Living Wicked

I Do!

Jun 14, 2010 Current Events, Friendship, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love

I remember as an adolescent and even up until Squishy asking me to be one of her bridesmaids always wanting to have an opportunity to stand beside a good friend and support their decision to vow to love and honor another human being.

I remember watching movies about weddings; and seeing the importance of being asked to participate.

You know that part in the movies about so’n’so getting married where someone flys in from out of town to celebrate and it’s all super exciting?!?!?

I was that girl! Gooooo me!

Some people may not understand why being in a wedding is so important. To me. To anyone for that matter. Maybe it isn’t super important to anyone *but* me.

Whatever.

I have been married twice. Both times were not exactly what I expected, due to age and lack of appreciation of anything sentimental … Annnnd I have been to a fair number of weddings.

Most of them were watching a good GUY friend tie the knot so the relationship with the other half was budding or non-existent. The ones that were my girlfriends were usually situations where their bridesmaids were professed in the 2nd grade while they played barbies or some crap.

I don’t have very many old friends like that so it isn’t really surprising or upsetting that Squish’s wedding is my first.

I dunno where I am going with this… Or of it makes any sense… It is 6am and I am waiting for my flight back home to Seattle. I am sleep deprived, and sad that I have to leave all of my ladies until further notice so I am attempting to process the most important parts first.

I guess what I am windedly and exhaustedly attempting to say is that for someone who believes in true love the way I do, the sentiment behind standing beside one of my closest friends and watching them vow to love their souls counterpoint forever and ever runs deep with me. It is a feeling that cannot be replaced, nor can it ever efficiently be described in blog form.

True love is hard to find, and when you do find it, it is even harder to keep. It means fighting for it when you are exhausted. It means unconditionally accepting the other person for who they are. It means letting go of hangups and allowing the other person to see you. Really *see* you.

True love is rare these days. Maybe that is why standing next to it in a pretty blue dress on a party barge with BBQ, house music and bubbles is so God damned important to me.

Congrats Squishy & Irish!! I will always support and repect your love as long as you give it the same repect and support.

It is boarding time. Back to the real world. Good-bye Austin!

(more on my trip to come)

Tags: Austin, marraige, seattle, wedding

Petty FTW!

May 4, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, DUH, Family, Parenting, Random, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., pillow talk

Apparently, I am petty. )

I am perfectly okay with it when it is an innocent pettiness. Not sure what I mean?

Last night, D and I were in discussion about seriousness and shit.

(i.e.)

Me : “turn that mothereffing light off!”
D : “how am I going to see what lotion to use at the right time?”
Me : “really?!?!”

Anyway, we were chatting about how spoiled Charli is and how easy Xavier was at his age. (I swear that child was born with an auto pilot switch.)

I was making the point (FTW might I add) that Charli was spoiled from conception and that if her didn’t already know, she, like me will always simply do it the way she wants. Whatever you say to deter her from doing it will only solidify the nail in the coffin of her doing it her way.

Case in point? Moi.

Me: “look. You might as well get used to having 2 bitches in your life that just do what they wanna do. Because she is as god damned defiant as I am only she is 2 years old.”
D: “you are pretty defiant.”
Me: “duh. The trick is to make her think that *she* is the one actually making the decision.”
D: (nothin because DUH this convo is a WIN for me and he no likey when I win)
Me: “like in the kitchen when you try and look over my shoulder and give me cooking tips. I don’t need your input. I am gonna stir clockwise if that is what I wanna do. Even if you think counterclockwise is the more efficient way.”
D: (laughing)
Me: ” or like when you try and tell me to go a certain way because *you* think it is the faster or better way. I am not gonna go that way.”
D: “why not? If it is faster?”
Me: “doesn’t matter. If I concede and go your way then you win. You already win too much. I gotta get in where I fit in.”
D: “you bitch.”
Me: “yep. That is how my brain operates.”
D: “that is so petty. And stubborn. You go through all of that *just* to win?”
Me: “yep. And now there are 2 of us.”
D: “welcome to the jungle.”

*fist pump @ this blog* because it is awesome.

What is your favorite 80’s song?
Do you remember the first music video you ever watched?

Tags: marriage, Parenting, welcome to the jungle

YGWM & No Eye Candy

Apr 29, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, In It To Gym It, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Monday Peeps!

Welcome to Friday! Sorry in advance for the fact that there is no Eye Candy. I am blogging from my phone and I haven’t had time to save pictures.

So. Close your eyes and imagine your own favorite eye candy. Word?

Alright. You know the drill. Purge your week in open letter form so you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend.

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Dear Sacrifices,

Fuck you for being so harsh. For being unexpected and stupid and expensive.

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Dear FatWicked,

You are on your mfing way out the door.

Byefattie! Bye!!

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Dear Responsibilities,

FINE!!!!!!!

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Dear D,

Mama’s proud. You are doing so well. Even with the tough times, you really are trying to remain optimistic. I love you.

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Dear Self,

You are getting there. Stop focusing on the negative.

These credits don’t sell themselves, so you must be doing somethin’ right.

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Dear Asshole,

Hahahahahaahhahaahahahahaha you are sooooooo stupid. So so so so stupid. Like, sooooooooooooooooooooo.fucking.stupid.

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Dear You,

FuuuuuckOfffffffff.

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Dear Dipshit Co-Worker,

No one cares to talk to you THAT much about NO. If you liked it THAT much, then move there. K?

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Alright. You go. Handle your business.

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

Apr 18, 2010 Current Events, Friendship, In It To Gym It, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, P.O.E. Biz, Relationships, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms

Hello and HOLLAAAAAAAAAA @ Monday!

How was your weekend? Mine was pretty awesome, which is typical because I live and breathe awesomeness.

*shrug*

Anyawesome, I had an opportunity to spend some time with some awesome people this weekend.

Is it possible to know that someone is your friend, and then have it confirmed in a moment as simple as a conversation or moment?

I think that happened to D and I over the weekend.

I used to push people away from me and not allow them close. As I have grown and (as much as I hate to admit it) gotten older, (gah) I have had my theory of half assed friendships proven wrong over and over and over again.

Whether I have reconnected with old friends (shout out to my bitches) or made new friends … I am super surprised at how many true friends surround me. It is refreshing and comforting and uncomfortable all at the same time.

I think that the biggest change, at least in my own life, came with my job. For the first time in a really long time, I actually like the majority of the people that I work with. At the last 3 previous employers, I had absolutely nothing in common with the square ass folks whom I shared space with for the majority of my time. Thank God that isn’t the case anymore.

So, I want to say a big fat ‘Thank You’ to all of you who are my friends. Not just my friend on Facebook … not my friend because you think that you might gain something from being my friend … but my friend because we share common interest. Because we are compatible. Because you love my family. Because you, like me, understand and appreciate fully what it means to be a true friend.

To my oldest friends — I love each of you wholeheartedly. We have grown up together and have grown together. I look forward to many a moment of bitty-ness with you.

To my newest friends — Thank you for coming into my life. I am elated to get to know you are.

To my fakest friends — If you haven’t been eliminated … you will be.

To my friends who are farthest away — One day we are going to have the means to be closer more frequently. I hope that I am the one that can make this happen because I need you all more than I can express in words, on the phone, on FB … on a regular freaking basis.

In other news, I made the decision to be a part of In It To Gym It. I am back working on my fitness, and I am super excited to surround myself with others who are also working on it too. So I will be posting all of my eating right/fitness/weightloss related business there from now on. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd … I posted my very first blog there … Dear John, (i.e. Dear Cheeseburger) (which will be posted early early in the AM) and would be super appreciative if you showed me some love. (And all of the other awesome bloggers that are putting their journey’s out there for the world to read.)

What kind of music do you dislike most?
If you had a choice of birthday cakes, what kind would you want someone to make for you?
What were your high points and low points of the weekend?

Tags: awesome, awesomeness, Friendship

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Apr 15, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., Yum... or Lack There Of.

It is Friday. Who is fucking STOKED?

It is what it says:

Dear Owner 1,

Really?

You don’t want to enhance your ownership because of the Icelandic Volcano eruption?! Because it is going to cause economical chaos?

Please.

Just admit that you cannot afford the extra $30. It is fine if you can’t … but just be honest.

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Dear Owner #2,

I am not that disappointed at the fact that you decided NOT to enhance your ownership, even though you agreed with me all the way through our conversation as to exactly WHY you should do it. I am also not that disappointed that you lied to my face when you said you could afford it. What I am most disappointed about is that you didn’t have the balls to just pick up the phone and tell me.

Nothing says coward like phone call dodging. Why did you even bother to set up the fucking call back today if you knew you weren’t gonna answer the phone?

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Dear D,

I am working on my patience.

You need to work on your positivity.

Together, those things will allow us to conquer the world.

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Dear Jackson,

If you don’t get the fuck out of my face at 3AM because you are hungry … I am going to freak out.

Furthermore, fucking make a decision: Inside or Outside. This isn’t your personal concierge service where we open the door and let you in every 5 minutes.

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Dear Xavier,

If you tell your sister that there are monsters in her room one more god damn time, I am going to make it my mission to freak you the fuck out in your sleep.

Like REE REE REE REE REE REE REE!

I would like to have my bed to myself and not with her in it trying to put her feet down my pants every fucking night with her sharp ass toenails. (no bullshit this happens)

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Dear Asshole,

You need to man up and say it.

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Dear Ken Adams,

YouuuuuuuuMuddaFucka.

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Dear Charli,

“Mom I have to go potty” happens BEFORE you pee your pants … not after.

Capeche?

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Dear Self,

Get off of your fat ass and get it together.

Exercise. Eat better.

See those skinny clothes? They aren’t gonna expand to accommodate your fat ass.

I am disgusted.

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Also Self,

Sell some motherfucking credits.

Thanks.

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Oh and another thing Self,

Good job learning how to drive a stick. You made it such a big god damn deal and it didn’t have to be one.

Yay you!

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Now for some eye candy!

Wentworth Miller

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd Isla Fisher

Alright folks … you know the drill. Purge your shit in open letter forum so that you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekend!

Tags: isla fisher, wentworth miller

Who Really Cares? Oh Wait … WE Do.

Apr 13, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Thoughts and Perceptions

I think that Hollywood is funny. I like to read the shit that is put out there about “America’s Royalty” simply for amusement purposes.

What is the most funny to me is that there is all of this hoopla made over shit that celebrities do.

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike … Infidelity.

Um. That happens to e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e. for the most part. I don’t know many people who have not either cheated or have been cheated on. Myself included. On both ends.

But when a big shot … an idol … an ICON does it.

BLADOW!

Then come allllllllllllllllllll of the others. Out of nowhere.

“I fucked him!”
“She said she loved me!”
“I was his mistress from such and such and such and such!”

Is it truth? Is it money hungry? Where is the proof other than he said/she said?

But really, that is completely so far from the point. Actually, the point is … who the hell cares? But … then again … that is the actual problem. People actually care that Tiger Woods is a complete sex addict sociopath. They are emotionally invested in the fact that *gasp* Jesse James and Sandra Bullock are not the perfect couple that the press portrayed them to be.

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiike … Family issues.

People get divorced. It happens. How many people know someone who has been through a divorce/custody battle or have been through it themselves?

Exactly.

Yet. A celeeeeeebrity couple gets divorced and is dealing with custody issues … and …

BLADAW

One parent talks shit about the other in an “exclusive interview”.
So then the other finds an network to “exclusively” talk shit about the other parent.

Do they ever talk shit to each other? Or just publicly? What about their kids?

Again — besides the point. Dirty laundry is dirty laundry and it needs to be kept in the hamper and not out in the middle of the fucking street for everyone to see. And again … people actually give a shit. Emotionally attached to people whom we don’t even fucking know.

I have an idea. It might be far-fetched but I am going to reach for it. I am also gonna attempt to live it myself … because like I said at the very beginning, I read into this nonsense for amusement. Regularly.

You ready?

Maybe, just maybe … redirect that attention toward the relationships that actually matter.

Our own marriages/relationships.
Our own promises.
Our own kids.
Our own friendships.

We might all see a drastic improvement in them if we spent the time investing in our own, rather in the relationships of complete strangers.

I dunno. Just a thought.

What color is your toothbrush?
Did you have a nickname in high school?
Choose a storybook character that attracts you the most?

Tags: jesse james, jon and kate plus 8, jon gosselin, kate gosselin, paparazzi, sandra bullock, tabloid, tiger woods

Honest Tuesday’s: I’ve Got Friends in Low Places …

Apr 12, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Etc., Friendship, Honest Tuesday's, Relationships, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms

Welcome to Honest Tuesday’s! A place where you can come and be totally honest about shit that you normally would not be honest about.

… she made me laugh. we met through mutual friends, and I thought she would always be my friend. Instead she told lies behind my back about me.

… who said she would keep my secrets. She didn’t.

… who said the same and didn’t.

… she used to care about others. Now she only cares about herself.

… is more than my friend. She is my other half.

… who bends over backwards for his friends. He is one of the best friends I have ever had.

… that I just reconnected with after many years. She is turning out to be one of my best friends. Again.

… in the 8th grade who got caught shoplifting and got mad at me because I got away. She stopped being my friend after that.

… whom I cant find. We were in the navy together…. and we lost touch. I miss her.

… who fucked my first husband before during and after our marriage. I caught her in the act. Them actually. I beat her ass to a pulp. Naked in his front lawn. Jerry Springer styles.

… is brutally honest. Sometimes it pisses me off, but she is always honest with me.

…who is a coward. She cant tell me to my face what she thinks of me. Instead, she’d rather talk shit behind my back to people who she knows will tell me.

… who I secretly would make out with. Or is it a secret?

… that asked me to be a part of her wedding. She is the first person to ever ask me. I am not sure if she knows exactly how much it means to me.

… she is literally out of her fucking mind. but I love her crazy ass.

… that I wish made me more of a priority.

… she is my soul sister. The plane she happened to be on that picked me up is proof of that.

… who is fucking selfish. Selfish and doesn’t listen for shit. I cant figure out to this day why I still even talk to her. So maybe I won’t anymore.

… her life is perfect. She shits rose petals and she walks on water. (so she says) really… she is a half ass mother, her shit smells like her breath… and she treads in the shit more often than most normal people.

… she smiles as much as possible. Her smile radiates a room. It is so beaming, you can see it through the phone when you talk to her. She is literally a ray of sunshine.

… she aint as tough as she would like folks to think she is.

… I know that I will love her when we are 90 and doing laps around Factoria Mall.

… she could possibly be the fakest bitch on the planet. Fake like Pamela Anderson’s tits. It is quite pathetic that she claims to be a “good christian”… all the while she really is just a pathetic excuse for a fake judgmental alcoholic bitch.

… she drinks to much.

… I want to hump all 4 of their faces off.

… and her tits are hot. Also, if she calls her teeny ass fat one more fucking time, I am going to tie her up and make her eat lard with a spoon so I can show her what “fat” really is. *coughtoricough*

… she is afraid to tell me how she feels.

… I am jealous of her confidence.

… we used to dislike each other very much. Now he is one of my closest friends.

… who I wish I were a better friend to.

… who is a liar. I just cannot prove it.

… she wont ever admit she is wrong. Ever. Even when the facts prove how wrong she really is.

Your turn.

Crunchy tacos or soft tacos?
What are your top 5 movies of all time?

Tags: factoria mall, Friendship, jerry springer, pamela anderson

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Apr 8, 2010 All Things Charli, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, DUH, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Mooooooooooooooootherfucking Friday.

Here we go again folks. This is the place to come to so that you can purge all of the bullshittery you experienced this week … and stumble into an enjoying weekend.

Woot.

Dear Self,

Yep. You surely did get told allllllllllll about yourself today. It is cool. Because of it, you are going to be successful and that is awesome.

Don’t allow others to sabotage your success.

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Dear Kate from JonandKateplus8,

I had your back. When everyone called you a (rhymes with) bunt I said that you were a mama bear protecting your babies.

I hoped that you would get it together to the point that you actually would do that.

But nooooooooooooooooooooooooo. You have attempted to create this “brand” and all it has really done is make an ass out of yourself.

Disappear. I am tired of seeing your horribly done extensions and lack of dance moves.

Geoufhere.

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Dear D,

What I love most is how you are really committing to making this family the best family out there. I couldn’t imagine sharing and building and loving another person. It’s gonna all work out the way it is supposed to.

Until then, we just gotta go with the flow.

I love you and I am proud to be your wife.

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Dear Bosses,

You will BOTH get pummeled.

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Dear Ken Adams,

JUST when I am convinced that I couldn’t hate you more … you go and pull some shit where you are nice and thoughtful and then I REALLY hate you because I actually kinda like you for a second.

Fucker.

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Same with YOU.

I fucking hate you. And your face.

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Dear Friend,

Sometimes you blow my mind. I wish you saw the things you do with someone elses eyes.

I still love you but for fucks sake.

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Dear Carol and Squishy and Cass and Chrissie and Q,

Thank you for being such amazing, loving, understanding, far away friends.

I wish all of your faces were in my face more.

Love you.

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Dear Charli,

I am so proud of your potty accomplishment!

Now if you would simply be consistent. K?

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Dear Tiki Barber,

1 word: Douchebag.

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Dear Workfucker,

I really do not like you.

Like not even a little. Your longwindedness and the fact that you just think you are sooooooooooooooooo cool is more annoying than anything.

I wish that you would shut up.
I wish that you didn’t talk to me.
I wish that you weren’t involved in shit that I am involved in simply because of the work connection.

Blah.

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Dear Asshole,

Someday you are going to have to learn not to blame shift. You and I both know you were wrong for that move.

Own it. Man up.

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Dear One Guy,

You are fucking ANNOYING as shit. OMG. I am going to delete you from my life if you don’t simmah the hell down. Do it. Stop trying to act like you know something about me when you know shit. Less than shit actually.

Blah.

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Now for some eye candy!

Brazilian Model Bernardo Velasco. Um … Hi.

And hottie actress Erin Cummings

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah. That is what I am talking about. Hot stuff.

Alright folks. You know the drill. Spill it. Purge it. GO an enjoy your weekend.