Recent Articles
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Jan 22, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, DUH, Etc., Family, Friday Eye Candy, P.O.E. Biz, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail 11 Comments
WAZZZZZZZZUP!!!!!!!!!!! TGIMFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No bullshit, I am 1) Glad that it is Friday. 2) Glad that it is the weekend. 3) Glad that it is Open Letter FUCKING FRIDAY!
Dear New Piercing(s),
Fucking HEAL already.
Love Tarable & Wicked
———————————————————————————————————————-
Dear D,
Bllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (breath) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (breath)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Fine. Fucking fine. FINE.
Courtni.
———————————————————————————————————————
Dear Stupid Boy,
You are fucking STUPID. I just wanted to you to know.
———————————————————————————————————————-
Dear JWow and Snook’s,
We are your West Coast soul sistahs. We would beat any bitches ass or even a dudes if he pressed the right buttons. It is like the East and West ATeam. Or really the Bteam. B= Bitches.
Yeeeeah.
Tarably Wicked.
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Jamie,
If the open letter isn’t signed … then I wrote it.
Love Wicked.
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Tarable,
I gotcho back. Always.
Love, Your Bestie
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Jersey Shore,
Why are you so addicting?!
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear You,
I appreciate you. Love you, mean it. 
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Emotions,
Why? Why do you have to come out at the most inopportune time? Why do you have tear ducts? Like at work when you are looking at yourself in the mirror … or when you are talking to your bestie and she realizes that you are crying and she asks you as you are crying and when she asks you, you cry harder? Why ruin your makeup? Why?
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Friday’s,
We have 60 of you that are just to ourselves. We vow to do really awesome stuff together and without boys or kids or drama filled people. Just us. A bestfrienddate.
Love TarablyWicked
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear 2/12,
You have been scheduled as our bestfriendvalentinesdayfridaydate. We are gonna kick it and get drunk and watch a funny movie. The end of that.
TarablyWicked
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Snookin for Love,
Really?!
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Credits,
Fucking get bought. K?!
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Self,
You are good enough. You are going to be successful. You will make President’s Club. Why? Because. You are not average. You work your ass off everyday. You are TRYING.
It will will will will will will pay off.
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Charli,
GET OUT OF MY PERSONAL SPACE.
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Carbs,
Fuck the hell offfffffffffffffff. FUCK OFF.
TarablyWicked
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Old Man,
I get that you are grumpy because you haven’t eaten dinner. I bet your dinner involves complex carbohydrates. Guess what?! Mine doesn’t and I am just as cranky if not more.
Fuck you stupid owner david.
Tarable.
————————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Ken Adams,
Fuck. Seriously, the thin line is getting thinner by the moment.
Regina Philange
————————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Hungry,
We legitimately hate you.
TarablyWicked
————————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Girls Trip,
Its GONNA HAPPEN.
————————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Courtni,
You need to make a decision for yourself for once. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. You can never say that you didn’t try.
————————————————————————————————————————–
And for some FRIDAY EYE CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!
First… Gerard Butler … YUMMMMMMM.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Minka Kelly ….
Now you go. Purge your weekend so that you can thoroughly enjoy your weekends!
I am Tired (or) Not too Tired to P-I-M-P.
Jan 20, 2010 I Forgot to Tag 10 Comments
First of all … I wanted to wish D and Carol and Mr. Jacob Good the Happiest of Birthdays.
Or …
Or …
Or even …
And last but not least …
However you like to say it … I wanted to make sure to cover all basis.
And, please go and check out what awesome thing that Lilu is doing for a friend in need. She LovesHarder than anyone I know on the freaking internet other than myself and Numbah1. There is a place to donate some cashola if you are in a place to do so … but if not, well wishes and prayers are always awesome.
Or, you can just click the prettylilbutton:
Speaking of my Numbah1, she has a new column that she writes for. Go show her some love, K!?
I hope you are having a good week so far. I am trying to, but I am off to a rough start.
Got any Jokes? Tell me your best “Yo Mama” joke.
Would you rather: Grow hair everywhere or not grow hair anywhere?
Whatever Happened to? Wednesday’s: Personal Space
Jan 19, 2010 All Things Charli, Parenting, Ranteriffic, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays, bitch 35 Comments
Hello! Welcome to Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s!
This one will be short and sweet.
Whatever happened to personal space?!
For example:
Charli. I love the child to death. I really truly do. But she is the most magnetically touchy child I have ever encountered. And … well I am not that person. Don’t get me wrong. I love touching and loving and all of that like the rest of 95% of the world… but there is a time and a place for everything.
Not the time:
When I first wake up in the morning. Specifically, me waking up to a 35ish pound human latched on to me. And when I say latched, I mean laaaatttccchhheeed. Like legs intertwined. Like hand on my face. Or hair in my face. Me hanging off the bed due to her in my business and me attempting to get a little bit of personal motherfucking space.
Also NOT the time:
When I am peeing. She wants to know what I am doing. Why I am doing it. How I am doing it.
“Are you wiping now?”
“Are you peeing now?”
“Are you done peeing?”
“Is that your pee pee mommy?”
“Can I flush it?”
For the most part, I am okay with it. I mean, I respect her curiosity. But sometimes though?! I mean… can a bitch get a little bit of motherfucking personal space?!
Wanna know when ELSE it is not the time?!
When I am taking a shower. I am not interested in having a conversation with my 2 year old about my shower in step by step format. Nor do I feel like talking to her about my pee pee and my boobs for the duration of my 15 minute shower.
Dont tell me that I should lock the door either. Because she will stand there and yell at me through the door.
“MOMMY!”
“MOMMYWHATAREYOUDOING???!”
“MOMMY ARE YOU TAKING A SHOWER NOW?”
“MOMMY ARE YOU WASHING YOUR PEEPEEANDYOURBOOBS?”
Yeah. Personal space?! What the fuck is that?!
These examples have nothing to do with adults who cannot comprehend the idea of personal space. That is a whole different fucking discussion. I cant even really be mad at Charli. She is too young to get it. But grown ass people?! Really?!
Do I want your face in my face?! No.
Do I want to turn around and have you 4inches from the back of me in the grocery line?! FUCK NO.
Must you sit RIGHT next to me in a public place when there are eleventy million fucking open seats around me? (i.e. the DOL or the DR office.) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFUCK!
Get out of my bubble. Get out of my business. Get OUT of MY SPACE. BLAHHHHHHHHHHH.
Do you have a bubble? What are your feelings about personal space?
What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
Honest Tuesday’s: Say What You Need to Say.
Jan 18, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, DUH, Honest Tuesday's, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Ranteriffic, bitch 13 Comments
Hello! Welcome to Honest Tuesday’s. A place where you can come and be honest about shit that you would be dishonest about otherwise.
So this topic today is not something that I am admitting any dishonesty about. Because if any of you know me, you know that I am 99.9% gonna tell your ass about yourself. Unless 1) I might get fired or 2) I might go to jail. And even then I have taken the risk.
Anyway…
Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by cowards. People who are so scared to just tell someone how they feel.
“We really aren’t friends.”
“I am in love with you but I am too stubborn to say it first.”
“I didn’t invite you out for a reason.”
“No. I am NOT going to call you.”
“I think you are repulsive and would rather not have sex than have sex with you.”
“I am cheating on you.”
“If I wanted you to show up, I would have invited you.”
“We don’t hang out because your significant other is a complete fucking douchebag.”
“Your breath smells like someone took a shit in your mouth.”
“I hate it when you constantly interrupt me in the middle of a sentence.”
I mean seriously?! Are you that afraid of being a real person to where you lead them along their merry way … believing something to be true that is complete and total bullshit? How is someone ever going to be able to fix that annoying thing that they have no clue is in fact annoying in the first place?
Say what you need to say. You are doing no one any favors by keeping it to yourself. Especially not the person whom you are keeping it from.
Furthermore, how asshole-ish are you to talk shit about a person behind their back? Anything you have to say behind their back … you need to figure out how to say it to their face. What are we? 12th graders? Is this fucking Mean Girls but in real life?
Say what you need to say. Fuck sparing someones feelings. Fuck being polite. Fuck smiling in someone’s face in an effort to not cause a scene or drama.
Just fucking tell them. I am over hearing about how so’n’so is blah blah blah all of the time. If you don’t fucking like them, then God damn tell them already.
Or don’t. Whatever. You are the one being a fake, 2 faced fucking asshole. Not me.
Fuck.
Get your weekly honesty out. Say sumpin!
An Award annnnnnnnnd A LMFAO Conversation, Etc.
Jan 17, 2010 Etc., Family, Friendship, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Relationships, Sex, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., Yum... or Lack There Of. 22 Comments
Happy Monday Individuals!
I was given a really kick ass award from a new (to me) bloggerslashreader. You should add him to your readers because he is pretty awesome and I quite enjoy his blogs. I really have to give it up to Lilu as well for making the connection between us via TMIT’s every week. I don’t think that she is aware of the impact she has on connecting us bloggers on the interwebs.
The Award is the “Happy 101 Award” and the rules are as follows:
I have to list ten things that make me happy and I have to do one of them today. Then I have to pass the award on to ten other bloggers who I think are deserving. Now, ten things that make me happy:
(These things are in no particular order and I have bolded the ones I have done today.)
1. Masturbating. I could be having an unlimited amount of sex every single day of my life, but I still enjoy a good self-love session. Sometimes, I masturbate AFTER sex. Not because I didn’t get off … but because I fucking feel like it.
2. Blogging. Even if my blog is crap and I don’t have time to put thought into what it is for the day. Even if I don’t publish it … I must blog every single day.
3. Sex. Duh.
4. My ladies make me happy. Tarable, Rach, Squishy, Carol, Cass, Q, Tori, JonnaBonnana, Kim(s), Lirra, Sheesha, Leslie, Chrissie, Angie, Rosie, Chrissa … fuck I know I am forgetting a bitch or 2 but I know you will forgive me.
5. Accomplishing my goals. To know that I set something for myself and then push to make it happen … the best feeling ever.
6. My husband and my kids make me happy.
7. Sleeping in.
8. Reading a good book. Uninterrupted.
9. Making someone else laugh makes me happy.
10. Food makes me happy.
*BONUS*
11. A sexy fucking man makes me happy. Get naked and let me see the GOODS!
12. Shopping. Specifically bargain shopping. New stuff makes me happy.
I would like to recognize the following bloggers and give them the Happy 101 award. Because each of them make me happy every single day when I read their thoughts.
Squish @ Squishisms: Her view of the world makes me happy. Even when she is stabby. Actually MOSTLY when she is stabby.
Jaime @ Life Under Construction: She is hilarious to me. I enjoy her view of life.
MissTricky @ What Happens After: She is one of my oldest and dearest “internet friends”. Bes’ believe that we will be old bitties together one day. Face to Face styles.
Ms. Bethany @ Bethany’s World: She is who she is and says what she thinks in the most diplomatic way I have ever seen.
EroticaBitch @ Verbal Assassin: She is the most kick-assiest Army wife I have ever known.
Moog @ Mental Poo: He is just fucking hilar. Period.
Tori @ Dramatic Sigh: I don’t even have words for her fucking blogs sometimes.
Bradley @ A Jersey Kid: He used to be on a different blog which went on hiatus but is back ( I hope ) just in a different location. I missed him. He tops my favorite blog list ever in the history of blog lists.
Rosie @ Neurotic Ramblings: She is crazy as fuck but I love her. And when I say crazy, I mean it in the most complimentary way possible.
And last but definitely not least …
P.Q. @ DC Princess: She is my numbah1. She within her own crazy self makes me happy.
Now for the LMFAO Conversation between myself and Tarable.
Friday night has been decided as our Girls Night. We are going to start doing stuff together after work … because we deserve it and because we want to. Not necessarily just going to the bar or anything … but having dinner at new restaurants or seeing movies … or … well … going to the bar. Heh.
This last Friday we got pierced. She got her nose, and I got my cartilage in my ear done. Then we went and got some mini box wines and drove around blasting our favorite music.
When we got home, we picked a movie … “Funny People” and while drinking wine and watching it, we decided that we were hungry.
Me: “I want just ONE cheeseburger.”
Tarable: “Courtni! No!”
Me: “Fine.”
Tarable: “How would we get there anyway.”
Me: “Are you already hammered?”
Tarable: “Nooo ooooo…”
Me: “So what you are saying is …”
Tarable: “I am saying that I am off one. And I am going to tell the bitch in the drive thru that. Like, I want 3 cheeseburgers no onion I am off one.”
Me: “Mission accepted.”
So we are on our way to the land of the cheeseburger. I am admittedly waaaaaaaay more buzzed than I originally thought. The level of buzzed where every god damned thing is hilar.
We pull into the drivethru.
DtB: “Welcome to the land of the cheeseburger, may I take your order?”
Tarable (to me): “What was I supposed to say again?”
Me: “Can I have 4 cheeseburgers, no onions I am off one.”
Tarable (to DtB): “Can I have 4 cheesburgers no onioniamoffone.”
DtB: “What was that?”
Tarable: “4 cheeseburgers, no onionIamoffone.”
DtB: (Silence)
Me: Motherfucking DYING laughing.
Tarable: “FOUUUUUUUR CHEEEEEEEEEESEBURGERRRRRRRRRRRSSS, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ONION I.AM.OFF.ONE.”
At this point, I am fucking crying laughing because Tarable was mad at this DtB’s lack of understanding of her SLURRED ass statement of being off one. She probably had ZERO clue as to what “off one” really meant.
We pull up to the window.
Tarable: “Hi. Sorry. I am just off one.”
DtB didn’t laugh.
Me: “OMG I AM GOING TO PEE MY PANTS!”
Tarable: “Courtni!”
Me: (I literally could not look at her. I had my back to her and was all up IN the window.) “I cant helllllllllllp it!”
Tarable: “I am sorry. SHE is off one too.”
We pull up to the NEXT window.
Tarable: “You need to get it together. They are going to spit in our cheeseburgers.”
Me: “I cant help it.”
Tarable: “They might even deny us the cheeseburgers all together! One time I was kicked out of a drivethru for cursing too much!”
Me: “SNORT”
Tarable: “I am not kidding!”
The window opens. It is the SAME fucking lady.
Tarable: “Oh! It is YOU again! Maybe we should have stayed at the other window … no!?”
DtB didn’t laugh.
Me: “OhhhhhhhhhhmyfuckingGODrightnow!”
Tarable: (to the DtB) “Thanks for the cheeseburgers, you were a PEACH.”
So we pull away.
Me: (finally pulling it together) “I cannot believe that you had the audacity to fucking get mad at this fucking lady. This is how you sounded. TWICE “Can I get 4 cheeseburgers, no onionIamoffone.” and then when she was confused, you spoke to her like she was slow … like it was HER fault.”
Tarable: “Well! Whatever! HAHAHAHA!”
Me: “I am totally blogging about this.”
The end. I love us. We are awesome. Like, e = MC AWESOME.
What 10 things make YOU happy today!?
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Jan 14, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch, love 12 Comments
Happy Friday!
You know the drill … come here, purge your bullshit so that you can enjoy the weekend.
Dear You,
Thank you so very much for knocking it the fuck off. You are much more pleasant to be around when you are not being a fucking baby.
————————————————————————————————————–
Dear D’s Penis,
Thank you for the meeting. I forgot that you even existed. Shit, I forgot that I even existed.
Love, Wicked’s Vagina
—————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Bank Account,
I am really sorry. It is not my fault that you are overdrawn. Soon this will all be resolved and we wont be poor.
Wicked
—————————————————————————————————————–
D,
I am so so so so so happy you are home. In the past week, you have made such an impact in the house. We all appreciate every single thing that you do for us. I missed you more than you will probably ever know.
PeeEss … thanks for the sex.
——————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Miley Cyrus,
I am pretty sure none of us believe that you are even close to a virgin. You are going straight to hell for lying about your aforementioned faux-ginity to you millions maybe even billions of fans.
Just admit that you have had some of the cahck.
P.S. If I hear you “singing” that “bumpin jay-z” song one more mother fucking time I may have a credit melt down. You suck.
——————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Baby Jesus,
There are several reasons why we need to have a conversation.
1) I am not the one.
2) Virginity movement?! Really?
3) Keep it pushin.
———————————————————————————————————————
Dear Tara,
Where did your wit go?!
Love Tarable.
———————————————————————————————————————-
Dear D,
Thank fucking sweet baby jesus that you are home.
Love, Tarable.
———————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Haiti,
I wish that I could swoop in and give you all of the food in the world. All of the food and water and money to fix it. But I don’t have it. My heart goes out to all of you and all of the families who lost someone.
————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Porn Movies,
Shut up. No one wants to hear you talk. We just want to see the sex. All of the sex. We don’t care about the plot or the story line or the climax … that is … unless the climax consists of a dude climaxing on a bitches face.
K?
—————————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Boyfriend,
I hope you have a fantastic time. I will miss you. Be safe. Look at all the boobs you can but reserve it for me.
Love Tarable
Pee Ess. We are having the sex when you get home. Like put it in my mouth.
——————————————————————————————————————————
Dear Mike O and Boyfriend,
You motor boatin’ sons of bitches.
Love Tarable
——————————————————————————————————————————
Dear D,
Did I mention, thank fucking GOD you are home!?!?
——————————————————————————————————————————-
Dear New Bitch,
I am SO FUCKING GLAD YOU ARE NOT HERE ANYMORE.
BYE BITCH BYE!
——————————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Ken Adams,
Heh.
——————————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Cari and Jim,
Congrats on the news that you are having a BOY!!!!!!! Baby Bush is more lucky than he knows to have such awesome people as parents.
——————————————————————————————————————————
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd for some CLASSIC eye candy!
Denzel Washington
Annnnnnnnnnd… Julia Roberts
As always … Friday Eye Candy suggestions are needed.
TMIThursday: This Gives Want in one Hand … SHIT in the Other … a Whole New Meaning.
Jan 13, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, TMI Thursday's, Yum... or Lack There Of. 32 Comments
Happy TMIThursday peeps! If this has become your guilty pleasure, then you know that all you have to do is go visit LiLu and find a list of HOLYFUCKINGLIST of other TMIT’s as awful as mine.
If you haven’t read all of my TMIT posts, click here to catch up on the awesomeness.
Once upon an anal penetration, there lived a girl who loved it in her butt. (You can assume ((heh)) all day that this girl is me, but it really isn’t.) The problem with this girl is that she was a really big whore. And not the kind who gets paid. So really, she was a big anal loving slut-face.
I knew her at a time in my life where I was not fully in touch with allll that wraps into my sexual comfortability. (yes there was a time that I was a closet freak) So when she approached me about something new she wanted to try, I remember being half interested and half mortified.
Her: “I think that I want to try DP.”
Me: “DP? Like DPG?!”
Her: “Noooo Double Penetration.”
Me: “Like in the mouth and in the vag?”
Her: “Been there, done that … got the stain on the tshirt.”
Me: “What other kind of DP is the- ohhhhhhhh. Ack!”
Her: “You need to try anal. It is marvelous.”
Me: “Meh. So, where are you gonna find 2 poor saps to play cock swords?”
Her: “I don’t need 2.”
Me: “Toys?”
Her: “We will see.”
Days pass. I pretty much blocked the thought of her being ran into the ground in the form of DP from my mind on purpose. Did I avoid her calls? Yes. But as you can probably guess, she tracked me down to tell of her HoeTales.
Her: “Mission Accomplished.”
Me: “Oh Jesus. What happened?!”
Her: “Well… it didn’t turn out the way I hoped.”
Me: “Okay…”
So she goes into this story of how she calls up one of her regular booty calls. She propositions him in the most porn starry way ever imaginable and he practically runs over. Several beers and a Costco tub of lube later … he is balls deep in the snatch and elbow deep in the anus.
Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech.
Me: “He fucking fisted your asshole?! How in the–?!”
Her: “Don’t ask.”
Me: “I didnt fucking ask for a n y of this.”
She continues. Telling me of dirty talk and orgasms. She begins describing to me how she was preparing for the big “O”. You know, the one that is the most uncontrollable ever … ?!
Yeah that one.
Well, as her big “O” comes … so does another big thing. Do you even want to guess?
Yeeeeeeah you do.
The big thing was a poo poo present. All up his handslashwristslasharm. She looked back, and there this poor asshole ((heh)) was, frozen … staring at his good arm. Covered in her shit. I can only imagine how fucking nasty it smelled … let alone how it looked. Apparently he felt it when it happened, pulled out … saw that one hand was … browner than the other … and freaked the fuck out.
I can’t say that I blame him. Betcha that was the last time he ever put his fist inside someones ass. Or offered it either …
((heh))
Ass … er I mean AS usual … feel free to share you own TMIT’s either related to or completely unrelated to this story. You know I am a sucker for a good TMIT.
Never Sexy.
Jan 12, 2010 DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random 21 Comments
* Camel Toe. Anytime, for any reason.
* Body Odor. Wear some motherfucking deodorant. For fucks sake.
* Bras as shirts. They don’t call them “undergarments” for a reason.
* Realistic size 12 squeezing into a size 8. if it don’t fit…. don’t force the issue.
* No neck due to excessive steroid use, or weight lifting to compensate for a little cock. Need I say more?
* Shouting “EH” or whistling at me like I am a dog to get my attention. Seriously.
* Toes hanging an inch over the front of your shoes. Bitch, I don’t care how cute they are, if they don’t fit…. THEY DON’T FIT.
* Panty Lines. Not acceptable. EVER.
*Orange “Mask-Face” It’s called BLEND and MATCH your NATURAL SKIN TONE.
* Ankle-heeled boots with skirts Ugh.
* Speedos. I dont care how old. Not sexy. Not sexy one bit.
* Armpit hair and tank-tops on women. I dont want to see the shit. I just dont.
* Mullets in 2010. Did I need to bring this up? I thought this was a general understanding. No?
* Tube tops. No. There is not a person on this planet that can convince me differently
* Being able to see your ass crack while you are standing up. The pants DONT FIT. GET NEW ONES. Please AND Thanks.
* Sagging so much that it looks like your cock hits your knees. That to me says you have no cock. Get a belt. Wear pants that FIT.
* Big titties and no bra.I dont want to see tummy nipples. WEAR SOMETHING PLEASE.
Did I miss anything?
Preferred Peeves.
Jan 11, 2010 DUH, Family, Honest Tuesday's, Masturbate-able, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Sex, Suck It!, This Thing Called Marriage. 17 Comments
Everyone has preferences. Me, being the picky bitch… has A LOT of them. I mean…. HELLA.
I prefer a man to smell like dryer sheets or soap than cologne. (same with a woman.)
I prefer lilies or wildflowers to roses.
I prefer brunettes to blondes.
I prefer unripe bananas to ripe bananas.
I prefer vodka to any other liquor.
I prefer box wine. (shutup.)
I prefer rough sex to gentle sex. (most of the time)
Speaking of sex, YAY for sex last night. YAY for waking me up with a nice fat D cock, and even more YAY to instantaneous orgasms. I swear, he only gets better with age. No man on the planet can work my body like he can, and in such a short amount of time sometimes.
In this case, gentle sex was better. Mainly because it had been 60 days and I wanted it that way.
*satisfied sigh*
I think I will predict that it is going to be tough to get out of bed in the morning. That might also be why I am in a mood today. A smart ass Cassie kind of mood. HEH.
Oh eat a dick Cass. *snicker* You know you are the smartassiest broad in my life. LMFAO.
Also, I have several pet peeves. I cant help it if little things bother me.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when more than one peeve happens in the same situation.
This makes for a peeved Wicked.
Pet peeve 1~ having to wake up and motivate before 9am without coffee.
Pet peeve 2~ drivers. of any kind. before coffee. (my road rage is awful FYI)
Pet peeve 3~ customer service reps who don’t speak English well enough to carry on a conversation. or actually provide you with the correct services that you asked for.
pet peeve 4~ said non English speaking person referring to you as lady instead of the name I was fucking born with.
Anyway, the other day I had this appointment. These fools want me there at 8 am.
8.
a
m
.
If you aren’t already aware, I am not a morning person. People usually steer clear until after my coffee is gone or after 10am, whichever comes first. So let me tell you how fucking angry I was to be in this place at 8am. And then to have to re-explain why I am here to this fucking guy FOUR fucking times for him to actually understand the words that were coming out of my mouth. (or so I thought anyway)
So I am sitting there, minding my own business, when no speaka comes up and says to me (which brings me to pet peeve … #5)
“Lady you need to ….”
Can you guess what pet peeve 5 is?
Yeah. Someone telling me what I need to do.
Anyfuck.
So I wait for an hour before 10am before coffee after telling this fucker 235673453 times what I needed to fucking have this guy tell me that he fucked up *gasp* and called the wrong department.
i.went.clean.the.fuck.off.
I scared him I think because someone saw me right away. Like less than a minute after I began on my sleep deprived, stress induced, lack of coffee rage.
All he could say was ‘lady’ over and over again. *fuming*
Then I had to listen to this bitch yap on and on about (pet peeve 5) what I need to fucking be doing. Even after I informed her what I was already doing that was what she was trying to tell me what I needed to be doing.
Pet peeve 6~ People talking to hear themselves talk.
What are some of your pet peeves?
A Resolution About Family.
Jan 10, 2010 Family, I Forgot to Tag, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Relationships, Wicked Wisdoms 14 Comments
As I have gotten *ahem* … older … I have noticed myself becoming more and more reflective on my life.
Who am I?
What kind of person have I molded myself to be?
What connections have I made?
What connections have I lost over the years?
What does friendship really mean to me?
What does family really mean to me?
The other night I was on FB way too freaking late and my Aunt (my mom’s sister) was online. We have recently reconnected through FB anyway but we hadn’t really chatted. For those of you who don’t know … past my dad’s side of the family (Nana, Papa, Uncles and cousins) and my mom’s mom (who passed away the day Xavier was born) I really have never been close to any of my extended family. The reasons why are not really important, because really … some are silly but some are too serious to put in a blog. Bottom Line: I am kinda “meh” about family.
It is the one way D and I differ. It is also the one way Tarable and I differ.
My parents and my brother get it. I call when I feel like it. If I don’t … they don’t take it personal. I am me whether at a parent present dinner or not. There is no difference in who I am in front of them. Period. I say what I think and if they are offended … well too fucking bad. The coinflip is quite similar. My dad and I butt heads a great deal because of differences of opinion. But I still voice it.
*shrug*
When I married D, I was introduced to what a big family looks like. Meaning, a big family who grew up around each other and have that bond. Where no matter how many years pass from the last time you could just fall back into it like no time has passed.
I never really had that with any of my extended family.
So when I was talking with my Aunt, it was really surreal to see her life in front of me, none of it that I knew about. She has grandbabies. She had 1 other kid that I didn’t even know about. I have cousins that I don’t even know.
So as we were talking, I asked about my grandma’s sister. She and I were so close growing up as a kid. She is sassy and loud and opinionated as all get out. My aunt told me that she lives less than 15 minutes from my house. Really?! I haven’t spoken to or seen her since my grandma passed … and she lives 15 minutes from me?!
Gah.
So I got her phone number and vowed to call her. On Sunday morning, I called her. We talked for an hour and it was really really awesome to hear her voice. We made plans to hang out this next weekend. I am really excited to see her. It is a piece of family that I haven’t had in my life for a decade.
“Reunited and it feeeels so goooood.”
Our conversation had me come to a decision. That is to get to know my family who I have only met once or twice … or even never before. Because they are pieces of me. Because of them I am me and I think it is important to have some idea of who they are. Even if I end up hating their guts which is probably likely because I hate most everyone.
Resolution # 235634 : Know my family.
Have a great week!
Do you have a big extended family?
What does the word “Family” mean to you?
