Honest Tuesday’s: I Don’t Like You. It Is Easier That Way.
Mar 8, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, Etc., Friendship, Honest Tuesday's, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
’scuse me while I ramble a bit… and feel free to relate if you wish.
I am sure that I am not alone when I say that I feel most content surrounded by the people I love. But I am probably one of few that doesn’t have that many people surrounding them anymore.
It seems like no matter how hard I try, the people I love the most diminish with time and happenings and exchanges of words. It makes me sad. It breaks my heart. It causes me to look in the mirror and ask myself what I as a friend could have possibly done to push them so far away.
But then, maybe it isn’t me.
I am difficult to love, and I like it that way. Why should my devotion come so easy to everyone? Is it fair to think that the people in my life should work hard to earn my love, trust and loyalty? I would work hard to reciprocate for theirs. In every relationship that I have ever encountered, I have worked hard to show them exactly how important they are to me.
I wonder why I find less and less people willing to do the same. As if, it is acceptable to give 50% in a friendship all of a sudden?
D tells me that so many people are terrified of me. Intimidated even. That they are afraid of what I might say to them. What do you mean? You are afraid of someone possibly telling you the truth? Is that what “friendship” has come to? Lying to one another? It makes me sad to know that people walk on eggshells… but at the same time, my guard remains up because really, I don’t give a fuck. I am gonna be me and say what I think, and ask for forgiveness later if it comes down to having to.
Fact is, I don’t like people. I don’t trust people. So excuse me if I don’t run and hug you and tell you all of my deepest, darkest secrets when we first meet.
Regardless, my life and my love are mine… and I choose who to share them with. If it isn’t you… then you haven’t proved to me that you are worth my love. If I shared it with you, and it was betrayed by you… then shame on me for allowing you in in the first place… It is too bad that you are gone, but with or without you…
I am going to love life, and live love.
Because that is how I roll.
Thoughts?
If you could have any car you wanted, which car would you choose? Would it be practical or flashy?
Imagine you woke up one morning to find you had switched bodies with me. What would you do?
Tags: eggshells, Friendship, guard, intimidate, love
An Opportunity to Say Hello.
Mar 7, 2010 Family, Friendship, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
When did I become such a big ball of emotional?
I know, when I realized that 1) I am a grown up and 2) the friends I have mean more to me than I could ever express into words.
I feel like I am consistently reaching out. Phone calls, Voicemails, Texts … Emails … Many of them go unreturned and that is okay. I know that life is busy and that the world doesn’t revolve around me. However, I just want for them to always know that they are loved and thought of by our family. Fact is, we used to have a tight knit group. Our family. Most of them were boys, and as boys do … the revolving door of female counterparts was a frequent one.
Anyway, the tight knit group have since dissipated. Most of them have moved away and started lives with different friends and love interests. I get it. It is rare that what happened 10 years ago will happen 10 years from now and the entire group of friends will grow old together, spend holidays together … have their kids grow up together. What is hard for me to accept is that, in everyone’s lives … the importance of those friendships aren’t that much more important when distance is involved.
Or is it just me?
D and I found out that one of (or so I thought) our closest friends and his wife and daughter came home for a visit this past week. We found out the day that they left. I hate to be this way, but it stung a little bit to know that, after all of these years … we weren’t important enough for a phone call. It doesn’t really matter how long or short the trip was. It doesn’t make a difference to me. If it were me, I would make every effort to include all of the most important people in my life. If it didn’t work out, then fine … but at least they knew that it was important to us to wrap our arms around them … share a laugh … have a drink … break bread. Whatever. Something.
Even just the opportunity to say hello.
I am watching through photographs. Kids are growing and all of these memories are being made. I want to know them. I want their babies to remember me and love me like I love them. But as it stands, I am a stranger to them. That hurts my heart. Especially because my kids have uncles out there … and now nieces and nephews … whom they barely know. Not by blood, but by bond. Bond to me is that much more solid than any blood relation ever could be.
But I guess I cannot expect the world to see things through my eyes all of the time and I sure as hell cannot expect it to give as much of a shit as I do about the people in it whom I care so God damn much about.
Tags: brotherhood, distance, emotional, Family, Friendship
Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s: True Friendship
Mar 2, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friendship, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
Happy Hump Day folks, and welcome to Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s!
Today, my WeHtW’s post has little to do with me and more to do with my own observations.
The reason why is because I have already flushed my non-true friends down the figurative toilet.
It is hard to let friends go. Especially when you have a history with them. It is hard to swallow the fact that someone who you once thought you would end up an old bitty with … may have a different path than you.
But it is life.
The thing that bothers me the most is when people … adults … behave like children in the friendships.
Judgment
2 faced behavior
Conditions
Unrealistic expectations
Lies
Non existent communication
I could go on forever.
The point is that I have found that rarely (with females specifically) do childhood friendships go the long haul. I know many will argue that my view is not accurate. “I have been friends with SonSo for 2367845 years” blah blah blah.
I get it.
There ARE friendships that have gone the long haul. The difference is that each person in that friendship have grown together in the friendship. Both parties have become adults. And in adulthood, they have grown to accept the other person for all of their imperfections and flaws. It is similar to a marriage. When any relationship goes the long haul, there are kinks and bumps and hiccups.
You don’t just smile through them. Sometimes you knock down drag out whoop each others asses to get through it. Period.
One thing that I will say about each of my TRUE friendships is that each and every one of them have just embraced me for me and I have done the same. It may have taken an argument or 2 to get there … but if we made it through the last 5 years and remained friends … you and I will be lifelong.
I am not a judger. I may fucking loathe whatever the decision is that my friend is making … but you know what? It is not my decision to make. I am gonna love and stand by. I am gonna listen, and you can bet your ass when the bitch finally gets the clue I am gonna tell her about herself on some “I told your ass so” shit when she figures it out for herself. That is what a true friend does.
I am a true friend to my friends. I always will be. But I am not perfect, and I do not expect my friends to be perfect either. Unless awesome = perfect. Because all of my friends are awesome.
I am flaky sometimes. I forget to call you back. I am over extended and sometimes unable to manage my time well. I am selfish sometimes. But there isn’t a time where I would not bend over backwards if my friend needed me to be there. There isn’t a time where I wouldn’t give them my last god damn dollar if I knew my friend needed it more than I did.
It really hurts me to see a friend lose a friend. Almost as much as if I were the one losing the friend myself.
I just wish that each were able to fully step out of their own shoes and into the others. Most of the time, each have valid points in the hurt that they hold in their hearts … but that hurt can be blinding. Blinding to the point that the communication between friends goes down the toilet.
That usually is where The End fits.
I am quite confident that I have closed the book on all of the friendships that were dead weight on my life. It is a good feeling to know that I am finally surrounded by people who get it and me.
What are your thoughts on friendship?
Have you kept any friends from childhood? Are they more friends or acquaintances?
If you could be a crayon, What color and Why?
Tags: Friendship, high school, honesty, love, truth
Honest Tuesday’s: Get Back on Track, Fattie!
Feb 15, 2010 Current Events, Honest Tuesday's, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, The Tarably Wicked Show, Thoughts and Perceptions, Yum... or Lack There Of.
Welcome to Honest Tuesday’s! A place where you can come and be totally honest about shit that you normally would not be honest about.
Sooooooooo… yeah. I have been completely off of my game diet-wise. an umpteen amount of Cheeseburgers, ice cream, chocolate … pizza … carbbbbbbbbbbbbbsssssssssssssss …
Sooooooooo… yeah. I haven’t worked out. Not a lick.
The deal is, I have maintained the weight loss that I have accomplished and I am proud as hell of myself about it. However, losing it doesn’t mean that it will stay off. It also doesn’t mean that just by losing weight that I am where I want to be with my body. I want tone arms and a somewhat flat tummy. I want to wear tank tops that don’t show off boobmeetsthearm fat.
I was on point for months. Then came the holiday’s.
It seemed to be the hardest when I started this 37 pound weight loss journey. Now I am finding it harder to restart. Especially knowing exactly how damn close I am to being where I want to be.
Saying it out loud is always the best thing for me. I am off track. So is my Tarable. And we (no pun intended) feed off of each other. So when she is focused … so am I. When I am off … so is she.
So here we are, 3 months-ish until summer. 3 months-ish until our Wine Country trip. 3 months-ish until boats
and bathing suits and sleeveless and laying out and mini skirts and shorts. 3 months. I am 15 pounds from it. that is only 5 pounds a month. 5 pounds and working out every single day. Not just for the weight part … but I know I will feel better every day. Working out always ties everything together.
Home, work and health.
So. I said it out loud. We are starting over, just as focused as we were almost a year ago at the beginning of the journey. It is almost as if we have come full circle. Only now it is finishing what we started … with almost the entire race behind us.
I am pretty stoked about that fact.
What do you need to be honest about this week?
Would you rather always get first dibs or the last laugh?
Would you rather eat a handful of hair or lick three public telephones?
Tags: diet, exercize, focus, goals, health, south beach, weight loss, work out
Honest Tuesday’s: I Can Do It! … ?
Feb 8, 2010 Honest Tuesday's, I Forgot to Tag, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, P.O.E. Biz, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
Hello and welcome to Honest Tuesday’s. A place to be honest about shit that you would not or can not normally be honest about to anyone in your “real lives” for one reason or another.
Today mine is involved with some self worth … insecurity issues.
Most of you know that I am an aspiring writer. I have written many a poem and eleventy million blogs where some have had a teeny bit of editorial content to them. My biggest accomplishment was last August when I published my book all by myself.
It took me almost 2 years and the death of a new friend to build up the confidence to do that. It wasn’t perfect enough. What if no one likes it? Blah Blah talkmyselfoutofit Blah. But then I just fucking manned up and did it.
And I am so damn happy that I did.
Especially considering the fact that, after countless publishing companies that I have submitted my work to, one finally said yes. YES! A 365 day contract. 1 year. *grin*
My confession on this Honest Tuesday is that I never really thought that I would ever be published. Just like every day when I go to work I have to self talk my way into believing that I can actually make a successful mark at this new job. Just like I have always just kinda flew under the radar of excellence. Not because I am incapable … but because it has always just been easier to be average.
The let down is much less of one in the long run. Or at least in my experience anyway.
I am sure many of you read my blog before back on the space about my most embarrassing moment. Looking back now at who I was … and who I have grown to be … it wasn’t just an embarrassing moment for me. It was a moment that has essentially defined the last 13 years of my life.
For those of you who aren’t in the know … … in a nutshell … …
I spent my entire youth being the best at what I put my effort toward. Make fun of me all you want to but I was a band geek. I spent years in 1st chair in my wind ensemble and in my free time played in symphonies where I was one of 2 or the only flutist in the organization. I won awards and competitions and played many a solo. I was the best of the best.
So when I made the decision to join the Navy, I wanted to continue my journey as a musician in the Navy band. I was required to compose my own piece. As in write it out full score. Then I was to memorize it and play it in front of the judges at the Naval base in Everett.
So I did. I wrote an amazing piece and practiced my ass off. I knew every fucking note as if it was my second language. The day of the audition, my mom came with me. I was ready. Just like every other God damned solo I had ever played in my life. Just like every other God damned audition I had ever aced. I was calm and collected and confident that I would handle business.
I entered the stage area and was faced with 5 decorated officers in a panel in front of me. (Knowing what I know now about military decorations … they are waaaaaaaay more intimidating than they actually are in real life.) Seeing them and being under the spotlight … shook me. I froze. I forgot my piece. I forgot how to fucking play the instrument that I had been playing for 10 years of my life. Meaning, when they allowed me a chance to play what I had written, the notes swam across the page. No longer was it my second language. It was instead a completely foreign language in some dialect that I had never heard before in my life.
I motherfucking blew it.
The reason I say that it was a defining moment of my last 12 years is because looking back on them, I have never really accomplished excellence. I literally have done exactly what I needed to do to remain successful enough. Not overly anything. I just didn’t give a fuck enough about any of it to really push myself. That, and I would rather expect to blow it than think I was gonna nail it and save myself the heartbreak when I did. I always have found myself questioning my excellence. Questioning my self worth. Questioning whether or not I am good enough.
The fact is, average is not me. Because of one stupid moment of weakness, I have made it me to save face in my own little pity party of waaaaaaaaaaah. When instead, I should have known it to be an everything happens for a reason moment and learned from it. As I have approached and entered my 30’s … I have really been working on practicing what I preach. You know, owning my words as if I were my own reader. Taking this new job has really pushed me to work outside of my element as well. It is unacceptable to be average. It is completely unacceptable to fly under the radar. Furthermore, being successful and striving for excellence is so rewarded and recognized that it is stupid to not want to be a part of it.
Never before have I been surrounded by more motivated and inspiring people, which has allowed me to not get discouraged at all of the “No’s” I have received. There is always a “Yes” following somewhere… you just have to push through all of the “No’s” first to get to it.
So instead of asking myself whether or not I think I can do something … I am working on reminding myself that, when I really put my mind to something … I absolutely with no doubt CAN and WILL do it.
Because that is what awesomeness and excellence and success is all about.
Now it is your turn. Get all HONEST up in this bitch. I promise I won’t judge you.
If you could inherit one extraordinary talent in one of the arts … what would the talent be?
Would you rather have an orgasm every 10 years OR every 10 seconds?
Tags: confidence, esteem, flute, navy, solo, success, symphony
Wicked Disorganized.
Feb 2, 2010 DUH, Etc., Honest Tuesday's, I Forgot to Tag, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Random, Wicked Wisdoms
I am so unorganized. But I am not. When it comes to work and school … and blogging … I am overly organized.
At work especially. I am suuuuuuuper organized. I have files and labels and places for everything. My desk stays clean 95% of the time. I cannot function in chaos at work. Same with school. Being that my time is so limited, I really cannot waste any minute on trying to find some shit I need for school.
At home though? Fuck. I could really use some help.
I have bills upon bills upon papers upon random letters and cards and shit that I do not need all over the place. My closet is a hot mess 95% of the time. I swear I go and get it all organized … and the next day it is as if I never even put forth an ounce of effort. My dresser drawers do not have any order what so ever. There are the most random fucking things in every single drawer. I have clothes that I know for a fucking FACT that I will never wear again because they are mostly 200lb clothes and uhm I don’t weigh 200lbs anymore, (YAY) nor will I ever be again because I stay working on my health and fitness. (most of the time anyway.)
Annnnnnnydisorganized…
My linen closet is hilarious. I don’t even know where to begin … and don’t even get me started on the boxes in the coat closet.
I have no idea why this is. I am not the hoarding type, with the exception of paperwork. I am a fucking w e i r d o with a capitol W when it comes to paperwork. Bills, letters, bills, statements, letters, cards, pictures, school shit for me and Xavier… yet there is no system for it. None. Like, if you were to come over and open a random drawer or box, you would find all kinds of shit that was completely unrelated to one another. They might be in a box with like … I dunno … some board games, or VHS movies that I will never watch again but cannot seem to get rid of to save my life.
Fuck. Am I a part-time hoarder? WTF is wrong with me?
No. Nope. Nuuuhuhhh. *shakes head*
I am making a late entry resolution. Not a “New Years Resolution” but more of a life resolution. I am going to take baby steps to get myself organized. First step is to rid myself of shit that I do NOT need. Second? Get a file cabinet with file folders to implement some sort of bill/ppwk filing process in my house. This means that I am going to have to start actually opening them when they come in the mail.
Fuuuuuuck.
I may or may have forgotten to mention that I am notorious for simply tossing a bill that I don’t feel like paying or that I know I cannot afford to pay. Or simply putting it off and saying I will “deal with it later” and then never dealing with shit.
If I am going to ever pay down my debt and fix my credit … I am going to have to stop pretending that my debt isn’t there. Truthfully, I am a great pretender. Not in 2010 though. This is something that I absolutely must do this year and in order to do it, I need to be focused and clear minded and ORGANIZED.
So that is precisely what I will do … tomorrow … heh.
What is your organizational style?
Am I alone with this?
Would you rather … Run your tongue down ten feet of a New York City street or press your tongue into a strangers nostril?
Tags: 2010, bills, debt, disorganized, hoarder, money, organization, resolution
A Resolution About Family.
Jan 10, 2010 Family, I Forgot to Tag, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Relationships, Wicked Wisdoms
As I have gotten *ahem* … older … I have noticed myself becoming more and more reflective on my life.
Who am I?
What kind of person have I molded myself to be?
What connections have I made?
What connections have I lost over the years?
What does friendship really mean to me?
What does family really mean to me?
The other night I was on FB way too freaking late and my Aunt (my mom’s sister) was online. We have recently reconnected through FB anyway but we hadn’t really chatted. For those of you who don’t know … past my dad’s side of the family (Nana, Papa, Uncles and cousins) and my mom’s mom (who passed away the day Xavier was born) I really have never been close to any of my extended family. The reasons why are not really important, because really … some are silly but some are too serious to put in a blog. Bottom Line: I am kinda “meh” about family.
It is the one way D and I differ. It is also the one way Tarable and I differ.
My parents and my brother get it. I call when I feel like it. If I don’t … they don’t take it personal. I am me whether at a parent present dinner or not. There is no difference in who I am in front of them. Period. I say what I think and if they are offended … well too fucking bad. The coinflip is quite similar. My dad and I butt heads a great deal because of differences of opinion. But I still voice it.
*shrug*
When I married D, I was introduced to what a big family looks like. Meaning, a big family who grew up around each other and have that bond. Where no matter how many years pass from the last time you could just fall back into it like no time has passed.
I never really had that with any of my extended family.
So when I was talking with my Aunt, it was really surreal to see her life in front of me, none of it that I knew about. She has grandbabies. She had 1 other kid that I didn’t even know about. I have cousins that I don’t even know.
So as we were talking, I asked about my grandma’s sister. She and I were so close growing up as a kid. She is sassy and loud and opinionated as all get out. My aunt told me that she lives less than 15 minutes from my house. Really?! I haven’t spoken to or seen her since my grandma passed … and she lives 15 minutes from me?!
Gah.
So I got her phone number and vowed to call her. On Sunday morning, I called her. We talked for an hour and it was really really awesome to hear her voice. We made plans to hang out this next weekend. I am really excited to see her. It is a piece of family that I haven’t had in my life for a decade.
“Reunited and it feeeels so goooood.”
Our conversation had me come to a decision. That is to get to know my family who I have only met once or twice … or even never before. Because they are pieces of me. Because of them I am me and I think it is important to have some idea of who they are. Even if I end up hating their guts which is probably likely because I hate most everyone.
Resolution # 235634 : Know my family.
Have a great week!
Do you have a big extended family?
What does the word “Family” mean to you?
Tags: Family
Honest Tuesday’s: I Never Keep My Resolutions
Jan 5, 2010 Current Events, Family, Honest Tuesday's, I WIN!, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Wicked Wisdoms, pillow talk
Welcome to Honest Tuesday’s! A place where you can be honest with me about all of the shit you cannot be honest with everyone else!
I was thinking about making a bunch of resolutions like I do every year, but then I realized that I am horrible at keeping mine.
For example:
1999: I am finally going to divorce my loser (first) husband. <-- This didn't happen until *almost* 2001. We were married 3 and 1/2 years but maybe spent 5 months total together.
2001: Lose 30 pounds. <-- I gained 15.
1997: Graduate with a 3.0 GPA. <-- pssh.
2004: Finish my degree in Interior Design. <-- I didn't finish a quarter of Interior Design.
2006: Save $50 a paycheck. <-- Um. No. Living paycheck to paycheck is not something that supports this resolution. Also, I like spending money.
2007: Quit cursing. <-- HA HA HA! That lasted about ... 6 minutes.
2003: Lose 22 pounds to be eligible to join the Coast Guard. <-- I couldn't get a waiver on 5 pounds so I said fuck it. I also really liked my piercings.
2008: Go to the gym every day after work. <-- this lasted about 2 months before my excuses as to why I couldn't go took over.
2009: Publish Submissive Confessions. <-- oh WAIT! I totally did this! Yaayyyyyyyyyyyyy! Go ME!
As you can see, I suck at stick-to-it-iveness. Us Geminis are quite horrible at being all interested in shit for too long ... and shit. We tend to get all stoked about doing something and then are all like ... meh that was soooo 5 minutes ago ... or "what idea? I forgot."
Not this year. I am daring to be different. I am going to keep my resolutions this year. All NONE of them. HA!
I joke.
This year I am going to make a resolution to keep my resolutions. In doing so, I am going to accomplish the following:
1) Make Presidents Club. Oh yeah.
2) Re-learn the flute.
3) Begin the 2nd installment of Submissive Confessions.
4) Reach my goal weight of 155
5) Curse less.
I think I will set myself check ins every 3 months or so. Feel free to check back on yours if you so wish to.
Happy New Year! What were your New Year’s Resolutions?
Tags: divorce, gemini, new years resolutions, Submissive Confessions
Happy Monday (or) Get the FUCK Out of My FACE.
Jan 3, 2010 All Things X, DUH, Family, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Parenting, Ranteriffic, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms
Yep. We are on the countdown until D comes home. 7 days. Oh but don’t think that I am all omgyayDcomeshomeinlike7dayswoooooooooooooooooooooooooo or anything because I am actually not. Not today anyway. Today I am fucking raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanty. Tomorrow might be a totally different day. Knowing me, it probably will be.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut….
For all of you positivity people in my life right now, just because it is down to 7 days doesn’t mean that there are all of these rainbows and butterflies circling around my life all of a sudden. In fact it is the opposite.
Wanna know why?
Because not only are we on the final stretch of his extended fucking absence … but we are on the final stretch of my motherfucking patience. Oh you bitches forgot about the fact that I am an impatient fucking cunt ANYWAY?! Yeah.
Stick a motherfucking fork in me because I am done.
Done cleaning this house. Especially the dishes. No. Scratch that. Especially the floors.
Done with the kids fighting. At least done with it being in my business 24/7.
Done with being alone. At least, when I don’t want to be alone.
Done with no intimacy.
Done with doing everything.
Done dealing with it.
Done talking about it and especially DONE BLOGGING ABOUT IT.
Done with masturbation. Hello not fun anymore. Hi.
Just done.
Today I wanted to clean my house. What actually happened vs. what I expected were 2 totally different things.
I swear to fuck I was backtracking everything I was cleaning and recleaning it because my terrorist 2 year old thought it was funny to pull shit out that I just put away. Like, are you kidding me right now?! Did I look like it was something that I thought was funny?!
Commence me freaking out. That is how you know I am done. Instead of making a irritated joke out of it like I normally do, I freaked out. I don’t like feeling like this. Edgy and bitchy and cranky and fucking getoutofmyface-y all of the time. I dont like yelling at my kids. I dont like being beyond aggravated with every single move/sound/comment/thing they do. I commend single parents because when it comes to parenting for me, D is my balance, and I am his. When I am going to come across the room and pummel my 9 year old, D (usually unless it is a warranted and deserved pummeling, and lets face it sometimes it is not always deserved but I am a hothead and he pushes my motherfucking buttons so I get hella mad …) steps in and lets him know that he needs to figure it the fuck out or he will let me.
Gah. I feel all bad and shit for tantruming in front of my kids tonight. But jeeze. I don’t know how many more ways I can ask Xavier to do the same God damn thing or how many ways I can ask Charli to not touch something and have them BOTH repeat the fucking action within a 10 minute God damned period of me asking them. Really?!
Furthermore, how does a 9 year old become sooooooooooooo forgetful?! I asked him to do some shit earlier, and within 5 minutes he had (or so he says and says all the god damned time) completely forgotten about me asking. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?
Is it hard to believe that I was LESS patient prior to kids?!
The thing is, D is a better parent than me. He is more patient. I, on the other hand, am this easily irritated mom. It sucks but it is true. When it comes down to it, I could speculate that I would not deserve the “Mom of the Year” award. as hard as I try to be all cupcakebakingthoroughlyexcitedforplaydates mommy … I am not the one. Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. Buuuuuut… I also love my space from them. Is that wrong? I feel like it is. Especially when sometimes, I cannot wait to get away from them. Like WOOOOOOOOO! cannot wait.
I hope that they don’t see me as horribly as I sometimes see myself in the parenting category.
Especially Charli. I know I totally scared her today in the midst of me freaking out… and I tried to make it better but she was totally spooked.
Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow will be one day closer to normalcy in the WickedHouse. Until then, it will still be today. And today, I hate everything so get the FUCK out of my FACE. Heh.
How was your NYE? Who did you ring the new year in with?
Did you have someone to kiss at midnight?! If you did, fuck you because I didn’t.
For That, I am Grateful – 2
Dec 31, 2009 All Things X, Family, Friendship, Masturbate-able, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Relationships, Sex, The Tarably Wicked Show, Thoughts and Perceptions, love
This is part 2 of 2 of my grateful things of 2009.
To repeat myself …
She is doing 26 Days of Gratefulness. Each day represents a letter filled with things that she is eternally grateful for. Of course more than half of these days made me cry like a fucking baby because that is what the hell I do when there is anything mush or moosh involved in it. But when she does it … it hits me even harder. (I will get to her later.)
N is for Nighttime. It is the only time I have to myself. I am grateful for me time. N is also for Noggin. Not the TV show … the oral sex kind.
O is for Orgasm. I am grateful for every orgasm I can give or get. O is also for Open letters. I look forward to every single Friday so that I can openly bitch out any one and everyone that pisses me the hell off.
P is for Penis. Yes. I am grateful for the infamous penis. I neeeed it in my life on a regular basis. It is also for Pumps. As in shoes. P is also for my Phone Sex Voice. Apparently … it is worth millions. P is especially for Prettiness. It is an essential in this house. Live Prettily and life is Perfect. 
Q is for Quarters. A pre-paycheck scrounge for Quarters is a regular event around here. Quarters get gas, cheeseburgers, wine … even cigs for those who smoke. Q is most importantly for *MY* Q. My Numbah 1. My Partner. One of my best friends. Ever. She owns Q. She *is* Q.
R is for Romance. It is essential. Romance is a part of me. It is also for Rough. Rough sex, that is. I like it Rough and Raw. R is also for Rally. I have needed the people in my life to Rally around me recently … and they really really have. R is also for Range Rover. I want one. K? R is most importantly for Readers. You all make my day better. Your thoughts. Your advice. Your viewpoints. If I didn’t have you … I may not be so into blogging.
S is for Sex. God damnit I am grateful for it. Sex. Seeeeeeexxxxxxxxxx. S is also for Soul Sister. Because I haz them and I am grateful for them. Beyond grateful. Carol. Cass. Anne. Chrissie. Chrissa. ‘Lullah. Mary. Q. Kanisha. Leslie. Rachael. You all make my life a better life. You make me a better person. Each of you are so important to me and my sanity. S is for Sanity. S is also for Sunshine. My Sunshine comes in the form of a Carol. Heh. I made a comment about her being Sunshine, even when she is being followed by a black cloud … and that she doesn’t even know it … which is the best part. My Sunshine makes me happy … when skies are grey. S is also for Squish. Squishy. SquishyAmandaFace. I love her mostly because of how raw and honest she is. But that is only Scratching the Surface. I am so grateful to be her friend.
T is for Tarable. And Tough. And Tolerance. And Teeny Tiny. And Team. All of these have to do with Tarable. She is my rock. My sister. My bestie. I don’t know what I would do without her. T is also for Text messages. They have saved me in tough spots and entertained me to no end.
U is for UPGRADES! I am grateful for this team more than I can describe into words. It was the best decision to take the risk to work in this department.
V is for Vagina. I hope mine knows how grateful I am for it.
W is for Women. Because I have so many inspirational and strong Women in my life. W is also for Wisdom. I have learned so much. I have grown so much. Wisdom within myself and from others has proven to be so beneficial.
X is for Xavier. He is my little big man. No matter how much he fucks up … I will always love him.
Y is for Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn. Or sleep. Either way Yawning leads to it. And I love sleep like nobodies business.
Z is for Zac. He is a new addition to my life and I am most grateful for him. I am pretty sure that I am not the only one who thinks this of him.
G’Head. List your N-Z’s of gratefulness.
If I don’t talk to you before hand, Happy New Year!
Tags: kids, sleep, soul sister, strong women, team, upgrades
