The Bank of Payback
Mar 22, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Family, Parenting, Ranteriffic, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms
When Xavier gets to the point to where he is talking on the phone… I am going to interrupt his conversations at every opportunity. For absolutely no reason what-so-ever.Especially when he is on an important call. To tell him things like how next year I am going to try to remember to cleanse my colon as often as possible. Just to be safe. I am gonna tap into the call and remind him that I need to make an appointment to get a Brazilian wax. Heh.
Payback’s a bitch. And so am I.
When Charli grows up, I am going to march around her room on the weekends at the ass crack of dawn, banging pots and pans around while I sing made-up songs about how I didn’t get to sleep in on the weekends when she was a baby just long enough to make her really really mad at me. Just long enough to where she cannot fall back asleep. Just long enough to leave the mark.
D and I were talking about the other things that we could do to get her cute little brown butt back. He was dancin’ around the kitchen while free-styling ‘betcha aint sleepin now’ lyrics.
I want to wake her ass up at 3 AM when she is like… 15 and make her do push-ups. Only 25, but push-ups nonetheless.
I think that it would be really funny to fall out in a tantrum in front of her friends. Or in public. Or anywhere other than the privacy of our own home that would simply mortify her… Just randomly spazz out in a scream-fest for no reason. Or, no reason to her… but a serious reason to me.
I would also like to keep embarrassing photos of her. Both of my kids actually. Blown up. Framed. And when they have friends over, replace the normal pictures on the walls with the ones of them in mortify poses with hilarious outfits or facial expressions.
Oooh. Or even, when she is at that age where she hates me soooooooooo much… and wants me to be as far away from her as humanly possible…. insist on sitting RIGHT next to her. Touching her arm, or my leg to her leg. Poking her eyes, and shoving my fingers in her mouth… preferrably in front of her friends.
Now I know what my mom was talking about when she said that I was gonna have one just like me. Only, this time… I am not going to forget the times that all I wanted to do was sleep a couple of extra hours, or just have a little bit of personal space. Just a little. I love my kids, but for fucks sake, I do not like to have them both sitting practically on top of me at every opportunity.
Payback’s a bitch. And so am I.
The Bank of Payback is collecting a shit ton of interest as we speak. I have a seperate account there for payback on actual adults that deserve a little bit of it too. But that is for an entirely different blog.
And, as I end this ha-ha funny blog, Charli sits at her door… knocking and yelling because her stubborn ass doesnt feel like it is her bedtime. The fun never stops in the Wicked household. It never stops.
Do you have an account at TBoPB?
Anything you would ‘like’ to withdraw from the bank and use on them?
Get some.
Tags: account, bank, bitch, drill seargent, mommy, Parenting, payback, payback's a bitch, tantrum, teenager, wish, withdrawl
