YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Jan 14, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch, love
Happy Friday!
You know the drill … come here, purge your bullshit so that you can enjoy the weekend.
Dear You,
Thank you so very much for knocking it the fuck off. You are much more pleasant to be around when you are not being a fucking baby.
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Dear D’s Penis,
Thank you for the meeting. I forgot that you even existed. Shit, I forgot that I even existed.
Love, Wicked’s Vagina
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Dear Bank Account,
I am really sorry. It is not my fault that you are overdrawn. Soon this will all be resolved and we wont be poor.
Wicked
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D,
I am so so so so so happy you are home. In the past week, you have made such an impact in the house. We all appreciate every single thing that you do for us. I missed you more than you will probably ever know.
PeeEss … thanks for the sex.
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Dear Miley Cyrus,
I am pretty sure none of us believe that you are even close to a virgin. You are going straight to hell for lying about your aforementioned faux-ginity to you millions maybe even billions of fans.
Just admit that you have had some of the cahck.
P.S. If I hear you “singing” that “bumpin jay-z” song one more mother fucking time I may have a credit melt down. You suck.
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Dear Baby Jesus,
There are several reasons why we need to have a conversation.
1) I am not the one.
2) Virginity movement?! Really?
3) Keep it pushin.
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Dear Tara,
Where did your wit go?!
Love Tarable.
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Dear D,
Thank fucking sweet baby jesus that you are home.
Love, Tarable.
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Dear Haiti,
I wish that I could swoop in and give you all of the food in the world. All of the food and water and money to fix it. But I don’t have it. My heart goes out to all of you and all of the families who lost someone.
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Dear Porn Movies,
Shut up. No one wants to hear you talk. We just want to see the sex. All of the sex. We don’t care about the plot or the story line or the climax … that is … unless the climax consists of a dude climaxing on a bitches face.
K?
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Dear Boyfriend,
I hope you have a fantastic time. I will miss you. Be safe. Look at all the boobs you can but reserve it for me.
Love Tarable
Pee Ess. We are having the sex when you get home. Like put it in my mouth.
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Dear Mike O and Boyfriend,
You motor boatin’ sons of bitches.
Love Tarable
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Dear D,
Did I mention, thank fucking GOD you are home!?!?
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Dear New Bitch,
I am SO FUCKING GLAD YOU ARE NOT HERE ANYMORE.
BYE BITCH BYE!
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Dear Ken Adams,
Heh.
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Dear Cari and Jim,
Congrats on the news that you are having a BOY!!!!!!! Baby Bush is more lucky than he knows to have such awesome people as parents.
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Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd for some CLASSIC eye candy!
Denzel Washington
Annnnnnnnnnd… Julia Roberts
As always … Friday Eye Candy suggestions are needed. 
January 15th, 2010 at 00:32
Dear you,
Call me a baby one more motherfuckingtime, and its fucking on!
Dear Tarable, I like clowns.
Dear Mike O, keep taking all the attention, and your payback for the glitter will be a fucking apolocolypse! Leave my bitch alone……boo.
Dear new bitch…..felt GREAT telling you to give me your key card whilst asking for advise on what I hink you should do.
Dear Team…..TRUE TEAM, thanks for “getting it” and bringing your fucking “A” game when its on the line.
Dear “knits while she pitches”…..you knitted a new dress for your new best friend and she thinks its appalling…….but at least it only took you two pitches to make it.
Dear Mel, you fucking kill me.
Dear Mike O. I’ll say it again. Leave my bitch alone. Apolocolypse god damnit!
Dear baby jesus, can you please help Tarable get a pedicure? This Saturday preferrably. Thank you.
Dear you. Heh. Back at ya.
Dear Tarables man…….kick it hard, no regrets, live it up, and bring back video.
Dear all of you who think your the excepion to the rule….guess what….YOUR NOT. YOUR FIRED. Im gonna need your key card and your key fob….thank you for trying….
Dear D, thanks for keeping her smilin….she’s absolute HELL when shes miserable.
Dear Xavier….wow….really? BALLS.
Dear TMIT’s….probably gonna skip you for a while….anal fisting has got me hurling.
Dear You and your best friend…..I AM NOT THE MPTHERFUCKINGONE.
Happy MOTHERFUCKING Friday
January 15th, 2010 at 00:33
Dear D,
Can I just say Thank Fucking God you are home! You made the puzzle look all goofy with that missing piece… so glad it was found and put into it’s rightful place…
Oh and thank you for sexing up your wife straight away, now we can all talk about having “the sex” without being murdered with her eyeball!
the MoonDuster
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Dear Him,
When you want to be a playa you have to put up with all the bitches coming out of the wood work when you throw it in their faces… Somehow you just do not fit into the playa role… glad you decided it is not worth it and repaired the damage quickly.
Her
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Dear House,
Fuck You for not working out!
The Tenant
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Dear You
Thank you for taking care of my needs when I was really pissed off and pissed on from the other one… you always make me feel like the “best picture” oscar winner
Me
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Loving Denzel as eye candy… he is fine!!
January 15th, 2010 at 04:42
Have I ever told you that I have had a huge girl crush on Julia Roberts since I was like – um… 10? She is so pretty and those lips, my god.
Hm. sorry.
So I have something to confess. Can I do that instead of open letter? I’ll just pretend you said yes..
Things have been unbelievably good with the ex since the beginning of the year. And I know I shouldn’t but I want him back in my life like full time and the direction things are going now, it looks like they will be. Things are changing, anger is melting away and I’m finding forgiveness. He’s actually opening up to me. It’s incredible how close we’ve gotten in just a short time and it’s nice to feel something.. I’ve been numb too long and I needed to feel alive. The way I see it, I need these conversations we’re having to be able to forgive him, otherwise I may never be able to let it go, so even if things don’t pan out for us, I have to let this happen. I’m still so much in love with this man. Please tell me I’m not a stupid fool?
January 15th, 2010 at 05:40
“Dear Porn Movies,
Shut up. No one wants to hear you talk. We just want to see the sex. All of the sex. We don’t care about the plot or the story line or the climax … that is … unless the climax consists of a dude climaxing on a bitches face.
K?”<—DEAR GODS YES!!!! Please, no talky-talky…just fucky-fucky, please!!!
Dear Sinuses,
THANK YOU EFFING GODS for letting me FINALLY be able to breathe through my nose again. The last 3 months were hell on my sanity.
Dear Wicked,
I still miss your face……
Dear Wicked,
I REALLY like both of the eye candies this day….
Dear Life,
I am REALLY glad today is a good day, seriously…..but could we stop the yo-yo effect for just awhile? Let me string together two or three of these good days in a row, please. THANKS, I knew you would understand!
Dear Love,
You can STILL suck it…you are a funny, funny little man…
Dear Car,
I WILL get you clean…despite the rain and living on a gravel road!!
Dear people that aren't here…..GET HERE! lol
Happy Friday to all…..have a great day!!
January 15th, 2010 at 06:00
Dear Self
Nice job on forgetting your breakfast. You’re fired.
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Dear EveryoneElse:
Please note I forgot my breakfast. This means I am hungry on top of having nightmares all night for the last three nights – AND having to drive things I am not comfortable driving this weekend. Oh, and I still haven’t unpacked. And we have no washer/dryer so all my clothes are dirty. (Read: FuckOff.)
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Dear BossMan:
Please to start the physical move and merge of our two teams with a quickness. It’s in everyone’s best interest that my teammate know exactly what he is responsible for – he’s not good with this limbo and that means *I* am getting stabby.
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Dear Fiance:
It’s called Sex. We should have some. Which requires me not being frustrated/angry/sad/guilty. Some help with that would be awesome.
Oh, and a date night. Without the roommate.
With flowers.
Just sayin.
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Dear Sleep:
Why do you hate me? Can we be friends again? I miss you.
Kthxbi.
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Dear Ke$ha
I Fucking Love You. So much trainwreck in such a small package. And lyrics like my friends and I would ‘hear-incorrectly/make-up’ while drunk in a taxi – only for real. Who the hell rhymes Parakeet with Cream of Wheat?!? Please don’t stop. You are all that is hysterical in my life right now.
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Dear BeJeweled:
I <3 you more than Ke$ha. Promise.
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Dear Rain:
Go Away.
/FIN
January 15th, 2010 at 06:01
I typed out a whole reply and it got eated.
January 15th, 2010 at 07:13
Dear Squish,
Sorry I ate your reply. I thought it was some cake.
Squish Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 09:37
it’s aight. prolly better for everyone that it didn’t get posted. lol
January 15th, 2010 at 08:00
Sometimes your YGWM letters confuse me, because some are not labeled as who they are from, and some are from Tarable? so more than half the time I do not understand them.
January 15th, 2010 at 09:47
HAHAHA Love the letter to the penis. I feel the same way!!!
January 15th, 2010 at 22:38
Dear baby’s daddy,
I told you its not an ultimatum, I’m done now. I’m moving out next weekend and I’m taking my daughter with me. Plus I’ll be collecting child support!
How about that?
Dear my ex,
I wish I wasn’t so stupid when I was younger! I had a good one in you. I’m glad I found you again and we got a chance to meet up, that was refreshing and put my life into respective. Thanks! I’m not happy you are married though. That sucks for me! hopefully we can stay friends though.
Dear me,
Thanks for finally doing whats right, its been way too long! Go get a new and fresh start. You deserve it!
Dear sleep,
I would really like to get acquainted with you and food again. Soon? Thanks!
Dear Gab,
I’m doing this for your own good! You don’t need to listen to your dad and i fight everyday. I know you’ll be sad and possibily mad at me but I hope you’ll get over it soon. I love you and I only want the best for you!
January 17th, 2010 at 06:04
Dear C.K.
May I call you C.K.?
I’m giving you an award. Because I have to give it to ten people or dastardly things will happen to me.
I want to see your submissions.
Please go Here for the details.
Thanks,
GregoryJ