Living Wicked

Ohhhh Yeahhhh … YGWM & Friday MFING Eye Candy!!!

Jun 24, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Friday!

OMG I am so glad to be back on my weekly Friday open letters!

Are you?!

Dear D,

Yes you ruined my day by using all of the chocolate syrup and not letting me know the umpteenth million store trips that we were out so I could pick more up. The ONE time I want vanilla ice cream with cinnamon toast crunch and chocolate syrup in like 3246734 months and we are out of the KEY ingredient.

Day ruiner.

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Dear Snake,

I know you are a snake. You slither around like you are so fucking slick but I hear you rattling your snakey fucking tail around trying to get in good with people. They might not see your snakey self … all wolf and sheeps clothing styles … but I do.

You aint slick homey.

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Dear You,

I win. ALWAYS.

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Dear Squishy,

I just wanted to reiterate that I am so happy for you and Irish and that I am so excited to watch your marriage grow. (the fun and the not so fun. I am sadistic like that. )

There isn’t enough happiness in the world for your level of deserving happiness. Just saying.

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Dear Kimmie and Tarable,

I am so happy that you are my besties.

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Dear Bradley Cooper,

I would fuck you sideways, upside down, and inside out. I just thought you should know.

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Dear Charli,

You are such a beautiful girl. A funny, loving, beautiful girl with so much personality. I just wish you were not such a demanding, bratty, bossy boots. Let’s work on that, k?

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Dear X,

We are gonna make this work. However possible. I am gonna figure it out.

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And now for some Eye Candy …

Rugby Player Gavin Henson. YUM. Do you SEE this body?!

And Ms. Katarina Van Derham. She is the spokes model for St. Pauli’s Girl. Hi. Hottie.

Alright peeps. You know the drill. Come purge your week in open letter forum so that you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend! Go! Let em have it!

Tags: bradley cooper, cinnamon toast crunch, Friday Eye Candy, gavin henson, Katarina Van Derham, YGWM

YGWM?!

May 13, 2010 Friday Eye Candy, You've Got Wicked Mail

So I think I am going to keep doing the Friday blogs during this hiatus.

I like to vent, and I know that you like to vent.

Once I get my Internet back, Friday Eye Candy will also commence

Would you take the opportunity to purge your bullshit every week if I posted it?

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Dear CPS,

IN YOUR MOTHEREFFING FACE!

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Dear Mel,

Thank you. You are such an amazing person. I am super happy to call you my friend.

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Alright folks. Your turn. Purge ‘em.

YGWM Mothers Day Edition

May 6, 2010 Current Events, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy MFing Friday People!

I am again writing this blog from my phone, which means this is yet another blog minus the Eye Candy. /

Sorry. Next week will be business as usual. Pics and hotness.

Color me stoked.

This YGWM is all about the mama’s in your life. Tell each of them how much you love them here. Or, if you are mad at a mom in your life, let her know about it. Whatever works.

Dear Mom,

I am so blessed to have you as my mom. You make me laugh and you never hesitate to tell me about myself when I need to be told.

I wish you and I spent more time together. I wish there were time for girls days because I just want to spend time with you.

I love you.

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Dear Rach,

I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, but you are one of the best moms I have ever had the pleasure of loving.

I sometimes ask myself what you might do in specific situations. I also wish that I had the patience to be home with my kids like you are with yours. It is beyond obvious how much they love you.

Happy Mothers Day.

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Dear Sunshine,

You are so patient with your kids. I envy that.

You are an amazing example of what being a dedicated mom is all about.

Happy Mothers Day Honey.

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Dear MIL,

I miss you in my life.

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Dear DeDe,

I don’t know if you read this, but I just wanted to send my love to you on this day. I know losing your baby boy so tragically and unexpectedly has to make Mothers Day a bittersweet one.

I didn’t know him … And I am just getting to know you … But I bet he would be happy to see you smile today and celebrate what accomplishment you have made being his mom for as long as you have.

Happy Mothers Day.

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Alright

Tags: mothers day

YGWM & No Eye Candy

Apr 29, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, In It To Gym It, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Monday Peeps!

Welcome to Friday! Sorry in advance for the fact that there is no Eye Candy. I am blogging from my phone and I haven’t had time to save pictures.

So. Close your eyes and imagine your own favorite eye candy. Word?

Alright. You know the drill. Purge your week in open letter form so you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend.

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Dear Sacrifices,

Fuck you for being so harsh. For being unexpected and stupid and expensive.

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Dear FatWicked,

You are on your mfing way out the door.

Byefattie! Bye!!

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Dear Responsibilities,

FINE!!!!!!!

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Dear D,

Mama’s proud. You are doing so well. Even with the tough times, you really are trying to remain optimistic. I love you.

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Dear Self,

You are getting there. Stop focusing on the negative.

These credits don’t sell themselves, so you must be doing somethin’ right.

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Dear Asshole,

Hahahahahaahhahaahahahahaha you are sooooooo stupid. So so so so stupid. Like, sooooooooooooooooooooo.fucking.stupid.

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Dear You,

FuuuuuckOfffffffff.

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Dear Dipshit Co-Worker,

No one cares to talk to you THAT much about NO. If you liked it THAT much, then move there. K?

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Alright. You go. Handle your business.

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Apr 22, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, DUH, Etc., Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, In It To Gym It, P.O.E. Biz, You've Got Wicked Mail

YO! Happy MotherTruckin’ Friday people!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekend!

Yeah … so …

Dear Non-Owner,

I am not even mad that you didn’t allow me to get a word in. I am not mad that you punked your husband after he was 100% sold on it. What I am mad is that 1) you have no idea that you robbed your family of another week of vacation 2) that you are so ignorant … that you will never have an appreciation of the fact that my job is to HELP you and not SWINDLE you and 3) you hung up in my face.

When you throw the THOUSANDS of dollars in your yard in the form of this wedding and honeymoon for your daughter and then light in on fire … please take a picture and send it to me because I would like to use your stupidity as an example in the future.

I bet you think you are soooooooooooo fucking gangster. You have another thing coming. In the long run, you are just an ignorant coward.

I pity you.

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Dear Tarable,

I big fat love you.

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Dear Gym,

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Dear KenAdams,

I want to stab you in the eye.

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Dear Beeeeeeyotch,

Is your finger broken? Pick up the motherfucking phone and dial me back. This is VM #3.

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Dear State of Washington,

I want to stab you in the eye.

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Dear Whateverisgoingonwithmerightnow.

Seriously?

Get through the changes and lets move on already. You are throwing a wrench in all that is good in the world of Wicked. Really? I think I can speak for everyone involved when I say that “Over It” is an understatement.

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Dear Squishy,

The Muy Importante was the following: (of course it is in list form)

1) You are beautiful
2) I miss you
3) I love you
and
4) I just wanna be near you. Regularly.

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Dear Girls Trip,

Wahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

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Dear _____

I wish that sometimes, you would listen more.

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And Now for some MUCH needed Eye Candy:

Sexy Soldiers:

And you KNOW I had to throw some Tom Cruise in Top Gun up in here:

And the Sexy Ms. Berry … Ms. Berry …

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd there you have it.

You all know the drill by now. Come. Purge your week long bullshit in Open Letter Form so that you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend.

Tags: Friday Eye Candy, halle berry, tom cruise

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Apr 15, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., Yum... or Lack There Of.

It is Friday. Who is fucking STOKED?

It is what it says:

Dear Owner 1,

Really?

You don’t want to enhance your ownership because of the Icelandic Volcano eruption?! Because it is going to cause economical chaos?

Please.

Just admit that you cannot afford the extra $30. It is fine if you can’t … but just be honest.

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Dear Owner #2,

I am not that disappointed at the fact that you decided NOT to enhance your ownership, even though you agreed with me all the way through our conversation as to exactly WHY you should do it. I am also not that disappointed that you lied to my face when you said you could afford it. What I am most disappointed about is that you didn’t have the balls to just pick up the phone and tell me.

Nothing says coward like phone call dodging. Why did you even bother to set up the fucking call back today if you knew you weren’t gonna answer the phone?

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Dear D,

I am working on my patience.

You need to work on your positivity.

Together, those things will allow us to conquer the world.

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Dear Jackson,

If you don’t get the fuck out of my face at 3AM because you are hungry … I am going to freak out.

Furthermore, fucking make a decision: Inside or Outside. This isn’t your personal concierge service where we open the door and let you in every 5 minutes.

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Dear Xavier,

If you tell your sister that there are monsters in her room one more god damn time, I am going to make it my mission to freak you the fuck out in your sleep.

Like REE REE REE REE REE REE REE!

I would like to have my bed to myself and not with her in it trying to put her feet down my pants every fucking night with her sharp ass toenails. (no bullshit this happens)

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Dear Asshole,

You need to man up and say it.

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Dear Ken Adams,

YouuuuuuuuMuddaFucka.

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Dear Charli,

“Mom I have to go potty” happens BEFORE you pee your pants … not after.

Capeche?

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Dear Self,

Get off of your fat ass and get it together.

Exercise. Eat better.

See those skinny clothes? They aren’t gonna expand to accommodate your fat ass.

I am disgusted.

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Also Self,

Sell some motherfucking credits.

Thanks.

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Oh and another thing Self,

Good job learning how to drive a stick. You made it such a big god damn deal and it didn’t have to be one.

Yay you!

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Now for some eye candy!

Wentworth Miller

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd Isla Fisher

Alright folks … you know the drill. Purge your shit in open letter forum so that you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekend!

Tags: isla fisher, wentworth miller

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Apr 8, 2010 All Things Charli, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, DUH, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Mooooooooooooooootherfucking Friday.

Here we go again folks. This is the place to come to so that you can purge all of the bullshittery you experienced this week … and stumble into an enjoying weekend.

Woot.

Dear Self,

Yep. You surely did get told allllllllllll about yourself today. It is cool. Because of it, you are going to be successful and that is awesome.

Don’t allow others to sabotage your success.

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Dear Kate from JonandKateplus8,

I had your back. When everyone called you a (rhymes with) bunt I said that you were a mama bear protecting your babies.

I hoped that you would get it together to the point that you actually would do that.

But nooooooooooooooooooooooooo. You have attempted to create this “brand” and all it has really done is make an ass out of yourself.

Disappear. I am tired of seeing your horribly done extensions and lack of dance moves.

Geoufhere.

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Dear D,

What I love most is how you are really committing to making this family the best family out there. I couldn’t imagine sharing and building and loving another person. It’s gonna all work out the way it is supposed to.

Until then, we just gotta go with the flow.

I love you and I am proud to be your wife.

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Dear Bosses,

You will BOTH get pummeled.

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Dear Ken Adams,

JUST when I am convinced that I couldn’t hate you more … you go and pull some shit where you are nice and thoughtful and then I REALLY hate you because I actually kinda like you for a second.

Fucker.

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Same with YOU.

I fucking hate you. And your face.

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Dear Friend,

Sometimes you blow my mind. I wish you saw the things you do with someone elses eyes.

I still love you but for fucks sake.

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Dear Carol and Squishy and Cass and Chrissie and Q,

Thank you for being such amazing, loving, understanding, far away friends.

I wish all of your faces were in my face more.

Love you.

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Dear Charli,

I am so proud of your potty accomplishment!

Now if you would simply be consistent. K?

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Dear Tiki Barber,

1 word: Douchebag.

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Dear Workfucker,

I really do not like you.

Like not even a little. Your longwindedness and the fact that you just think you are sooooooooooooooooo cool is more annoying than anything.

I wish that you would shut up.
I wish that you didn’t talk to me.
I wish that you weren’t involved in shit that I am involved in simply because of the work connection.

Blah.

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Dear Asshole,

Someday you are going to have to learn not to blame shift. You and I both know you were wrong for that move.

Own it. Man up.

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Dear One Guy,

You are fucking ANNOYING as shit. OMG. I am going to delete you from my life if you don’t simmah the hell down. Do it. Stop trying to act like you know something about me when you know shit. Less than shit actually.

Blah.

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Now for some eye candy!

Brazilian Model Bernardo Velasco. Um … Hi.

And hottie actress Erin Cummings

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah. That is what I am talking about. Hot stuff.

Alright folks. You know the drill. Spill it. Purge it. GO an enjoy your weekend.