but not least… A TMIT feature from the archives of Tarable:
“Okay so I had liked this guy since I was a freshman. Junior year rolls around and we are at a party at my friend’s house. As high school parties go we were all too drunk off some random fruity vodka drink and the guy I liked was there. One thing lead to another and we ended up in an upstairs bedroom. You may assume that we had sex, but we didn’t. At the time I was the big V and didn’t want to yet, but we pretty much did everything else. When Dan woke us up the next morning he completely freaked out on us.
Boy I liked and I jumped up to blood smeared sheets and clothes. GROSS!
The worst part was that it was on his face! Ask me how quick everyone at school found out that he popped my cherry.”
There you have it folks, 3 TMIT’s for your Thursday enjoyment.
As always, (but you never do) feel free to share your own TMIT’s, links to your TMIT blogs or whatever.
And… if you could be a kind of “pop” what flavor would YOU be?
Tags: alcohol, cherry pop, drunk, friend, girlfriend, high school, penis, tarable, tmit
The Mother (in-law) Load.
Dec 10, 2008 Addiction & Recovery, Relationships, Thoughts and Perceptions
Raise your hand if you have one.
Raise your hand if you know of a friend or relative who has one.
Now. Raise your hand if you or your friend/relative’s expieriences are pleasant ones… most of the time.
I have a friend. She is one of my oldest, dearest friends in the whole world. She happens to have the mother in law from hell. I could tell you horror story upon horror story of the manipulation and gameplay that has commenced on a weekly… sometimes daily basis with this one.
I have another friend. She has a mother in law who is a loving caring woman. She respects boundaries, doesnt overstep into the fine lines that are drawn in the sand over parenting styles… her grandkids adore her… and for the most part, so does my friend. The problem is that she has a tendency to be flaky. This is not new information to my friend. In fact, if you asked this MIL, she would attest to her flaky ways.
Today, my friend wrote to me… partially in jest of the situation, but the other part angered. Here is what she wrote:
“We all know she is a great woman. We also all know that she has a problem. I tried to ask her to leave her debit card at home, and just take minimal cash with her to the casino. She, of course, refused… and went missing for 24 hours. No call, no nothing. She finally called me at 2:30 AM because she ‘was not having fun anymore.’ She wanted one of us to come pick her up. Of course He did… because that is his mom, but mostly because I simply did not have it in me at that hour to even acknowledge the reality or validity of this phone call. So He drove 40 minutes to this casino, where he found her sprawled on a bench in front of the entrance. He pretty much had to carry her to the car. Her and the liquor cabinet that she was carrying on her breath.
We, including my child, were all worried sick. I called hospitals and police stations… but in my heart I knew that she simply was being selfish. She was not hurt… she just didnt think to call. My mother in law literally lost track of 24+ hours.
Bottom line, I have lost respect for her. She has crossed the line, and what I have to say… she doesnt want to hear”
What does she do?
Does my friend have the right to say something to her about this incident?
Or is she to leave it to her son to handle?
Do you have an in-law-from-hell story?? Even if it isnt your own. I would love someone to top this.
Tags: alcohol, casino, drunk, hospital, in laws, lost track of time, money, respect, worry
Soul-Fill-Up
Nov 16, 2008 Friendship, Thoughts and Perceptions
A lovely lady asked me on my Random Tea blog yesterday WTF a ‘Soul Fill Up’ is exactly.
Approximately 1 year ago in January, there was a meeting of souls. 11 beautiful women, some who knew each other well, some who had never met, some who had met on myspace but never in person all found themselves inside a house in TN to celebrate a special birthday of a special someone.
*coughCarolakaGiGicough*
A few ladies could not make it, but their souls were very much present that weekend.
I am pretty sure I can speak for all who experienced it that it was hands down the most intense and dynamic experience ever felt to date. Never before had I let my walls down and just allowed what was meant to be… simply be. Out of that weekend, along with several other weekends before and after came the Tribe, friendships, soul connections, and really a sisterhood that I never ever had before it.
To elaborate, I met Chrissa in Chicago when her plane picked me up from my lay-over. No bullshit. It wasnt planned, and we didnt even realize that it was happening until I was in Chicago, trying to find out if we were going to meet in Chicago before boarding our seperate planes to TN. We got to ride for about an hour together. Just her and I. She is like a sister from another mister. It was meant for me to go. It was meant for her to go.
And really, if you weren’t there… It is kinda hard to explain the dynamic of that moment of seeing her pretty freckled face. And then to hold her hand and walk out to meet the rest of our sisters in the terminal.
So when I say, I need a ’soul fill up’… It means that I need my sisters. I need my boobie-smashings, endless hugs, some tears and a great deal of alcohol induced karaoke and jitterbugging. Even if it were just one of them, in my space, I would feel the connection of everyones souls in that hug.
Have you ever felt connected to a person in such a dynamic manner before?
Do you have soul-fill-ups or something similar?
Have you ever had a destined moment like mine on the plane with Chrissa?
Share your soul connections today.
Tags: alcohol, boobie-smashing, chicago, connection, jitterbug, karaoke, nashville, plane, sister, soul, Tribe Called Joy
