TMIThursday: Rhymes With Perp.
Mar 17, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Etc., Sex, TMI Thursday's, Yum... or Lack There Of., bitch
Welcome to TMIT! Lilu is the founder of the awesome awfulness … so go show her and all of the other TMIT contributors some pukeinyourmouth trainwreckyoucantturnaway love.
Our guest TMITer is a brave man. A noble man. Because reading this story makes me stabby.
Say hello to Vic!
Andddd … Prepare yourself to want to punch a bitch in the face.
Welcome to my triumphant return to the blogosphere! As a guest blogger for TMIT, I thought I’d share waaay too much information with you all. Because, well, I’m like that. And you’ll laugh. You fucking better, ‘cuz I went through a lot to bring this little story to you:
God, it seems, is not without a sense of humor.
And it seems as though I am at the butt of his jokes way too often.
Several years ago, I wrote a blog posing the question as to whether or not the actors and actresses in the Valtrex commercials could ever get a date. There was simply not enough money to get me to be in one of those commercials and run the risk of this scenario playing out:
“I like you, and I’m really attracted to you…. But I can’t shake the feeling that I”ve seen you somewhere before.”
“I get that a lot. Err, I must have a familiar face.”
“Wait, I know! You’re in commercials! Yeah! Wait… which one was it?”
“Don’t worry about it gorgeous, I think you must be confusing me with someone …”
“NO! It was the Valtrex commercial! The herpes medicine, right? Umm, I have to go. My dog has to be dry cleaned… or something…”
Flash forward 4 years. I’m single, out of a long-term relationship. A monogamous one. The number of women I had been with in the past five years could be counted on Dennis Hopper’s hand in Speed. But the time had come to add another one to the list.
It was… not bad.
And then it happened.
There was a look on her face, and she said, “I need to tell you something.”
Me, being the smartass that you all know and love, replied with, “What, did you give me herpes or something?”
“Uhh… yeah, well about that…”
God, it seemed, just pissed his pants laughing. The first thing I thought was that I was getting payback for that blog. The second thing I thought was that it just. fucking. figured. Here I am, cautious, monogamous, and the first time out of the box after being with only one woman the past 3 years, my dick craps out.
(the Herp)
Turns out, after 2 weeks of hell, testing, and waiting, that nothing was wrong. That she got retested and it turns out she had a false positive. Really, I swear, I’m clean. Tested twice, and once again 6 months later.
But FUCK! Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me that beforehand? Give me an option here… let me make my own educated decision on the deal! I’m not saying it’s the same, but I understand how it feels to be violated… to have your choice taken away.
Needless to say, I “lost” her number. Nothing is worth that insanity.
Not even the A-T-M.
(and not the A-T-M that you get money out of.)
So there you have it. Meet Vic ladies! Wanna date him?!
Who else would have punched her in her face or dirty vagina?
Please email your own TMIT’s to wickedcourtni@gmail.com
Tags: commercial, herpes, tmithursday, valtrex
God Don’t Like Stupid
Mar 16, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Suck It!, bitch
I really really R E A L L Y fucking hate stupid people.
Like, really.
I have said it before and I will say it again. I am convinced that I was put on this earth to deal with fucking idiots.
When I am driving: Stupid people.
When I am at work: Stuuuuuuuuu u u u pid people.
When I am in public places: Stupid STUPID people.
It all boils down to me NOT being the one and people (yes the stupid ones) assuming that I actually am in fact the one when really I am not the one. The stupidity starts right there in the assumption.
The problem is, either they 1) don’t think I will bitch slap them (which I probably wont because I really have zero desire to have my 31 year old self in front of a judge over an assault case) or they 2) dont think I will ever tell them about themselves. (which I totally will except for if I am at work because I really do not want to get fired all that bad and if I tell these people what I really think of their stupid asses … I absolutely WILL get fired.) Where this problem affects me is in that they keep on keepin’ on with their stupid selves and I keep on keepin’ on being surrounded by them.
Example 1:
While driving the other day, minding our own business … it becomes our turn. The light turns green and if you were unaware … GREEN MEANS GO and RED DOES NOT. So we have a green arrow and Tarable is on her merry way. Whistling and shit. Out of nowhere, this jack-hole stupid ass cuts over into OUR lane and she almost rear ends him. Does he acknowledge this ASSWIPE move? No. Does he even look in our general direction? Um No. He does not. He just gets loose like he was all to the good.
Idiot. Motherfucking dumbfucksonofabitchidiot.
What I wanted to do was chase his ass down and bust his window out. I did not do that. But I WANTED to.
The point: He doesn’t know me. I very well could have and then what? His dumbass took on a pretty significant risk right there.
Example 2:
I work in sales. Sales people enjoy hearing the sounds of their own voices. I am an offender of this on occasion, however I am not a fucking IDIOT so I know when it may be the correct time to simply shut the fuck up.
Some people do not have this mouth mechanism.
So we are forced to listen to them spout off at the mouth in the most IDIOTIC and RETARDED moments.
Moments where their idiotness ruins shit for everyone.
The most frustrating part about this is that ALL OF THE SIGNS POINT TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. But, because they are THAT fucking STUPID … the signs fly over their brainless heads like a 747 jet at take off.
Just SHUT the FUCK UP for once. Seriously.
Example 3:
Some of my owners. Gah. It is like at one of the presentations, the criteria to become an owner was simply to be the stupidest fucking person on the planet.
And when I say stupid, I mean stuuuuuuuuuupid.
Stupid enough to spend MONEY on a product that you never use.
Stupid enough to not even do the research on how TO use the product … instead just bitching about it. <-- that is gonna get a resolution. Let me tell you.
Stupid enough to KEEP paying and out of STUPID stubbornness, purposefully not use it. What fucking point are you trying to prove?
Example #4
Stupid bitches.
God. These cunts are the worst. They give women a horrible name and reputation. And they are EVERYWHERE. It takes every ounce of strength I have inside of me NOT to just slap the shit out of these whores on sight.
What kind of water were these mommies-to-be drinking while pregnant? How could they allow such DUMBNESS out into the world?
It really is not the stupid bitches fault either. It is the parents fault. I want to slap a mom for allowing such a thing to take place.
I swear to Jesus I will beat the stupid out of my daughter before I let her walk out of my house and infect the world with unnecessary stupidity.
Say I wont.
Example #5:
The Unknown Phone Breather.
I pray to The Holy Spirit that you read this blog because are you serious right now?
What a stupid worthless fuck you are. Blocked call breathe in my phone at 8AM? Have we met? If I ever find out who you are (or WERE for that matter because I changed my motherfucking NUMBER you stupid fuck) I will chicken choke the shit out of you.
You must have me twisted with some other fuck that actually IS THE ONE.
In conclusion, stupid is as stupid does. The only person being affected by the aforementioned stupidity is the stupid person. (Well, and me too because every other city I go, I see the same stupid bitches.)
*deep breath*
Would you like to chime in on any examples in your life of total STUPIDITY?
What three adjectives might other people use to describe your personality?
If you could re-live a day of your life again, which would it be and why?
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Mar 12, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch, love
Jesus I am elated that the weekend is upon us. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So, without further ado … It is time for some motherfucking open letters.
First, we have a guest letter:
Dear Penis that thinks something happened,
My vagina is wondering what you THINK you did, because we are confused and feeling untouched and disappointed. We have decide mutually, that you are fired.
sincerely, HM
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Dear You,
Heh at the fact that you know who wrote the above letter. You are welcome. *grin*
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Dear D,
I don’t know how else to tell you how proud I am of you. You know why.
The you that you are right now is the best you ever and I love you so very much.
Especially all of the sex.
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Dear Tarable,
Gah sometimes. And then I remember that you are always gonna be you and I love you for that. I just wish that you would freaking listen.
Then again, I was there. I did me and learned the way I wanted to learn.
So, I will just love you.
I love you.
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Dear Self,
You are starting to get it and it feels rad.
Stay focused. Stay focused. It is not a far shot to remain on track for the end goal. You are gonna achieve it, and then you and D are gonna have a trip of a fucking lifetime.
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Dear KenAdams,
Keep dreaming.
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Dear Numbah1,
You are gonna be so great at adulthood. Stop worrying so much.
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Dear WorkDouche,
Shut the hell up already. When are you gonna get the hint that your shit in fact DOES stink? You are annoying and I am not interested in being your friend.
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Dear Girls Trip,
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Dear June 14th,
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Dear Tricky,
I cannot freaking wait to high 5 you for being literally as awesome as me. We are awesome sisters.
I am so proud of you. I am in awe of the challenges that you not only faced, but fucking Chuck Norrised to get to where you are today.
You deserve all the love in the world. Every single ounce.
*cheers*
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Dear Unknown Pranker,
Fuck your face. Seriously. Prank calls? Breathing in the phone? Really? Are you 17? What kind of coward ass bitch are you to call my phone 4-6 times in a day and breathe in the receiver.
You need help. Or me to whoop your ass. Come out of the woodwork you fucking sloppy vagina.
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Dear Spam Commenters,
GEOUFHERE. Gah.
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Dear Charli,
You are almost a diaperless toddler! Woot! Mommy is proud of you. Next task: Sleeping in your own mfing bed all night.
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Now for some eye candy:
Fantastic Four’s Chris Evans
And Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks
Now it is your turn: Purge your weeks so you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend.
Tags: chris evans, christina hendricks, fantastic four, mad men
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Mar 4, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Ranteriffic, Relationships, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch
OMG I am so happy that it is Friday.
You know the drill. Purge your weeks in open letter forum so that you can fully enjoy your weekends.
Dear D,
Okay.
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Dear Zac,
Remember when I performed “Sideways” as if I were E-40?
Heh.
When “It Aint No Fun” is performed, I am going to perform it as if it were my song that I wrote. Word for word. Annunciation for Annunciation.
Prepare to be impressed.
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Dear D,
My vagina officially has a password on it. Might wanna start looking or new porn because after 3 failed attempts, you are locked out indefinitely. i.e. fuck off you sneaky sonofabitch.
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Dear Tomorrow,
I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED. Like if excited had a password, it would be “SNOOP”. If Snoop had a password it would be “MY TITS IN YOUR FACE”
You cannot come quick enough.
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Dear Tarable,
Be careful what you wish for.
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Dear D,
For someone who is trying to not be that guy, you are really being that guy.
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Dear Vagina,
You need your cobwebs swept.
Love, Kim
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Dear Mom,
Why don’t you call the firing squad in Oregon to get your irresponsible son on the phone. I am not his fucking keeper. I am sorry that he is avoiding you; I did what I could. Stop calling me eleventy million times every day about it. I did my part.
I love you but gaaaaaaaaah geoufmyface.
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Dear You,
Kick rocks to Panama City and then do something with this:
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Dear PL,
Dont front like you want this when you really cannot handle it.
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Dear IamgladInevermetyou,
You are a horrible, selfish, 2faced, childish human being. You have zero idea what friendship is or what it even means. I am so glad I never met you.
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Dear Life,
Why are you so complicated?
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Dear Fat,
Fuck off and fall off.
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Dear Self,
You did it! Now all you need to do is work on repeating it every month. You aren’t gonna be the one with the fluke one time success. You have to apply that success to everything that you do.
Next stop — Hawaii!
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Dear Fake Bitch,
I know what you think of me. I know that you are jealous. The problem is that it is all you. You are jealous because you are jealous … not because I ever did anything to you. I have just been myself and tried extremely hard to form some kind of commonality with you. I cannot help it if you are an insecure person. I cannot help it if you struggle with yourself and your own success/happiness.
What you need to do is stop blaming the world for your own shortcomings.
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Now for some much needed eye candy:
British Rugby star Jonny Wilkinson
Annnnnnnnnd the beautiful Monica Bellucci…
Your turn. Let it out. You know you wanna.
Tags: Friday Eye Candy, jonny wilkinson, monica bellucci, open letter
Attitude Schmatitude
Feb 28, 2010 All Things Charli, Current Events, Family, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, bitch
Hellooooooo o o o Monday! Hello new month! Hello friends!
First and foremost, check out the new links on my side bar. There are new Buy Stuff links and a couple of new blog links. 
So there is a great deal going on in the world of Wicked. For the most part, all is great. I was finally able to get my contract scanned and sent over to XoXo Publishing. It took a minute to get the time together and my damn scanner working so I kinda started to panic like they might want to take it away because I freaking procrastinated. *phew*
So that is done. *squeeeee*
I don’t know what this means though. Like, what is the next step? What do published authors actually do?!
Anyway, I hit a huge goal at work this last month. I am still a tad in disbelief that I did it; you know, going back to the whole scared of success business I go through every day. I am getting better at believing each and every day.
What this has done for me is afewfold.
Every month I feel more invested in our team. It’s crazy but we are a bunch of vulgar and inappropriate nerds and we all (for the most part) click together. When we are on, we are hot. Anyway, as I wes saying … as I get more invested, I get more team territorial. Meaning, when someone is acting like an asshole … I take it kinda personally.
I am not a fan of bad attitude. Like bad attitude where you are your only concern and everyone else can fuck off. Where you try and act as if you are above everyone else, to the point where it is borderline disrespect. The way I roll is that I am all in. If I am going to spend the bulk of my day away from the 3 most important people in my life, I am not going to half-ass it or disrespect it. And I don’t think that anyone else should either. Mainly because it affects me too when you are a fucking beeyotch.
Attitude is everything. It makes and breaks … and the line that attitude teeters on to either make or break … is a fucking thin one.
I don’t like this “I am better than you attitude” in my presence. It makes me want to chicken choke a bitch.
This is my stance on it:
If you think you should be running the show, and you are not … maybe that is for a reason.
If you need to name drop to make yourself feel better … maybe you should find an alternative soothing method.
If you cannot spend an extra 10 minutes of your important little life in order to be a part in a really awesome moment with a really awesome team … maybe you should find a new job.
Maybe … just maybe … you should look up the definition of team and then see if you can comprehend exactly what in the hell it means to be a contributor on it.
In other news, Charli’s blatant refusal to use the potty has since had a turn around. She has officially stopped freaking the hell out every time we bring it up. Now, when I ask … she goes. The next step is getting her motivated to tell us, without us having to ask her eleventy million times an hour.
Annnnnnnnd today she pooped! For the first time! YAY!
Other than that, I have got nothin’. Nothin’ but a new month where I am going to work my ass off to hit my goals. I have my eyes on the prize and I am ready to make it consistent achievement every single month.
What is new with you?!
If you could be famous (a household name), what would you like to be famous for?
If you could go back to any moment in history, where would you go?
Tags: attitude, integrity, potty training, team, team work, territorial, work
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Feb 19, 2010 All Things X, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Ranteriffic, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch
Yo! Yo! Yo! It is that time again! Purge your week’s in open letter format so that you can go and enjoy your weekend!!!
Dear Sex,
2 more days and you will be mine.
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Dear Bitch,
If I could tell you about yourself and have it make a difference… I would. You are the most evasive, non confrontational bitch I have ever met. I am glad I am not your friend because it would be a waste.
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Dear OTHER Bitch,
Really? Now? You just pop back in all nonchalant like? It doesnt work that way. Sorry. There is a lot of proving to do in order for there to be any sort of relationship.
Now is the time to grow up and stop being so motherfucking selfish and self absorbed.
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Dear Tarable,
Thank you for being my best friend. You make me smile and I know that we are life partners. I love you.
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Dear You,
What is YOUR fucking excuse? God you drive me fucking crazy.
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Dear New Guy,
It felt amazing jacking you for your scrilla. Don’t leave money on the table in this department because you will get smashed like Danger smashed the homie.
I take great pleasure in it and will continue to make your life a silent treatment side comment to your face living hell until you crack like the little bitch that you are.
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Dear Girls Trip,
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Dear Xavier,
I am trying to understand your logic. I am trying to get how you continuously lie and avoid responsibility and pull the most random and inappropriate shit on a regular basis.
I am trying to love you.
I am trying to pull our little family together … and every time I do … you are fucking up to the point where I cannot even stand the sight of your face.
What am I missing here? What haven’t I taught you? Why would you rather be in trouble than be a positive contributor to this family? I miss you so fucking much that it hurts but I refuse to reward your behavior time and time again.
You do not have to act like this. I am going to give you good attention if you will just knock it the fuck off and let me do it.
Please. Please stop this behavior.
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And for some Friday Eye Candy!
Hayden Christensen..
Ms. Kat Von D…
Alright … your turn. Let it go. Get it out. Tell a bitch allllllllll about themselves!!!
Tags: Friday Eye Candy, hayden christensen, kat von d, open letter
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Jan 28, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Ranteriffic, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch
Hello! Happy Friday! Without further ado, I shall open the floor for some much needed open letters.
Dear New Guy,
If you keep that attitude up, I promise you won’t last. When a person says hello to you, it might behoove you to fucking acknowledge them. Especially being that you are the new guy. The rookie. The green one. I don’t know and really don’t care if you worked here before or know someone who works here. We are family on this team. Find the place in it where you fit or get the fuck on.
Word?
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Dear Fucking Douchebag,
I am beyond disgusted with what you did to my friend. I am almost positive that I have never known of a more fucked up situation where a supposed friend takes complete advantage in a time of grief. You are going straight to motherfucking hell for this.
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Dear Charli,
I had a crappy day and making silly faces with you made me feel so much better.
I love you.
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Dear Courtni,
You need to get it together. Seriously. This lack of confidence is fucking bullshit and furthermore, it isn’t YOU to not have any. What is wrong with you? Figure it the fuck out already before I slap the shit out of you.
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Dear Arch Enemy,
Everywhere I go, I am convinced we will meet face to face again. Then the communication between yours and mine on a more frequent basis nails yet another in the coffin of what is going to happen.
This time though, there will be no bitch moves. Nope. What is going to happen is that you are going to get yours for the fakeness that you are. Your fake happy little life is about to get revealed. I cannot wait to clown you.
And, once and for all you will be put in your fucking stupid fake place.
Know that.
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Dear Henrysan,
You are hands down the sweetest guy I know. I can’t wait til I am able to spoil you a lil bit like you spoil your friends.
Thanks for being such a great friend to me. I don’t think I tell you enough.
Oh and PeeEss: OPEN EYE! 
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Dear You,
God you are such a moody baby sometimes.
———————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Fat Girl,
Stop taking over my normal thought process. I DO NOT WANT A CHEESEBURGER. K?
Wicked
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Dear D,
I am so appreciative of you. I hope you know it.
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Dear X,
Please keep up the effort. I know you aren’t perfect … but I am happy to have had no calls from the principal in a week. I love you no matter what but I like you that much more when you aren’t in trouble.
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Now … for the Eye Candy
Jensen Ackles. Who IS this guy? I just started looking for hotties because I am out of ideas and NO ONE HAS SUGGESTED ANY (hinthint) and he popped up. Yum.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Mila Kunis. I <3 her.
Alright ladies and gentleman … you know the drill!
Purge your weeks frustrations in the form of open letters so that you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekends!
Tags: jensen ackles, mila kunis, POE, work
TMIThursday: A Little Extra SAUCE w/ Her French … Kiss.
Jan 27, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, TMI Thursday's, Yum... or Lack There Of., bitch
Hello my gluttons for TMIThursday punishment!
As always — check out Ms. Lilu for making this recurring day of nastyness that we all kind-of look forward to possible. She rocks, in case you didn’t know.
Today we have a guest TMIT’er. (I am thinking I want to have guest TMIT’s for a few weeks … so if you have a TMIT story to share on my blog … email me @ wickedcourtni@gmail.com) She is a fellow-ess PQNation Blogger … known as “Rise Again” on our site … but to me she is my Alanaface.
I love her. And her blogs. When she gets around to gracing us with her blogpresence anyway.
Show her some love. She is the bestest. 
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I am the Puke Queen.
It doesn’t matter if it’s because I’m pregnant, drinking, eating something off the Chinese buffet or trying to cough back up the overload of carbs I ate for lunch, I puke. Anytime, anywhere, and the amazing thing is that it embarrasses me to NO end to throw up in front of other people.
It’s like a joke now to anyone who knows me.
Unfortunately, sometimes that shit happens at a really inopportune time, like, say, a first date. I mean, hypothetically.
This story is so typical, it’s ridonculous.
J and I started chatting online in September of 2008. Conflicting schedules prevented a real meet and greet until almost November, but when we finally found a day I suggested karaoke.
Now, don’t get it twisted. I can sing. It seems, however, that being able to sing doesn’t necessarily translate well to being able to sing karaoke on a first date. When you’re drunk. Also, nervous.
Solution to all life problems?
Wait for it…
Alcohol!
(I see you are paying attention. Good, we won’t have to go over this later.)
We started at a sports bar, general first date chit chat with lots of beer (read: cider. read: not SMRT) and some pool. I was nervous like Lady Gaga in a room of asexual androids. My first real date since separating from my husband.
It kind of felt dirty.
By the time we got to the karaoke bar, I was pretty lit, but J said he’d never had a Jagerbomb and I’m just so fuckin’ sorry but that’s like, a travesty.
What a waste! That shit didn’t even come in two separate glasses, but was premixed in a plasticmuthafuckincup.
Followed by another cider.
Do you sense a trend of drinks with too much sugar here?
I sensed it. I sensed it all the way up my sweet little esophagus.
So, I excused myself.
And then I got called to sing.
And then what?
I didn’t have a tooth brush. Or mouth wash. Or any of those nifty little breath strips that he always carries around. (Of which I am now VERY aware and use them often in just these types of situations. Well, and before morning sex. I digress.)
What I did have was a dude that I was totally into, who made a move, like, I dunno, two hours ago, sitting next to me in the booth. He RODE THE SCHOOLBUS WITH ME FOR FUCK’S SAKE! What guy will do that anymore?!
So what did I do?
Yeah, go ahead and puke in your mouth a little…it’s all the rage.
I let him stick his tongue so far down my throat it’s a wonder I didn’t lay it all out on the table right there.
And I don’t care. Yeah, I let him kiss me with puke mouth. Say somethin’, bitch.
There you have it. Feel free to share your own related or completely NON related TMIT’s.
Happy Thursday!
Tags: alcohol, french kiss, karaoke, sing
Same Shit, Different Day, Etc.
Jan 27, 2010 Current Events, DUH, Etc., Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Ranteriffic, bitch
I am bored of blogging.
Maybe because the same shit happens every day. Maybe because I feel like I repeat myself all the time lately due to sameshitdifferentdayitis.
Maybe I should quit. Whatever. Suggest some shit. KThx.
I mean, it isn’t like my same shit different day is bad shit … it is just the same. So when you are a daily blogger … and the same shit happens, it is like watching the same episode of Friends that always seems to play at 10pm on TBS. Yeah, that shit is funny … but pretty soon … you can regurgitate all of the banter between Phoebe and Joey or Ross and Rachel. You know when Monica is gonna freak out over a misplaced item in her OCD filled life. Funny? Duh … but same nonetheless.
I was thinking about things that I hate a great deal the other day … which then led me to things that I also like a great deal as well.
For instance:
I hate deadbeats. Not just “parents” … but deadbeats in general. To me a deadbeat is anyone who 1) doesn’t own their responsibilities 2) trys to abusively control another human being OR 3) has nothing in life but a negative ass mouth piece and tries to bring others down with their sorry deadbeat asses.
On the same token:
I like them. I like having them around to fucking clown on or bitch about when I want to feel better about my sameshitdifferentdayitis. If it weren’t for them, we would have no one to talk about. And to be honest, I like talking about folks who deserve it.
I also really really hate liars. Like for no reason bold faced fucking liars. They could almost be put into a deadbeat category … but not always. I happen to know for a fact that there are some bold faced fucking liars who are upstanding citizens in all other ways BUT their lies. The only time lies are acceptable are when you are telling kids that Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy etc exists or when bill collectors keep blowing your shit up and you dont have any money to pay them so you act like “Alicia” and “just got this number yesterday so you have no idea who so’n’so is and stop calling.” “Alicia” may or may not be my fake name for bill collectors. Just saying.
Anyway, Liars suck. The end.
Speaking of sucking, I really like sucking. Literally. Not like sucking at life sucking … but suuuuuuuucking. On lollypops or dripping ice cream or penis or … yeah that.
I also like lint brushes. Nothing says bad sameshitdifferentday than lint all over the place.
I hate when I get out into “natural light” and my outfit looks like my cat dry humped it all over the place. Orange hairs all over the place. That fucker waits until I get my shit set out to come and purr all on it like it is his special bed. Helllllooooo spray bottle … meet Jacksons in my business ass.
I like D fat. He is a fatty and I love every fat inch of him. He is not allowed to get skinny again.
I hate that Charli doesnt sleep through the night yet. It is all my fault too.
I hate processes.
I hate how it takes someone super quick to take your money but fucking forever to give it back.
I like getting paid every week.
I also like my co-workers. Especially the non baby ones. (heh.)
I like my job. When someone closes a deal and rings that bell … that shit rules. Why? Because we all rally and make that person feel awesome for their accomplishment. FIST BUMP!
So yeah. That is where I am at. I am also at LMFAO at this pic:
Does anyone else feel the sameshitdifferentdayitis? Tell me about it.
Also, would you rather be … born with an elephant trunk or born with a giraffe neck?
Tags: friends, lint brush, monica, ocd, phoebe and joey, ross and rachel, same shit different day, would you rather
Honest Tuesday’s: People are NOT Honest People Anymore.
Jan 25, 2010 Current Events, Honest Tuesday's, Ranteriffic, Suck It!, bitch
There may or may not be angry in this blog. Just saying.
Iamanidiotandsomehowmisplacedmyfuckingpursewithmyentirelifeinit.
Entire life? Yep.
Checkbook.
BRAND NEW FUCKING DRIVERS LICENSE.
Xavier’s Gamestop Gift Card.
New DISCONTINUED MAC BLUSH AND LIPGLOSS.
ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF MY MONEY. Like LITERALLY ALL OF IT.
Chanel WALLET.
My motherfucking KEYCARD FOR WORK.
My kids photos. Photos of my family.
Business cards.
Credit cards.
The $5000 receipt for D’s entire studio.
2 jars of espresso. (WHICH I COULD REALLY FUCKING USE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY CARDS AND CASH WERE ALSO IN MY PURSE AND I CANT BUY COFFEE NOW.)
That is all I can remember but I am sure that there will be more added to this list. Don’t ask me how or why or what or who does that because I have already fucking been there. I have already racked my brain and called the places I need to call to cancel or stop or ask politely through gritted teeth if someone was AN HONEST PERSON and turned my bag in.
Fuck it. Take the money. Take the cards. But I bet that the rest of my shit is in a fucking trash can somewhere covered in Big Mac sauce with zero regard for who it belonged to. My purse was my very first Coach purse that I bought myself with my HARD EARNED MONEY. It may not mean shit to anyone else but me and no one else may understand that but I dont care. It is mine. My Chanel wallet was a GIFT from someone who I care about very much. I BOUGHT MYSELF THAT MAKEUP FOR CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I WORKED MY ASS OFF AND DESERVED TO TREAT MYSELF TO SOMETHING NICE. Like, JUST BOUGHT IT.
This is why I turn shit like this in. Because KARMA IS A CUNT. I don’t play around with karma one bit. If I find a purse or a wallet, I look for a drivers license. Some way to contact the rightful owner. Same with cell phones. I call every number in the book, looking for an owner or someone who can get the phone to the actual owner. These things have value. Not even monetary. Do you know how long it takes to replace shit like that?!
FOREVER. I still am missing numbers from old phones that have been stolen.
And, I get it. It is all just “stuff”. It can and will be replaced. And, I will get over it sooner than later. Know that. But right now, TODAY … IAMFUCKINGREALLYMADANDDISGUSTEDWITHGHETTOCLASSLESSPEOPLE who cannot seem to fucking get past themselves for FIVEFUCKINGSECONDS.
Yep. It affected my entire day. Shonuff did. Especially because I couldn’t do the things I wanted to do because someone else took that from me.
LIKE HAVE COFFEE OR USE MY MAKEUP THAT I TO USE BECAUSE IT WAS IN MY FUCKING PURSE.
So fuck you, ASSHOLE for anonymously ruining my and everyone else who was affected around me for being a caffiene-less, stressed out cunt all day.
The end.
Feel the need to rant about something? Go.
Who gets the Asshole Award in your life today?
Tags: asshole award, Chanel, coach, Honest Tuesday's, mac makeup, stolen
