Dear Xavier and Friday Eye Candy
Dec 4, 2009 All Things X, Current Events, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Parenting, Ranteriffic, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, You've Got Wicked Mail
Happy Motherfucking Friday. You know the drill, so come and purge your weeks so that you can thoroughly enjoy your weekends.
Xavier, Xavier, Xavier,
You have outdone yourself. Really outdone yourself.
We had a conversation a couple of weeks ago about how ungrateful you are and that you may very well not have a Christmas. Do you remember this conversation?
Apparently not.
I was talked into letting you have one … even though I did not believe that you deserved one … by your Meemaw and other people who love you and had your back. I fought with my own reasons and decided that their reasons were valid enough to not be stubborn.
You were right there and you didn’t even know it. And then you pull this shit.
I cannot motherfucking believe that you brought a porn magazine to school with you. (Even though you say that it wasn’t you who brought it) Furthermore, I cannot believe that you gave it to one of your friends who brought it home with them and showed their parents. (Even though you insist that he likes to blame you for everything and that he is lying about this incident)
What is even more infuriating are the facts that 1) the same named magazine that the principal said you gave this kid is the same named magazine that you “found under the washing machine while looking for a sock”. Coincidence? I think not. and 2) that I have to go into the GOD DAMN school at 8:30 in the morning and have a conversation about why my 9 year old child has access to these magazines in the fucking FIRST PLACE. (Thanks D. It is like I tell you to put this shit in a place that he cannot reach or find just to hear myself speak. Under the washer though?! Really?!)
But wait! There is more.
The 3 accusations of you making sexual gestures at girls in your school? (The 3 accusations that you claim are just to get you into trouble and you wouldn’t DARE behave that way)
Inappropriate name calling? (Oh wait that wasn’t you either … was it?)
I absolutely do not want to hear your claims of innocence. I don’t. In the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf … you are the boy who got eaten by the wolf because nobody believes you. I don’t believe you. I think you thought you were slick and wanted to show some shit off to your friends. I think, you took advantage of the little trust I had left for you and snooped in my and your dad’s shit. I also think that you think that you are slicker than you actually are.
Must I remind you that I am not the fucking one? I told you that your Christmas is done. I think that you think that I will not do it. Watch me. You get not a single present. From anyone. There will be no tree. There will be no nothing.
As much as it breaks my heart … It has to be this way. You don’t think I will do it, and I am telling you that I will.
Wanna know what else I am going to do? Whoop your motherfucking ass. I am talking knee in the back, arm pinned bare surprise ass whoopin.
Thank you for completely mortifying me. I am soooooooo excited to have a conversation with your principal about this porn magazine issue.
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Dear Shopping,
Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. I will see you on Sunday.
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That is all I got.
And now, for the eye candy.
I have always loved me some Johnny Depp. He is not only an amazing actor, but he has this quirky sexiness about him. He also doesn’t give a motherfuck what people think.
And Ms. Adriana Lima … I am a dark hair light eyes lover. Especially on women. Her blue eyes completely mesmerize me.
Any Friday Eye Candy suggestions? You know I am always looking for what you wanna see.
Happy Weekend!
Answer the following questions:
According to your ex, you are?
Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day?
Are there things you can’t live without?
Tags: ass whoopin, christmas, Friday Eye Candy, Parenting, punishment
December 4th, 2009 at 00:26
Dear new girl,
You are way too into me too fast. And you talk too much. Your stories are awesome… the first time. I need my sleep. You are spooking me and don’t think I won’t rabbit. Your hot and cool and intelligent, but you got me checking for exits.
Dear Stupid Work people,
I did things your way and let things get totally fucked to show you what jackasses you all are. And then I pulled our asses out of the fire and only succeeded in showing you that I am so fucking awesome that you can fuck us all and we will be straight as long as I continue to be amazing.
According to my ex, I am so fucking awesome it’s hard to imagine I am real.
On a hot summer day, nothing beats water.
I can’t live with out most of my internal organs or
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:44
Or what?
December 4th, 2009 at 00:30
If this kid ends up on America’s Most Wanted, I hope they tell the stories about you beating his fucking ass. Maybe one of these days he’ll realize that Mommy goes easy on him compared to the rest of the world…
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:45
I hope it doesnt get to that level.
December 4th, 2009 at 03:31
According to my ex, I am… don’t care what he thinks I am anymore so…
next.
I’m with David on this one, nothing beats water on a hot day. I actually chew ice a lot though. Found out that works really well when I had a job where I was outdoors a lot in the middle of a humid midwest summer, while about-to-pop pregnant.
Things I can’t live without: air
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:47
I <3 chewing ice.
December 4th, 2009 at 04:34
Wow.. X needs to get the whole aggravation/appreciation scale… I explained to Oldest. yeah i love him n all that… but when aggravation he causes me due to his .. stupidity.. outweighs the appreciation i have for his good/behaving moments… then his life is rough.. when appreciation outweighs aggravation… he loves life. Up to him if he’s miserable or happy. (he’s been great lately)Hope he gets it, and soon. You dont need the extra nonsense right now.
According to your ex, you are?.. not going there
Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day? water. juice over ice. anything over ice.
Are there things you can’t live without? my kids. the support n love n THEREness of mah peeps. <3
only open letter right now is:
Dear Red Tape:
Hustle up and move out the damn way already.
My kid need what you are blocking damn it.
Jody Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 04:35
*needs. my kid needs. singulary subject, singular verb. (ocd grammar/syntax nazi even precoffee)
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:48
I hope he gets it. God I hope he gets it.
I am glad yours is doing better.
December 4th, 2009 at 04:43
According to your ex, you are? The One.
Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day? BIGGG tall glass of ice water!
Are there things you can’t live without? Yep. My family.
Dear J:
I know we needed to have that conversation last night. You will need to have that conversation with EVERYONE before the trial. I know that it hurt you to retell it as much as it hurt me to hear it. I am sorry I couldnt be stronger.
Dear C:
I STILL feel bad for X with no Christmas… but Im a sucker and you are not.
xo
Me.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:50
Oooh. When in fact you ARENT the one.
I know you do. I do too. He has left me no other choice.
December 4th, 2009 at 05:21
According to my ex I am *YOUNG*. Not just age-wise. He liked to say how this was not his first trip on the merrygoround and he was just tired…and that I still found joy everywhere “like a child.” It was infuriating. Not to be called a child, but that he couldn’t/wouldn’t/didn’t realize joy is a choice. Bah. Whatever, he’s happy now – and that’s what matters.
Margaritas are my favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day. I love me a big glass of cold water and all, but if I’m chilling at the pool or lake or bar or whereever – bring on the margaritas.
I can’t live without Robbie. I know it’s cliche and that literally I *would* go on living if something happened to him… but I wouldn’t want to. I didn’t think I’d find this even once in my life and there is no way I’d find it twice. If something happened to him, I would cease to live, even if I kept breathing. I’d be a zombie… just going through the motions…
letters later. I’m all mushy now.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:51
I love cliche. You know that better than anyone.
December 4th, 2009 at 05:38
I LOATHE Johnny Depp….LOATHE.
According to your ex, you are? what ex?
Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day? a fountain coke…they are the BEST after working out in the hot sun all day…yummmm
Are there things you can’t live without?yes, food, air, water…everything else is just gravy!! I wouldn’t want to live without friends or family, but I’d manage…
Cassie Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 09:15
and b/c I’m feeling REALLY SMARTASSITY TODAY (and the fact that I live over 2000 miles away)
to X…and your mom took away your best porno mag, you gotta fight, for your right……hehehehhehehe
well, technically, the school, but
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:51
Why do you loathe JD?
I will punch you. HAH !
Cassie Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:56
b/c he isn’t THAT great of an actor, and is totally stuck on himself and HATES America…if you’ve ever read anything he has ever said on the subject, you’ll see what I mean. Plus I believe that he is one of those (like Alec Baldwin or Dennis Miller) who think that just because he is a ‘public’ figure, people should pay attention to what he has to say, instead of making up their own minds. AND to me, he’s not that sexy…just sayin.
hehehehehe…gotta get near me first! lol
December 4th, 2009 at 07:24
Meemaw? Thats so funny…I thought only MY kids called my mom Meemaw….Too Weird.
Anyways, I need to vent:
Dear Cody:
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do well on your S.A.T test tomorrow.
Dear Bitch at POE:
Thanks for nothing…no really, THANK YOU.
Now keep outta my shit and all will be fine.
Dear Warden:
Quit being an ASS! Done and Done!
Dear Best Buy:
Thanks for increasing my credit limit! Whoo HOo!
According to your ex, you are?
Who Knows…havent seen or hear from him in 16 years!
Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day?
Iced Mocha……mmmmmmmmm
Are there things you can’t live without?
Of course,
My kids..(they are so great)
Internet..love to surf (hehe)
My TV…..I have gone without TV for 2 years straight, actually, we had NO power & no running water either.
I had to use a manual ringer washer….and put water from the well into a small basin and set on the hood of my car to warm up to bathe Cody when he was a baby. (I lived by Vegas)
IT SUCKED!!!
~~Donna~~
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:59
Good LUCK CODY!
December 4th, 2009 at 07:26
What about Charli? You said you weren’t putting up a tree at all?
According to your ex, you are? a Bitch
Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day? Seltzer
Are there things you can’t live without? Seltzer, White Chocolate Mocha, Computer, blackberry, Camera (you said things not people)
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 12:00
She is 2. D’s dad will have some festivities. She wont miss it this year. I guarantee it.
December 4th, 2009 at 07:56
I’m sorry about X. That is totally embarrasing for you and he probably doesn’t even realize. I do agree with you on the fact that what you decide to punish him with, you need to stick to. If you back down he will see it as a win. May I also make a suggestion. Sign him up for some volunteering, or community service. Helping the less fortunate especially on christmas will teach him how good he has it, and just how bad others have it.
Dear in-laws.
I love you, thank you for coming out and visiting and buying my daughter some awesome clothes. Now please go home, you are driving me and my husband crazy. Thx.
Dear Cat.
I love you, I hope you get better, please stop dry-heaving all over my carpet. So gross.
I love ice water on a hot day. and Arizong green tea with honey. so refreshing
not sure what my exes would think of me. It’s been a really long time, and some broke my heart, and other’s I broke theirs, so I guess it depends on who you ask
I can’t live without my computer, cell phone, bank card, car, and my new boots I just got for christmas.
those are all material. Emotionally I can’t live without love from family and friends, I miss them all. Thank god I have Scott and Ella here
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 12:29
That is a really good suggestion. I think we will do something like that over the break.
December 4th, 2009 at 08:19
oh goodness…i can’t even wrap my head around what x has done here…mostly since to picture my own kid doing it mortifies me. *shivers*
According to your ex, you are?- everything wrong in the world…but who really gives a rats ass what he thinks?
Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day? ice cold beer. or water
Are there things you can’t live without?
things…aside from the basics/air/water/food/shelter….love. The love of friends and family is what sustains me, fuels my soul and enhances my joy. it’s not real joy to me until i share it…
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 12:00
Yeah it is fucking the most humiliating thing ever.
I love you.
December 4th, 2009 at 10:15
Thank you Courtney.
Maybe my husband will finally remove the porn mags from out from under the bathroom sink now, I’ve been suggesting this for almost a year now.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 12:01
PLEASE REMOVE THEM HUSBAND. Seriously. Save yourself from the heartache.
December 4th, 2009 at 11:24
I can almost wrap my head around what he did because Keith told me many moons ago that he earned “candy cash” in Junior High by bringing his uncles’ magazines to school and sold either the whole magazine or photos to the other kids. Yeah, I married strange.
It doesn’t bother me that X doesn’t get a Christmas, but I’m hurting for Charli not having a tree. Still, you gotta do what you gotta do! I’ll PM you another thought I had because it involves a personal story about a family member.
Bloody Hell and hugs!
Oh, and I think I can be right there with you on husbands who don’t pay attention to the shit kids can find!!!! I’m STILL working on getting Keith to see the correlation between the SciFi channel and nightmares.
I’d say I can LIVE without a lot of things. Food (…nutritious food), shelter, air, water are the basics I can’t live without. I began to understand stability and sanity because of my son. But I’ve got, what? five more years on that?
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 12:03
Ugh. It is just not okay. No matter the story.
I am not too concerned. She is still really young. And, GP (d’s dad) will have festivities so she is going to have something. This point that I am proving will to him will be a life long one.
So that is worth it.
December 4th, 2009 at 11:44
Dear Valeria Lynn Walton (oh ya you legally changed your name to my daughters name… Danielle)
You are a fucking bitch cunt asswipe… I cannot believe you have spent over 30 years doing everything you can to alienate me and my sister Lesa from our blood relatives… now you have managed to make sure we never know when our most beloved relatives pass away and make sure we are told we are not only in the dark but not welcome and to be turned away if we show up at a fucking funeral?!! REALLY? WTF… How sad your life must be to constantly be talking about me and Lesa when we do not even give you the fucking time of day… ever…
and to attempt to influence my beloved daughter to buy into your total bullshit and think you even have a relationship with my granddaughter… do you REALLY think you can steal my relationships with my own children as well as my extended family? You may have won with the extended family… but you have some sense of fucking big ass balls if you think you can steal my children’s loyalty as well… GETAFUCKINGLIFEALREADY… and leave my life the fuck alone!!!
According to your ex, you are? Ex number one I am an awesome cook, a super duper mom and always there for him…. according to Ex number two I am a psycho crazed, career criminal, materialistic using bitch…
hmmm
Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day? an ice cold strawberry lemonade or mocha… and sometimes an ice cold beer…
Are there things you can’t live without?
Mystic MoonDust Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 11:48
woops forgot the last one… I cannot live without the obvious… food, air and water… but of the optional stuff… I am addicted to the internet, sex, and world of warcraft… and I would be lost without my kids and my grandchildren… I cannot live without genuine friends that actually show they care by their actions… and my spirituality that keeps me very well grounded… yes I believe in God, miracles and the power of the universe… no I am not religious in any way shape or form… no I do not judge those that choose a path different than mine
… that is all CHOW!
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 12:05
Do you feel better?
Mystic MoonDust Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 12:23
Yes… I have never actually purged on her like that before… I now will release her, thank her for her role in my life and wish her well… BEGONEWITHYOUIAMDONE! this shall not have any future effect on my life… I am smiling once again…
LivingWicked Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 12:26
Gooood. !!!
December 5th, 2009 at 16:41
According to my ex….the kids’ sperm donor…I am a cold hearted manipulative BITCH. I’m only cold hearted to him. I don’t know what Doug thinks about me. I don’t really even care. I’d laugh in his face no matter what he said anyway. He EPICfailed with me.
Favorite thing to drink in summer….sweet iced tea.
Penis.
Speaking of penis.
Dear Penis. I miss you. It’s been more than a week. Not that long. But still….longer than I’d like. Apparently your master missed the memo about that told him fuckmyfacealready. There was a conversation in the kitchen, where all good conversation takes place. This situation is to be fixed promptly. Love Me.
Dear Vag. Get over yourself. In a hurry. You’re pathetic. You sustained no injuries and trauma was minimized. Get with the program. 5 more weeks ain’t happening. You have three. Maybe.
Dear Inlaw-type-people. Clearly you don’t know me. You think you don’t like me now? Wait till I shove my foot up your opinionated asshole. You can attempt to guilt trip your son about having his son circumcised as much as you want to, but THE TWO OF US have made a decision. TOGETHER. Nothing you do, or say, will change what WE WANT FOR OUR SON. Stop trying to push your opinons on us. He might be a first time parent, but I am NOT. And for the record, if you think you’re going to come here, to my house, and have even an ounce of disrespect for me…you’ve got another think coming. AND BTW, when you do come, we are apparently all going out to my parent’s house for a BBQ because my mother is going to swap words with your wife so that she can comprehend what kind of person I am, and how I’m not going to put up with HER bullshit any more than I would put up with my own mother’s bullshit. I am not just A bitch, I am THE bitch, and right now, I am the wrong fucking bitch for you to piss off. Got it? Good. Sincerely – your Daughterinlaw-type-person.
Dear Dan’s sister. IN YOUR FACE BITCH. HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I would give a MILLION DOLLARS to turn back time and SEE THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE when my sister told you to get lost when you showed up at the hospital last Friday. I laughed till I cried. You best be remembering who the ALPHA BITCH in this ‘family’ is, cause it sure the hell ain’t you.
Dear Dan. You. Lips. Now. PS – That was THE lamest excuse I have EVER heard. “I didn’t think you were ready”….for lip service? cumthefuckon. Don’t ever masturbate again. I’m laughing at you right now. You’re lucky you’re in there scrubbing the kitchen floor and can’t hear me. <3 me.
Dear Perfect Strangers. Keep cooing over him. He's all mine. I know you're jealous. I love him and every single time one of you people points out how adorable etc he is, my heart swells with more love for him. Thank you.
Dear Courtni – I <3 U.
Stephany Reply:
December 5th, 2009 at 16:50
PS. I laughed a little. My dad used to keep his porn under the seat in his pickup. And yes, I looked. But it kinda reminded me of the day my vibrator turned up missing and I found it under a kid’s pillow after they were asleep for a few hours. Or the time I found one of my really good illustrated sex books in the bathroom cabinet. At least I was never publicly humiliated. I think I’d snap my kids’ neck if one of them did that.