God Don’t Like Stupid
Mar 16, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Suck It!, bitch
I really really R E A L L Y fucking hate stupid people.
Like, really.
I have said it before and I will say it again. I am convinced that I was put on this earth to deal with fucking idiots.
When I am driving: Stupid people.
When I am at work: Stuuuuuuuuu u u u pid people.
When I am in public places: Stupid STUPID people.
It all boils down to me NOT being the one and people (yes the stupid ones) assuming that I actually am in fact the one when really I am not the one. The stupidity starts right there in the assumption.
The problem is, either they 1) don’t think I will bitch slap them (which I probably wont because I really have zero desire to have my 31 year old self in front of a judge over an assault case) or they 2) dont think I will ever tell them about themselves. (which I totally will except for if I am at work because I really do not want to get fired all that bad and if I tell these people what I really think of their stupid asses … I absolutely WILL get fired.) Where this problem affects me is in that they keep on keepin’ on with their stupid selves and I keep on keepin’ on being surrounded by them.
Example 1:
While driving the other day, minding our own business … it becomes our turn. The light turns green and if you were unaware … GREEN MEANS GO and RED DOES NOT. So we have a green arrow and Tarable is on her merry way. Whistling and shit. Out of nowhere, this jack-hole stupid ass cuts over into OUR lane and she almost rear ends him. Does he acknowledge this ASSWIPE move? No. Does he even look in our general direction? Um No. He does not. He just gets loose like he was all to the good.
Idiot. Motherfucking dumbfucksonofabitchidiot.
What I wanted to do was chase his ass down and bust his window out. I did not do that. But I WANTED to.
The point: He doesn’t know me. I very well could have and then what? His dumbass took on a pretty significant risk right there.
Example 2:
I work in sales. Sales people enjoy hearing the sounds of their own voices. I am an offender of this on occasion, however I am not a fucking IDIOT so I know when it may be the correct time to simply shut the fuck up.
Some people do not have this mouth mechanism.
So we are forced to listen to them spout off at the mouth in the most IDIOTIC and RETARDED moments.
Moments where their idiotness ruins shit for everyone.
The most frustrating part about this is that ALL OF THE SIGNS POINT TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. But, because they are THAT fucking STUPID … the signs fly over their brainless heads like a 747 jet at take off.
Just SHUT the FUCK UP for once. Seriously.
Example 3:
Some of my owners. Gah. It is like at one of the presentations, the criteria to become an owner was simply to be the stupidest fucking person on the planet.
And when I say stupid, I mean stuuuuuuuuuupid.
Stupid enough to spend MONEY on a product that you never use.
Stupid enough to not even do the research on how TO use the product … instead just bitching about it. <-- that is gonna get a resolution. Let me tell you.
Stupid enough to KEEP paying and out of STUPID stubbornness, purposefully not use it. What fucking point are you trying to prove?
Example #4
Stupid bitches.
God. These cunts are the worst. They give women a horrible name and reputation. And they are EVERYWHERE. It takes every ounce of strength I have inside of me NOT to just slap the shit out of these whores on sight.
What kind of water were these mommies-to-be drinking while pregnant? How could they allow such DUMBNESS out into the world?
It really is not the stupid bitches fault either. It is the parents fault. I want to slap a mom for allowing such a thing to take place.
I swear to Jesus I will beat the stupid out of my daughter before I let her walk out of my house and infect the world with unnecessary stupidity.
Say I wont.
Example #5:
The Unknown Phone Breather.
I pray to The Holy Spirit that you read this blog because are you serious right now?
What a stupid worthless fuck you are. Blocked call breathe in my phone at 8AM? Have we met? If I ever find out who you are (or WERE for that matter because I changed my motherfucking NUMBER you stupid fuck) I will chicken choke the shit out of you.
You must have me twisted with some other fuck that actually IS THE ONE.
In conclusion, stupid is as stupid does. The only person being affected by the aforementioned stupidity is the stupid person. (Well, and me too because every other city I go, I see the same stupid bitches.)
*deep breath*
Would you like to chime in on any examples in your life of total STUPIDITY?
What three adjectives might other people use to describe your personality?
If you could re-live a day of your life again, which would it be and why?
Cuz Mommy Says Eat
Mar 9, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Friendship, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage.
So the question has been directed my way…
“How do you retrain the wheel… in the oral department… when the other person just isn’t as into it as you would like them to be??”
Specifically referring to “dining out”.
I call this oralsexophobia.
When it comes to oral, there really isn’t a retraining. I think oral sex is like sushi. You either like it or you don’t. It isn’t really an acquired taste/talent/fetish. I know several men who just do not prefer to put their face in-between ANYONES legs. I don’t care if you have the prettiest most famous vagina on the planet. They just are not gonna go there. On the flip-side, I know several women who not only refuse to suck a cock… but DEMAND to have their coochie knife and forked regularly.
Um. What?
Granted, I haven’t been a regular Blow Job Betty lately… (not because I am not in a giving mood by any means..) and usually the snatch to cock ratio favors my pleasure… but I don’t demand head if I am not willing to reciprocate.
“So,” you ask… ” what am I supposed to do if I want it, and he/she just doesn’t want to give it?”
There are many different layers to this loaded question.
1:Are YOU giving oral with no reciprocation?
If yes, I would stop. Period. Give ‘No McOral’ a taste of their own medicine. Why should you be the only one giving presents. (yes, I understand that most of us who DO give oral, actually enjoy doing so… however it is absolutely unethical to have Mr. Man in ElBoat-o stranded in lake neglect when Penis McBall is being coddled like a 7 month old infant.)
2- Have you talked to Neglector 2010 about their oralsexophobia?
If you haven’t, PLEASE do. Find out why. Talk about your needs. Tell them how important it is to you to not only receive it, but to give it as well. Explain why it is important in your sex life. Communication is SO key in any relationship. ESPECIALLY the sexual part.
3 If N-2010 is not receptive to your needs, and cannot get past whatever it is that turns them off………
Then you as the needy one, has to decide exactly the level of importance oral sexcapades are to you.
Personally, I would tell D to go take a long walk. I absolutely MUST be the main course on a regular basis. I need frequent stimulation. Period. Need it. Like life or fucking death. There is nothing better than a fantastic tongue fucking related o-face.
Dining out, in my opinion, is more than just a luxury. It is as important as cock penetration. Period. If your ball-and-chain cant get it together… I would tell them to kick rocks, OR find someone who WILL do it on the side.
On a side minirant…. if I catch wind of another bitch that doesn’t swallow…. I am going to fucking scream. Giving head and not at least letting him cum INSIDE your face is like giving him a hot fudge Sunday without the fudge. If you don’t want to digest his seed, fine. But don’t make him tell you when he is about to cum so you can move out of firing range.
He.Might.As.Well.Whack.Off.
Nothing irritates me more than a half-assed Betty. DON’T give them then. DON’T get a mans hopes up and then shaft him at the end.
DON’T make us full BJ givers look bad. We give 110 percent, so you need to as well.
K? K.
Thoughts on oral? Do you dine out?
IF you were to name the emotion that you waste the most time on, what would it be?
Name five songs to which you know all the lyrics.
Tags: blow job betty, cunningulus, fellatio, oral sex
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Feb 19, 2010 All Things X, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Ranteriffic, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch
Yo! Yo! Yo! It is that time again! Purge your week’s in open letter format so that you can go and enjoy your weekend!!!
Dear Sex,
2 more days and you will be mine.
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Dear Bitch,
If I could tell you about yourself and have it make a difference… I would. You are the most evasive, non confrontational bitch I have ever met. I am glad I am not your friend because it would be a waste.
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Dear OTHER Bitch,
Really? Now? You just pop back in all nonchalant like? It doesnt work that way. Sorry. There is a lot of proving to do in order for there to be any sort of relationship.
Now is the time to grow up and stop being so motherfucking selfish and self absorbed.
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Dear Tarable,
Thank you for being my best friend. You make me smile and I know that we are life partners. I love you.
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Dear You,
What is YOUR fucking excuse? God you drive me fucking crazy.
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Dear New Guy,
It felt amazing jacking you for your scrilla. Don’t leave money on the table in this department because you will get smashed like Danger smashed the homie.
I take great pleasure in it and will continue to make your life a silent treatment side comment to your face living hell until you crack like the little bitch that you are.
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Dear Girls Trip,
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Dear Xavier,
I am trying to understand your logic. I am trying to get how you continuously lie and avoid responsibility and pull the most random and inappropriate shit on a regular basis.
I am trying to love you.
I am trying to pull our little family together … and every time I do … you are fucking up to the point where I cannot even stand the sight of your face.
What am I missing here? What haven’t I taught you? Why would you rather be in trouble than be a positive contributor to this family? I miss you so fucking much that it hurts but I refuse to reward your behavior time and time again.
You do not have to act like this. I am going to give you good attention if you will just knock it the fuck off and let me do it.
Please. Please stop this behavior.
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And for some Friday Eye Candy!
Hayden Christensen..
Ms. Kat Von D…
Alright … your turn. Let it go. Get it out. Tell a bitch allllllllll about themselves!!!
Tags: Friday Eye Candy, hayden christensen, kat von d, open letter
Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s: Knowing Your Place
Feb 17, 2010 Current Events, DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
Welcome to Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s!
This week is about a little thing called “Knowing Your Place.” Ever heard of it? I know I have.
Some people have never in their lives heard of it. Wanna know how I know?! I am glad that you asked.
Exhibit A: Assuming that you can walk in the door and be above the rules. In ANY situation.
Know your place. Follow the rules. Show up with the correct attire. Accept the fact that you are low on the totem pole. Submit to not knowing everything and fucking LEARN something for a change. Understand that there were others before you.
Just saying.
Exhibit B: Your foot doesn’t belong in your mouth. I promise.
Know your place. Sometimes … it is okay to shut the fuck up. You may even gain a little bit of respect from someone if you say nothing rather than everything. Take it from me. I have learned this lesson the motherfucking hard way.
Just saying.
Exhibit C: If you are a parent … then BE one.
That means that you absolutely H A V E to be the motherfucking bad guy sometimes. It is a part of parenting. If you aren’t ready to be the bad guy, and if you are okay with a child running you like a pimp does a hoe on Sunset Blvd… then use some motherfucking birth control.
Just saying.
Exhibit D: Assuming that you are better than everyone else around you.
i.e. No one cares about your motherfucking Lexus. Nor do they give a fuck about how bored you are or how qualified you think you are. Not a one of us.
Just motherfucking saying.
To all of you bitches who don’t know your place …
The end. (Unless I missed an exhibit where a bitch doesn’t know their place.)
Would you rather be forgotten or hatefully remembered? Why?
Would you rather end hunger or hatred? Why?
Tags: chuck norris, know your place, lexus, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
It Started With a Simple Question …
Feb 2, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Etc., I Forgot to Tag, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Sex, Thoughts and Perceptions
… that led to this blog.
Do you ever wonder what other peoples “pee faces” look like? I pee a lot lately, and sometimes I know I make the most ridiculous pee faces ever. Especially when I should have peed like 1 hour prior… so I reeeeeeeeealllyyyy have to pee. It is probably closer to an orgasm face than a pee face.
I am so nosy. I would totally be a fly on the stall wall, observing other people’s pee faces; giggling uncontrollably at them squint, and silently sigh as they finally let it all out.
I don’t want to be a fly on the wall for poo faces. No No No. Grunty faces aren’t interesting to me, especially because the present left after the grunts and groans and poots is stinky. I am not interested in being a part of another woman’s poo funk.
I would also be that proverbial fly on the wall during sex.
All sex. Gay sex, bi-sex, old people sex, group sex…. You wouldn’t really get a true idea of what other people’s sex behaviors are if they knew you were watching.
People fart. Unattractive noises are made sometimes during position change. The moaning is not necessarily as pretty sounding as the little girls on the movies. I would perch my nosy, horny ass on their smoke stained wallpaper and watch them go at it.
I have had people watch D and I have sex… which was weird at first, but now that I think about it…. triple rawwwwrr. Watch me! And while you are at it, touch yourself while you are doing it. Why haven’t you joined in yet? I wanna make you call MY name out.
What?? Too bold??
Porn = a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. These sluts know that a camera is on them, so they absolutely put on a show. That is what they are paid for, right? I am inclined to say that porn doesn’t necessarily turn me off… but it isn’t really what I need to get the mood going. Well, with the exception of more than one girl going at it… and then really, it just makes me more mad than anything—because I really would rather just actually be with more than one girl, rather than watch them have all of the fun.
Wouldn’t you?
Sex makes me curious.
How does sonso give head? What is her secret technique to drive hubby over the edge? Does whatsherface like it in the butt? I wonder if thatonedude likes to really get into eating pussy? Or does he half-ass it? How many times does Ol’girl call out my name when she masturbates? Does she use a toy, or is she fingers only? Would thatonebitch really make out with me, or would she chicken out last minute??
I honestly have had at least one sexual thought about each and every one of you little minxes. I have also pictured myself on top of each and every one of you as well… or were you on top of me???
Anysnatch….
Sometimes, when I masturbate I don’t think about anything. More often than not, I am not me… I am in someone else’s body, with their husband… or with more than one person. Sometimes I am the pleaser… sometimes I just lay there and let my fantasy take over and please me.
I am a toy kind of girl; a no-nonsense, get down to business girl who doesn’t waste anytime sending me to that optimum climax. Sometimes I make myself cum more than once in a session. I have sent myself to that point so many times in one session that I cant even pee or wipe or touch it without a pleasure-filled pain involved.
So yeah. One question in my head led to this blogtastrophe. You are welcome.
Would you rather … Be trapped in an elevator with wet dogs or with three fat men with bad breath?
Tags: masturbate, people, porn, Sex
Meant to Be … ?
Jan 31, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Relationships, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
I was in a conversation with one of my girlfriends the other night about Meant to Be.
Does it exist?
Are we all pawns in fate’s chess game?
Any one of you who knows me already know what I think. I am a firm believer in karma and fate and all things happen for a reason. That if you are thrown under a bus (figuratively of course … this isn’t some Final Destination deal people) in life … you were thrown there because it is supposed to teach you something.
Which is why I tend to take the realist approach when it comes to life and relationships. When I say relationships, that means every single kind of relationship. Not just romantic ones. In my opinion, we are all in each others lives to serve a purpose. It may be a forever purpose or it may only be a 5 week long purpose. No matter the length of time, there is a lesson in the relationship that was formed.
For example, if D and I were to part ways at some point in the future … for whatever reason, as heartbreaking as it would be for me to let him go … I would remind myself all of the lessons that we taught each other in the time that we shared together. Strength, persistence, dedication, patience … true unconditional love … all of them.
Our time together, be it 10 years or forever was meant to be that way.
It is hard trying to help someone see this who has blinders on. Blinders make normally grown, mature folks do stupid shit. It is what it is, but if we all could just remove them and really look at the situation at hand … we would realize exactly what steps to take to make the right decisions. Not necessarily meaning that if we took them off that we would know the duration of time that relationship was going to be for … because really knowing that is like simply leaving all of the presents under the Christmas tree unwrapped every year.
I am more or less saying that if we all just wrapped our head around the fact that it may or may not end tomorrow … and embraced that relationships for exactly what they are in that moment … we might hurt less and love more. Because in all honesty, if I was unsure that I would wake up tomorrow and not have any of my most important relationships anymore … I would be more apt to embrace them that much harder.
It hurts to watch someone I love misunderstand things. What hurts even more is when I try and offer my wisdom and it goes in one ear and out the other. I should know better though, right? I am the first person to admit that in any given situation, if I am going to learn anything from it … I absolutely have to learn the hard way. It is like written in blood somewhere. I never listen.
So why in the hell would I expect anyone else to listen to me? *grin*
If you are over thinking, over analyzing, reading into every single little “sign” about a current relationship with another person …. no matter what kind of relationship it is … knock it off. Wouldn’t you feel like an asshole if you spent all of the time you could have been spending immersed with them … worried about making sure it didn’t end?
I know I would.
Just some Wicked food for thought. Happy Monday!
Any thoughts on the subject? Any personal experiences?
Do you believe in “Meant to Be?”
Oh … and …
Would you rather be mechanically induced to scream at the top of your lungs for an hour, OR
have your eyes glued shut for a day?
Tags: fate, kismet, love, meant to be, Relationships
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Jan 28, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Ranteriffic, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch
Hello! Happy Friday! Without further ado, I shall open the floor for some much needed open letters.
Dear New Guy,
If you keep that attitude up, I promise you won’t last. When a person says hello to you, it might behoove you to fucking acknowledge them. Especially being that you are the new guy. The rookie. The green one. I don’t know and really don’t care if you worked here before or know someone who works here. We are family on this team. Find the place in it where you fit or get the fuck on.
Word?
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Dear Fucking Douchebag,
I am beyond disgusted with what you did to my friend. I am almost positive that I have never known of a more fucked up situation where a supposed friend takes complete advantage in a time of grief. You are going straight to motherfucking hell for this.
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Dear Charli,
I had a crappy day and making silly faces with you made me feel so much better.
I love you.
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Dear Courtni,
You need to get it together. Seriously. This lack of confidence is fucking bullshit and furthermore, it isn’t YOU to not have any. What is wrong with you? Figure it the fuck out already before I slap the shit out of you.
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Dear Arch Enemy,
Everywhere I go, I am convinced we will meet face to face again. Then the communication between yours and mine on a more frequent basis nails yet another in the coffin of what is going to happen.
This time though, there will be no bitch moves. Nope. What is going to happen is that you are going to get yours for the fakeness that you are. Your fake happy little life is about to get revealed. I cannot wait to clown you.
And, once and for all you will be put in your fucking stupid fake place.
Know that.
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Dear Henrysan,
You are hands down the sweetest guy I know. I can’t wait til I am able to spoil you a lil bit like you spoil your friends.
Thanks for being such a great friend to me. I don’t think I tell you enough.
Oh and PeeEss: OPEN EYE! 
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Dear You,
God you are such a moody baby sometimes.
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Dear Fat Girl,
Stop taking over my normal thought process. I DO NOT WANT A CHEESEBURGER. K?
Wicked
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Dear D,
I am so appreciative of you. I hope you know it.
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Dear X,
Please keep up the effort. I know you aren’t perfect … but I am happy to have had no calls from the principal in a week. I love you no matter what but I like you that much more when you aren’t in trouble.
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Now … for the Eye Candy
Jensen Ackles. Who IS this guy? I just started looking for hotties because I am out of ideas and NO ONE HAS SUGGESTED ANY (hinthint) and he popped up. Yum.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Mila Kunis. I <3 her.
Alright ladies and gentleman … you know the drill!
Purge your weeks frustrations in the form of open letters so that you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekends!
Tags: jensen ackles, mila kunis, POE, work
Same Shit, Different Day, Etc.
Jan 27, 2010 Current Events, DUH, Etc., Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Ranteriffic, bitch
I am bored of blogging.
Maybe because the same shit happens every day. Maybe because I feel like I repeat myself all the time lately due to sameshitdifferentdayitis.
Maybe I should quit. Whatever. Suggest some shit. KThx.
I mean, it isn’t like my same shit different day is bad shit … it is just the same. So when you are a daily blogger … and the same shit happens, it is like watching the same episode of Friends that always seems to play at 10pm on TBS. Yeah, that shit is funny … but pretty soon … you can regurgitate all of the banter between Phoebe and Joey or Ross and Rachel. You know when Monica is gonna freak out over a misplaced item in her OCD filled life. Funny? Duh … but same nonetheless.
I was thinking about things that I hate a great deal the other day … which then led me to things that I also like a great deal as well.
For instance:
I hate deadbeats. Not just “parents” … but deadbeats in general. To me a deadbeat is anyone who 1) doesn’t own their responsibilities 2) trys to abusively control another human being OR 3) has nothing in life but a negative ass mouth piece and tries to bring others down with their sorry deadbeat asses.
On the same token:
I like them. I like having them around to fucking clown on or bitch about when I want to feel better about my sameshitdifferentdayitis. If it weren’t for them, we would have no one to talk about. And to be honest, I like talking about folks who deserve it.
I also really really hate liars. Like for no reason bold faced fucking liars. They could almost be put into a deadbeat category … but not always. I happen to know for a fact that there are some bold faced fucking liars who are upstanding citizens in all other ways BUT their lies. The only time lies are acceptable are when you are telling kids that Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy etc exists or when bill collectors keep blowing your shit up and you dont have any money to pay them so you act like “Alicia” and “just got this number yesterday so you have no idea who so’n’so is and stop calling.” “Alicia” may or may not be my fake name for bill collectors. Just saying.
Anyway, Liars suck. The end.
Speaking of sucking, I really like sucking. Literally. Not like sucking at life sucking … but suuuuuuuucking. On lollypops or dripping ice cream or penis or … yeah that.
I also like lint brushes. Nothing says bad sameshitdifferentday than lint all over the place.
I hate when I get out into “natural light” and my outfit looks like my cat dry humped it all over the place. Orange hairs all over the place. That fucker waits until I get my shit set out to come and purr all on it like it is his special bed. Helllllooooo spray bottle … meet Jacksons in my business ass.
I like D fat. He is a fatty and I love every fat inch of him. He is not allowed to get skinny again.
I hate that Charli doesnt sleep through the night yet. It is all my fault too.
I hate processes.
I hate how it takes someone super quick to take your money but fucking forever to give it back.
I like getting paid every week.
I also like my co-workers. Especially the non baby ones. (heh.)
I like my job. When someone closes a deal and rings that bell … that shit rules. Why? Because we all rally and make that person feel awesome for their accomplishment. FIST BUMP!
So yeah. That is where I am at. I am also at LMFAO at this pic:
Does anyone else feel the sameshitdifferentdayitis? Tell me about it.
Also, would you rather be … born with an elephant trunk or born with a giraffe neck?
Tags: friends, lint brush, monica, ocd, phoebe and joey, ross and rachel, same shit different day, would you rather
Honest Tuesday’s: Say What You Need to Say.
Jan 18, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, DUH, Honest Tuesday's, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Ranteriffic, bitch
Hello! Welcome to Honest Tuesday’s. A place where you can come and be honest about shit that you would be dishonest about otherwise.
So this topic today is not something that I am admitting any dishonesty about. Because if any of you know me, you know that I am 99.9% gonna tell your ass about yourself. Unless 1) I might get fired or 2) I might go to jail. And even then I have taken the risk.
Anyway…
Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by cowards. People who are so scared to just tell someone how they feel.
“We really aren’t friends.”
“I am in love with you but I am too stubborn to say it first.”
“I didn’t invite you out for a reason.”
“No. I am NOT going to call you.”
“I think you are repulsive and would rather not have sex than have sex with you.”
“I am cheating on you.”
“If I wanted you to show up, I would have invited you.”
“We don’t hang out because your significant other is a complete fucking douchebag.”
“Your breath smells like someone took a shit in your mouth.”
“I hate it when you constantly interrupt me in the middle of a sentence.”
I mean seriously?! Are you that afraid of being a real person to where you lead them along their merry way … believing something to be true that is complete and total bullshit? How is someone ever going to be able to fix that annoying thing that they have no clue is in fact annoying in the first place?
Say what you need to say. You are doing no one any favors by keeping it to yourself. Especially not the person whom you are keeping it from.
Furthermore, how asshole-ish are you to talk shit about a person behind their back? Anything you have to say behind their back … you need to figure out how to say it to their face. What are we? 12th graders? Is this fucking Mean Girls but in real life?
Say what you need to say. Fuck sparing someones feelings. Fuck being polite. Fuck smiling in someone’s face in an effort to not cause a scene or drama.
Just fucking tell them. I am over hearing about how so’n’so is blah blah blah all of the time. If you don’t fucking like them, then God damn tell them already.
Or don’t. Whatever. You are the one being a fake, 2 faced fucking asshole. Not me.
Fuck.
Get your weekly honesty out. Say sumpin!
Tags: high school, Honest Tuesday's, honesty, mean girls, say what you need to say
An Award annnnnnnnnd A LMFAO Conversation, Etc.
Jan 17, 2010 Etc., Family, Friendship, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Relationships, Sex, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., Yum... or Lack There Of.
Happy Monday Individuals!
I was given a really kick ass award from a new (to me) bloggerslashreader. You should add him to your readers because he is pretty awesome and I quite enjoy his blogs. I really have to give it up to Lilu as well for making the connection between us via TMIT’s every week. I don’t think that she is aware of the impact she has on connecting us bloggers on the interwebs.
The Award is the “Happy 101 Award” and the rules are as follows:
I have to list ten things that make me happy and I have to do one of them today. Then I have to pass the award on to ten other bloggers who I think are deserving. Now, ten things that make me happy:
(These things are in no particular order and I have bolded the ones I have done today.)
1. Masturbating. I could be having an unlimited amount of sex every single day of my life, but I still enjoy a good self-love session. Sometimes, I masturbate AFTER sex. Not because I didn’t get off … but because I fucking feel like it.
2. Blogging. Even if my blog is crap and I don’t have time to put thought into what it is for the day. Even if I don’t publish it … I must blog every single day.
3. Sex. Duh.
4. My ladies make me happy. Tarable, Rach, Squishy, Carol, Cass, Q, Tori, JonnaBonnana, Kim(s), Lirra, Sheesha, Leslie, Chrissie, Angie, Rosie, Chrissa … fuck I know I am forgetting a bitch or 2 but I know you will forgive me.
5. Accomplishing my goals. To know that I set something for myself and then push to make it happen … the best feeling ever.
6. My husband and my kids make me happy.
7. Sleeping in.
8. Reading a good book. Uninterrupted.
9. Making someone else laugh makes me happy.
10. Food makes me happy.
*BONUS*
11. A sexy fucking man makes me happy. Get naked and let me see the GOODS!
12. Shopping. Specifically bargain shopping. New stuff makes me happy.
I would like to recognize the following bloggers and give them the Happy 101 award. Because each of them make me happy every single day when I read their thoughts.
Squish @ Squishisms: Her view of the world makes me happy. Even when she is stabby. Actually MOSTLY when she is stabby.
Jaime @ Life Under Construction: She is hilarious to me. I enjoy her view of life.
MissTricky @ What Happens After: She is one of my oldest and dearest “internet friends”. Bes’ believe that we will be old bitties together one day. Face to Face styles.
Ms. Bethany @ Bethany’s World: She is who she is and says what she thinks in the most diplomatic way I have ever seen.
EroticaBitch @ Verbal Assassin: She is the most kick-assiest Army wife I have ever known.
Moog @ Mental Poo: He is just fucking hilar. Period.
Tori @ Dramatic Sigh: I don’t even have words for her fucking blogs sometimes.
Bradley @ A Jersey Kid: He used to be on a different blog which went on hiatus but is back ( I hope ) just in a different location. I missed him. He tops my favorite blog list ever in the history of blog lists.
Rosie @ Neurotic Ramblings: She is crazy as fuck but I love her. And when I say crazy, I mean it in the most complimentary way possible.
And last but definitely not least …
P.Q. @ DC Princess: She is my numbah1. She within her own crazy self makes me happy.
Now for the LMFAO Conversation between myself and Tarable.
Friday night has been decided as our Girls Night. We are going to start doing stuff together after work … because we deserve it and because we want to. Not necessarily just going to the bar or anything … but having dinner at new restaurants or seeing movies … or … well … going to the bar. Heh.
This last Friday we got pierced. She got her nose, and I got my cartilage in my ear done. Then we went and got some mini box wines and drove around blasting our favorite music.
When we got home, we picked a movie … “Funny People” and while drinking wine and watching it, we decided that we were hungry.
Me: “I want just ONE cheeseburger.”
Tarable: “Courtni! No!”
Me: “Fine.”
Tarable: “How would we get there anyway.”
Me: “Are you already hammered?”
Tarable: “Nooo ooooo…”
Me: “So what you are saying is …”
Tarable: “I am saying that I am off one. And I am going to tell the bitch in the drive thru that. Like, I want 3 cheeseburgers no onion I am off one.”
Me: “Mission accepted.”
So we are on our way to the land of the cheeseburger. I am admittedly waaaaaaaay more buzzed than I originally thought. The level of buzzed where every god damned thing is hilar.
We pull into the drivethru.
DtB: “Welcome to the land of the cheeseburger, may I take your order?”
Tarable (to me): “What was I supposed to say again?”
Me: “Can I have 4 cheeseburgers, no onions I am off one.”
Tarable (to DtB): “Can I have 4 cheesburgers no onioniamoffone.”
DtB: “What was that?”
Tarable: “4 cheeseburgers, no onionIamoffone.”
DtB: (Silence)
Me: Motherfucking DYING laughing.
Tarable: “FOUUUUUUUR CHEEEEEEEEEESEBURGERRRRRRRRRRRSSS, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ONION I.AM.OFF.ONE.”
At this point, I am fucking crying laughing because Tarable was mad at this DtB’s lack of understanding of her SLURRED ass statement of being off one. She probably had ZERO clue as to what “off one” really meant.
We pull up to the window.
Tarable: “Hi. Sorry. I am just off one.”
DtB didn’t laugh.
Me: “OMG I AM GOING TO PEE MY PANTS!”
Tarable: “Courtni!”
Me: (I literally could not look at her. I had my back to her and was all up IN the window.) “I cant helllllllllllp it!”
Tarable: “I am sorry. SHE is off one too.”
We pull up to the NEXT window.
Tarable: “You need to get it together. They are going to spit in our cheeseburgers.”
Me: “I cant help it.”
Tarable: “They might even deny us the cheeseburgers all together! One time I was kicked out of a drivethru for cursing too much!”
Me: “SNORT”
Tarable: “I am not kidding!”
The window opens. It is the SAME fucking lady.
Tarable: “Oh! It is YOU again! Maybe we should have stayed at the other window … no!?”
DtB didn’t laugh.
Me: “OhhhhhhhhhhmyfuckingGODrightnow!”
Tarable: (to the DtB) “Thanks for the cheeseburgers, you were a PEACH.”
So we pull away.
Me: (finally pulling it together) “I cannot believe that you had the audacity to fucking get mad at this fucking lady. This is how you sounded. TWICE “Can I get 4 cheeseburgers, no onionIamoffone.” and then when she was confused, you spoke to her like she was slow … like it was HER fault.”
Tarable: “Well! Whatever! HAHAHAHA!”
Me: “I am totally blogging about this.”
The end. I love us. We are awesome. Like, e = MC AWESOME.
What 10 things make YOU happy today!?
Tags: blogawards, cheeseburger, tarable, that one fast food place, the pursuit of happiness
