I Do!
Jun 14, 2010 Current Events, Friendship, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
I remember as an adolescent and even up until Squishy asking me to be one of her bridesmaids always wanting to have an opportunity to stand beside a good friend and support their decision to vow to love and honor another human being.
I remember watching movies about weddings; and seeing the importance of being asked to participate.
You know that part in the movies about so’n’so getting married where someone flys in from out of town to celebrate and it’s all super exciting?!?!?
I was that girl! Gooooo me!
Some people may not understand why being in a wedding is so important. To me. To anyone for that matter. Maybe it isn’t super important to anyone *but* me.
Whatever.
I have been married twice. Both times were not exactly what I expected, due to age and lack of appreciation of anything sentimental … Annnnd I have been to a fair number of weddings.
Most of them were watching a good GUY friend tie the knot so the relationship with the other half was budding or non-existent. The ones that were my girlfriends were usually situations where their bridesmaids were professed in the 2nd grade while they played barbies or some crap.
I don’t have very many old friends like that so it isn’t really surprising or upsetting that Squish’s wedding is my first.
I dunno where I am going with this… Or of it makes any sense… It is 6am and I am waiting for my flight back home to Seattle. I am sleep deprived, and sad that I have to leave all of my ladies until further notice so I am attempting to process the most important parts first.
I guess what I am windedly and exhaustedly attempting to say is that for someone who believes in true love the way I do, the sentiment behind standing beside one of my closest friends and watching them vow to love their souls counterpoint forever and ever runs deep with me. It is a feeling that cannot be replaced, nor can it ever efficiently be described in blog form.
True love is hard to find, and when you do find it, it is even harder to keep. It means fighting for it when you are exhausted. It means unconditionally accepting the other person for who they are. It means letting go of hangups and allowing the other person to see you. Really *see* you.
True love is rare these days. Maybe that is why standing next to it in a pretty blue dress on a party barge with BBQ, house music and bubbles is so God damned important to me.
Congrats Squishy & Irish!! I will always support and repect your love as long as you give it the same repect and support.
It is boarding time. Back to the real world. Good-bye Austin!
(more on my trip to come)
The Importance of a Photo
Jun 9, 2010 Current Events, Family, Friendship, Random, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
Hello again! I am sitting here at the airport waiting to board the plane and start my minivaca to Austin.
Last I wrote, it was the eve of my birthday … and what’s difference writing a blog makes. As of late, my inspiration has slowly begun to show itself. But … Life along with (stupid) priorities has a way of cockblocking my inspired moments.
Boo.
My birthday was awesome. Thank you (in advance) for asking. 
As I get older and wiser, my birthdays are so much more important to me and those who are most important to me seem to really love to remind me of how much they love me.
It is one thing to know how awesome you are… It is another for other people to know. (game recognize game. <--- the way of the world)
Anyway, my parents handpicked these photos for me. All of them were of me as a little one, and many of them had my grandparents in the photos with me. I don't have many photos of them at all, let alone with me in the photo with them.
Surprise + myoveremotionalass = my waterworks
My waterworks + my parents not expecting it = their waterworks
My waterworks + their waterworks = blubberfest 2010.
Dammit. Damn hormones. Damn emotional me!
(I will mention that this may or may not be payback for my Mothers Day gift to my mom. Heh.)
I carry these photos with me. 1) because I cannot stop thumbing through them and 2) because I wanna share them with my ladies.
Wha?! Did you think I would leave you out? Nah. Below are 2 of my favorites. Enjoy!
(and of course fill me in on the gossip. I will be sporatically {read: drunkenly} posting blogs from Austin.)
Tags: Austin, awesomeness, birthday, photo, plane
People Say The ‘Funniest’ Shit?
Apr 27, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, DUH, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
So the other day we are sitting in our daily meeting.
The craziest broad on the planet (no really, she is crazy as hell, i.e. her Hello Kitty obsession, jumping shoes, weird hoarding and insane to the membrane clothes. If I could take a picture of her insanity, I totally would.) starts to describe her encounter with local law enforcement to us.
Boss: “Hey Crazy Broad! Tell us what happened to you on your way to work today!”
Crazy Broad: “Ohhhhhhhh yeah, I was pulled over on my way to work by this crazy DIKE bitch!”
The air was literally sucked out of the room for about 5 seconds.
I mean, are you fucking kidding me right now? In a corporate setting? In any setting really but in a CORPORATE setting? In front of 35 co-workers, ONE of them being the bestest and prettiest lesbians I know? (actually she is the bestest and prettiest because she is the bestest and prettiest … not because she is a lesbian.)
I know that I am inappropriate, but that is crossing so many lines that it is silly.
It makes me wonder.
How did she know she was in fact a lesbian? Did the cop attempt to solicit a carpet munching session in lieu of receiving a ticket? What if this aforementioned 5-0 was actually a total homophobe?!
What if the law enforcement officer was a black lesbian? Would she have still said the same thing? Or would she have thrown the race card into it?
How did she know she was crazy? Did she have proof? Did the po-po freak out on her all exorcist style or something? Was this local slice of bacon wearing a straight jacket? Maybe it is that it takes a crazy to know a crazy?
*shrug*
And then I wonder how often we (and I say we because I totally mean me too) totally use these disrespectful slangs toward others behind closed doors. Things that we normally would not say in a group as large as the group whom I work with?
I wonder how she would feel if someone blurted out that she was a crazy negrogookspiccrackerwhopjewhomo in the middle of our meeting?
I wonder how many people don’t even realize how hurtful these things are to say? Including myself?
I dunno. It made me aware. Maybe we should be a teensy bit more conscious of how our words affect other peoples feelings.
*shrug* … Just a thought …
Fill in the blanks:
My favorite time of day is _______________________.
I wish that I could go ____________________.
I should have ______________ yesterday.
A Test in Strength
Mar 30, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Etc., Random, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
If any of you have ever talked to me or asked me for advice about life, you know pretty well that I am a firm believer in the fact that with every event … good AND bad … that there is a lesson behind it and that every single person who touches our lives has a purpose.
In my opinion, the fairy tale of happily ever after is bullshit.
Like it or not, we are all faced with tests.
For some of us, these tests are as simple as having to change a flat tire on the side of the freeway in the middle of an infamous Seattle downpour.
For others, the tests are major events. They test the strengths in our relationships. They test our sobriety. They test our own personal strengths and esteem. These events hurt to the core of our very being. Like an ache-y gnawing feeling in the pits of our stomachs.
But we survive it.
In the past 5 years, I have had test after test after motherfucking test thrown in my direction.
My family was homeless.
We had an unexpected addition.
My marriage almost ended. Twice.
A snake of a disease tried every fucking trick in the book to take the single most important man away from me.
I lost 2 babies. In 3 months.
My bringing these up is not an invitation to my pity party. It is more of a self reminder more than anything that I have endured some major catastrophe’s in the recent years and that each taught me a life lesson or 5 … and with each I not only survived … but I emerged a stronger and wiser woman after each of them.
Now we are faced with yet another one. One that I will eagerly and vehemently express my frustrations, opinions, and rants about when all is said and done and what I say cannot be used against me. Looking back, this test is the mother of all of them. It not only tests me personally, but every single person in my family … all the way down to the littlest person.
As angry as I am, and as defeated as I feel … all I can do is search through all of the bullshit until I find what it is that I am supposed to learn from it.
God only gives us what he thinks we can handle, right? He must think that I am a fucking soldier with all of the shit that seems to consistently get launched in my general direction.
Thanks, God. I really appreciate it.
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grow up?
Tags: love, marriage, rain, relationships. seattle, tests
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Mar 25, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Parenting, You've Got Wicked Mail, love
It is Friday … you know the drill. Purge your week out in open letter forum so you can go and enjoy your weekend.
To be honest, I am posting this Friday’s blog out of pure obligation. Although, the weekly responses have dwindled, I hope that even if you don’t post your open letters here … you at least let it out privately.
So let’s get on with it.
Dear Xavier,
I love you.
——————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Tarable,
I love you.
——————————————————————————————————————–
Dear D,
I love you.
——————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Charli,
I love you.
——————————————————————————————————————–
Dear You,
*insert middle finger*
——————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Cunt of a Woman,
I will win.
You will lose.
All of your assumptions will get shit all over and then I will laugh in your fucking face.
Watch me.
——————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Courtni,
You need to sell some fucking credits already. Get your head and your heart back in the game. Tonight was more like normal, which means that tomorrow should be a kick ass day.
It is detrimental.
——————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Dad,
We fight and disagree and sometimes I get so damn mad at you that I want to scream. But you are the only person in this world that knows exactly what to say to me. You calm me down.
I love you.
——————————————————————————————————————–
Now for some eye candy.
Brody Boyd. He is an up and coming model from Florida.
And … Elisha Cuthbert
That is all I have this week folks. Do me a favor. Purge your week for me. Good, bad … whatever. Don’t make me feel like I posted this for no reason.
Tags: brody boyd, elisha cuthbert
Peaks and Valleys
Mar 21, 2010 Family, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., love
There are a lot of reasons to stay married.
1) Divorce, like crack, is whack.
2) Tax breaks.
3) When you make a “death do us part” vow … I mean … it pretty much speaks for itself.
We have been going through it. D and I. It has been one of the many valleys in our hilly relationship. But that’s okay. If we lived on top of this plateau where the birds chirped all day and rainbows filled the skies above us … never experiencing any issues … I am sure that I would be overly bored and would have kicked his ass of of the cliff a long damn time ago.
I am a fighter. A knock-down-drag-out fighter.
If shit is not working, fine. I begin to dig in my toolbox of awesomeness to find the right wrench to fix whatever the problem is. That is how I grew up. I watched my parents work so hard at perfecting their marriage. They fought. My dad slept on many a couch. My mom cussed. But at the end of the day they knew that there was no other option than to make it work.
So in this valley lies lack of communication between 2 people who love each other very much. When does your best friend become a total stranger? Why is it so difficult to say what would usually be the easiest thing to say? How do you reside in the same 4 walls and a roof but it is almost as if there is no one else there but you?
Thank God we are beginning the climb back up to the top again.
All it took to begin the journey back up was a simple, yet meaningful conversation.
All is right in my Wicked world again. *grin*
If you could retract any 1 lie you have ever told, what would it be?
If you were given $5000 to spend in one store, what store would you spend it in?
Tags: communication, crack is whack, love, marriage, Relationships
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Mar 12, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch, love
Jesus I am elated that the weekend is upon us. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So, without further ado … It is time for some motherfucking open letters.
First, we have a guest letter:
Dear Penis that thinks something happened,
My vagina is wondering what you THINK you did, because we are confused and feeling untouched and disappointed. We have decide mutually, that you are fired.
sincerely, HM
———————————————————————————————————–
Dear You,
Heh at the fact that you know who wrote the above letter. You are welcome. *grin*
———————————————————————————————————–
Dear D,
I don’t know how else to tell you how proud I am of you. You know why.
The you that you are right now is the best you ever and I love you so very much.
Especially all of the sex.
————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Tarable,
Gah sometimes. And then I remember that you are always gonna be you and I love you for that. I just wish that you would freaking listen.
Then again, I was there. I did me and learned the way I wanted to learn.
So, I will just love you.
I love you.
—————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Self,
You are starting to get it and it feels rad.
Stay focused. Stay focused. It is not a far shot to remain on track for the end goal. You are gonna achieve it, and then you and D are gonna have a trip of a fucking lifetime.
—————————————————————————————————————–
Dear KenAdams,
Keep dreaming.
—————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Numbah1,
You are gonna be so great at adulthood. Stop worrying so much.
—————————————————————————————————————–
Dear WorkDouche,
Shut the hell up already. When are you gonna get the hint that your shit in fact DOES stink? You are annoying and I am not interested in being your friend.
—————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Girls Trip,
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
—————————————————————————————————————–
Dear June 14th,
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
—————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Tricky,
I cannot freaking wait to high 5 you for being literally as awesome as me. We are awesome sisters.
I am so proud of you. I am in awe of the challenges that you not only faced, but fucking Chuck Norrised to get to where you are today.
You deserve all the love in the world. Every single ounce.
*cheers*
———————————————————————————————————————
Dear Unknown Pranker,
Fuck your face. Seriously. Prank calls? Breathing in the phone? Really? Are you 17? What kind of coward ass bitch are you to call my phone 4-6 times in a day and breathe in the receiver.
You need help. Or me to whoop your ass. Come out of the woodwork you fucking sloppy vagina.
———————————————————————————————————————
Dear Spam Commenters,
GEOUFHERE. Gah.
———————————————————————————————————————
Dear Charli,
You are almost a diaperless toddler! Woot! Mommy is proud of you. Next task: Sleeping in your own mfing bed all night.
———————————————————————————————————————
Now for some eye candy:
Fantastic Four’s Chris Evans
And Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks
Now it is your turn: Purge your weeks so you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend.
Tags: chris evans, christina hendricks, fantastic four, mad men
TMIThursday: A Hole Surprise
Feb 24, 2010 Sex, TMI Thursday's, love, pillow talk
Welcome to TMIT! Lilu is the founder of the awesome awfulness … so go show her and all of the other TMIT contributors some pukeinyourmouth trainwreckyoucantturnaway love.
Do it.
Speaking of doing it … Ms. DC Princess has the TMIT floor today. She is my blog partner in crime. If you read me, then you need to read her blog as well as her regular editorial on relationships.
Don’t make me cut you.
Who doesn’t like to be woken up by the soft touch of your man’s hand on your boobs? Or ya know, when spooning turns into forking when you’re in that beautiful state between being asleep and being awake?
I kind of love that.
You know what’s better?
Waking up as you’re about to cum. Best feeling EVER.
The Boy and I like to sleep naked on the nights when we think we’re going to get a little frisky after we’ve slept a little and wake up for a surprise attack initiated by either of us.
Usually…this isn’t a problem. If spooning leads to forking, there is usually some feeling around involved so he doesn’t go near the “UHOH” place but we’ve had some pretty nice wake up calls in the last 5 months.
Then…
A little slip-up.
I’m pretty sure we were both sleeping for 90 percent of the following events:
We were spooning and I could feel that he was about to sleep-attack me and I let myself relax more. The next thing I remember is thinking “Ow…” as I tried to tell him that HE NEEDED TO MOVE HIS PENIS. “Ow…baby, not there…OK…no…”
I don’t think I said it loud enough and there was a little bit more prodding before we both got conscious enough to fix the problem, and ya know, bang it out. And it was gooooood.
A couple of hours later, when we WERE awake, the Boy told me that he was having a dream where it was our first time and I was trying to get away from him while consciously thinking: “Hmm…she’s drier than usual.”
So yeah. THAT happened.
I’m just glad this incident didn’t coincide with my NOTBUTTSEKSRELATED that I got in the first month of our relationship…
Could you imagine the theories?
Still…late night sneak attacks are my favorite for sure. Just…NOT IN THE BUTT.
There you have it folks. Feel free to email me at wickedcourtni@gmail.com with your guest TMIT postings. You don’t have to be a blogger or identified in the post. I am looking for any and all TMIT postings.
Carry on.
Tags: buttsecks, dc princess, live it love it, pqnation, tmithursday
Okay … Okay … You Got Me!
Feb 21, 2010 Family, Friendship, The Tarably Wicked Show, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
Many of you who read this probably already know that Friday night was a planned surprise party to congratulate me on my recent accomplishment.
Having my book picked up by a publishing company (as I have said before and will say eleventy million times more I am sure) is hands down the biggest success of my life professionally. To date anyway.
If you were not privy to the information made public to everyone BUT me … and when I say everyone … I mean everrrrrrrryone. (You know who you are.) Tarable and Mrs. Good planned a surprise shindig. These beezos kept it from me for 2 whole weeks. D kept it from me for 2 whole weeks. Work people kept it from me for 2 whole weeks. And Tarable and I work together. I cannot even imagine keeping a 2 week secret from her.
They pulled it the fuck off. I officially give her the gangsterist best friend award and Mrs. Good the awesomeist best friend award.
So anyway, I got got. When I walked into the door, I was literally confused as to what was going on. Once I realized, I retracted back to my porch, door closed. WTF!
I got GOT!?!?!?! Me!? Really?! People don’t get me! I am always in the know, dammit! (i.e. the shit that is going through my head on my porch the 15 seconds prior to cussing Tarable out for being the co-contributor in my getting got in the first place.)
So I went back inside. And I was surrounded by about 20 people who I love and who love me back. My mom and dad came. My father in law … my boss and his awesome wife … who I consider to be great friends of mine. I knew that I was supported, but to walk into that amount of love was both overwhelming and fucking flat out amazing.
Amazing. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. I was, still am and will always be deeply touched.
The best part was that even though for many it was the first time each had met one another, they all laughed and dance and acted a fool as if they were all long lost friends. That made me feel really really great.
I am still in disbelief that I got GOT!
Damn you sneaky bitches! This means war!
I joke. What I really mean is … Thank you all for being such amazing and supportive friends. I love you all more than you know.
And … it means WAR!!!!!!! *grin*
Would you rather catch your parents having sex or have your parents catch you having sex?
Would you rather date a “Mr. Fix-It” or a “Fantastic Cook.”?
Tags: Submissive Confessions, surprise party, war, would you rather
Pillow Talk – 6 (Valentine’s Day Edition)
Feb 14, 2010 Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked & D Quotables, love, pillow talk
Happy Monday!
I jacked this idea from Lilu … “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says” so I gotta always show her some love. If you don’t read … you should.
It took a little bit of an adjustment period for me to have the opportunity to gather material for these weekly installments, but now that D is on a roll … we are in business.
D: (laying in bed) “Why don’t you come over here and let me pound your pee flaps?”
Me: “My what?!”
D: “Your pee flaps. You know … where you pee … the flaps …”
Me: “Um. I get it but really?”
D: “What can I say. I am a total romantic.”
(10 minutes later)
Me: “Does your hip still hurt old man?”
D: “No. But something else does.”
Me: “What?”
D: “The tip.”
Me: “The tip of what?”
D: “Heh.”
Me: “Is this your creative way of asking me for a blow job right now?”
D: “It is neglected. That is all I am saying.”
Me: (touching it) “Does it hurt right here?”
D: (fake ass whimpering) “Yeaaaahhh”
Me: “Oh wooooooowww right now.”
(ticktockticktockticktock)
Me: “You didn’t use my Dove bar to wash your balls did you?”
D: “No I did not.”
Me: “Speaking of your balls right now…”
D: “You want to put them in your mouth?”
Me: “Pretty sure I just did. And being that I did, I think you should shave them.”
D: (looking)
Me: “You have 70’s porn star balls.”
D: “I am offended.”
Me: “No I am offended. You have 70’s porn star afro balls. Shave them.”
D: “No! They just need a trim!”
Me: “A BIC maybe!”
(same night … as I am dozing off I get a tap on the shoulder. …)
D: “psssssst. Babe.”
Me: “What?!’
D: “I am gonna jump out of a big cake on your birthday this year.”
Me: “That kinda defeats the purpose of it being a surprise if you tell me about it beforehand.”
D: “I am gonna be all oiled up in a banana hammock covered in glitter.”
Me: “Glitter? Really?”
D: “No! I meant sequins! Not glitter!”
Me: “Because sequins are way more manly.”
D: “Anyway, I think I will jump out of a box. Not a cake. A cake would be messier. I am going to jump out, all oiled up … like I said and drop it while its hot … all while professing my love for you.”
Me: “What is up with this sudden profession of love?”
D: “This isn’t sudden!”
Me: “It’s the BJ isn’t it.”
D: “NO! Well … yeah … I mean our love is the icing on the cake.”
Me: “Wow.”
D: “And the sprinkles.”
Me: “Really? You are a piece of work.”
D: “At least I am not a piece of shit. I would rather be a piece of meat.”
Me: “You are my piece of meat baby.”
D: “Did I mention that when I pop up out of this box, I will be wearing tear away chaps and a vest?”
Me: “Uhhhhh… I think you should not do that.”
D: “No?”
Me: “No. Our life is not a walking YMCA Village People music video.”
D: ” I love you.”
Me: “You just love my BJ’s.”
Would you rather eat a scorpion or lick a cactus?
Would you rather have 7 toes or have 7 fingers?
Tags: 1970's, dove, pillow talk, valentines day, village people, ymca
