Honest Tuesday’s: I am a Softie.
Dec 15, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, DUH, Family, Honest Tuesday's, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Parenting, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms
Hello and welcome to Honest Tuesdays!
It has been brought to my attention (by me) that I have become soft in my old age.
I know. Shocking, isn’t it?
Remember how yesterday we talked about decisions? Well I had made a decision originally to deny Xavier of any and all things Christmas. No tree. Not a single decoration in my house. I hoped that Charli wouldnt know the difference … but I was totally wrong because this 2 year old is all about some Christmas and presents and Santa. As much as it hurt to the core to be the bad guy, I have reluctantly stuck to my guns, leaving me in a place where I am questioning my decision.
Am I being a bad mommy?!
Is he gonna hate me forever?!
Is this even going to get the point across?!
Am I the Grinch?! Officially?
I don’t want to be The Grinch! I love the holiday season. The lights, the feeling of giving love to another person. … all of it.
Not only that but I have had input from peanut galleries all across the world. One who’s opinion I value more than she knows.
Over a great deal of alcohol, she reminded me about what all of this was really about. Love. Sharing with the people who we love the most … tokens of our affection over the holidays. Yes, I will admit that she told me about myself. I had to pull myself out of my own stubbornness to see it, but she was right.
So…. this weekend, we are gonna get a tree. And we are gonna decorate it. Just the 3 of us. And, I am gonna put some presents under there. It wont be this big ordeal like it always has been, but we will keep the Christmas Eve pajama tradition … and … Xavier will have a couple of things from me under the tree this year.
Because this season is about love. And, as mad as I am at him … I love him more than I think he realizes.
As easy is it for me to say “fuggetabout” it about the holidays, I am doing my kids a disservice for being that way. I am not that mom. And, let’s face it. I am being fucking pouty and bitter and selfish and I need to knock it the fuck off.
So there. I was honest. 100%. Now it is your turn. What have you been less than honest about lately?
I promise you will feel better if you let it out. I know I do.
Also, do you have any Christmas traditions with your families?
Tags: christmas, christmas tree, honest tuesday, Parenting, presents, santa
December 15th, 2009 at 00:17
i don’t know what i want. (guy wise..) i’m fine being alone. being the single friend. etc etc. but idk this time of year makes me wish prince charming would fall into my lap. i wish someone would kiss me under the mistletoe. its starting to hit me that this is the first year in 3 years,i won’t be having a new years kiss..i know its stupid but despite the fact that he was not the most loving person on the planet,he always made sure to make that one holiday (new years eve) special for me because he knew it meant alot to me and this year,its going to be really really hard knowing it will be spent without him. it just reminds me that im STILL not over it..i still have the dreams. i keep trying to lie to myself. i keep trying to find SOMEONE that will want to take mushy profile pictures with me so that if by chance he stumbles to my profile hell see im happy and moved on..but even thinking that is wrong..i’m afraid nobody will ever be good enough..:/ he isn’t even good enough but some how he was able to steal my heart. ugh. this time of year makes me wish i could fall in love. eff..now im all mushy and sad. haha go me. the worst part is i wish he would come back. but cmon who am i kidding. im insane. its been almost a year since him and i have seen each other/spoke. it isnt happening. it never was going to happen. the second i said its either now or never,it was done over,never was right that second. does it ever get easier? where is prince charming. i don’t feel better
i feel really sad now..
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 11:22
When you stop looking … you will find him.
dani Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 23:18
why da fugg is that so hard? haha im thinking of asking a nice gentleman that i know from hs that i have on fb out for coffee. wish me luck. i figure i need to start somewhere.
December 15th, 2009 at 01:03
I have been less then honest about being in the Christmas Spirit this year.. for some reason I just cannot get enthusiastic about it … I haven’t even played a single Christmas CD and I usually play them non-stop between 1 December and Christmas Day… I came so very close to not bothering with a tree or lights or anything this year… but then my Mum started getting worried so I lied and told her the spirit had arrived and let her come over and help me decorate… but… I’m still not feeling it… I am planning on watching some Christmas movies tonight to try and get me there.. if The Santa Clause can’t raise my spirits I don’t know what will (yes.. I am an adult without kids who owns Christmas movies haha)
I stay at my Mum’s every Christmas Eve so I don’t wake up in an empty house… We go to the neighbours for drinks and nibbles and then come home and watch the end of the carols by candlelight in Melbourne on TV … when my Grandmother was alive we would stick with the European tradition of dinner and presents on Christmas Eve … I miss her the most at this time of year…
The other tradition is I bake all the biscuits.. shortbread and spice biscuits and all sorts of yummy treats..
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 12:34
I am not feeling it either … but you knew that already.
December 15th, 2009 at 05:21
I don’t want to be honest about it; because I’m too proud to admit it, BUT I wanna be a rockstar. I want to be feel like to do something so utterly awesome AND that everyone around me recognizes it.
Okay, really? I want to feel like I recognize it.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 12:36
I think you would make a kick ass rock star.
Would Rock Band work? I hear it makes you feel all rockstarish.
Anne Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 13:37
And why did my reply post all the way down at the bottom?
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 14:06
I have no clue!
December 15th, 2009 at 05:27
What have you been less than honest about lately? not too sure on this one….maybe not lying to myself, just not wanting to accept known facts…maybe that
Also, do you have any Christmas traditions with your families? yes, but I don’t want to think about them right now…cause one for sure will no longer be and it bothers me a bit.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 12:37
I am sorry.
December 15th, 2009 at 06:50
Honestly, I love this blog, and I less than three the hell out of you!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 12:38
Awww! Thanks! I less than three the hell out of you TOO!
December 15th, 2009 at 07:22
’tis true and this way you can also teach X a lesson in grace and forgiveness.
Less than honest? I really am torn with selling the truck because I like it better than my car but it is paid off and the car isn’t. And, I love my family, but I feel like an outsider sometimes with DOnnie being deployed and living away…and there is still unresolved stuff that never will be…and I want to go out and party with friends I haven’t seen in years, but I probably won’t because the holidays are too hectic when driving home.
The tradition is we decorate a tree, even if Donnie isn’t here, and Alexa always gets Pajamas.
Bama Riley Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 07:22
Dammit. Didn’t mean to use real names.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 11:08
Do you want to delete and start over?
I love you for understanding and … just being you.
Bama Riley Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 11:25
nah, it’s cool.
Love you back. Miss you as well. I send you random texts just to let you know I am thinking bout ya.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 12:50
I try to respond. I am usually at work and on the phone and then I forget.
I appreciate them though. More than you know.
December 15th, 2009 at 10:05
Hugs
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 11:08
Thanks.
December 15th, 2009 at 11:14
Our Christmas traditions have gone to shit the past couple of years and it’s killing me.
I know it would have been really hard for you to go through with this punishment. I don’t know that I could ever withhold Christmas. I honestly think you’re making the right choice. As much as Xavier needs to be disciplined for the choices he’s been making lately, he needs to feel the love you have for him even more. I know you’re past the point of frustration with him….don’t know that I have any useful advice to offer (not that you need it). Is he involved in any activities outside of school? Maybe plugging him into something that would reinforce that core set of values you are trying to instill in him at home would help. He’s at the age where he’s trying to pull away from you and gain some independence – he’s definitely testing you and might be more likely to place importance in accountability to a set of peers right now. Find him an activity where he’s surrounded with the right kind of peers to be accountable to.
I know you will find your way through this…..I know that you will see HIM through this. You are an awesome mom.
Less than honest….not so much that as being in complete denial lately. I have pushed myself physically beyond my limits and ignored the signs my body was giving me. I’m paying for it now. When we get past the holidays I am going to focus on me for a bit – take care of these things that are now demanding my full attention. I have completely neglected “me”…..in too many ways to count.
Life has been crazy for us all lately – I miss interacting with you.
I love you.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 12:40
You need to get back to you. That is a fact.
And… yeah I have been battling myself over this for weeks. After my good friend really told me about myself… I knew what I had to do.
December 15th, 2009 at 13:01
i love your decision… and i love you.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 14:44
I love you too.
I need some Rach-face.
December 15th, 2009 at 13:36
It’s worth a try. I recall playing a boxing game on a Wii once. I totally felt like Ultra Violet when I was done AND managed to freak out my baby boy.
Anne Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 13:39
And out of nowhere, I miss Random Questions.
December 15th, 2009 at 13:40
Yay for X. So proud of you for being the bigger person Court!
LivingWicked Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 22:53
<3