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Honest Tuesday’s: I Turn Tables.

Mar 15, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Etc., Friendship, Honest Tuesday's, Random

Welcome to Honest Tuesday’s! A place where you can come and be totally honest about shit that you normally would not be honest about.

So yeah. I don’t turn tables like a DJ or anything like that. (That would be rad if I was though.)

Instead, I turn tables in this blog and ask YOU questions that you get to be honest about. I am not gonna lie. Some might make you feel uncomfortable.

Deal with it.

On that note … Do you or Would you …

…. think that when your significant other is away from you that they are cheating?

…. start off a conversation with “FYI, I only plan on listening to part of your conversation because I think you are fucking boring” if you know that you will ahead of time, to avoid wasting that 10 minutes of your life?

…. stop masturbating when your significant other enters the room?

…. throw temper tantrums as an adult?

…. reveal all of your fantasies, no matter how dirty or socially unaccepted?

…. shelter your kids from everything, some things, or nothing at all?

…. cry, even if you’re only crying because you feel sorry for yourself?

…. always forgive, even if you never forget?

…. avoid confrontation, even if all you want to do is punch a bitch in the mouth?

…. lie to your kids to save their feelings?

…. act as if you like the food, even if you are literally gagging it down with each bite … simply to spare someone’s feelings?

…. suffer complete unhappiness so that your kids are raised in a 2 parent home?

…. consider yourself a true friend, or a fair weather friend?

…. simply wait for someone to shut up so you can begin talking?

…. ever wonder what your life would be like if you took the other path?

Have a WONDERFULLY Honest Tuesday!

Tags: Honest Tuesday's, honesty, lies, truth, Tuesday

So Yeah … THAT Happened

Mar 14, 2010 Current Events, Etc., Family, Friendship, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked & D Quotables, Yum... or Lack There Of.

*Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn*

I had an interesting weekend. Tarable was kind enough to let us use her truck for the bazillionth time to go and do and get the crap out of the house on Saturday which was an awesome thing to do. (I cannot WAIT to go car shopping pee ess so I can go do what I want when I want to)

D’s awesome uncle came to visit for a couple of days from California. That man is not only an inspiration but one of the most animated people I have ever met. He had me cracking up from the minute he arrived until he left. It had been a few years since we had seen him.

I enjoy seeing others so excited about where I live. I swear I should double as a Seattle tour guide. I get giddy when I get to show someone something cool about my stomping grounds.

I went to a Tupperware party. Yeah. THAT happened.

It was awesome. Tupperware is fucking AWESOME. What in the crap is up with the level of Tupperware Awesomeness? Why was I not aware of it prior to? I mean, I knew. But I didn’t KNOW. Ya know?

So, being that Tupperware and I share a common interest … AWESOMENESS … I have made the decision to host a party. Where it will go from there …? I dunno but I am gonna see if it works out.

Oh and PS I had some bomb goodies at said party.

I also had a JagerBomb. Yeah. THAT happened too.

I suck at Red Bull. Actually, Red Bull sucks. It is soooo not awesome.

I also witnessed the funniest shit while out.

1) Eyefucking. Why do people eyefuck another person when they are obviously in a relationship? And by obvious, I mean standing right next to the person they are eyefucking? I mean really? And by obvious, I may or may not mean behind the back of the person whom the eyefuck-ee is with.

This goes back to me being classified as “The One” when I am in fact not. I don’t know where you are from but that is grounds for an old school hair pulling beat down.

Look. I have eyefucked with the best of them. I have eyefucked WHILE married, and I know for a fact D has too on several occasions. But I am not the one to be all desperate and blatant and try to eyefuck my way past the bitch you are with. No way no how.

I refuse to be the bitch that MoKenStef sings about. Or sang about. <--- Yeah THAT happened just now.

2) When we went to Dick’s for the late night infamous cheeseburger … An out of towner drunkenly stumbled up to where you order.
(A tid-bit of info here in case you don’t know: Dick’s is a walk up cheeseburger joint in WA state. You have 4 different burgers to choose from. Fries and 3 different kinds of shakes. That’s it. No special orders. Nothin.)

The following conversation happened in front of my face.

Drunk Girl: (to strange dorky guy) “I am drunk and from Chicago. Can you tell me what is good here?”
Me: *Snort*
Dorky Guy: “Uhhh… a cheeseburger?!”
Drunk Girl: “Can I try a bite of yours to see if that is what I want to order?”
Me: (to D) “Is this bitch for real right now?”
D: *shaking head*
Drunk Girl: (Not allowing dorky guy to even say no, takes a monster bite of his cheeseburger)
Me: (to D) “Did she really —?”
D: “She sho did.”
Drunk Girl: “I have had better cheeseburgers. That kinda sucked.”

Yeah. THAT happened. That bitch ate 1/3 of this strange guy’s burger and then clowned it.

And that is that.

How was your weekend?

What two things have you done in your life that you are most proud of?
What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?

Tags: jager, red bull, tupperware

Cuz Mommy Says Eat

Mar 9, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Friendship, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage.

So the question has been directed my way…

“How do you retrain the wheel… in the oral department… when the other person just isn’t as into it as you would like them to be??”

Specifically referring to “dining out”.

I call this oralsexophobia.

When it comes to oral, there really isn’t a retraining. I think oral sex is like sushi. You either like it or you don’t. It isn’t really an acquired taste/talent/fetish. I know several men who just do not prefer to put their face in-between ANYONES legs. I don’t care if you have the prettiest most famous vagina on the planet. They just are not gonna go there. On the flip-side, I know several women who not only refuse to suck a cock… but DEMAND to have their coochie knife and forked regularly.

Um. What?

Granted, I haven’t been a regular Blow Job Betty lately… (not because I am not in a giving mood by any means..) and usually the snatch to cock ratio favors my pleasure… but I don’t demand head if I am not willing to reciprocate.

“So,” you ask… ” what am I supposed to do if I want it, and he/she just doesn’t want to give it?”

There are many different layers to this loaded question.

1:Are YOU giving oral with no reciprocation?

If yes, I would stop. Period. Give ‘No McOral’ a taste of their own medicine. Why should you be the only one giving presents. (yes, I understand that most of us who DO give oral, actually enjoy doing so… however it is absolutely unethical to have Mr. Man in ElBoat-o stranded in lake neglect when Penis McBall is being coddled like a 7 month old infant.)

2- Have you talked to Neglector 2010 about their oralsexophobia?

If you haven’t, PLEASE do. Find out why. Talk about your needs. Tell them how important it is to you to not only receive it, but to give it as well. Explain why it is important in your sex life. Communication is SO key in any relationship. ESPECIALLY the sexual part.

3 If N-2010 is not receptive to your needs, and cannot get past whatever it is that turns them off………

Then you as the needy one, has to decide exactly the level of importance oral sexcapades are to you.

Personally, I would tell D to go take a long walk. I absolutely MUST be the main course on a regular basis. I need frequent stimulation. Period. Need it. Like life or fucking death. There is nothing better than a fantastic tongue fucking related o-face.

Dining out, in my opinion, is more than just a luxury. It is as important as cock penetration. Period. If your ball-and-chain cant get it together… I would tell them to kick rocks, OR find someone who WILL do it on the side.

On a side minirant…. if I catch wind of another bitch that doesn’t swallow…. I am going to fucking scream. Giving head and not at least letting him cum INSIDE your face is like giving him a hot fudge Sunday without the fudge. If you don’t want to digest his seed, fine. But don’t make him tell you when he is about to cum so you can move out of firing range.

He.Might.As.Well.Whack.Off.

Nothing irritates me more than a half-assed Betty. DON’T give them then. DON’T get a mans hopes up and then shaft him at the end.

DON’T make us full BJ givers look bad. We give 110 percent, so you need to as well.

K? K.

Thoughts on oral? Do you dine out?

IF you were to name the emotion that you waste the most time on, what would it be?
Name five songs to which you know all the lyrics.

Tags: blow job betty, cunningulus, fellatio, oral sex

Honest Tuesday’s: I Don’t Like You. It Is Easier That Way.

Mar 8, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, Etc., Friendship, Honest Tuesday's, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms

’scuse me while I ramble a bit… and feel free to relate if you wish.

I am sure that I am not alone when I say that I feel most content surrounded by the people I love. But I am probably one of few that doesn’t have that many people surrounding them anymore.

It seems like no matter how hard I try, the people I love the most diminish with time and happenings and exchanges of words. It makes me sad. It breaks my heart. It causes me to look in the mirror and ask myself what I as a friend could have possibly done to push them so far away.

But then, maybe it isn’t me.

I am difficult to love, and I like it that way. Why should my devotion come so easy to everyone? Is it fair to think that the people in my life should work hard to earn my love, trust and loyalty? I would work hard to reciprocate for theirs. In every relationship that I have ever encountered, I have worked hard to show them exactly how important they are to me.

I wonder why I find less and less people willing to do the same. As if, it is acceptable to give 50% in a friendship all of a sudden?

D tells me that so many people are terrified of me. Intimidated even. That they are afraid of what I might say to them. What do you mean? You are afraid of someone possibly telling you the truth? Is that what “friendship” has come to? Lying to one another? It makes me sad to know that people walk on eggshells… but at the same time, my guard remains up because really, I don’t give a fuck. I am gonna be me and say what I think, and ask for forgiveness later if it comes down to having to.

Fact is, I don’t like people. I don’t trust people. So excuse me if I don’t run and hug you and tell you all of my deepest, darkest secrets when we first meet.

Regardless, my life and my love are mine… and I choose who to share them with. If it isn’t you… then you haven’t proved to me that you are worth my love. If I shared it with you, and it was betrayed by you… then shame on me for allowing you in in the first place… It is too bad that you are gone, but with or without you…

I am going to love life, and live love.

Because that is how I roll.

Thoughts?

If you could have any car you wanted, which car would you choose? Would it be practical or flashy?
Imagine you woke up one morning to find you had switched bodies with me. What would you do?

Tags: eggshells, Friendship, guard, intimidate, love

An Opportunity to Say Hello.

Mar 7, 2010 Family, Friendship, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms

When did I become such a big ball of emotional?

I know, when I realized that 1) I am a grown up and 2) the friends I have mean more to me than I could ever express into words.

I feel like I am consistently reaching out. Phone calls, Voicemails, Texts … Emails … Many of them go unreturned and that is okay. I know that life is busy and that the world doesn’t revolve around me. However, I just want for them to always know that they are loved and thought of by our family. Fact is, we used to have a tight knit group. Our family. Most of them were boys, and as boys do … the revolving door of female counterparts was a frequent one.

Anyway, the tight knit group have since dissipated. Most of them have moved away and started lives with different friends and love interests. I get it. It is rare that what happened 10 years ago will happen 10 years from now and the entire group of friends will grow old together, spend holidays together … have their kids grow up together. What is hard for me to accept is that, in everyone’s lives … the importance of those friendships aren’t that much more important when distance is involved.

Or is it just me?

D and I found out that one of (or so I thought) our closest friends and his wife and daughter came home for a visit this past week. We found out the day that they left. I hate to be this way, but it stung a little bit to know that, after all of these years … we weren’t important enough for a phone call. It doesn’t really matter how long or short the trip was. It doesn’t make a difference to me. If it were me, I would make every effort to include all of the most important people in my life. If it didn’t work out, then fine … but at least they knew that it was important to us to wrap our arms around them … share a laugh … have a drink … break bread. Whatever. Something.

Even just the opportunity to say hello.

I am watching through photographs. Kids are growing and all of these memories are being made. I want to know them. I want their babies to remember me and love me like I love them. But as it stands, I am a stranger to them. That hurts my heart. Especially because my kids have uncles out there … and now nieces and nephews … whom they barely know. Not by blood, but by bond. Bond to me is that much more solid than any blood relation ever could be.

But I guess I cannot expect the world to see things through my eyes all of the time and I sure as hell cannot expect it to give as much of a shit as I do about the people in it whom I care so God damn much about.

Tags: brotherhood, distance, emotional, Family, Friendship

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Mar 4, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Ranteriffic, Relationships, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch

OMG I am so happy that it is Friday.

You know the drill. Purge your weeks in open letter forum so that you can fully enjoy your weekends.

Dear D,

Okay.

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Dear Zac,

Remember when I performed “Sideways” as if I were E-40?

Heh.

When “It Aint No Fun” is performed, I am going to perform it as if it were my song that I wrote. Word for word. Annunciation for Annunciation.

Prepare to be impressed.

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Dear D,

My vagina officially has a password on it. Might wanna start looking or new porn because after 3 failed attempts, you are locked out indefinitely. i.e. fuck off you sneaky sonofabitch.

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Dear Tomorrow,

I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED. Like if excited had a password, it would be “SNOOP”. If Snoop had a password it would be “MY TITS IN YOUR FACE”

You cannot come quick enough.

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Dear Tarable,

Be careful what you wish for.

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Dear D,

For someone who is trying to not be that guy, you are really being that guy.

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Dear Vagina,

You need your cobwebs swept.

Love, Kim

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Dear Mom,

Why don’t you call the firing squad in Oregon to get your irresponsible son on the phone. I am not his fucking keeper. I am sorry that he is avoiding you; I did what I could. Stop calling me eleventy million times every day about it. I did my part.

I love you but gaaaaaaaaah geoufmyface.

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Dear You,

Kick rocks to Panama City and then do something with this:

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Dear PL,

Dont front like you want this when you really cannot handle it.

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Dear IamgladInevermetyou,

You are a horrible, selfish, 2faced, childish human being. You have zero idea what friendship is or what it even means. I am so glad I never met you.

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Dear Life,

Why are you so complicated?

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Dear Fat,

Fuck off and fall off.

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Dear Self,

You did it! Now all you need to do is work on repeating it every month. You aren’t gonna be the one with the fluke one time success. You have to apply that success to everything that you do.

Next stop — Hawaii!

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Dear Fake Bitch,

I know what you think of me. I know that you are jealous. The problem is that it is all you. You are jealous because you are jealous … not because I ever did anything to you. I have just been myself and tried extremely hard to form some kind of commonality with you. I cannot help it if you are an insecure person. I cannot help it if you struggle with yourself and your own success/happiness.

What you need to do is stop blaming the world for your own shortcomings.

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Now for some much needed eye candy:

British Rugby star Jonny Wilkinson

Annnnnnnnnd the beautiful Monica Bellucci…

Your turn. Let it out. You know you wanna.

Tags: Friday Eye Candy, jonny wilkinson, monica bellucci, open letter

Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s: True Friendship

Mar 2, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friendship, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays

Happy Hump Day folks, and welcome to Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s!

Today, my WeHtW’s post has little to do with me and more to do with my own observations.

The reason why is because I have already flushed my non-true friends down the figurative toilet.

It is hard to let friends go. Especially when you have a history with them. It is hard to swallow the fact that someone who you once thought you would end up an old bitty with … may have a different path than you.

But it is life.

The thing that bothers me the most is when people … adults … behave like children in the friendships.

Judgment
2 faced behavior
Conditions
Unrealistic expectations
Lies
Non existent communication

I could go on forever.

The point is that I have found that rarely (with females specifically) do childhood friendships go the long haul. I know many will argue that my view is not accurate. “I have been friends with SonSo for 2367845 years” blah blah blah.

I get it.

There ARE friendships that have gone the long haul. The difference is that each person in that friendship have grown together in the friendship. Both parties have become adults. And in adulthood, they have grown to accept the other person for all of their imperfections and flaws. It is similar to a marriage. When any relationship goes the long haul, there are kinks and bumps and hiccups.

You don’t just smile through them. Sometimes you knock down drag out whoop each others asses to get through it. Period.

One thing that I will say about each of my TRUE friendships is that each and every one of them have just embraced me for me and I have done the same. It may have taken an argument or 2 to get there … but if we made it through the last 5 years and remained friends … you and I will be lifelong.

I am not a judger. I may fucking loathe whatever the decision is that my friend is making … but you know what? It is not my decision to make. I am gonna love and stand by. I am gonna listen, and you can bet your ass when the bitch finally gets the clue I am gonna tell her about herself on some “I told your ass so” shit when she figures it out for herself. That is what a true friend does.

I am a true friend to my friends. I always will be. But I am not perfect, and I do not expect my friends to be perfect either. Unless awesome = perfect. Because all of my friends are awesome.

I am flaky sometimes. I forget to call you back. I am over extended and sometimes unable to manage my time well. I am selfish sometimes. But there isn’t a time where I would not bend over backwards if my friend needed me to be there. There isn’t a time where I wouldn’t give them my last god damn dollar if I knew my friend needed it more than I did.

It really hurts me to see a friend lose a friend. Almost as much as if I were the one losing the friend myself.

I just wish that each were able to fully step out of their own shoes and into the others. Most of the time, each have valid points in the hurt that they hold in their hearts … but that hurt can be blinding. Blinding to the point that the communication between friends goes down the toilet.

That usually is where The End fits.

I am quite confident that I have closed the book on all of the friendships that were dead weight on my life. It is a good feeling to know that I am finally surrounded by people who get it and me.

What are your thoughts on friendship?
Have you kept any friends from childhood? Are they more friends or acquaintances?
If you could be a crayon, What color and Why?

Tags: Friendship, high school, honesty, love, truth

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Feb 25, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Friday!!!!!!!!

You know the drill … purge your week out here in open letter form so you can go thoroughly enjoy your weekend!

Dear Sex,

I love you. I missed you.

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Dear Charli,

I am so proud of you for potty-ing, even though you really are fighting it. You are growing up so fast, and as much as I want you to stay my little baby bear Charli face … it is a necessary evil.

I love you.

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Dear Self,

See!? You pulled it off! You walk in the door every day and fight with your own self about having the ability to pull a big deal off, and you fucking killed it.

42K? Really!? That is insane and motherfucking awesome. Now just remember that you can on every call and they will buy something. Because they will.

Stop being your own worst enemy. Knock it the hell off.

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Dear You,

I hate your face. I really really do.

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Dear Friends,

You rocked my world last weekend. Like, ROCKED it. I will never ever forget that. Thanks for being such amazing people. I am constantly floored at the fact that so many people in my life are so god damned amazing. It is something that was sparse for a long long time, and to be surrounded by so many great people is awe inspiring.

I love you all. EXCEPT FOR YOU.

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Dear D,

I am so proud of you for coming home and rocking it. You are a great dad and you are the glue that holds our entire household together. I wish you were more aware of it.

We are gonna tackle the obstacles in front of us. Alllllllllll of them. And in the end, our family will be that much stronger than before.

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Dear Xavier,

Please please please get it together. I just want to love you. I just want to spend time with you. I miss my good little man so much that it hurts my heart to have this dynamic with you.

If you think that this is what I want our relationship to be you are high.

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Dear Mom and Dad,

You 2 are my hero’s. I love you so much.

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Dear Verizon Employee Bitch,

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you.

You obviously do not have a clue. You must think that 1) I am the fucking ONE (which I am not) 2) that you are soooooooooooo fucking collections smart (which you arent) and 3) that I am not going to get over on your fucking stupid scripted ass.

I know all of the tricks. ALL OF THEM. I bet I get my way.

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Dear Collectors,

Watch when you call my phone and the VM is now for Alicia. Alicia = I will pay you when I have the money so stop motherfucking calling me 234645768654756098-=754 times a day.

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Dear Motivation and Will Power,

You need to get it together. You have come this far to not fuck it all up and gain some weight back. 15 pounds to go. THAT IS IT. Just handle biz and fucking own the final stretch.

=================================================================================================

And for some eye candy… Julian McMahon …

Annnnnnnnnd … Salma Hayek

Your turn. Do it.

Tags: Friday Eye Candy, julian mcmahaon, salma hayek, YGWM

Okay … Okay … You Got Me!

Feb 21, 2010 Family, Friendship, The Tarably Wicked Show, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love

Many of you who read this probably already know that Friday night was a planned surprise party to congratulate me on my recent accomplishment.

Having my book picked up by a publishing company (as I have said before and will say eleventy million times more I am sure) is hands down the biggest success of my life professionally. To date anyway.

If you were not privy to the information made public to everyone BUT me … and when I say everyone … I mean everrrrrrrryone. (You know who you are.) Tarable and Mrs. Good planned a surprise shindig. These beezos kept it from me for 2 whole weeks. D kept it from me for 2 whole weeks. Work people kept it from me for 2 whole weeks. And Tarable and I work together. I cannot even imagine keeping a 2 week secret from her.

They pulled it the fuck off. I officially give her the gangsterist best friend award and Mrs. Good the awesomeist best friend award.

So anyway, I got got. When I walked into the door, I was literally confused as to what was going on. Once I realized, I retracted back to my porch, door closed. WTF!

I got GOT!?!?!?! Me!? Really?! People don’t get me! I am always in the know, dammit! (i.e. the shit that is going through my head on my porch the 15 seconds prior to cussing Tarable out for being the co-contributor in my getting got in the first place.)

So I went back inside. And I was surrounded by about 20 people who I love and who love me back. My mom and dad came. My father in law … my boss and his awesome wife … who I consider to be great friends of mine. I knew that I was supported, but to walk into that amount of love was both overwhelming and fucking flat out amazing.

Amazing. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. I was, still am and will always be deeply touched.

The best part was that even though for many it was the first time each had met one another, they all laughed and dance and acted a fool as if they were all long lost friends. That made me feel really really great.

I am still in disbelief that I got GOT!

Damn you sneaky bitches! This means war!

I joke. What I really mean is … Thank you all for being such amazing and supportive friends. I love you all more than you know.

And … it means WAR!!!!!!! *grin*

Would you rather catch your parents having sex or have your parents catch you having sex?
Would you rather date a “Mr. Fix-It” or a “Fantastic Cook.”?

Tags: Submissive Confessions, surprise party, war, would you rather

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Feb 12, 2010 All Things Charli, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Motherfucking Friday! I am ready for the weeeeeeeeeeeeekend. How about you?

Alright folks. You know what time it is… Purge your weeks in open letter format so you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekend!!!!!!!

Dear Hallmark Holiday,

Thank you for letting me be alone on yet again another stupid holiday surrounded by all the couples with their stupid coupleness.

I get that I am a fuck up this year. But really, 5 years in a row? What did I ever do to you?

I might as well buy 19 cats and a Costo case of frosting and a pair of elastic wasted poly-cotton blend pants that are too short so it looks like I am waiting for a flood while wearing some crocks.

Put me on the people of walmart website or out of my misery.

Love Tarable

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Dear TaraJean,

I know that technically you are alone for this stupid Hallmark holiday … but you are surrounded by 4 people who love the shit out of you. So really, you have 4 Valentines instead of none.

We love you.

The Georges
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Dear You,

Hmmmmm….

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Dear PuttingByMyDesk,

Find a new fucking isle.

I am not trying to be Debbie Downer or anything but GEOUFHERE.

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Dear PS3

I am sorry that we don’t spend that much QT together.

Love, D

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Dear Negative Ass, GHETTO, Crotchety High Maintenance MotherFucking Owners,

You and I both know that the reason you have a motherfucking attitude problem when I call you is because your broke as a joke asses cannot afford the dream picture that I EXCITEDLY paint for you on a daily motherfucking basis.

Dont be mad at me because you live in a double wide that is rotting from the outside and when you go to our LUXURIOUS MOTHERFUCKING CONDOS you are reminded of the trashyness that you possess.

GET A MOTHERFUCKING ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT AND BUY SOME MOTHERFUCKING CREDITS SO I CAN RING THE BELLLLLLLLLLL.

Love Wicked.

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Dear New NameDropping Bitch,

No one cares who you know. No one cares that you drive a Lexus. No one cares that you have a heritage. No one cares how much sales experience you have. No one cares about your ugly ass fake ass clip on hair thing that you bought from the kiosk in Alderwood. No one cares. No one.

I dont know who the fuck you think you are being the new bitch telling your bosses that you are bored and that you are gonna go home. Furthermore, we go to lunch for FOURTY FIVE MINUTES … not an hour and FOURTY FIVE MINUTES.

Your shit smells just like the rest of ours.

TarablyWicked

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Dear NewFuck,

You are a piece of motherfucking work. I promise you that if anyone is above the rules in this department … it for sure is not you. You don’t know people. WE KNOW PEOPLE. So your over explitave, brown nosing, hat wearing, think you know the inside joke of all inside jokes motherfucking ass needs to check yourself. Because there was a before you … and there will be an after you.

Bet that.

TarablyWicked

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Dear Dr,

Thank you for confirming that I am not as fat as I was. It is now official that I am 36 pounds lighter. However, fuck you and your scraping. It was not comfortable or fun or awesome. In fact it was the exact opposite of awesome.

Furthermore, I will thank you for telling me that I didn’t have to come back for 3 whole years. It ALMOST made the scraping worth it. Almost.

Also, thanks for the comedy while molesting my boobs.

Love TarablyWicked

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Dear Mya,

I wanna say sorry and that you are my best friend.

Love Charli

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Dear D,

You have been motherfucking OFF ONE. I think that I know why. It is because you have little to no contact with adults.

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Dear Pedicures and Haircuts,