Meant to Be … ?
Jan 31, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Relationships, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
I was in a conversation with one of my girlfriends the other night about Meant to Be.
Does it exist?
Are we all pawns in fate’s chess game?
Any one of you who knows me already know what I think. I am a firm believer in karma and fate and all things happen for a reason. That if you are thrown under a bus (figuratively of course … this isn’t some Final Destination deal people) in life … you were thrown there because it is supposed to teach you something.
Which is why I tend to take the realist approach when it comes to life and relationships. When I say relationships, that means every single kind of relationship. Not just romantic ones. In my opinion, we are all in each others lives to serve a purpose. It may be a forever purpose or it may only be a 5 week long purpose. No matter the length of time, there is a lesson in the relationship that was formed.
For example, if D and I were to part ways at some point in the future … for whatever reason, as heartbreaking as it would be for me to let him go … I would remind myself all of the lessons that we taught each other in the time that we shared together. Strength, persistence, dedication, patience … true unconditional love … all of them.
Our time together, be it 10 years or forever was meant to be that way.
It is hard trying to help someone see this who has blinders on. Blinders make normally grown, mature folks do stupid shit. It is what it is, but if we all could just remove them and really look at the situation at hand … we would realize exactly what steps to take to make the right decisions. Not necessarily meaning that if we took them off that we would know the duration of time that relationship was going to be for … because really knowing that is like simply leaving all of the presents under the Christmas tree unwrapped every year.
I am more or less saying that if we all just wrapped our head around the fact that it may or may not end tomorrow … and embraced that relationships for exactly what they are in that moment … we might hurt less and love more. Because in all honesty, if I was unsure that I would wake up tomorrow and not have any of my most important relationships anymore … I would be more apt to embrace them that much harder.
It hurts to watch someone I love misunderstand things. What hurts even more is when I try and offer my wisdom and it goes in one ear and out the other. I should know better though, right? I am the first person to admit that in any given situation, if I am going to learn anything from it … I absolutely have to learn the hard way. It is like written in blood somewhere. I never listen.
So why in the hell would I expect anyone else to listen to me? *grin*
If you are over thinking, over analyzing, reading into every single little “sign” about a current relationship with another person …. no matter what kind of relationship it is … knock it off. Wouldn’t you feel like an asshole if you spent all of the time you could have been spending immersed with them … worried about making sure it didn’t end?
I know I would.
Just some Wicked food for thought. Happy Monday!
Any thoughts on the subject? Any personal experiences?
Do you believe in “Meant to Be?”
Oh … and …
Would you rather be mechanically induced to scream at the top of your lungs for an hour, OR
have your eyes glued shut for a day?
Tags: fate, kismet, love, meant to be, Relationships
January 31st, 2010 at 21:48
I do believe in Karma, but not so sure I believe in ‘meant to be’. I don’t like to think that I’m not even a little bit in control of my life. I know that there will always be things that AREN’T in my control…I can deal with it…..on my terms, if that makes any sense at all.
I scream every day several times a day anyway…I waould NOT like my eyes glued shut!!
LivingWicked Reply:
January 31st, 2010 at 22:28
I scream all the time too.
January 31st, 2010 at 21:49
Wow. You reading my mind, Wonder Woman?
Eyes glued shut. You can’t appreciate shit while you are screamin yourself raw. But having your eyes glued shut, you could really hear and feel and taste without your eyes telling you everything.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 31st, 2010 at 22:28
I might very well be.
I like your logic.
January 31st, 2010 at 21:54
I don’t know if I am more scared that I will be perceived as a monster or that I am a monster and don’t know it. I am a good guy. Good guys = finish last. And nothing has ever hurt quite like being unwanted.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 31st, 2010 at 22:29
You are a good guy.
January 31st, 2010 at 22:11
agreed. as hard as it is..i try to remember EVERYTHING happens for a reason..it just takes me forever to see the point..sometimes its too late. but that is beside me. and as far as your last question. eyes glued for sure..i mean cmon id get some extra sleep and excuse to stay home sick. sounds like a plan
LivingWicked Reply:
January 31st, 2010 at 22:30
Sounds like a great plan.
January 31st, 2010 at 23:57
Crazy that you wrote that today. I AM a firm believer in this as well. You have to live life for the moment…….EVERYTHING does happen for a reason. If you have 10 good years with someone (friend or love) and it doesnt work out after that, call it good and move on……not stay in that relationship for another 10 years miserable just because you’ve been together so long…….(eh hem) Jerry Springer anyone?
Truest blog you’ve had yet.
BTW, How YOU doin?
LivingWicked Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 10:19
Apparently this subject has been heavy on the minds of many. Hmm. Funny how that happens, huh?
I totally agree with all that you said.
Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Adams.
February 1st, 2010 at 02:54
Hey, Wicked…I like the new layout…it seems to be more work computer friendly because the other one took a while to load…we use those old antiquated things loaded with Windows ‘98. Yeah, I know.
Anyweneednewpcs…I firmly believe in Karma and in things being meant to be, but I refuse to think that we humans have absolutely NO control over our destinies. People are put into our lives for a reason, and sometimes, only for a season. And you are NOT the only one who has to learn the hard way. Can’t nobody tell me shit.
As far as your question, I think I’d rather have my eyes glued shut for a day because the noise of my own screaming would probably drive me insane. And, like one of your commenters above mentioned, it would give me a good excuse to call in to work.
LivingWicked Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 10:20
Thank you! I like it too.
Good point. Thanks for bringing that perspective up.
February 1st, 2010 at 03:45
Firm believer in it but it sometimes takes me a while to get to that point when my feelings have been hurt. It’s a good sign that I’ve moved onto the acceptance part of grieving a relationship when I can say, honestly, that this person was in my life for good and that even though it’s now over, I wouldn’t trade the time I had with him/her for anything.
I was going to say I’d rather be blind for a day than to listen to myself screaming but then I looked at the question again and see the screaming is only for an hour so I say get it over with and let me have my day back.
LivingWicked Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 10:21
February 1st, 2010 at 11:06
I puffy heart you with squiggles, sprinkles and lots of anti-bacterial soap….Err, that lat part is because I’ve got a cold and I know how you feel about germs.
LivingWicked Reply:
February 2nd, 2010 at 08:43
February 1st, 2010 at 11:10
I think I spend about half the time in any given relationship analyzing and over thinking. It sucks, I hate it, and I’m trying to change it.
As for “meant to be”, I have a hard time accepting this. There are so many horrible things that happen to seemingly innocent people and I can’t think of what the reason would be for that.
I’ll take the screaming since I spend about an hour a day doing it anyway.
LivingWicked Reply:
February 2nd, 2010 at 08:43
Gah. Me too. (The screaming.)
February 1st, 2010 at 13:39
I would scream – partly because I am not a screamer and think it would be theraputic right now (says the hormone-riddled-stabby-lady) and because UNglue-ing your eyes would hurt like a motherfucker I think.
I believe in MeantToBe’s, in fate in It Is What It Is, and in A Time For Everything… Everything in life has a life-cycle, including relationships – and not all of them are as long as ours, unfortunately. It just took me a while to get to where I could understand, and appreciate, that.
LivingWicked Reply:
February 2nd, 2010 at 08:44
I am totally a screamer. Maybe why I am less stabby then you.
Love you because we are meant to be.
February 1st, 2010 at 15:35
I believe in karma and that everything happens for a reason. BUT I also think we make our own path. So, for example… Hubby broke it off with me after dating for just a couple weeks, but I knew that we were meant to be. Don’t ask me how, I just knew. And so I made sure i let him know thats how I felt. Even though everyone told me to move on and that I could do better and yada yada and all that. After a brutal 10 days, he made his way back to me. And voila!
So yah thats how I see it. That’s not to say that I don’t wonder if I just fucked with Karma and if she is going to screw me over and one day he will come home and say “i never should have gotten back together with you, i should have followed my gut”. I hope that shit doesn’t happen, but there will always be a teeny tiny voice in the back of my head taunting me with that shit.
Super.
Awesome.
*sigh*
February 1st, 2010 at 15:35
PS.. I would scream. Cause mostly, I think it would make me feel a shit ton better.
February 1st, 2010 at 15:36
PPS… sorry I said shit like 1983471902387 times in my comment process. Guess I am just having a shit type of day. *shrug*
February 1st, 2010 at 16:34
Mechanically induced HOW, exactly….
February 1st, 2010 at 16:37
There’s this song, The Truth by India Arie. And there’s this line it, “If he ever left me, I wouldn’t even be sad; ’cause there’s a blessing, in every lesson, and I’m glad that I knew him at all.”
And this so reminded me of it. Relationships are about moments. When we’re lucky, they’re about good moments. And when we’re really, really lucky, they’re about a long series of good moments.
February 2nd, 2010 at 02:36
I’ll answer the easy question first… I could definitely deal with having my eyes glued shut for a day. Why wasn’t having my ears shut off for a day one of the choices? I could totally go for that.
As for the fate/karma thing… I’m a big believer in both. I believe that every single thing happens for a reason, and certain parts of your life are pre-destined for you. Whether you take the easy path or the hard path to get to your destiny, it’s all going to end the same.
I used to be an over-analyzer. I’m so glad I finally grew out of that. I got a point where I couldn’t figure out if I was right about things ending, or if I was making things end by analyzing them and trying to keep them from ending.
Did that make any sense at all?
What gets me, though, is that there are things I’ve been through (we all have, I’m sure) that were impossible at the time, and the only way I got through them is by thinking that it all happened for a reason. The problem is that years later, I still can’t figure out what those reasons are. None of those things have any affect (or effect, I’m never sure on those) on my life today. So why did they happen?
Maybe someday it will all make sense, maybe it won’t. To be metaphorical, it’s like a puzzle. It will either all make a perfect picture in the end, or I’ll be left with the same picture and a few extra pieces on the outside. And those extra pieces will be because I definitely chose the hard path.
February 2nd, 2010 at 14:08
*sigh* i do believe in meant to be…karma…a bit of fate blended with what we can do/control/choose amongst what is put in our paths.
so, i believe in absolute MTB’s and the power of our own choices. i think it’s too easy for some to say things are meant to be…when, in fact, they are just lazy or using it as an excuse to NOT make a decision. make sense? yes, i’m sure it does…as you were damn sure MTB in my life
February 10th, 2010 at 11:50
Aint it the truth, I truley share the same views as the author and could not agree more.