God Don’t Like Stupid
Mar 16, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Suck It!, bitch
I really really R E A L L Y fucking hate stupid people.
Like, really.
I have said it before and I will say it again. I am convinced that I was put on this earth to deal with fucking idiots.
When I am driving: Stupid people.
When I am at work: Stuuuuuuuuu u u u pid people.
When I am in public places: Stupid STUPID people.
It all boils down to me NOT being the one and people (yes the stupid ones) assuming that I actually am in fact the one when really I am not the one. The stupidity starts right there in the assumption.
The problem is, either they 1) don’t think I will bitch slap them (which I probably wont because I really have zero desire to have my 31 year old self in front of a judge over an assault case) or they 2) dont think I will ever tell them about themselves. (which I totally will except for if I am at work because I really do not want to get fired all that bad and if I tell these people what I really think of their stupid asses … I absolutely WILL get fired.) Where this problem affects me is in that they keep on keepin’ on with their stupid selves and I keep on keepin’ on being surrounded by them.
Example 1:
While driving the other day, minding our own business … it becomes our turn. The light turns green and if you were unaware … GREEN MEANS GO and RED DOES NOT. So we have a green arrow and Tarable is on her merry way. Whistling and shit. Out of nowhere, this jack-hole stupid ass cuts over into OUR lane and she almost rear ends him. Does he acknowledge this ASSWIPE move? No. Does he even look in our general direction? Um No. He does not. He just gets loose like he was all to the good.
Idiot. Motherfucking dumbfucksonofabitchidiot.
What I wanted to do was chase his ass down and bust his window out. I did not do that. But I WANTED to.
The point: He doesn’t know me. I very well could have and then what? His dumbass took on a pretty significant risk right there.
Example 2:
I work in sales. Sales people enjoy hearing the sounds of their own voices. I am an offender of this on occasion, however I am not a fucking IDIOT so I know when it may be the correct time to simply shut the fuck up.
Some people do not have this mouth mechanism.
So we are forced to listen to them spout off at the mouth in the most IDIOTIC and RETARDED moments.
Moments where their idiotness ruins shit for everyone.
The most frustrating part about this is that ALL OF THE SIGNS POINT TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. But, because they are THAT fucking STUPID … the signs fly over their brainless heads like a 747 jet at take off.
Just SHUT the FUCK UP for once. Seriously.
Example 3:
Some of my owners. Gah. It is like at one of the presentations, the criteria to become an owner was simply to be the stupidest fucking person on the planet.
And when I say stupid, I mean stuuuuuuuuuupid.
Stupid enough to spend MONEY on a product that you never use.
Stupid enough to not even do the research on how TO use the product … instead just bitching about it. <-- that is gonna get a resolution. Let me tell you.
Stupid enough to KEEP paying and out of STUPID stubbornness, purposefully not use it. What fucking point are you trying to prove?
Example #4
Stupid bitches.
God. These cunts are the worst. They give women a horrible name and reputation. And they are EVERYWHERE. It takes every ounce of strength I have inside of me NOT to just slap the shit out of these whores on sight.
What kind of water were these mommies-to-be drinking while pregnant? How could they allow such DUMBNESS out into the world?
It really is not the stupid bitches fault either. It is the parents fault. I want to slap a mom for allowing such a thing to take place.
I swear to Jesus I will beat the stupid out of my daughter before I let her walk out of my house and infect the world with unnecessary stupidity.
Say I wont.
Example #5:
The Unknown Phone Breather.
I pray to The Holy Spirit that you read this blog because are you serious right now?
What a stupid worthless fuck you are. Blocked call breathe in my phone at 8AM? Have we met? If I ever find out who you are (or WERE for that matter because I changed my motherfucking NUMBER you stupid fuck) I will chicken choke the shit out of you.
You must have me twisted with some other fuck that actually IS THE ONE.
In conclusion, stupid is as stupid does. The only person being affected by the aforementioned stupidity is the stupid person. (Well, and me too because every other city I go, I see the same stupid bitches.)
*deep breath*
Would you like to chime in on any examples in your life of total STUPIDITY?
What three adjectives might other people use to describe your personality?
If you could re-live a day of your life again, which would it be and why?
Honest Tuesday’s: I Turn Tables.
Mar 15, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Etc., Friendship, Honest Tuesday's, Random
Welcome to Honest Tuesday’s! A place where you can come and be totally honest about shit that you normally would not be honest about.
So yeah. I don’t turn tables like a DJ or anything like that. (That would be rad if I was though.)
Instead, I turn tables in this blog and ask YOU questions that you get to be honest about. I am not gonna lie. Some might make you feel uncomfortable.
Deal with it.
On that note … Do you or Would you …
…. think that when your significant other is away from you that they are cheating?
…. start off a conversation with “FYI, I only plan on listening to part of your conversation because I think you are fucking boring” if you know that you will ahead of time, to avoid wasting that 10 minutes of your life?
…. stop masturbating when your significant other enters the room?
…. throw temper tantrums as an adult?
…. reveal all of your fantasies, no matter how dirty or socially unaccepted?
…. shelter your kids from everything, some things, or nothing at all?
…. cry, even if you’re only crying because you feel sorry for yourself?
…. always forgive, even if you never forget?
…. avoid confrontation, even if all you want to do is punch a bitch in the mouth?
…. lie to your kids to save their feelings?
…. act as if you like the food, even if you are literally gagging it down with each bite … simply to spare someone’s feelings?
…. suffer complete unhappiness so that your kids are raised in a 2 parent home?
…. consider yourself a true friend, or a fair weather friend?
…. simply wait for someone to shut up so you can begin talking?
…. ever wonder what your life would be like if you took the other path?
Have a WONDERFULLY Honest Tuesday! 
Tags: Honest Tuesday's, honesty, lies, truth, Tuesday
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Mar 12, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch, love
Jesus I am elated that the weekend is upon us. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So, without further ado … It is time for some motherfucking open letters.
First, we have a guest letter:
Dear Penis that thinks something happened,
My vagina is wondering what you THINK you did, because we are confused and feeling untouched and disappointed. We have decide mutually, that you are fired.
sincerely, HM
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Dear You,
Heh at the fact that you know who wrote the above letter. You are welcome. *grin*
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Dear D,
I don’t know how else to tell you how proud I am of you. You know why.
The you that you are right now is the best you ever and I love you so very much.
Especially all of the sex.
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Dear Tarable,
Gah sometimes. And then I remember that you are always gonna be you and I love you for that. I just wish that you would freaking listen.
Then again, I was there. I did me and learned the way I wanted to learn.
So, I will just love you.
I love you.
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Dear Self,
You are starting to get it and it feels rad.
Stay focused. Stay focused. It is not a far shot to remain on track for the end goal. You are gonna achieve it, and then you and D are gonna have a trip of a fucking lifetime.
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Dear KenAdams,
Keep dreaming.
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Dear Numbah1,
You are gonna be so great at adulthood. Stop worrying so much.
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Dear WorkDouche,
Shut the hell up already. When are you gonna get the hint that your shit in fact DOES stink? You are annoying and I am not interested in being your friend.
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Dear Girls Trip,
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Dear June 14th,
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Dear Tricky,
I cannot freaking wait to high 5 you for being literally as awesome as me. We are awesome sisters.
I am so proud of you. I am in awe of the challenges that you not only faced, but fucking Chuck Norrised to get to where you are today.
You deserve all the love in the world. Every single ounce.
*cheers*
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Dear Unknown Pranker,
Fuck your face. Seriously. Prank calls? Breathing in the phone? Really? Are you 17? What kind of coward ass bitch are you to call my phone 4-6 times in a day and breathe in the receiver.
You need help. Or me to whoop your ass. Come out of the woodwork you fucking sloppy vagina.
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Dear Spam Commenters,
GEOUFHERE. Gah.
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Dear Charli,
You are almost a diaperless toddler! Woot! Mommy is proud of you. Next task: Sleeping in your own mfing bed all night.
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Now for some eye candy:
Fantastic Four’s Chris Evans
And Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks
Now it is your turn: Purge your weeks so you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend.
Tags: chris evans, christina hendricks, fantastic four, mad men
I Have 2 of These Already …
Mar 7, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, Random
Wanna know reason #8 why I am awesome?
Because 1 day I am going to be nominated and chosen for an Academy Award. You don’t believe me?
Read and learn.
One of my books, probably SC is going to get recognized and made into a screenplay. Then it will go to an independent film festival. Critics will rave about it. Then it will be made into a Motion Picture. There will be controversy.
But, it will receive an Oscar Nod.
And then, I will get all dolled and D will get all G’d up from the feet up … we will walk the red carpet … Tarable and the kids will be in the audience with me …
… And the award for “Best Screenplay” goes to : WICKEDCOURTNI !!!!!!!!!!
I just made a believer out of you. In less than 100 words.
Anyway, I will get called up there and I will totally act surprised when really, I knew I was gonna beat out the “competition” in the first place.
See? Surprised.
Anyway. I would act all prepared on the outside but would be freaking the hell out on the inside. But I would have a speech prepared. Not the full 2 minutes, because I know I will stutter and pause and lose my place a couple of times … and God forbid *I* be the one to get the cut off music played when I am not finished speaking.
But I would have to thank people. Important people.
Like The Academy. (Because I heard, if you don’t thank them … you get black balled from EVER receiving a nod again or some shit.)
I would thank the years of sex, some breathtaking … some … well … fucking pathetic.
I would also thank Minka Kelly for playing the part of Julia. This role will define her career.
I would thank cocaine. Because, well … it is a hell of a drug. Or *was* anyway.
I would thank all of the prostitutes in the world because they were my muse … and who’s lifestyle I have a weird obsession about.
I would also thank my family … my D … all of the people who told me that the book was good even when it probably still needed work.
And then I would say something really profound and funny and start crying as if I won the Best Motion Picture award or something.
And I would be FB’ing from my iphone the entire 3 hours. Because I am THAT girl. 
Who would you thank in your acceptance speech?
Tags: acadamy awards, minka kelly, Submissive Confessions, the oscar's
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Feb 25, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail
Happy Friday!!!!!!!!
You know the drill … purge your week out here in open letter form so you can go thoroughly enjoy your weekend!
Dear Sex,
I love you. I missed you.
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Dear Charli,
I am so proud of you for potty-ing, even though you really are fighting it. You are growing up so fast, and as much as I want you to stay my little baby bear Charli face … it is a necessary evil.
I love you.
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Dear Self,
See!? You pulled it off! You walk in the door every day and fight with your own self about having the ability to pull a big deal off, and you fucking killed it.
42K? Really!? That is insane and motherfucking awesome. Now just remember that you can on every call and they will buy something. Because they will.
Stop being your own worst enemy. Knock it the hell off.
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Dear You,
I hate your face. I really really do.
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Dear Friends,
You rocked my world last weekend. Like, ROCKED it. I will never ever forget that. Thanks for being such amazing people. I am constantly floored at the fact that so many people in my life are so god damned amazing. It is something that was sparse for a long long time, and to be surrounded by so many great people is awe inspiring.
I love you all. EXCEPT FOR YOU.
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Dear D,
I am so proud of you for coming home and rocking it. You are a great dad and you are the glue that holds our entire household together. I wish you were more aware of it.
We are gonna tackle the obstacles in front of us. Alllllllllll of them. And in the end, our family will be that much stronger than before.
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Dear Xavier,
Please please please get it together. I just want to love you. I just want to spend time with you. I miss my good little man so much that it hurts my heart to have this dynamic with you.
If you think that this is what I want our relationship to be you are high.
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Dear Mom and Dad,
You 2 are my hero’s. I love you so much.
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Dear Verizon Employee Bitch,
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you.
You obviously do not have a clue. You must think that 1) I am the fucking ONE (which I am not) 2) that you are soooooooooooo fucking collections smart (which you arent) and 3) that I am not going to get over on your fucking stupid scripted ass.
I know all of the tricks. ALL OF THEM. I bet I get my way.
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Dear Collectors,
Watch when you call my phone and the VM is now for Alicia. Alicia = I will pay you when I have the money so stop motherfucking calling me 234645768654756098-=754 times a day.
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Dear Motivation and Will Power,
You need to get it together. You have come this far to not fuck it all up and gain some weight back. 15 pounds to go. THAT IS IT. Just handle biz and fucking own the final stretch.
=================================================================================================
And for some eye candy… Julian McMahon …
Annnnnnnnnd … Salma Hayek
Your turn. Do it.
Tags: Friday Eye Candy, julian mcmahaon, salma hayek, YGWM
Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s: Knowing Your Place
Feb 17, 2010 Current Events, DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
Welcome to Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s!
This week is about a little thing called “Knowing Your Place.” Ever heard of it? I know I have.
Some people have never in their lives heard of it. Wanna know how I know?! I am glad that you asked.
Exhibit A: Assuming that you can walk in the door and be above the rules. In ANY situation.
Know your place. Follow the rules. Show up with the correct attire. Accept the fact that you are low on the totem pole. Submit to not knowing everything and fucking LEARN something for a change. Understand that there were others before you.
Just saying.
Exhibit B: Your foot doesn’t belong in your mouth. I promise.
Know your place. Sometimes … it is okay to shut the fuck up. You may even gain a little bit of respect from someone if you say nothing rather than everything. Take it from me. I have learned this lesson the motherfucking hard way.
Just saying.
Exhibit C: If you are a parent … then BE one.
That means that you absolutely H A V E to be the motherfucking bad guy sometimes. It is a part of parenting. If you aren’t ready to be the bad guy, and if you are okay with a child running you like a pimp does a hoe on Sunset Blvd… then use some motherfucking birth control.
Just saying.
Exhibit D: Assuming that you are better than everyone else around you.
i.e. No one cares about your motherfucking Lexus. Nor do they give a fuck about how bored you are or how qualified you think you are. Not a one of us.
Just motherfucking saying.
To all of you bitches who don’t know your place …
The end. (Unless I missed an exhibit where a bitch doesn’t know their place.)
Would you rather be forgotten or hatefully remembered? Why?
Would you rather end hunger or hatred? Why?
Tags: chuck norris, know your place, lexus, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Feb 12, 2010 All Things Charli, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail
Happy Motherfucking Friday! I am ready for the weeeeeeeeeeeeekend. How about you?
Alright folks. You know what time it is… Purge your weeks in open letter format so you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekend!!!!!!!
Dear Hallmark Holiday,
Thank you for letting me be alone on yet again another stupid holiday surrounded by all the couples with their stupid coupleness.
I get that I am a fuck up this year. But really, 5 years in a row? What did I ever do to you?
I might as well buy 19 cats and a Costo case of frosting and a pair of elastic wasted poly-cotton blend pants that are too short so it looks like I am waiting for a flood while wearing some crocks.
Put me on the people of walmart website or out of my misery.
Love Tarable
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Dear TaraJean,
I know that technically you are alone for this stupid Hallmark holiday … but you are surrounded by 4 people who love the shit out of you. So really, you have 4 Valentines instead of none.
We love you.
The Georges
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Dear You,
Hmmmmm….
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Dear PuttingByMyDesk,
Find a new fucking isle.
I am not trying to be Debbie Downer or anything but GEOUFHERE.
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Dear PS3
I am sorry that we don’t spend that much QT together.
Love, D
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Dear Negative Ass, GHETTO, Crotchety High Maintenance MotherFucking Owners,
You and I both know that the reason you have a motherfucking attitude problem when I call you is because your broke as a joke asses cannot afford the dream picture that I EXCITEDLY paint for you on a daily motherfucking basis.
Dont be mad at me because you live in a double wide that is rotting from the outside and when you go to our LUXURIOUS MOTHERFUCKING CONDOS you are reminded of the trashyness that you possess.
GET A MOTHERFUCKING ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT AND BUY SOME MOTHERFUCKING CREDITS SO I CAN RING THE BELLLLLLLLLLL.
K?
Love Wicked.
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Dear New NameDropping Bitch,
No one cares who you know. No one cares that you drive a Lexus. No one cares that you have a heritage. No one cares how much sales experience you have. No one cares about your ugly ass fake ass clip on hair thing that you bought from the kiosk in Alderwood. No one cares. No one.
I dont know who the fuck you think you are being the new bitch telling your bosses that you are bored and that you are gonna go home. Furthermore, we go to lunch for FOURTY FIVE MINUTES … not an hour and FOURTY FIVE MINUTES.
Your shit smells just like the rest of ours.
K?
TarablyWicked
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Dear NewFuck,
You are a piece of motherfucking work. I promise you that if anyone is above the rules in this department … it for sure is not you. You don’t know people. WE KNOW PEOPLE. So your over explitave, brown nosing, hat wearing, think you know the inside joke of all inside jokes motherfucking ass needs to check yourself. Because there was a before you … and there will be an after you.
Bet that.
TarablyWicked
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Dear Dr,
Thank you for confirming that I am not as fat as I was. It is now official that I am 36 pounds lighter. However, fuck you and your scraping. It was not comfortable or fun or awesome. In fact it was the exact opposite of awesome.
Furthermore, I will thank you for telling me that I didn’t have to come back for 3 whole years. It ALMOST made the scraping worth it. Almost.
Also, thanks for the comedy while molesting my boobs.
Love TarablyWicked
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Dear Mya,
I wanna say sorry and that you are my best friend.
Love Charli
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Dear D,
You have been motherfucking OFF ONE. I think that I know why. It is because you have little to no contact with adults.
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Dear Pedicures and Haircuts,
THANK MOTHERFUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Dear Exercise,
I am working you back in. I didn’t forget about you. Not one bit. I really really really miss you.
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Dear Charli,
Use the potty. Thanks.
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And now for some Eye Candy…
Dwayne Johnson ….
Annnnnnnnnd Alicia Keys.
Alright folks… let it out. You know you have at least one fucker to vent about open letter styles.
Tags: alicia keys, dwayne johnson, hallmark, open letter, valentines day
Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s?: Mirrors.
Feb 9, 2010 DUH, Random, Ranteriffic, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
I think the images that I will use for this week’s Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s will explain why the title of this blog involves mirrors and why I am wondering what in the fuck happened to them.
(In case anyone forgot what a mirror was.)
What I want to know is … do people really have mirrors … and then look into them, and actually make a decision to leave the house looking like this?
Is it just me that thinks that looking like this is not only unacceptable… but also fucking offensive? I swear to fuck if I was at that Walmart when the last bitch was sauntering through the dairy isle … I promise you that I would have let her know about herself. Especially if my kids were with me.
And the bitch with no panties? Really? Reeeeeeeeally? Gah.
We were at Walmart today in fact and in no way was there anything as extreme as any of these images above but … there were some people who I just had to literally take a moment and stop to ponder the lack of decision on their part to find a mirror and realistically make a decision whether or not to fucking change before leaving.
Like the woman who was in possession of some tigolbitties like down to her knees and decided that today was the day to not wear a bra. (or maybe it was every day … I dont know.) How do I know she wasnt wearing one? Because her tshirt was almost see through and her nipples were cutting through it down by her belly button. No lie.
It was like she had 3 outties.
All I am saying is, double check your shit before you leave. Make sure that your unmentionables are covered. Because really? I have no desire to see your beef curtains in the motherfucking paper towel isle.
Now don’t get me wrong … just like the majority of the world … I have made bad leaving the house just to go to Walmart decisions before … but you can bet your ass that I 1) had panties on (or at least something that fully covered my vagina) 2) had some sort of bra on and 3) looked somewhat publicly presentable before I left my house.
I would like to donate mirrors to all of these people who seemingly do not own one. Seriously.
Would you rather find you parents having sex or have your parents find you having sex?
Would you rather have your eye fall out at random times or have uncontrollable constant drool?
Tags: mirror, people of walmart, would you rather
Guess What’s Back … Back Again? Pillow Talk … Tell a Friend
Feb 7, 2010 Random, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked & D Quotables, pillow talk
Happy Monday! Guess who won the Superbowl? Psh like I give a fauxck.
I have had some emails wondering why there have been no Pillow Talk blogs as of late. Not to be a sarcastic cunt or anything but I guess I am wondering how Pillow Talk would be possible when the person (D) on the other pillow is not around to share a conversation with.
Just saying.
So, for your enjoyment, here are some recent conversation between the infamous D and myself.
(This convo took place after last weekend’s shenanigans where some random douchebag thought my name was Nicole … and all of my LOVELY friends played into it by screaming “NIKKI” as I attempted to drunkenly convince him that my name was NOT in fact Nicole or Nikki)
D: “Whatever Nikki.”
Me: “You must want to get stabbed.”
D: “I must admit, you could pull off Nikki if you really wanted to.”
Me: “Is that right?”
D: “Yeah. I mean, Nikki is a slutty name. And well … you are kinda slutty.”
Me: (Pondering)
D: “And, I mean Nikki is a bitchy name too. Like ‘I cant STAND that bitch Nikki.”
Me: “You just have it all figured out, don’t you?”
D: “Hey. I am not the one who thought your name was Nikki. I am just saying. If the slutty shoe fits… call her Nikki.”
Me: “I am going to murder you.”
Approximately 10 minutes later…
Me: “You have to wake me up at 7:30 tomorrow.”
D: “What am I, your personal alarm clock?”
Me: “You are my personal more than that and you know it.”
D: “Psh.”
Me: “Mmmmmhm. That is why you answered like that. Cause you know.”
Me: “7:30. Alright? And you better wake me up nicely.”
D: “I know how I am gonna wake you up. HehHehHeh.”
Me: “NO! I am NOT A MORNING PERSON GOD DAMNIT!”
D: “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”
Me: “Really? Have we just met?”
D: “What I was GONNA say was I would just wake Charli up early and let HER deal with your non-morning person ass.”
Me: “That would be stupid on your part.”
D: “Why?”
Me: “Because she isn’t a morning person either and I will be getting ready for work, so you will have to deal with her bratty ass.”
D: “Fuuuuck.”
Me: “Yep. Better stick to just waking me up nicely.”
D: “Thisdick.”
Me: “You are a 6th grader.”
D: “Deeeeeeznuttts.”
Me: “I often find myself questioning why I even talk to you.”
Because he takes care of me so well when I am sick…
Me: “I feel like shit right now. My throat and ears feel like sandpaper on the inside.”
D: (smirking)
Me: “I wish I could shove my hands down my throat and scratch them. Blah!”
D: “I think I might have a cure for that itch.”
Me: “Idontwantit.”
D: “I am just trying to help you scratch the deepest parts of your throat baby.”
Me: “I swear to Christ I hate you.”
D: “Why such hatred? Here I am fixing the problem and you are so ungrateful.”
Me: “Whatever.”
D: “Fine. Don’t come crying to me when your throat still itches. That is, unless you have made the decision to allow me to *ahem* scratch that itch.”
Me: “Idontwantit!”
D: “Such ungratefulness these days.”
Would you rather fight Mike Tyson, or permanently talk like him?
If you had to assassinate one famous person still living, who would it be and how would you do it?
Tags: love, marriage, mike tyson, pillow talk, superbowl
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Feb 4, 2010 All Things Charli, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Friday Eye Candy, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Yum... or Lack There Of.
Hello and welcome. Happy motherfucking FRIDAY to you all!
Blind yet? Heh.
Alright. Let’s get on with the open lettering.
Dear IDIOTS,
Idiot #1: You are so fucking stupid. I feel sorry for your kids who have to grow up in an idiot filled environment. Because of you, there is now a clan of idiots roaming the state of Oregon freely and idiotically.
Idiot #2: You are totally unaware of the level of idiot you possess. To have to be near you on a regular basis is fucking paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainful.
Idiot #3: Really?! Lies? All of them? No one feels sorry for you anymore. In fact, it is the opposite. What happens after, is going to be well deserved for all of the lying.
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Dear Everyone,
I don’t give a fuck about the following:
1) The Olympics
2) Your issues.
3) Lost
4) Twilight
5) Avatar
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Dear Sickness in my Throat and Sinuses and Ears and Bodyaches,
FUCK THE FUCK OFF. I am not submitting to your nastiness. I refuse. GET OUT OF MY AREA.
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Dear Self,
You need to stop letting your own doubt prevent you from success. What are you so god damned scared of? What do you have to lose? Just ASK for it. The very worst that can happen is that the answer is no.
Stop giving yourself roadblocks. It is unnecessary stress that you do not need.
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Dear Charli,
Please leave me to sleep alone for like 3 nights a week. That is all I am asking. I love you to death but seriously?! I would like some sleep without you in my personal space. I am over your feet in my back. I am over your face in my face. You are a kicker and a bed hog and I would really like a night of sleep in peace.
I am | | <--- this close to begging for it.
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Dear Writers Block,
Seriously? Get the fuck out of my life. I have the ability to write an entire manuscript of poetry and another SC, which is what everyone is waiting for ... but when it comes down to actually putting content on paper, you are there ... COCKBLOCKING my creativity.
FUCK YOU. FUCK OFF AND DIE.
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Dear You,
Blah. Why is it that half the time I hate you and the other half I dont?
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Dear Tarable,
I am glad you are being an adult. I am proud of you and I love you and I am here for you always.
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Dear Sunshine,
I miss you. Can we catsup soon?
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Dear Inner Fat Girl,
If I could reach inside of myself and stab you to death I would. You are counterproductive to my goals.
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And now for some Friday Eye Candy... Thanks to Cass's recommendation I present Mr. Taye Diggs!
Annnnnd … Ms. Cameron Diaz
There you have it folks. You know the drill … purge your weeks in open letter form, so you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekend!
Tags: cameron diaz, Friday Eye Candy, idiot, open letter, taye diggs
