TMIThursday: Of COURSE You Are Hot.
Mar 3, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, TMI Thursday's, Yum... or Lack There Of.
Welcome to TMIT! Lilu is the founder of the awesome awfulness … so go show her and all of the other TMIT contributors some pukeinyourmouth trainwreckyoucantturnaway love.
This post comes from an anonymous source. I understand why. I wouldn’t want the world to know this about me either. Not because it is the grossest thing ever … but because it is quite possibly the most mortifying thing ever.
Mad props. Maaaaaaaad props and a Ha Ha Ha!
And with that …
So I knew that there was something wrong. I tried the over-the-counter meds. No dice. So I call my local female doc. Yes boys, if you are easily grossed out … you might wanna click the red X in the upper right hand corner.
Pause…
As I was saying.
So the femdoc diagnoses me. It requires some antibiotics. Fuuuuuuuck. So she does me a solid and calls in the prescription. (Thanks for cutting my admission of why I need this antibiotic to the public in half by eliminating the drop off)
The next morning, I shoot over to my local pharmacy all ballcapped the hell up looking scruff-o-matic. No one should know my identity. No one should remember the face of me with this temporary vagina cold. *coughcough*
FORGET MY FACE WORLD! FORGET IT!
I go and whisper my info to the cashier.
Me: “ihaveaprescriptiontopickupforanonymousplease”
Cashier: “WHAT WAS YOUR NAME?!”
Me: “aprescriptionforanonymous”
Cashier: “A PRESCRIPTION FOR ANONYMOUS?!”
Me: “Gahyes!”
Cashier: “You will need to have a consultation from the pharmacist.”
Me: “I think I am good but thanks.”
Casher: “I cannot give it to you without the consultation.”
Me: “Of course you cant. Fine.”
So I walk to the pharmacist’s window. And I wait. And wait. Annnd waaaaaaaaaait.
Pharmacist: “Anonymous?”
Me: (walking over to the window) “Hi”(omgyouarefuckingsohot) <-- to myself
Pharmacist: (with his ocean blue eyes and his stupid sexy Australian accent.) "Hi Anonymous! For your vagina cold, this is a 5 day antibiotic for you to take vaginally (dies) with the cartridges provided (dies). Please make sure and finish all of the antibiotic vaginally (diiiiiiiiiiiiies) and avoid the use of alcohol while taking the antibiotic. (fuck because I really need a drink right now.)"
Me: (mortified has a picture of me next to it in the dictionary.) "Thank you."
I swear to God he winked at me.
There goes probably the one good catch left in the world. I am going to die alone with my cats and my vagina cartridges.
There you have it folks. Mortification defined. Show my anonymous TMITer some love. She needs it.
If you could choose how you were going to die, what would you choose your death to be?
If you could hear what someone is thinking for a day, who would you choose?
Tags: obgyn, pharmacy, tmithursday, vagina
March 4th, 2010 at 00:58
Ah, the only interesting thing on Facebook at 3am…
Anyway, about the whole “how do I want to die” thing- I don’t know an exact way, but I do know I want it to be public. Like, national news coverage and everything. I want my family to get cards from total strangers. Thousands of them. Whether the publicity is for something I accomplished while I was alive or because of the way I died, I just want everyone to be affected by it. I mean, really. I don’t think asking for the anniversary of my death to become a national holiday is too much to ask for…
LivingWicked Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 08:10
You are so cute. I would send your parents a condolence card. <3
March 4th, 2010 at 03:45
Awww! Hugs to anonymous.
LivingWicked Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 08:10
I know, right?
March 4th, 2010 at 05:21
I don’t think anonymous shoulda been embarrassed….at least the hot Australian pharmacist knew the vagina cold would be gone in 5 days……hahahahahahahahah
If you could choose how you were going to die, what would you choose your death to be? I want to die in my sleep….with NO prior knowledge that that shit is coming…..
If you could hear what someone is thinking for a day, who would you choose? Either Obama or Pelosi b/c I REALLY want to know WTF goes on in their minds
LivingWicked Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 08:12
Still. She is single! If you were hot Australian pharmacist, would you accept a date from her knowing she had a vagina cold?
Cassie Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 08:18
HEHEHEHEHE
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYBE
March 4th, 2010 at 05:27
[...] LivingWicked’s TMIThursday: Of COURSE You Are Hot. [...]
March 4th, 2010 at 06:15
Hahaha. Aww, that’s usually how my life works out as well. As far as the dying, I wanna die in my sleep with about a months notice so I can say goodbye. And I wouldn’t want to be in anyones mind…those thoughts would drive me crazy.
LivingWicked Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 08:14
Yeah. I that is also my life. Damnit.
March 4th, 2010 at 06:17
you should have walked in loud and proud that you take care of your lady parts!
LivingWicked Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 08:14
HA!
March 4th, 2010 at 07:21
Damn you!! For making it so damn obvious that I am not dryly filing… was fcking CRACKING up in my cubicle, tears streaming down my cheeks. I am tweeting the MF outta this!!
LivingWicked Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 08:15
Sorry. *blush*
March 4th, 2010 at 07:36
OMG, There should be a rule that pharmacy workers are not allowed to be hot or have hot accents. horrifying!
I would like to die in my sleep as well. Without knowing that it was going to happen b/c I would probably freak out and never sleep or something.
I would like to hear what my 2 year old nephew is thinking, he’s so cute and he says the most random things, it would be so interesting to hear inside a young child’s mind.
LivingWicked Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 08:15
I AGREE!
I think I would also like to die in my sleep.
March 4th, 2010 at 11:52
holy crap, that story made my day – so fucking great.
March 4th, 2010 at 17:16
So I had to come back and read this several more times. And laughed JUST AS HARD all over again. My god, this is hilarious!
March 4th, 2010 at 17:43
this cheered me up…needed this laugh….it really does suck for her though….wife said I was mean and vagina colds aren’t funny.
drown in a vat of whiskey.
randomly I’ll say Stephen King because he has to see things in an interesting way!
March 9th, 2010 at 21:30
Awwww… I feel sad for her vagina