Honest Tuesday’s — 3
Nov 2, 2009 DUH, Family, Honest Tuesday's, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, P.O.E. Biz, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Is it Honest Tuesday’s again? Shit what happened to my week?
*sigh*
I am freaking the fuck out.
I took a risk leaving the boring, mundane, non-challenging place of employment that I was financially secure at for my new job. A biiiiiiiig risk. A if-I-dont-make-money-we-live-in-my-car risk. But the risk was one that if I was even remotely worried about my success at it… I probably wouldn’t have taken.
Not because I doubt my abilities. Because I am responsible for 4 fucking people. That is a huge god damned responsibility.
The deal is that my old job sucked. I may have known how much money I was making every 2 weeks … but it literally made me want to shoot myself in the face. That is how god damned non-challenging and boring it was. I H A T E D I T. My new job? I love. Other than the cunt that I hate … (andyouknewtherewasgonnabeoneofthosebitches) I love all of my co-workers. I love the dynamic. The jokes. The laughs and most of all I adore my bosses. It is a place that I actually look forward to spending a bulk of my time at on a daily basis.
I know. It is unheard of to love your job.
Not to mention the fact that I sell happiness every day. Yeah I said it: I sell happiness.
How many people can walk into work, punch the clock and know that the product for sale is making memories with their loved ones? That they sell smiles? That the pictures of happy kids on the beach is because *they* got them there?
Right. Not many people can actually say that. Well, *I* can. The problem is that selling happiness is harder than it sounds in this blog. People are fucking open sores of negativity. Pus-filled abscesses of negative energy. Sometimes, regardless of how excited you are … how happy … how much you believe in something to be so great … Sometimes it is not enough.
If someone doesn’t believe it, then I don’t get paid. Meaning, if I fuck up a call … and a person says no … I lose money. Meeeeeeeeaning, sometimes I have spent all day believing enough for the both of us… I have worked for free. I honestly never expected this to be as hard and as emotionally draining as it is. Every single day. I am absolutely not bitching about it. Simply put: I am living a complete lifestyle change right now, and it is freaking me out.
Did I mention that I was freaking out? I haven’t said much before because I am trying to smile my way through it … and you know … not succumb to the negative cesspool of people that are attempting to consume our society … but we are coming to the deadline and … well … shit is not that great. Financially. Will it get better? Fucking aye. I hope so.
Actually. Fuck that.
Yes. It will get better.
Yes. I will be successful.
Yes. I will rock this risk and not regret it.
But I am going to have to work my ass off for it to get better. Never in my life have I had to work this hard. Soooo the conclusion is that I am going to appreciate the success that much more.
Because I have earned it.
Not because it was given to me.
With that said, I am poor so this is a shameless plug to go and support me and buy my book. It is a great book and … well … hell I need all of the extra money I can get.
Thanks. 
What have you been less than honest about this week?
What is the best compliment that you have ever recieved?
Have you ever played naked Twister or any other game naked?
Do you scrunch or fold your TP?
November 3rd, 2009 at 00:12
*grabs pom poms* You are awesome and It will pay off!
I get compliments all the time. The really good ones have a tendency to be a little off putting. Like. “I wish I was you.”
I have never played Twister naked, but I have played other games. I used to know a girl who came over once a week and we’d play Uno to see who was going to be the master for the next few hours.
Scrunch , fold, whatever. Not a creature of habit here. I like to mix it up.
You will be fine, Courtni. You’ve so got this.
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:50
What other games?
November 3rd, 2009 at 00:16
have i told you lately that i absolutely love you? (no butt kissing intended i promise) this blog just reminded me why
dont stop believing (yes think the song 
) good luck deary,i know you can do whatever you set your mind to.
1. ive been dishonest about a few things..with myself. and lemme tell you..i was trying to convince myself that being in a certain situation would be ok,and after all of that,it backfired in a big way..:/ i mean im relieved it backfired but at the same time,im ashamed that i worked so hard to convince myself of something i KNEW was wrong,something i KNEW i didnt want/want to do. i have alot of self evaluation to do
..
2.best compliment ever “dani >swiftperryjolieaniston”
3.no haha
4. fold although i try not to use a ton of tp because that shiet aint cheap for a poor person like me
5. answer 1-5 for me now,im curious!!
<3 much love to you,thanks for the read.
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:52
I absolutely love you.
1. It comes with age honey. You will figure it out.
2. <3 THAT!
3. You should.
4. Right!? TP is spendy.
5.
What is the best compliment that you have ever received?
That I am a good mom.
Have you ever played naked Twister or any other game naked?
Duh.
Do you scrunch or fold your TP?
Fold.
November 3rd, 2009 at 00:28
I am freaking out about my job security, I am telling everyone it’s all fine, telling everyone that these breaks I am being forced on aren’t going to be something that happens constantly just something that is a temporary thing, that I’m sure things will pick up and I’ll be made permanent … truth is I’m terrified, somehow I have once again managed to land myself in a job that is apparently extremely precarious, which is NOT the impression I was given when the job was offered to me… once again I am in a position of being at risk of not having a job tomorrow… and I am so angry I am right back where I started, because I LOVE my job…
The best compliment I have ever received.. a bunch of colleagues were having a discussion about a girl on big brother who was perceived as being far too big for the clothes she wore… One of them asked me to weigh in and I told him I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything about her as she was smaller then myself and so I wasn’t in a position to judge… he turned and looked me straight in the eye and told me that he didn’t look at me as fat, because of the clothes I wear and the way I present myself. This is a man known for his foot in mouth honesty so coming from him it actually meant something. I have never ever forgotten those words and how good they made me feel.
My ex and I used to play all sorts of games naked… but that was largely because we were hardly ever clothed around each other… if we were in our flat and it was just the 2 of us chances are good we were naked – it just came to a point that it was too inconvenient to get dressed unless we were going out or having visitors… and we rarely had visitors hahaha
I used to scrunch, but now I fold..
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:52
Why the change in TP habits?
Kylie Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 23:02
I really don’t know… one day I just started folding…
November 3rd, 2009 at 04:51
ooh that little guy at the average/memorable crossroads, totally how I’m feeling this week. BTW, you are made of AWESOME correct? Then I can think of no one better to sell happiness and smiles, not a damn person. For that, you are the one.
When people tell me I’m brave I tend to think it for a nanosecond, but really I don’t get it… because I’m not really. But it shocks me and I like that.
I have never played nakie games…. nope.
Umm I’m thinking I mix it up with the TP game..
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:53
It is a cool pic, huh?
Aww thanks babe.
You need to incorporate nakie games. They rule.
November 3rd, 2009 at 05:16
Do it, dooo it. Some times you have to change your whole perspective before your can move forward. I am proud of you and know you will do well!
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:53
Thanks lovie.
November 3rd, 2009 at 05:24
I don’t want the jobs I am applying for. I just want to be financially stable and able to let Gunny not worry.
The reason I don’t want them is they have the potential to split us up as long as he is in the army.
I’m tired.
And I don’t want to fight, I want to be positive, too. If we could afford our happiness right now, we would be grabbing our vacation in the sand… well if schools weren’t so picky about attendance. Apparently a parent deploying and spending time is not an excused absence.
Today is going to be painful because our egos are bruised, but I am going to keep my mouth shut and be positive, because there’s too short a time left together to play the mad game.
So what am I not going to be honest about this week? The hurt, because we have to enjoy the time we have. The hurt will come after he is gone and my daughter is in school and I am alone.
For now I need to be grateful for the time we have left together before he goes
Cassie Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 05:53
I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much I admire you, Bama…but I do!!!
I hope it gets easier…and the hurt dissipates rapidly!
Bama Riley Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 13:36
Thanks, Cassie.
<3
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:54
I admire her too. A great damn deal.
November 3rd, 2009 at 05:28
What have you been less than honest about this week? About how much this damn sickness is starting to depress me….ugh
and maybe the fact that certain people are needing to be removed from the friends list
What is the best compliment that you have ever recieved? When my Grandfather told me he admired the way I didn’t give up on college
Have you ever played naked Twister or any other game naked? nope
Do you scrunch or fold your TP? either/or, usually depending on if I’m in a hurry or not!
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:54
Delete them. You will feel better.
GET NAKED.
November 3rd, 2009 at 06:25
I’m a TP-folder.
But hopefully it settles a bit for you. You don’t want it to be easy again, but it definitely sounds like it would be awesome if it was a little less stressful.
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:55
This doesn’t surprise me.
And yeah. I need to find the balance between the 2.
November 3rd, 2009 at 06:38
I scrunch my TP and I’ve given you an award at my blog today!
November 3rd, 2009 at 06:49
I can’t be honest about what it is I need to be honest about here because my ex web-stalks me and who knows what blogs he has found that I frequent. I wouldn’t put it past him at this point. So I’ll be keeping it to myself. sigh. Even my safe spaces no longer feel safe.
Played a few games of strip poker but never naked twister. That’s not something anyone wants to see now.
Um… fold…. odd question
You are very courageous my friend. Good for you. It’ll all work out because you wouldn’t accept any less.
Wish I could find that kind of strength.
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:55
You have!?!?
April Reply:
November 4th, 2009 at 06:37
…strip poker, I assume? Yea. I was much younger and alcohol was involved. A lot of alcohol.
November 3rd, 2009 at 07:12
I feel every word of this. I spent an entire summer trying to make a living by canvassing… and I learned that I am NOT built for sales. Trying to talk people into something they don’t believe in or want to buy into is just not in my chemical makeup… But I have mad respect for those who can rock it and make it work – and I have every faith that YOU ARE *THAT* ONE. THE ONE who can rock this and make it your bitch.
This week I have been less than honest with myself in a lot of ways…but sometimes you have to fake it and MAKE it real. So I am not sorry.
I’ll have to get back tol you on the compliment.
I have never played any naked game. Not even strip poker.
I fold my TP. Always.
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:56
I love you.
We are playing a naked game.
November 3rd, 2009 at 09:23
I’m a folder. One of the kids is a scruncher and without fail, he is the one that clogs the toilet every fucking time.
I haven’t been dishonest or less than honest about anything this week. Dan and I talked about his ex issues some more and about how we’d met and I mentioned that I felt like SHIT that I was shacked up with a married guy. A guy that I was NOT married to. Who was LIVING with me. And paying RENT. And that he still had a WIFE who he wasn’t divorced from. And that he didn’t live in BOTH places. It’s just WEIRD. It makes me feel MORALLY WRONG sometimes, as much as I love him, and KNOW and UNDERSTAND the situation. We agreed not to mention this to our “less than a month away from having future child”
Also, after some more heated issues this week, Dan and I were laying in bed and I told him that I wasn’t secure about moving to California yet. That it is a huge leap of faith and that I didn’t think we, as a ‘family’ were ready for that yet, and that I was really glad that we were MONTHS away from the move, in hopes that I WOULD feel better about it. And that, in saying that, it doesn’t mean I didn’t love him, or any less, just that I felt we needed more time before we actually did it. It’s hard to make that leap of faith. But you’ve obviously done it with work. I have to admire you for that, and hope that I have the strength within myself to make my own leap of faith with things.
With that being said, I feel kinda guilty thinking that you most likely will be missing some work to be there for my delivery. Especially since financially it could hurt you guys. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I’d understand. You think about it. If, say, my water breaks right when you’re getting off work, or they want to start my induction after you’re out of work? I could call then? (I’ll be all, bitches, you’re not turning that shit on until 2, 3, 5pm when Courtni gets off work LOL) And weekends, I’d call.
I’ll just tell him that he’s staying put until Courtni is off work. That’s all there is to it damnit. LOL
Dan’s mom and sister-in-law are coming up on the 28th supposedly. (honestly, we expect the baby to stay put until I’m induced, which would be nice to be done ON the 29th) His SIL is going to watch the kids and his mom would like to be there. I feel like she’s more there for Dan and seeing the baby though. Not ME. KWIM? The whole situation kind of bunches my pregnant undies.
Anyway, I’m not eligible for ‘elective induction’ until the 29th. (a sunday, and he said there’s no telling if they have ROOM to do my induction that day anyway. SAD and BS.). And my ‘official’ due date is on the 6th. HOWEVER, I have ANOTHER ultrasound on the 12th @2. The baby is measuring big. Like OMFG…he’ll be 10 lbs if I go to term big. He’s in the 7lb range now and gaining 1/2lb a week or more.) So they could induce me earlier. (slim chance I’d go on my own considering my history.) Or I could actually need a c-section by the time they decide to DO IT…and they wouldn’t let you in for that anyway. Which is GHEY, I mean, who doesn’t want to see their friends blood and guts anyway?!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 18:57
<– not interested in seeing them.
Your placenta though? Psh I am all in.
We will figure it out love.
November 4th, 2009 at 09:22
We wouldn’t expect anything less than you kicking ass and taking names, hon.
November 4th, 2009 at 10:17
Best compliments…probably when others have said things about how I’ve helped them or about my momminess. The one that always stands out is the compliment Cass and Squish gave my kids (me, too) and succumbed to twelve hours in a vehicle with us. The most romantic is too old to be dusted off at this point.
I’ve been brutally honest this week. The only thing I’ve been less than honest about is how I feel about me in the physical sense. I need bloodwork and a thyroid re-work, but really can’t afford it.
I usually scrunch. When the TP starts running low, I fold. So, I fold alot.
November 5th, 2009 at 18:24
You will be great and you know it. It takes time. This made me miss my sales job OH SO MUCH.
What have you been less than honest about this week?
Some minor details about something to my mom. She don’t need to know.
What is the best compliment that you have ever recieved?
Someone told me that a blog I wrote had helped them.
Have you ever played naked Twister or any other game naked?
yes and yes
Do you scrunch or fold your TP?
Fold, then scrunch