Living Wicked

Oh The Places We Will Go!

Jul 27, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Current Events, Family, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, P.O.E. Biz, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, Wicked Wisdoms, awesomeness

I want to go. To places near and far and in between. I want to drive there. Fly there. Hike there. Float there on a boat there. I don’t care if I am in a tent or a hotel or a resort.

I just want to experience life from another cultures eyes.

Working in a place where I talk about vacations 8-10 hours a day makes me hungry to travel.

It isn’t like I am sheltered; I have seen a nice part of the world in my life. Traveling with the Navy allowed me the ability to see places I never ever would have thought to travel to.

I have been to Australia, Singapore, Dubai, Bahrain … Hong Kong …

But there are places that I absolutely must get to.

Sooner than later.

I started thinking about this when we were driving over the Pass, on our way to camping. We drove through the cutest city. I have lived here my entire life and have never been through the city of Leavenworth.

Driving through, I have decided, I must make it there. Repeatedly. It is a Bavarian town filled with things like brats and good beer and blackberry ice cream. It is quaint and (from what I hear) an experience. All of the signs (even the MacDonald’s) are painted to go with the Bavarian theme. I was completely trippen when we drove through. I wish we had time to stop.

(insert trip planning here)

I must go to Europe. For a month at least. I want to see Germany and Italy and Spain and England.
I must (thanks to PQ) go to Turkey.
I must spend at least 2 weeks in Bora Bora. In an over water bungalow.

I must take my kids to Disneyland. And on a Disney cruise.
I must take my kids (Xavier specifically) to Washington DC. He is super in to the Presidents.
I must spend at least a week in NYC so I can go to as many Broadway shows a girl can handle before living her life as if she herself was in a musical.
I must visit New Orleans. Once for Mardi Gras and Once not for Mardi Gras.
I must go to South America.
I must go to Honduras.
I must take D to Hawaii and the Caribbean.

I want to scuba dive. And snorkel. I want to hike up historical mountains. I want to dip in hot springs and stand behind waterfalls. I want to skydive and take pictures of my kids in front of monuments.

I think I will buy a world map and some fun thumbtacks so that we as a family can mark the places we have all been together. I will not scrapbook it, but I *will* have photo album upon photo album with our snapshots stuffed to the brim inside.

Our memories. My little family of 4 will travel together until it turns into a family of just us 2 back into a family of more than 4 when my kids have families of their own. We will create traditions and rituals. And we will look forward to our Christmas Eve’s and summer getaways.

As I have gotten older, I have grown less fond of material things to make me happy. (Don’t get me wrong, a sexy pair of stilettos get me riled the fuck up …) What I am finding makes me more happy more frequently is giving my kids the gift of experiencing life. I will continue to give them that as much as I possibly can because it is something that I did not get a great deal of as a kid.

I happen to think that, if possible … giving the gift of experiencing life … is one of the most important gifts that can ever be given to another individual.

What places will you go?
What places have you already been?
Best vacation ever?
Dream vacation?

Tags: Bora Bora, broadway, disneyland, europe, germany, hawaii, honduras, italy, mardi gras, new orleans, nyc, spain, vacation

Pay it Forward, Asshole! & AssRaspberry … etc.

Jul 4, 2010 All Things Charli, Current Events, I WIN!, Random, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, Wicked Wisdoms

Happy Belated Birthday, America! You are an old bitch but I love you.

Did you do anything absolutely EPIC for the holiday? I didn’t do anything absolutely EPIC, but I did spend it with some awesome people which was close enough to epic.

Unless, you call going down a bouncy house slide because Charli flashed her pretty smile and begged me to go with her … and my dress flying up juuuuuuuuuuuuuust enough to give myself a nice fat raspberry on my ass … Epic.

Only me. I am the only person who’s ass burns all day on the 4th of July and not touch a single fucking firework. Not one. I literally have rug burn on my ass. But from plastic.

Ahh the things we endure for our kids. *ouch*

Anyway … on Friday I was given an odd opportunity to pay it forward. I try to as often as possible … but this situation kinda fell into my lap. out running errands … and when I was on my way home, I passed this girl pushing a grocery cart. It was filled to the brim with bags of groceries.

The road was uneven. It was 8:45 on a Friday. She was a buck thirty soaking wet. A tiny thing.

So I see her, struggling to get this cart full of food to her destination and I make the decision to flip a bitch to see if she wants help. We load her 35 bags in to my trunk, and I tell her I will absolutely NOT take her $5 in gas money. She insists, but I explain my car woes … and that I am happy to help.

Her house was at least 3/4 of a mile from the store. She was less than 300 feet from the store. Ya digg?

Anyway, we get to her house and I start unloading the groceries on to the curb. I am 1) not trying to invade her space like that carrying groceries in her house and 2) leave Charli in the car unattended. I am thinking she is a single mom or something … until she says to me: “Let me go get my man to help with the groceries.”

Um. Your man?

She pounds on the door … where he doesn’t answer for hella. When he finally does, his lazy ass sends the toddler outside to grab groceries.

Yes you read this correctly.

So the toddler and the mom are grabbing bag after bag. I am done unloading the car and she insists they are fine from there. So I get in my car — and as I am leaving, the douchebag boyfriend comes out and grabs the only thing on the curb; a gallon of milk.

He says to her: “Took you long enough.”

*ahem* “Took you long enough?” Are you fucking kidding me right now?

I don’t know if I was more disturbed that he didn’t even go with her … or that he came out with that fucking asshole comment … or both. But I wanted to give her my number so she could call me. I would take her to get her groceries. Fuck that guy.

And then I realized. Paying it forward doesn’t necessarily mean giving someone a get out of jail free card. If she didn’t see it … I can’t help her. I did my part.

*sigh* I can’t save the world. I can just pay it forward.

Have you ever had an opportunity to pay it forward?
Where are your top 3 places to go on vacation?
What was the last movie you watched? Good, bad or meh?

Tags: 4th of july, epic, get out of jail free, pay it forward

Ohhhh Yeahhhh … YGWM & Friday MFING Eye Candy!!!

Jun 24, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Friday!

OMG I am so glad to be back on my weekly Friday open letters!

Are you?!

Dear D,

Yes you ruined my day by using all of the chocolate syrup and not letting me know the umpteenth million store trips that we were out so I could pick more up. The ONE time I want vanilla ice cream with cinnamon toast crunch and chocolate syrup in like 3246734 months and we are out of the KEY ingredient.

Day ruiner.

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Dear Snake,

I know you are a snake. You slither around like you are so fucking slick but I hear you rattling your snakey fucking tail around trying to get in good with people. They might not see your snakey self … all wolf and sheeps clothing styles … but I do.

You aint slick homey.

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Dear You,

I win. ALWAYS.

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Dear Squishy,

I just wanted to reiterate that I am so happy for you and Irish and that I am so excited to watch your marriage grow. (the fun and the not so fun. I am sadistic like that. )

There isn’t enough happiness in the world for your level of deserving happiness. Just saying.

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Dear Kimmie and Tarable,

I am so happy that you are my besties.

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Dear Bradley Cooper,

I would fuck you sideways, upside down, and inside out. I just thought you should know.

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Dear Charli,

You are such a beautiful girl. A funny, loving, beautiful girl with so much personality. I just wish you were not such a demanding, bratty, bossy boots. Let’s work on that, k?

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Dear X,

We are gonna make this work. However possible. I am gonna figure it out.

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And now for some Eye Candy …

Rugby Player Gavin Henson. YUM. Do you SEE this body?!

And Ms. Katarina Van Derham. She is the spokes model for St. Pauli’s Girl. Hi. Hottie.

Alright peeps. You know the drill. Come purge your week in open letter forum so that you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend! Go! Let em have it!

Tags: bradley cooper, cinnamon toast crunch, Friday Eye Candy, gavin henson, Katarina Van Derham, YGWM

Petty FTW!

May 4, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, DUH, Family, Parenting, Random, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., pillow talk

Apparently, I am petty. )

I am perfectly okay with it when it is an innocent pettiness. Not sure what I mean?

Last night, D and I were in discussion about seriousness and shit.

(i.e.)

Me : “turn that mothereffing light off!”
D : “how am I going to see what lotion to use at the right time?”
Me : “really?!?!”

Anyway, we were chatting about how spoiled Charli is and how easy Xavier was at his age. (I swear that child was born with an auto pilot switch.)

I was making the point (FTW might I add) that Charli was spoiled from conception and that if her didn’t already know, she, like me will always simply do it the way she wants. Whatever you say to deter her from doing it will only solidify the nail in the coffin of her doing it her way.

Case in point? Moi.

Me: “look. You might as well get used to having 2 bitches in your life that just do what they wanna do. Because she is as god damned defiant as I am only she is 2 years old.”
D: “you are pretty defiant.”
Me: “duh. The trick is to make her think that *she* is the one actually making the decision.”
D: (nothin because DUH this convo is a WIN for me and he no likey when I win)
Me: “like in the kitchen when you try and look over my shoulder and give me cooking tips. I don’t need your input. I am gonna stir clockwise if that is what I wanna do. Even if you think counterclockwise is the more efficient way.”
D: (laughing)
Me: ” or like when you try and tell me to go a certain way because *you* think it is the faster or better way. I am not gonna go that way.”
D: “why not? If it is faster?”
Me: “doesn’t matter. If I concede and go your way then you win. You already win too much. I gotta get in where I fit in.”
D: “you bitch.”
Me: “yep. That is how my brain operates.”
D: “that is so petty. And stubborn. You go through all of that *just* to win?”
Me: “yep. And now there are 2 of us.”
D: “welcome to the jungle.”

*fist pump @ this blog* because it is awesome.

What is your favorite 80’s song?
Do you remember the first music video you ever watched?

Tags: marriage, Parenting, welcome to the jungle

The Cutest Thing EVAH.

Apr 21, 2010 All Things Charli, Current Events, Family, Parenting, TMI Thursday's, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms

Happy Thursday!

So last week, I realized that I was late to the blog-party … and Ms. Lilu brought our beloved TMIThursday to an end.

Maybe if I read more blogs more often I would have been eased into this idea. (Sorry.) I may or may not post a random TMIT. I haven’t decided.

Anyway. The cutest things are happening with my 2 year old right now. She is talking … i.e. full sentences with me, her dad, Cyndie, Tarable, Bruher (brother) and all of her stuffed play toy friends.

She is opinionated and bossy and stubborn and difficult and really really funny.

She is also the baby. We are still struggling with bedtime and sleeping through the night. It never fails, at anywhere from 2am-5am she sneaks up to my side of the bed and crawls in next to me.

Ask me if I am over it. G’head.

*nods head*

So we attempt to make progress every night. We compromise. We conquer monsters. We have stuffed animal slumber parties. We read stories and give kisses and leave starry night lights on.

Tonight we made a compromise.

Charli: “Mommy!” (from her room)
Me: “What is it?”
Charli: “I need Max!” (her stuffed bunny)

So I bring her Max.

Charli: “Mommy!”
Me: “Whaaaaaaaaaaaat!?”
Charli: “It is scary in here!”

So we conquer a monster or 2 and I switch the bathroom light with the hall light.

Me: “Is that better?”
Charli: “Yeah.”

Charli: “Mommmmy!!”
Me: “OMG. WHAT?” (from the bottom of the stairs)
Charli: “C’mere!”

I walk upstairs.

Charli: “Can I have my hat?”
Me: “Your hat?”
Charli: “My Dora hat.” (pointing)
Me: “Will you go to sleep?”
Charli: “Mmmhm.” (nodding)
Me: “Alright. You can have it.”
Charli: “Thanks mom.”
Me: “Goodnight.”

She kept her promise.

Big. Fat. Heart.

What were you afraid of when you were little?
What was your favorite bedtime story as a kid?

Tags: bedtime, compromise, max and ruby, nightlight, Parenting

Mum’s The Word

Apr 19, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Current Events, DUH, Etc., Family, Fitness Forward, Friendship, In It To Gym It, Random, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage.

I am tired and cranky and stressed and chaotic. I don’t have much to say that I haven’t already said eleventy million times, so clicky over to In It To Gym It and read some of the kick ass posts on healthy living, weight loss, etc etc.

You might find that you learn a little bit. Just saying.

Also I am counting the days until June. What is in June? you ask all impatient-like.

Well. I am glad you asked.

1) June is my birthday … which means that
2) June is Marilyn Monroe’s birthday … it also means that in
3) June I am going on a very special trip to a very special place for a very special reason … where I will share the month of
4) June with one of my sisters and soon to be brother for their
5) June wedding anniversary. Another June wedding anniversary would be
6) Henrysan’s and he also is a Gemini which is double awesome.

Furthermore, June is mostly the month of Gemini business. Gemini’s rule, the rest of you other horiscopers drool except for Aquarius’s and Aries’s and Scorpio’s because

1) D is an Aquarius and he controls the pehnis … and also
2) Carol is an Aquarius (they share the same b-day) … and she is a mom and
3) So is Rachael and she is not only an Aquarius but she is also a mom and
3) My mom is an Aries and she birthed me … so I have to give her props just like
4) Tara is a Scorpio and I ride with her to work every day so if she doesn’t get a mention then she might punch me in the eye.

Don’t get all butthurt if you didn’t get an astrological shout out. Even my kids were excluded. Annnnnnd my dad. So geoverit. K? K.

That is that. Except that:

1) I am hosting an ONLINE ONLY Tupperware party and would love it if you at least looked at the products offered. If you
2) attend, you get an entry in the raffle for the host gift and credit (that is earned if the party is big enough) and
3) if you purchase, you get another entry in the raffle and of course
4) if you refer someone you get yet ANOTHER entry in the raffle and last but not least
5) if your referral purchases products, you not only get another entry in the raffle, but you get to pick 1 item (up to $25 in value) absolutely free!

Interested? What is the worst that could happen? You RSVP yes, and then win some free shit. Wow. So tough. Email me if you wanna play or if you have peeps who wanna play. K? K.: wickedcourtni@gmail.com annnnnnnnd my online website

What is your sign? Are the readings about your sign accurate?
Are you a Tupperware virgin? If not, what is your favorite Tupperware product?

Tags: aquarius, astrology, gemini, horoscope, scorpio, squishisgettingmarriedandthismakesmereallyexcited, tupperware

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Apr 15, 2010 All Things Charli, All Things X, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., Yum... or Lack There Of.

It is Friday. Who is fucking STOKED?

It is what it says:

Dear Owner 1,

Really?

You don’t want to enhance your ownership because of the Icelandic Volcano eruption?! Because it is going to cause economical chaos?

Please.

Just admit that you cannot afford the extra $30. It is fine if you can’t … but just be honest.

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Dear Owner #2,

I am not that disappointed at the fact that you decided NOT to enhance your ownership, even though you agreed with me all the way through our conversation as to exactly WHY you should do it. I am also not that disappointed that you lied to my face when you said you could afford it. What I am most disappointed about is that you didn’t have the balls to just pick up the phone and tell me.

Nothing says coward like phone call dodging. Why did you even bother to set up the fucking call back today if you knew you weren’t gonna answer the phone?

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Dear D,

I am working on my patience.

You need to work on your positivity.

Together, those things will allow us to conquer the world.

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Dear Jackson,

If you don’t get the fuck out of my face at 3AM because you are hungry … I am going to freak out.

Furthermore, fucking make a decision: Inside or Outside. This isn’t your personal concierge service where we open the door and let you in every 5 minutes.

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Dear Xavier,

If you tell your sister that there are monsters in her room one more god damn time, I am going to make it my mission to freak you the fuck out in your sleep.

Like REE REE REE REE REE REE REE!

I would like to have my bed to myself and not with her in it trying to put her feet down my pants every fucking night with her sharp ass toenails. (no bullshit this happens)

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Dear Asshole,

You need to man up and say it.

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Dear Ken Adams,

YouuuuuuuuMuddaFucka.

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Dear Charli,

“Mom I have to go potty” happens BEFORE you pee your pants … not after.

Capeche?

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Dear Self,

Get off of your fat ass and get it together.

Exercise. Eat better.

See those skinny clothes? They aren’t gonna expand to accommodate your fat ass.

I am disgusted.

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Also Self,

Sell some motherfucking credits.

Thanks.

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Oh and another thing Self,

Good job learning how to drive a stick. You made it such a big god damn deal and it didn’t have to be one.

Yay you!

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Now for some eye candy!

Wentworth Miller

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd Isla Fisher

Alright folks … you know the drill. Purge your shit in open letter forum so that you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekend!

Tags: isla fisher, wentworth miller

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Apr 8, 2010 All Things Charli, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, DUH, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Mooooooooooooooootherfucking Friday.

Here we go again folks. This is the place to come to so that you can purge all of the bullshittery you experienced this week … and stumble into an enjoying weekend.

Woot.

Dear Self,

Yep. You surely did get told allllllllllll about yourself today. It is cool. Because of it, you are going to be successful and that is awesome.

Don’t allow others to sabotage your success.

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Dear Kate from JonandKateplus8,

I had your back. When everyone called you a (rhymes with) bunt I said that you were a mama bear protecting your babies.

I hoped that you would get it together to the point that you actually would do that.

But nooooooooooooooooooooooooo. You have attempted to create this “brand” and all it has really done is make an ass out of yourself.

Disappear. I am tired of seeing your horribly done extensions and lack of dance moves.

Geoufhere.

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Dear D,

What I love most is how you are really committing to making this family the best family out there. I couldn’t imagine sharing and building and loving another person. It’s gonna all work out the way it is supposed to.

Until then, we just gotta go with the flow.

I love you and I am proud to be your wife.

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Dear Bosses,

You will BOTH get pummeled.

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Dear Ken Adams,

JUST when I am convinced that I couldn’t hate you more … you go and pull some shit where you are nice and thoughtful and then I REALLY hate you because I actually kinda like you for a second.

Fucker.

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Same with YOU.

I fucking hate you. And your face.

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Dear Friend,

Sometimes you blow my mind. I wish you saw the things you do with someone elses eyes.

I still love you but for fucks sake.

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Dear Carol and Squishy and Cass and Chrissie and Q,

Thank you for being such amazing, loving, understanding, far away friends.

I wish all of your faces were in my face more.

Love you.

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Dear Charli,

I am so proud of your potty accomplishment!

Now if you would simply be consistent. K?

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Dear Tiki Barber,

1 word: Douchebag.

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Dear Workfucker,

I really do not like you.

Like not even a little. Your longwindedness and the fact that you just think you are sooooooooooooooooo cool is more annoying than anything.

I wish that you would shut up.
I wish that you didn’t talk to me.
I wish that you weren’t involved in shit that I am involved in simply because of the work connection.

Blah.

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Dear Asshole,

Someday you are going to have to learn not to blame shift. You and I both know you were wrong for that move.

Own it. Man up.

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Dear One Guy,

You are fucking ANNOYING as shit. OMG. I am going to delete you from my life if you don’t simmah the hell down. Do it. Stop trying to act like you know something about me when you know shit. Less than shit actually.

Blah.

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Now for some eye candy!

Brazilian Model Bernardo Velasco. Um … Hi.

And hottie actress Erin Cummings

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah. That is what I am talking about. Hot stuff.

Alright folks. You know the drill. Spill it. Purge it. GO an enjoy your weekend.