YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Mar 4, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Ranteriffic, Relationships, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch
OMG I am so happy that it is Friday.
You know the drill. Purge your weeks in open letter forum so that you can fully enjoy your weekends.
Dear D,
Okay.
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Dear Zac,
Remember when I performed “Sideways” as if I were E-40?
Heh.
When “It Aint No Fun” is performed, I am going to perform it as if it were my song that I wrote. Word for word. Annunciation for Annunciation.
Prepare to be impressed.
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Dear D,
My vagina officially has a password on it. Might wanna start looking or new porn because after 3 failed attempts, you are locked out indefinitely. i.e. fuck off you sneaky sonofabitch.
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Dear Tomorrow,
I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED. Like if excited had a password, it would be “SNOOP”. If Snoop had a password it would be “MY TITS IN YOUR FACE”
You cannot come quick enough.
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Dear Tarable,
Be careful what you wish for.
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Dear D,
For someone who is trying to not be that guy, you are really being that guy.
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Dear Vagina,
You need your cobwebs swept.
Love, Kim
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Dear Mom,
Why don’t you call the firing squad in Oregon to get your irresponsible son on the phone. I am not his fucking keeper. I am sorry that he is avoiding you; I did what I could. Stop calling me eleventy million times every day about it. I did my part.
I love you but gaaaaaaaaah geoufmyface.
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Dear You,
Kick rocks to Panama City and then do something with this:
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Dear PL,
Dont front like you want this when you really cannot handle it.
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Dear IamgladInevermetyou,
You are a horrible, selfish, 2faced, childish human being. You have zero idea what friendship is or what it even means. I am so glad I never met you.
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Dear Life,
Why are you so complicated?
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Dear Fat,
Fuck off and fall off.
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Dear Self,
You did it! Now all you need to do is work on repeating it every month. You aren’t gonna be the one with the fluke one time success. You have to apply that success to everything that you do.
Next stop — Hawaii!
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Dear Fake Bitch,
I know what you think of me. I know that you are jealous. The problem is that it is all you. You are jealous because you are jealous … not because I ever did anything to you. I have just been myself and tried extremely hard to form some kind of commonality with you. I cannot help it if you are an insecure person. I cannot help it if you struggle with yourself and your own success/happiness.
What you need to do is stop blaming the world for your own shortcomings.
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Now for some much needed eye candy:
British Rugby star Jonny Wilkinson
Annnnnnnnnd the beautiful Monica Bellucci…
Your turn. Let it out. You know you wanna.
Tags: Friday Eye Candy, jonny wilkinson, monica bellucci, open letter
March 4th, 2010 at 23:41
I want to bite his ass. Whoever he is (that guy up there)
Other than griping a little about the arid air in Hell bordertown and needing 11000 lbs of lotion… I have no purging this week.
I hope your weekend is a good one! I am taking a final and so, I will be nose deep in books. If it weren’t so stressful that might be kinda sexy.
Hugs!
March 5th, 2010 at 01:03
mmm.. Rugby guys are hot…
March 5th, 2010 at 05:46
Dear Sister:
It’s nice to know where I fall on your priority list. Don’t ever say that you have done anything for me again – because you haven’t -and won’t. every.single.thing. you do is for you. I realize you are making my cake, but that isn’t for me. It’s for you, and your resume, and the free advertising you will get when I post pictures of my awesome cake in my bridal forums. Thank you for failing me the ONE time I tried to believe you might actually come through. Now I have to wonder if I should also come up with a backup cake plan. Which is SO AWESOME.
Right now I hate you. Honestly. Completely. And our parents too.
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Dear “TeamLead”
Do it, or don’t. Quit asking me to do it for you. PLEASE don’t make me be a bitch to you again. I have enough to be bitchy about right now without you adding to the mix. You wanted this. Asked for it. And stepped on my toes until I gave it to you. No Gives Backsies. And YOU damn sure don’t get to cry about it. Suck it up. Man up. Grow up. However you want to phrase it.
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Dear Emergency Vet:
I want my money back. You HURT her. She chewed THROUGH her leash while you ‘took her temperature’ after cleaning her glands and you acted like that was no big deal. You rinsed her off and brought her back to us to take home to ‘monitor.’ I think you knew damn good and well she wasn’t better. She hasn’t pooped, not really, in almost a week now and your answer is to take her to her regular vet – who doesn’t have an opening til tomorrow – because you’ve ‘done all you can’??? Seriously? I hate you, too.
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Dear Roommate,
DIAF. You are a pompous, condescending, presumptuous, pretentious, clueless, lazy fucking douchebag whose entire breadth of knowledge has been gleaned from the internet. You don’t actually WATCH sports. You can’t decide if you like a movie or not without visiting rottentomatoes. And so help me god if you offer to take Irish to one more goddamn show without me onemoregoddamntime all hell will break loose on your skinny ass. If you haven’t realized yet that my affection cannot be purchased, and that attempting to do so only inspires my ire and more contempt for you – you are truly hopeless. And if you tell my dogs to “get away” one more time I might punch you in the face. With a bazooka. They think you are their friend, and don’t understand why sometimes you want to play with them and sometimes you don’t want anything to do with them. They’re just dogs, dumbass. Get over yourself and just go wash your damn pants if their fur or drool or cold, wet noses offend your delicate sensibilities so damn much.
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Dear Everyone-Going-To-See-Alice-In-Wonderland this weekend:
Fuck Right Off. I don’t wanna know. And I might punch you in the face if you tell me.
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Dear Self:
Get with it. 100 days to go. You no longer have the luxury of not wanting to drive to the gym or having those french fries cause you had a bad day.
And while you’re at it, kick the negativity and self pity to the fucking curb. Badasses dont cry, and you are just a badass. No shit the rest of the world seems to suck most days.
<3
Squish
March 5th, 2010 at 07:49
Dear Courtni,
All my letters went right out the window with the second eye candy picture. I can’t even…what? fjdiafjewiaogaggragniosekl
Love,
I’m obviously not getting any
March 5th, 2010 at 08:13
HAHAHAHA@’Just A Girl”
Dear sinuses:
YOU SUCK ASS!
Dear Mother Nature:
you rotten bitch…I will find a way to get you back.
Dear people hurting my friends:
I’m really in the mood for a fight, so keep on doing what you are doing…let’s see where it takes us……
Dear Cute Bartenders at The Bulldog:
GET IN MY CRACK….that’s all!
Dear LSU Baseball:
you are my new love affair….I cannot wait to sneak off to see you every game….
and finally……
Dear Eye Candy….
YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Happy Friday!!!!
March 9th, 2010 at 21:35
it sounds like you are having a rough week (or were as I am always late).. here is a BIG hug from me to you… i miss our chats… hope this week is much better for you!! xoxo!