4 Minus 1
Dec 25, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Current Events, Family, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Parenting, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
Merry Christmas! Ho! Ho! Ho! (Who you callin’ a HO!?)
As you all know, I am not all “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOITSCHRISTMASSSSSSSSSS!” this year. But, with the me being told about myself and all … I have done my part to fake it until I make it. Annnnnnnnnnd I made it to the finish line. Yay me! Today is the big day that everyone and their dysfunctional mother is talking about.
Christmas. No wait … still faking it … Christmas! (Better?!)
My crooked tree is shining with pretty lights and ornaments. There are presents under it all wrapped and shit. Family and friends (even some unexpected ones) are making my family of 4 minus 1 feel super duper special today. It feels really good to know that there are folks in your corner that genuinely give a shit. Genuine shit givers are few and far between as of late. It seems that when you are beyond struggling … all of those with the best fucking mouthpieces talking about how they will have your back if you ever need anything ever … are the ones that are the most full of shit … and they disappear without a trace …
You know what? FUCK those guys. If you are one of them who told me you would be there for my family and I haven’t heard shit from you … not even just to check in and see how things are going?! Don’t call me. Ever. Delete me from your life if I haven’t already deleted your selfish asses.
(I feel better.)
This holiday season has taught me a few really key things about life. Some things I already knew but needed a refresher on … either way the lesson was re-etched in my brain.
1) True friends don’t need to tell you that they will be there for you. They just are.
2) God only gives you what he knows you can handle. He never sets out to break you. You break yourself.
3) A true testament of strength is when you start at the bottom of the barrel and the next thing you know you find yourself standing on the outside of it, staring down into where you once were … wondering how in the fuck you just got out.
4) No one likes a braggart. There is a time and a place for being a big mouth. True adults know when to keep their fucking mouths shut.
5) Unconditional is unconditional. Either you love someone for all that they are or you don’t. The lesson is that in order to truly love a person, you absolutely have to accept everything about them that you cannot change. Or, stay true to a shallow, loveless relationship where you are constantly trying to mold them into something they can or never will be able to be.
Ya digg?
I miss my D today. As I sit here in a silent house, I am reminded of all of the little traditions he and I have made over the last 9 Christmases that we have spent together. Maybe that is why Idontwantit this year. Because there is a piece of the puzzle missing. We always wrap the Santa presents with different paper than all of the others after the kids crash out. There is a note from Santa, thanking them for the cookies. D eats the cookies because he is a muncher … and that is his favorite part. He always rocks a Santa Hat. All day.
Sometimes I made him keep it on … for … you know. Heh. Okay all of the time but whatever.
D makes me listen to fucking Christmas music.
He cooks. All day. And then he sleeps. Ha!
The reality is that he isn’t here and so my plan is to not sleep through the day like I really want to but was (again) told about myself that it is not okay to do that on Christmas! so I will instead do as best as I can to make sure that as many of these little traditions as possible are felt by my kids. If that means that I have a private moment where I completely freak out … then so be it. The most important part is that my kids will smile and laugh and hopefully … even for just a moment … forget that we as a family of 4 minus 1 are going through one of the hardest times in all of our lives.
If I can pull that off … than I really AM Wonder Woman.
Cheers to the Holiday’s … and if I haven’t mentioned it before … thank you all so much for any and all support that you have given over this time in my life. All of it has gotten me through … and kept me smiling. Know that.
Merry Christmas.
Tags: christmas, Family, Parenting, spirit, wonder woman
December 25th, 2009 at 01:03
Best blog Ive read yet. Absolutely luv ya girl. As Ive said before, Good things happen to Good people……your on the up-slope, and only great things are coming your way. Stay smilin, and keep being the person your are……your more of an influence than you know.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 25th, 2009 at 01:58
Awww! Thanks, Ken! You are SO nice when you want to be.
Ken Adams Reply:
December 25th, 2009 at 03:46
Yes, when I want to be……….but more importantly when someone deserves it……….otherwise FUCK THEM!
~luv ya
December 25th, 2009 at 02:10
Hey girl…I’m so sorry that I’ve been busy…wait. I’m not going to use that as an excuse..I should have been around, I should have checked in, and for that I’m so dang sorry and grateful that you haven’t deleted me. I don’t know why you are minus 1 and for that I feel lower than low, but you KNOW me girl. You need something, you holler; it’s that simple. And I understand if you aren’t the hollering type, but we got history and you know you can holler here. If not, then give me a hint on how to help and you know I’ll do whatever I can. I love you Courtni…truly, bad friend I’ve been and all.
all my mad-luv,
Teri Michelle~
XOXO
LivingWicked Reply:
December 25th, 2009 at 12:22
Don’t apologize honey. I was not at all referring to you.
It was more people in driving distance. Ya know?
Love you.
T~tothe~M Reply:
December 28th, 2009 at 10:49
I understand what/who you meant but still. I haven’t been here like I should/could have been. Hope your Monday after is a bright sunny day. let me know if I can help in whatever way..and I’ll do what I can.
love you too.
December 25th, 2009 at 02:25
Genuine shit givers are indeed a treasure, and you never really know who the genuine shit givers are going to be. In tough times, I tend to reconnect with people I’ve been close to in the past. They were genuine shit givers then and continue to be now, despite long lags between being in touch or not.
And, then there are those who go out of their way to make the worst moments in your life just a little more horrible. Fuck them.
When the kids start getting excited and unwrapping and stuff, you’ll find it easier to get wrapped up in the day they are having and not have as much time to dwell on the day you would all rather be having with D.
I’m married, but if I told you how many YEARS it’s been since I had sex, it would curl your hair (or make you weep spontaneously at imagining what that must be like). It is what it is and there’s nothing I can do to change that without becoming a different person from the one I truly am…which isn’t a cheat.
You’re so right about having to love others flaws and all or it’s never going to work. A friend of mine likes to say, “People come as is. There are no fixer-uppers.”
Indulge in the joy of watching the Santa miracle through your children’s eyes because you were Wonder Woman before this day came and you’ll be Wonder Woman long after it’s a faded memory.
Merry Christmas! Celebrate when you have a chance to celebrate, and this is big-time celebration for the kids.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 25th, 2009 at 12:27
I appreciate you sharing.
I am sorry that you live in that kind of environment … but I assume that it is for good reason. ?
You made me cry god damnit. <3
Buzzardbilly Reply:
December 25th, 2009 at 17:08
I did not mean to make you cry! Those had bettered be goddamned tears of joy over the realization that other people know you’re Wonder Woman
My situation is simple, but we’d have to go to e-mail for that. My e-mail’s on my profile anytime you wanna vent, discuss the many options that Duracell-using products may offer you, or just make merciless fun of all the shallow bastards in this world.
No matter what hardships I’ve faced in my life (and strangely enough there have been many intense ones far worse than years without sex), the thing that always carries me through is: It could always be so much worse than it is. No matter what. So, I try to be thankful for what I do have and figure that someday in the distant future somebody’s gonna get fucked until there’s no skin left on his dick. Ferreal.
XOXO to you my kindred spirit.
December 25th, 2009 at 05:26
I love you. That is all.
Merry Christmas!
LivingWicked Reply:
December 25th, 2009 at 12:28
I love you more.
December 25th, 2009 at 05:48
*hugs* Love ya Ms. Wicked C. Thank you for everything and thanks for being an awesome role model with all that you’ve accomplished this year. I’m sorry that this Christmas blows (the bad way). I can’t offer any advice, seeing as you’re a million times stronger than I am. All I can offer is gratitude, and ear and love from thousand of miles away…Merry Christmas baby.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 25th, 2009 at 12:30
Merry Christmas beautiful. I am so happy to know you. XoXoX
December 25th, 2009 at 08:51
I am with you on the faking it this year. It hasnt been the best of times lately and I am grateful that I have a child who is understanding of it. I am keeping most of it to myself and having my own private freak out moments and I have actually found a true friend out of my ordeal. I love you for wanting to at least try to show your kids some of your traditions and next year they will be right on. Hell I just love you period. I wish you the merriest of Christmases this year, even if you arent truly feeling it. <3
LivingWicked Reply:
December 25th, 2009 at 12:31
I am so sorry that you are in a rough spot. You know it is going to get better. … right?! It has to.
I love you too. A great deal.
December 25th, 2009 at 11:13
I’m crying. I hate christmas. I had all those damn years where I had no one, and now I’ve got Dan and it still sucks. He’s not a holiday kinda guy. We didn’t exchange presents. I got him a couple of gifts “from the kids”. That was it. He didn’t get me anything. I thought I would be happy to have someone today, to make it a little more special. I wanted to spend xmas with stupid fucking Doug last year and was soooo depressed because I was alone and now I just hate the day. I’m faking it. A lot of people fake it. Tomorrow it’s over. I’m glad. Until then, I’m going to end up eating my way through this damn day. Starting with breakfast. Muffins. and Fudge. *sigh*
LivingWicked Reply:
December 25th, 2009 at 12:32
Just motherfucking breathe. Okay?
This is only 24 hours of the year. A drop in the bucket.
December 25th, 2009 at 13:42
I’m so sorry you have to spend your Christmas without D. The first Christmas after my divorce (not your situation, I know) was really difficult…it’s varied up and down from then. This one was pretty good. I’ve just been spending the day with my kiddos eating yummy stuff and playing with their Santa swag. You’ll get through and hopefully take lots of pics so D can share in the memories you’re making.
Love ya.
December 25th, 2009 at 16:27
Merry Christmas… I know you how hard it must have been to fake the cheer.. Glad you still had love ones surround you though..
Love from this side of the world <3
December 25th, 2009 at 19:00
You ARE Wonder Woman. Booyah. Merry Christmas.
December 25th, 2009 at 21:14
First off, Merry Christmas!
Ok, so I feel AWFUL because I am a someone within driving distance and did offer to help if you needed anything and I haven’t been checking in with you. And for that I am so sorry! I will admit, I have been wrapped up in pregnancy land and feeling shitty when really I should be concentrating on anything to keep my mind off of it. I’ve been getting updates from D.H. though so I knew you were still truckin
) So again I will say, if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask and I will do everything in my power to help you out. As I told you, I have been through what your going through and I got through it only by the help of others. And knowing that as bad as you want to crawl under the covers and wait for it to be over, every day that passes is another day closer to being together again.
December 26th, 2009 at 15:55
Hugs
January 7th, 2010 at 17:17
Everytime I go to your blog I’m impressed. Keep em comin. Take advantage of the day