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YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Mar 12, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch, love

Jesus I am elated that the weekend is upon us. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So, without further ado … It is time for some motherfucking open letters.

First, we have a guest letter:

Dear Penis that thinks something happened,

My vagina is wondering what you THINK you did, because we are confused and feeling untouched and disappointed. We have decide mutually, that you are fired.

sincerely, HM

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Dear You,

Heh at the fact that you know who wrote the above letter. You are welcome. *grin*

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Dear D,

I don’t know how else to tell you how proud I am of you. You know why.

The you that you are right now is the best you ever and I love you so very much.

Especially all of the sex.

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Dear Tarable,

Gah sometimes. And then I remember that you are always gonna be you and I love you for that. I just wish that you would freaking listen.

Then again, I was there. I did me and learned the way I wanted to learn.

So, I will just love you.

I love you.

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Dear Self,

You are starting to get it and it feels rad.

Stay focused. Stay focused. It is not a far shot to remain on track for the end goal. You are gonna achieve it, and then you and D are gonna have a trip of a fucking lifetime.

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Dear KenAdams,

Keep dreaming.

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Dear Numbah1,

You are gonna be so great at adulthood. Stop worrying so much.

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Dear WorkDouche,

Shut the hell up already. When are you gonna get the hint that your shit in fact DOES stink? You are annoying and I am not interested in being your friend.

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Dear Girls Trip,

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Dear June 14th,

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Dear Tricky,

I cannot freaking wait to high 5 you for being literally as awesome as me. We are awesome sisters.

I am so proud of you. I am in awe of the challenges that you not only faced, but fucking Chuck Norrised to get to where you are today.

You deserve all the love in the world. Every single ounce.

*cheers*

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Dear Unknown Pranker,

Fuck your face. Seriously. Prank calls? Breathing in the phone? Really? Are you 17? What kind of coward ass bitch are you to call my phone 4-6 times in a day and breathe in the receiver.

You need help. Or me to whoop your ass. Come out of the woodwork you fucking sloppy vagina.

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Dear Spam Commenters,

GEOUFHERE. Gah.

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Dear Charli,

You are almost a diaperless toddler! Woot! Mommy is proud of you. Next task: Sleeping in your own mfing bed all night.

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Now for some eye candy:

Fantastic Four’s Chris Evans

And Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks

Now it is your turn: Purge your weeks so you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend.

Tags: chris evans, christina hendricks, fantastic four, mad men

Attitude Schmatitude

Feb 28, 2010 All Things Charli, Current Events, Family, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, bitch

Hellooooooo o o o Monday! Hello new month! Hello friends!

First and foremost, check out the new links on my side bar. There are new Buy Stuff links and a couple of new blog links.

So there is a great deal going on in the world of Wicked. For the most part, all is great. I was finally able to get my contract scanned and sent over to XoXo Publishing. It took a minute to get the time together and my damn scanner working so I kinda started to panic like they might want to take it away because I freaking procrastinated. *phew*

So that is done. *squeeeee*

I don’t know what this means though. Like, what is the next step? What do published authors actually do?!

Anyway, I hit a huge goal at work this last month. I am still a tad in disbelief that I did it; you know, going back to the whole scared of success business I go through every day. I am getting better at believing each and every day.

What this has done for me is afewfold.

Every month I feel more invested in our team. It’s crazy but we are a bunch of vulgar and inappropriate nerds and we all (for the most part) click together. When we are on, we are hot. Anyway, as I wes saying … as I get more invested, I get more team territorial. Meaning, when someone is acting like an asshole … I take it kinda personally.

I am not a fan of bad attitude. Like bad attitude where you are your only concern and everyone else can fuck off. Where you try and act as if you are above everyone else, to the point where it is borderline disrespect. The way I roll is that I am all in. If I am going to spend the bulk of my day away from the 3 most important people in my life, I am not going to half-ass it or disrespect it. And I don’t think that anyone else should either. Mainly because it affects me too when you are a fucking beeyotch.

Attitude is everything. It makes and breaks … and the line that attitude teeters on to either make or break … is a fucking thin one.

I don’t like this “I am better than you attitude” in my presence. It makes me want to chicken choke a bitch.

This is my stance on it:

If you think you should be running the show, and you are not … maybe that is for a reason.
If you need to name drop to make yourself feel better … maybe you should find an alternative soothing method.
If you cannot spend an extra 10 minutes of your important little life in order to be a part in a really awesome moment with a really awesome team … maybe you should find a new job.

Maybe … just maybe … you should look up the definition of team and then see if you can comprehend exactly what in the hell it means to be a contributor on it.

In other news, Charli’s blatant refusal to use the potty has since had a turn around. She has officially stopped freaking the hell out every time we bring it up. Now, when I ask … she goes. The next step is getting her motivated to tell us, without us having to ask her eleventy million times an hour.

Annnnnnnnd today she pooped! For the first time! YAY!

Other than that, I have got nothin’. Nothin’ but a new month where I am going to work my ass off to hit my goals. I have my eyes on the prize and I am ready to make it consistent achievement every single month.

What is new with you?!

If you could be famous (a household name), what would you like to be famous for?
If you could go back to any moment in history, where would you go?

Tags: attitude, integrity, potty training, team, team work, territorial, work

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Feb 25, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Friday!!!!!!!!

You know the drill … purge your week out here in open letter form so you can go thoroughly enjoy your weekend!

Dear Sex,

I love you. I missed you.

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Dear Charli,

I am so proud of you for potty-ing, even though you really are fighting it. You are growing up so fast, and as much as I want you to stay my little baby bear Charli face … it is a necessary evil.

I love you.

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Dear Self,

See!? You pulled it off! You walk in the door every day and fight with your own self about having the ability to pull a big deal off, and you fucking killed it.

42K? Really!? That is insane and motherfucking awesome. Now just remember that you can on every call and they will buy something. Because they will.

Stop being your own worst enemy. Knock it the hell off.

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Dear You,

I hate your face. I really really do.

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Dear Friends,

You rocked my world last weekend. Like, ROCKED it. I will never ever forget that. Thanks for being such amazing people. I am constantly floored at the fact that so many people in my life are so god damned amazing. It is something that was sparse for a long long time, and to be surrounded by so many great people is awe inspiring.

I love you all. EXCEPT FOR YOU.

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Dear D,

I am so proud of you for coming home and rocking it. You are a great dad and you are the glue that holds our entire household together. I wish you were more aware of it.

We are gonna tackle the obstacles in front of us. Alllllllllll of them. And in the end, our family will be that much stronger than before.

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Dear Xavier,

Please please please get it together. I just want to love you. I just want to spend time with you. I miss my good little man so much that it hurts my heart to have this dynamic with you.

If you think that this is what I want our relationship to be you are high.

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Dear Mom and Dad,

You 2 are my hero’s. I love you so much.

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Dear Verizon Employee Bitch,

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you.

You obviously do not have a clue. You must think that 1) I am the fucking ONE (which I am not) 2) that you are soooooooooooo fucking collections smart (which you arent) and 3) that I am not going to get over on your fucking stupid scripted ass.

I know all of the tricks. ALL OF THEM. I bet I get my way.

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Dear Collectors,

Watch when you call my phone and the VM is now for Alicia. Alicia = I will pay you when I have the money so stop motherfucking calling me 234645768654756098-=754 times a day.

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Dear Motivation and Will Power,

You need to get it together. You have come this far to not fuck it all up and gain some weight back. 15 pounds to go. THAT IS IT. Just handle biz and fucking own the final stretch.

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And for some eye candy… Julian McMahon …

Annnnnnnnnd … Salma Hayek

Your turn. Do it.

Tags: Friday Eye Candy, julian mcmahaon, salma hayek, YGWM

Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s: Knowing Your Place

Feb 17, 2010 Current Events, DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays

Welcome to Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s!

This week is about a little thing called “Knowing Your Place.” Ever heard of it? I know I have.

Some people have never in their lives heard of it. Wanna know how I know?! I am glad that you asked.

Exhibit A: Assuming that you can walk in the door and be above the rules. In ANY situation.

Know your place. Follow the rules. Show up with the correct attire. Accept the fact that you are low on the totem pole. Submit to not knowing everything and fucking LEARN something for a change. Understand that there were others before you.

Just saying.

Exhibit B: Your foot doesn’t belong in your mouth. I promise.

Know your place. Sometimes … it is okay to shut the fuck up. You may even gain a little bit of respect from someone if you say nothing rather than everything. Take it from me. I have learned this lesson the motherfucking hard way.

Just saying.

Exhibit C: If you are a parent … then BE one.

That means that you absolutely H A V E to be the motherfucking bad guy sometimes. It is a part of parenting. If you aren’t ready to be the bad guy, and if you are okay with a child running you like a pimp does a hoe on Sunset Blvd… then use some motherfucking birth control.

Just saying.

Exhibit D: Assuming that you are better than everyone else around you.

i.e. No one cares about your motherfucking Lexus. Nor do they give a fuck about how bored you are or how qualified you think you are. Not a one of us.

Just motherfucking saying.

To all of you bitches who don’t know your place …

The end. (Unless I missed an exhibit where a bitch doesn’t know their place.)

Would you rather be forgotten or hatefully remembered? Why?
Would you rather end hunger or hatred? Why?

Tags: chuck norris, know your place, lexus, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Feb 12, 2010 All Things Charli, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Motherfucking Friday! I am ready for the weeeeeeeeeeeeekend. How about you?

Alright folks. You know what time it is… Purge your weeks in open letter format so you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekend!!!!!!!

Dear Hallmark Holiday,

Thank you for letting me be alone on yet again another stupid holiday surrounded by all the couples with their stupid coupleness.

I get that I am a fuck up this year. But really, 5 years in a row? What did I ever do to you?

I might as well buy 19 cats and a Costo case of frosting and a pair of elastic wasted poly-cotton blend pants that are too short so it looks like I am waiting for a flood while wearing some crocks.

Put me on the people of walmart website or out of my misery.

Love Tarable

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Dear TaraJean,

I know that technically you are alone for this stupid Hallmark holiday … but you are surrounded by 4 people who love the shit out of you. So really, you have 4 Valentines instead of none.

We love you.

The Georges
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Dear You,

Hmmmmm….

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Dear PuttingByMyDesk,

Find a new fucking isle.

I am not trying to be Debbie Downer or anything but GEOUFHERE.

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Dear PS3

I am sorry that we don’t spend that much QT together.

Love, D

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Dear Negative Ass, GHETTO, Crotchety High Maintenance MotherFucking Owners,

You and I both know that the reason you have a motherfucking attitude problem when I call you is because your broke as a joke asses cannot afford the dream picture that I EXCITEDLY paint for you on a daily motherfucking basis.

Dont be mad at me because you live in a double wide that is rotting from the outside and when you go to our LUXURIOUS MOTHERFUCKING CONDOS you are reminded of the trashyness that you possess.

GET A MOTHERFUCKING ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT AND BUY SOME MOTHERFUCKING CREDITS SO I CAN RING THE BELLLLLLLLLLL.

Love Wicked.

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Dear New NameDropping Bitch,

No one cares who you know. No one cares that you drive a Lexus. No one cares that you have a heritage. No one cares how much sales experience you have. No one cares about your ugly ass fake ass clip on hair thing that you bought from the kiosk in Alderwood. No one cares. No one.

I dont know who the fuck you think you are being the new bitch telling your bosses that you are bored and that you are gonna go home. Furthermore, we go to lunch for FOURTY FIVE MINUTES … not an hour and FOURTY FIVE MINUTES.

Your shit smells just like the rest of ours.

TarablyWicked

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Dear NewFuck,

You are a piece of motherfucking work. I promise you that if anyone is above the rules in this department … it for sure is not you. You don’t know people. WE KNOW PEOPLE. So your over explitave, brown nosing, hat wearing, think you know the inside joke of all inside jokes motherfucking ass needs to check yourself. Because there was a before you … and there will be an after you.

Bet that.

TarablyWicked

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Dear Dr,

Thank you for confirming that I am not as fat as I was. It is now official that I am 36 pounds lighter. However, fuck you and your scraping. It was not comfortable or fun or awesome. In fact it was the exact opposite of awesome.

Furthermore, I will thank you for telling me that I didn’t have to come back for 3 whole years. It ALMOST made the scraping worth it. Almost.

Also, thanks for the comedy while molesting my boobs.

Love TarablyWicked

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Dear Mya,

I wanna say sorry and that you are my best friend.

Love Charli

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Dear D,

You have been motherfucking OFF ONE. I think that I know why. It is because you have little to no contact with adults.

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Dear Pedicures and Haircuts,

THANK MOTHERFUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Dear Exercise,

I am working you back in. I didn’t forget about you. Not one bit. I really really really miss you.

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Dear Charli,

Use the potty. Thanks.

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And now for some Eye Candy…

Dwayne Johnson ….

Annnnnnnnnd Alicia Keys.

Alright folks… let it out. You know you have at least one fucker to vent about open letter styles.

Tags: alicia keys, dwayne johnson, hallmark, open letter, valentines day

Honest Tuesday’s: I Can Do It! … ?

Feb 8, 2010 Honest Tuesday's, I Forgot to Tag, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, P.O.E. Biz, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms

Hello and welcome to Honest Tuesday’s. A place to be honest about shit that you would not or can not normally be honest about to anyone in your “real lives” for one reason or another.

Today mine is involved with some self worth … insecurity issues.

Most of you know that I am an aspiring writer. I have written many a poem and eleventy million blogs where some have had a teeny bit of editorial content to them. My biggest accomplishment was last August when I published my book all by myself.

It took me almost 2 years and the death of a new friend to build up the confidence to do that. It wasn’t perfect enough. What if no one likes it? Blah Blah talkmyselfoutofit Blah. But then I just fucking manned up and did it.

And I am so damn happy that I did.

Especially considering the fact that, after countless publishing companies that I have submitted my work to, one finally said yes. YES! A 365 day contract. 1 year. *grin*

My confession on this Honest Tuesday is that I never really thought that I would ever be published. Just like every day when I go to work I have to self talk my way into believing that I can actually make a successful mark at this new job. Just like I have always just kinda flew under the radar of excellence. Not because I am incapable … but because it has always just been easier to be average.

The let down is much less of one in the long run. Or at least in my experience anyway.

I am sure many of you read my blog before back on the space about my most embarrassing moment. Looking back now at who I was … and who I have grown to be … it wasn’t just an embarrassing moment for me. It was a moment that has essentially defined the last 13 years of my life.

For those of you who aren’t in the know … … in a nutshell … …

I spent my entire youth being the best at what I put my effort toward. Make fun of me all you want to but I was a band geek. I spent years in 1st chair in my wind ensemble and in my free time played in symphonies where I was one of 2 or the only flutist in the organization. I won awards and competitions and played many a solo. I was the best of the best.

So when I made the decision to join the Navy, I wanted to continue my journey as a musician in the Navy band. I was required to compose my own piece. As in write it out full score. Then I was to memorize it and play it in front of the judges at the Naval base in Everett.

So I did. I wrote an amazing piece and practiced my ass off. I knew every fucking note as if it was my second language. The day of the audition, my mom came with me. I was ready. Just like every other God damned solo I had ever played in my life. Just like every other God damned audition I had ever aced. I was calm and collected and confident that I would handle business.

I entered the stage area and was faced with 5 decorated officers in a panel in front of me. (Knowing what I know now about military decorations … they are waaaaaaaay more intimidating than they actually are in real life.) Seeing them and being under the spotlight … shook me. I froze. I forgot my piece. I forgot how to fucking play the instrument that I had been playing for 10 years of my life. Meaning, when they allowed me a chance to play what I had written, the notes swam across the page. No longer was it my second language. It was instead a completely foreign language in some dialect that I had never heard before in my life.

I motherfucking blew it.

The reason I say that it was a defining moment of my last 12 years is because looking back on them, I have never really accomplished excellence. I literally have done exactly what I needed to do to remain successful enough. Not overly anything. I just didn’t give a fuck enough about any of it to really push myself. That, and I would rather expect to blow it than think I was gonna nail it and save myself the heartbreak when I did. I always have found myself questioning my excellence. Questioning my self worth. Questioning whether or not I am good enough.

The fact is, average is not me. Because of one stupid moment of weakness, I have made it me to save face in my own little pity party of waaaaaaaaaaah. When instead, I should have known it to be an everything happens for a reason moment and learned from it. As I have approached and entered my 30’s … I have really been working on practicing what I preach. You know, owning my words as if I were my own reader. Taking this new job has really pushed me to work outside of my element as well. It is unacceptable to be average. It is completely unacceptable to fly under the radar. Furthermore, being successful and striving for excellence is so rewarded and recognized that it is stupid to not want to be a part of it.

Never before have I been surrounded by more motivated and inspiring people, which has allowed me to not get discouraged at all of the “No’s” I have received. There is always a “Yes” following somewhere… you just have to push through all of the “No’s” first to get to it.

So instead of asking myself whether or not I think I can do something … I am working on reminding myself that, when I really put my mind to something … I absolutely with no doubt CAN and WILL do it.

Because that is what awesomeness and excellence and success is all about.

Now it is your turn. Get all HONEST up in this bitch. I promise I won’t judge you.

If you could inherit one extraordinary talent in one of the arts … what would the talent be?
Would you rather have an orgasm every 10 years OR every 10 seconds?

Tags: confidence, esteem, flute, navy, solo, success, symphony

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Feb 4, 2010 All Things Charli, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Friday Eye Candy, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Yum... or Lack There Of.

Hello and welcome. Happy motherfucking FRIDAY to you all!

Blind yet? Heh.

Alright. Let’s get on with the open lettering.

Dear IDIOTS,

Idiot #1: You are so fucking stupid. I feel sorry for your kids who have to grow up in an idiot filled environment. Because of you, there is now a clan of idiots roaming the state of Oregon freely and idiotically.

Idiot #2: You are totally unaware of the level of idiot you possess. To have to be near you on a regular basis is fucking paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainful.

Idiot #3: Really?! Lies? All of them? No one feels sorry for you anymore. In fact, it is the opposite. What happens after, is going to be well deserved for all of the lying.

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Dear Everyone,

I don’t give a fuck about the following:

1) The Olympics
2) Your issues.
3) Lost
4) Twilight
5) Avatar

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Dear Sickness in my Throat and Sinuses and Ears and Bodyaches,

FUCK THE FUCK OFF. I am not submitting to your nastiness. I refuse. GET OUT OF MY AREA.

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Dear Self,

You need to stop letting your own doubt prevent you from success. What are you so god damned scared of? What do you have to lose? Just ASK for it. The very worst that can happen is that the answer is no.

Stop giving yourself roadblocks. It is unnecessary stress that you do not need.

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Dear Charli,

Please leave me to sleep alone for like 3 nights a week. That is all I am asking. I love you to death but seriously?! I would like some sleep without you in my personal space. I am over your feet in my back. I am over your face in my face. You are a kicker and a bed hog and I would really like a night of sleep in peace.

I am | | <--- this close to begging for it.

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Dear Writers Block,

Seriously? Get the fuck out of my life. I have the ability to write an entire manuscript of poetry and another SC, which is what everyone is waiting for ... but when it comes down to actually putting content on paper, you are there ... COCKBLOCKING my creativity.

FUCK YOU. FUCK OFF AND DIE.

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Dear You,

Blah. Why is it that half the time I hate you and the other half I dont?

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Dear Tarable,

I am glad you are being an adult. I am proud of you and I love you and I am here for you always.

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Dear Sunshine,

I miss you. Can we catsup soon?

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Dear Inner Fat Girl,

If I could reach inside of myself and stab you to death I would. You are counterproductive to my goals.

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And now for some Friday Eye Candy... Thanks to Cass's recommendation I present Mr. Taye Diggs!

Annnnnd … Ms. Cameron Diaz

There you have it folks. You know the drill … purge your weeks in open letter form, so you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekend!

Tags: cameron diaz, Friday Eye Candy, idiot, open letter, taye diggs

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Jan 28, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Ranteriffic, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch

Hello! Happy Friday! Without further ado, I shall open the floor for some much needed open letters.

Dear New Guy,

If you keep that attitude up, I promise you won’t last. When a person says hello to you, it might behoove you to fucking acknowledge them. Especially being that you are the new guy. The rookie. The green one. I don’t know and really don’t care if you worked here before or know someone who works here. We are family on this team. Find the place in it where you fit or get the fuck on.

Word?

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Dear Fucking Douchebag,

I am beyond disgusted with what you did to my friend. I am almost positive that I have never known of a more fucked up situation where a supposed friend takes complete advantage in a time of grief. You are going straight to motherfucking hell for this.

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Dear Charli,

I had a crappy day and making silly faces with you made me feel so much better.

I love you.

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Dear Courtni,

You need to get it together. Seriously. This lack of confidence is fucking bullshit and furthermore, it isn’t YOU to not have any. What is wrong with you? Figure it the fuck out already before I slap the shit out of you.

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Dear Arch Enemy,

Everywhere I go, I am convinced we will meet face to face again. Then the communication between yours and mine on a more frequent basis nails yet another in the coffin of what is going to happen.

This time though, there will be no bitch moves. Nope. What is going to happen is that you are going to get yours for the fakeness that you are. Your fake happy little life is about to get revealed. I cannot wait to clown you.

And, once and for all you will be put in your fucking stupid fake place.

Know that.

———————————————————————————————————————–

Dear Henrysan,

You are hands down the sweetest guy I know. I can’t wait til I am able to spoil you a lil bit like you spoil your friends.

Thanks for being such a great friend to me. I don’t think I tell you enough.

Oh and PeeEss: OPEN EYE!

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Dear You,

God you are such a moody baby sometimes.

———————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Fat Girl,

Stop taking over my normal thought process. I DO NOT WANT A CHEESEBURGER. K?

Wicked
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Dear D,

I am so appreciative of you. I hope you know it.

———————————————————————————————————————–

Dear X,

Please keep up the effort. I know you aren’t perfect … but I am happy to have had no calls from the principal in a week. I love you no matter what but I like you that much more when you aren’t in trouble.

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Now … for the Eye Candy

Jensen Ackles. Who IS this guy? I just started looking for hotties because I am out of ideas and NO ONE HAS SUGGESTED ANY (hinthint) and he popped up. Yum.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Mila Kunis. I <3 her.

Alright ladies and gentleman … you know the drill!

Purge your weeks frustrations in the form of open letters so that you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekends!

Tags: jensen ackles, mila kunis, POE, work

Same Shit, Different Day, Etc.

Jan 27, 2010 Current Events, DUH, Etc., Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Ranteriffic, bitch

I am bored of blogging.

Maybe because the same shit happens every day. Maybe because I feel like I repeat myself all the time lately due to sameshitdifferentdayitis.

Maybe I should quit. Whatever. Suggest some shit. KThx.

I mean, it isn’t like my same shit different day is bad shit … it is just the same. So when you are a daily blogger … and the same shit happens, it is like watching the same episode of Friends that always seems to play at 10pm on TBS. Yeah, that shit is funny … but pretty soon … you can regurgitate all of the banter between Phoebe and Joey or Ross and Rachel. You know when Monica is gonna freak out over a misplaced item in her OCD filled life. Funny? Duh … but same nonetheless.

I was thinking about things that I hate a great deal the other day … which then led me to things that I also like a great deal as well.

For instance:

I hate deadbeats. Not just “parents” … but deadbeats in general. To me a deadbeat is anyone who 1) doesn’t own their responsibilities 2) trys to abusively control another human being OR 3) has nothing in life but a negative ass mouth piece and tries to bring others down with their sorry deadbeat asses.

On the same token:

I like them. I like having them around to fucking clown on or bitch about when I want to feel better about my sameshitdifferentdayitis. If it weren’t for them, we would have no one to talk about. And to be honest, I like talking about folks who deserve it.

I also really really hate liars. Like for no reason bold faced fucking liars. They could almost be put into a deadbeat category … but not always. I happen to know for a fact that there are some bold faced fucking liars who are upstanding citizens in all other ways BUT their lies. The only time lies are acceptable are when you are telling kids that Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy etc exists or when bill collectors keep blowing your shit up and you dont have any money to pay them so you act like “Alicia” and “just got this number yesterday so you have no idea who so’n’so is and stop calling.” “Alicia” may or may not be my fake name for bill collectors. Just saying.

Anyway, Liars suck. The end.

Speaking of sucking, I really like sucking. Literally. Not like sucking at life sucking … but suuuuuuuucking. On lollypops or dripping ice cream or penis or … yeah that.

I also like lint brushes. Nothing says bad sameshitdifferentday than lint all over the place.

I hate when I get out into “natural light” and my outfit looks like my cat dry humped it all over the place. Orange hairs all over the place. That fucker waits until I get my shit set out to come and purr all on it like it is his special bed. Helllllooooo spray bottle … meet Jacksons in my business ass.

I like D fat. He is a fatty and I love every fat inch of him. He is not allowed to get skinny again.

I hate that Charli doesnt sleep through the night yet. It is all my fault too.

I hate processes.

I hate how it takes someone super quick to take your money but fucking forever to give it back.

I like getting paid every week.

I also like my co-workers. Especially the non baby ones. (heh.)

I like my job. When someone closes a deal and rings that bell … that shit rules. Why? Because we all rally and make that person feel awesome for their accomplishment. FIST BUMP!

So yeah. That is where I am at. I am also at LMFAO at this pic:

Does anyone else feel the sameshitdifferentdayitis? Tell me about it.

Also, would you rather be … born with an elephant trunk or born with a giraffe neck?

Tags: friends, lint brush, monica, ocd, phoebe and joey, ross and rachel, same shit different day, would you rather

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Jan 22, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, DUH, Etc., Family, Friday Eye Candy, P.O.E. Biz, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail

WAZZZZZZZZUP!!!!!!!!!!! TGIMFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No bullshit, I am 1) Glad that it is Friday. 2) Glad that it is the weekend. 3) Glad that it is Open Letter FUCKING FRIDAY!

Dear New Piercing(s),

Fucking HEAL already.

Love Tarable & Wicked

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Dear D,

Bllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (breath) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (breath)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Fine. Fucking fine. FINE.

Courtni.

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Dear Stupid Boy,

You are fucking STUPID. I just wanted to you to know.

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Dear JWow and Snook’s,

We are your West Coast soul sistahs. We would beat any bitches ass or even a dudes if he pressed the right buttons. It is like the East and West ATeam. Or really the Bteam. B= Bitches.

Yeeeeah.

Tarably Wicked.

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Dear Jamie,

If the open letter isn’t signed … then I wrote it.

Love Wicked.

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Dear Tarable,

I gotcho back. Always.

Love, Your Bestie

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Dear Jersey Shore,

Why are you so addicting?!

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Dear You,

I appreciate you. Love you, mean it.

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Dear Emotions,

Why? Why do you have to come out at the most inopportune time? Why do you have tear ducts? Like at work when you are looking at yourself in the mirror … or when you are talking to your bestie and she realizes that you are crying and she asks you as you are crying and when she asks you, you cry harder? Why ruin your makeup? Why?

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Dear Friday’s,

We have 60 of you that are just to ourselves. We vow to do really awesome stuff together and without boys or kids or drama filled people. Just us. A bestfrienddate.

Love TarablyWicked

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Dear 2/12,

You have been scheduled as our bestfriendvalentinesdayfridaydate. We are gonna kick it and get drunk and watch a funny movie. The end of that.

TarablyWicked

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Dear Snookin for Love,

Really?!

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Dear Credits,

Fucking get bought. K?!

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Dear Self,

You are good enough. You are going to be successful. You will make President’s Club. Why? Because. You are not average. You work your ass off everyday. You are TRYING.

It will will will will will will pay off.

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Dear Charli,

GET OUT OF MY PERSONAL SPACE.

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Dear Carbs,

Fuck the hell offfffffffffffffff. FUCK OFF.

TarablyWicked

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Dear Old Man,

I get that you are grumpy because you haven’t eaten dinner. I bet your dinner involves complex carbohydrates. Guess what?! Mine doesn’t and I am just as cranky if not more.

Fuck you stupid owner david.

Tarable.

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Dear Ken Adams,

Fuck. Seriously, the thin line is getting thinner by the moment.

Regina Philange
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Dear Hungry,

We legitimately hate you.

TarablyWicked

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Dear Girls Trip,

Its GONNA HAPPEN.