YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Dec 11, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, DUH, Etc., Family, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, The Tarably Wicked Show, You've Got Wicked Mail
Happy Motherfucking Friday! Tonight is my department’s holiday party. I am super excited to get out of the office, out and about … and hang with the cool peeps that I work with.
With that said, it is the same this week as it was last week and the week before that … repeat. Purge your weekly frustrations out on this blog so that you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekends!
Dear Foot,
Really? I mean … R E A L L Y?!
I know that my putting you in stiletto’s on a daily basis for a minimum of 9 hours is maybe something that you might be spiteful for. But … completely giving out on me while in said heels?! While I was walking?! AT WORK NO LESS!?
Fuck. If that wasn’t bad enough, you brought my knee into the hate by scuffing it all up and leaving rug burn on it as if I were the star of some blow job themed porno. (I am not.)
All I am saying is a little warning would be nice.
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Dear Carol,
Thanks for the surprise phone call. I was so happy to have heard your voice today. Love you.
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To My Tarable,
I love you and I am sorry that you are dealing with yet another loss. I know you are trying to fake the “I’m okay” funk but I know you are hurting. Whatever you need … I am there.
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Dear Xavier,
I am proud of you for trying. You are not perfect and that is okay. We are gonna get you back on track. I promise.
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Dear Charli,
God I wish I could bring your daddy back. I know you miss him.
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Dear Vagina,
You are not allowed to take over my ability to make good decisions. No matter how hard you try to convince me. NOT ALLOWED.
Not even if the penis is platinum plated and cums diamonds. (Well maybe then. BUT ONLY THEN.)
K!?
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Dear DumbShit,
We are all so much better off now that you are gone. Like, SO.
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Dear You,
I just want to fucking SEE it.
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New Girl,
Um, you must not have had a conversation with Baby Jesus yet. Because if you had … He would have told you specifically that I am not the motherfucking one. And then you would have known not to 1) slow eye roll me when we ACCIDENTALLY bumped into one another … as if it was my fucking fault that your ass is too slow and also kind of as wide ass the doorway. 2) come to my area and try and tell me that I “actually sound good on the phone.” Um … is that supposed to be a compliment? Hello!? Have you ever in your life spoken to another person before in person? Because had you … you might have reconsidered approaching me with some bullshit like that. Because … um … I know that I sound good on the phone. There is no surprise there. Furthermore, you are new. I don’t need a god damn baby jesus bit of advice from some new fucking doormat personality bitch about how my pitch sounds.
Make it through 90 days of employment first. Then you can come to me with some words of wisdom. Until then, keep your commentary AND YOUR MOTHERFUCKING EYEROLLS to yourself.
Capeche?
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Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the Friday Eye Candy!
Boris Kodjoe. Um HELLO HOTTIE. My vagina loves and thanks you.
A classic hottie. Carmen Electra.
If you stumbled upon a genie in a bottle … what would your 3 wishes be? (You cannot wish for more wishes)
If you had a crystal ball … what or who would you look at in it?
Tags: boris kodjoe, carmen electra, eye candy, work, you've got mail
December 11th, 2009 at 05:23
Dear Asshole/Cuntbucket:
NOT cool. NOT funny. I’m sure you think you’re hilarious, but it is not that I am simply SCARED of spiders. It’s a PHOBIA. Gods help you if I ever find out who you are – and I have people watching now, so we WILL find out. It’s called creating a hostile work environment, and that is harassment, which is ILLEGAL, and i’m friends with the HR guy. I’m patient. You’re fucked.
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Dear Other Assmonkey:
I TOLD you it wasn’t just a headache and that you should take something OTHER than *my* advil. And now, two days later you are out sick after leaving early yesterday. When I have a training class to teach and started the day with A SPIDER ON MY MOUSE and am all skeeved out and can’t concentrate now. Thanks for that.
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Dear You:
Get a clue. You’re losing me.
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Dear Roommates:
You’re cute. No, really. Its good that I didn’t believe you when you said you’d look for a house. Because all we have scheduled ARE THE HOUSES *I* FOUND. If I hear ONE bitch about the neighborhood I’ll scream at you both. I. AM. OVER. IT.
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Dear Bauer:
Whine again at 5:30 AM and then NOT pee when I take you out. I DARE you.
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Dear Me,
Snap out of it. Shit or get off the toilet. Fix it, or leave. Hesitation isn’t your thing, so stop it.
Love,
Squish
LivingWicked Reply:
December 11th, 2009 at 10:38
I love you endlessly.
December 11th, 2009 at 05:54
Dear Al Gore,
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GLOBAL WARMING??????
signed,
Cold Hating Whiney Bitch
Dear cold weather,
GO AWAY! the end
Dear Co-workers,
Thank you for putting up with me during my I’m Pissed At The World phase…you are the greatest!!!
signed,
Grateful
Dear rain,
REALLY? I mean REALLY? you suck and if you ruin the Christmas Parade for me I will throw a fit!!!
Signed,
NOT having it!
Dear people who know who they are,
I MISS THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF YOU!!! this is really getting to unacceptable levels,,REALLY!!!
Signed
Pouty McPouterson
If you stumbled upon a genie in a bottle … what would your 3 wishes be? (You cannot wish for more wishes)
1. A duffel bag full of $100 bills that fills up again when it gets empty…for the rest of my life
2. Knowledge…lots and lots of knowledge or a time machine…haven’t decided that one yet
3. Then I’d wish the Genie free, so no one could undo my wishes….
And yes, I’ve put alot of thought into this subject matter!! LOL
If you had a crystal ball … what or who would you look at in it? hehehehehehehehe different people at different times
LivingWicked Reply:
December 11th, 2009 at 10:39
I miss you too. Hella.
December 11th, 2009 at 06:40
Dear K,
I want to thank you for leading me to believe that we had something. I told you I wasnt looking for a relationship but you pushed me into one. And now a week with almost no contact except for you to tell me you are worried for me because I lost my job. Well you are right to worry and even though it is your fault I will be ok. I will be better than ok. And I hope that you rot in hell you selfish little boy.
Love
Me
If I had 3 wishes I would wish for a time machine, an unlimited amount of money, and a huge piece of land for my entire family
LivingWicked Reply:
December 11th, 2009 at 10:39
<3
December 11th, 2009 at 07:42
Dear Fairy Godmother,
Thanx. Thought you’d forgotten about me. We’re cool for now. Appreciate it. A lot!
____________________
Wishes:
1 – ability to reach into my pocket/wallet/debit card and have exactly as much money as I needed at any given time.
2 – perfect health for me & my familia.
3 – something big to make the world a better place; cure for cancer, cold fusion, FTL space travel, etc. Something hugemungous that will have an impact.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 11th, 2009 at 10:39
Those are AWESOME wishes.
December 11th, 2009 at 07:58
*warm fuzzies*
okay…started out with pissed-off for Squish and angsty with cassie…but some funny stuff, too…and now major warm fuzzies thinking of genie wishes.
hearing your voice, even ever-so-briefly, did wonders for me, too.
i’m with cass…it’s been far too long. damn, almost TWO years since we were all together for my birthday. good thing the memories are strong enough to keep you closer…but still too freaking long for us to all be apart.
i’d have to wish for all terminal illnesses to be cured and for great health for all. that tricky genie would cure the terminal and leave us with some chronic health crap. so, i’d gladly blow two wishes on health and cures. the third would be unlimited financial resources….i could do a shitton of good with endless cash…
dear healthcare companies -
really? you think asking a single mom to pay $620 for health care each MONTH is reasonable? your math is bad. by the time i pay the premiums and meet the deductible, i’m out right at 10K. No thank you. I’ll cover myself for $45, get a $52 policy for catastrophic needs for my kids and put what i can into my hsa for their normal health needs. the reason healthcare is so screwed up is NOT my fault. Thanks.
dear weather -
i do not like you. the end.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 11th, 2009 at 11:26
I like your wishes too.
December 11th, 2009 at 08:57
Dear Vag. You’re still not cooperating. I loathe you right now. Cut the crap. -your owner.
Dear Baby. I get that you are high maintenance. I also get that you are cute. Cuddly. and Snuggly. It is, however, WAYYYYYYYY NOT COOL, for you to wake up and CRY during whatever groove your daddy and I may be getting on. Your daddy was {thisclose} to getting some action the other night and you blew it. He played it cool, but I almost cried. I love you, but you will NOT be the buzz kill of my sex life. Capeche? -mommy.
Dear Support Enforcement. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL?! Seriously? You guys do a shitty job. Not that I would ever complain in person, because I’m fucking happy after fifty god damned years that the motherfucker has finally gotten a job or someshit. I KNOW he’s not making voluntary payments, because if he was, they’d be in round amounts. And they’re not. Either he has a job or you’re skimming the money off his social security disability. And I’m leaning more tword the job because even skimming SSD, it would be the same amount each time and it’s not. I’m guessing that he probably sold his Social Security number to an illegal immigrant and they are busting their ass to make a buck AND pay his back due support. Either way….here’s my bitch….since when is it okay to only collect support EVERY TWO MONTHS? August, October, now December? I mean, it’s nice….School clothes, school pictures, halloween costumes, christmas presents….whatever else they need….but I just don’t get it. Why not EVERY month? I mean, REALLY? Whatever. They more than appreciate the stuff that *I* buy for them with the $$. The key word there is *I*. Cause we all know he’s not doing shit. What is being paid right now is just INTEREST on the rest of it. Is it bad that I’d rather workitthefuckout myself or have my kids do without, then see him live another day though? If anyone deserved to die….WHAT? They HAVE a great DAD. The other one just complicates our lives.
Dear notsoSILtypeperson. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA he still hasn’t called you. And he won’t. He feels exactly the same way that I do.
Dear notsoInLawtype people. HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA He totally lied to you guys. And you guys bought it. He got his way and he didn’t have to be a dick like I would have been. That was too easy. LMFAOOOOOO
December 12th, 2009 at 10:16
Dear me… do not EVER lose your license again, ’nuff said.
Mmmm 3 Genie wishes:
1. Wisdom
2. Health
3. Wealth
Time Machine:
Kinda wanna know if I will live a long enough life to fullfill my bucket list…
Would like to see if certain someones pull their heads out and realize I will not live forever and actually try to have a relationship with me since I created them…
No, I do not want to ruin the cool experience I am having with the rock star and see what the future holds, I am enjoying each and every surprise… still baffled
Dear Wicked: Hang in there you are doing just fine under the circumstances… just sayin’
Love me
December 15th, 2009 at 21:24
I never tire of Carmen. NomNomNom
1. I would wish that I didn’t have PCOS and fertility troubles.
2. I would wish that we had never left Colorado and were there now with our family and friends.
3. I would wish that I had a fast matabolizm so that I wasn’t so fat. (I guess this one goes hand in hand with PCOS)
I would want to look into my crystal ball to see our future pregnancies and/or kids. So that I could put all my fears at ease knowing a future.