Love the One Your With, Etc.
Nov 5, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friendship, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, P.O.E. Biz, Relationships, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
I met up with a client today to finalize some paperwork. She told me that she would rather meet me in person than do business over the phone.
Word.
I am really pretty and well dressed so I was totally fine with that suggestion. Since Tarable and I carpool, she rolled her pretty ass along with.
This woman I met was the cutest old lady ever. E V E R. Walking into her house was like walking into my own grandmothers house. She reminded me of my grandmother. From hair to nails to laugh to her house full of trinkets. Tarable broke down in tears because it was a reminder of her grandmother … which curbed my emotions about my grandmother because I obviously went into mommy-mode. My grandmother passing was more of a relief than anything. I have talked about her before, and most of you know that she and I were quite close. But when you watch a martyr deteriorate slowly in front of you … it is a relief to see them pass and finally be with the man that they were waiting to meet in heaven.
That client, as well as another one that I talked with this week have both recently lost their spouses. It put me into that reflective mode where I attempt to picture my life without D. I know. It is not healthy to dwell on those thoughts, nor is it fucking close to what I should be doing to live positively.
Regardless. When a person talks about the loss of the person who they spent a great deal of their life with, it makes you really think about your person. The one who (insert Al Green) … no matter good or bad … happy or sad … you have chosen to spend a great deal of your life with. D is my person. And, past the bullshit … and the annoyances … I genuinely enjoy my life with him. He is my other half. The one who completes me.
Corny or not, I cannot imagine my life without him in it. In fact … cannot isn’t the correct word. WILL NOT is a better use of my vocabulary. I will not imagine him not here. Because if I do, I feel like a part of my heart is gone and I don’t like that kind of speculation.
I get that it is bound to happen eventually. I would rather us go together. Like a bittersweet symphony or something. Where we have our good-bye’s and make love one last time and we tell each other everything we never said but wanted to. That moment. Where we finish all of the unfinished business with each other and then hold hands while we make our final destination to heaven. Together.
No? Fuck you. Let me have my moment.
Tarable made such a wonderful statement tonight, as we left my client’s house and I had expressed my moment of reflection, imagining how I would live without D in my life.
She said: “You have 2 choices. Either move on and live life without him or go with him.”
As much as I wanted to punch her in her “I am right” fucking face right then … she was right. I am not going to not live life because his time to go was well before mine … and I am not going to die from a broken heart. I am going to die kicking and screaming and swinging at what death looks like to me in that moment.
All in all, this is a winded blog about how death makes me uncomfortable. Experiencing it first hand or through someone else’s experiences … it makes me uncomfortable. And sad. And reflective. And it makes me really appreciate all that is my person. Or my people. Kids, besties, hubbies alike. I appreciate their laughs. Their smiley faces. I even appreciate their flaws.
In regard to my life partner though. My spouse. My hubby … I appreciate that so much more than anyone else because when the house is quiet … and it is just he and I and the 4 walls … I know that every moment is an important one.
Even if that moment is when he assumes that I want to have a conversation with him while he is mid-dump.
Because THAT is how I roll. (I dont. Ever.)
Wicked Thought for the Day: Cherish and appreciate your people because one day they won’t be people anymore. They will consist of photographs and memories.
Also, I would like to just mention that it is not at all appropriate or fucking funny to twirl a person’s panties around like a flag in the office if you are trying to have a discreet intimate relationship. Apologize. Immediately.
K?
Have you ever keyed anyone’s car before?
Have you ever been nude in public?
What is something that makes you cringe?
November 5th, 2009 at 03:29
What an excellent and honest blog! Life can’t be all funny or the funny stops being funny. Sometimes we have to take the time to ponder the “what ifs” so that we’re not completely blindsided when the downs replace the ups.
Watching Dad pass was a long, painful, protracted ordeal where we lost a bit more of him every day. He was the most miserable I’d ever seen a person be. When he passed, it was a relief.
When I married Curmy (short for Curmudgeon and beloved husband), I knew that marrying a man 16 years older than me would mean I would likely face losing him before I go. But, you know, my great-aunt married a man who was 16 years younger than her and she lived years past him. You just never know. It’s best to enjoy what you’ve got while you’ve got it. Too many people just don’t take the time to appreciate what they have.
Totally off topic, but I posted the other day that I gave you an AWARD the other day. Didja miss it?
November 5th, 2009 at 04:08
I spent a year or two taking a good hard look at death and now I’m coming back to life. It’s beautiful.
Never keyed a car. That’s horrible.
Oh, hell yes I’ve been nude in public. In like 13 states, several national monuments and once outside a podunk police station.
Watching people get hurt or painfully awkward moments make me cringe.
November 5th, 2009 at 04:43
I want to hang out with this lady you went to see. Death frightens me too, the notion of not being able to see through my eyes literally scares the bajeebus outta me. I can’t wrap my head around it, and I like to tell myself that my Papa is invincible even though I shouldn’t. Because I do know he’s getting up there and having heart problems (again). But I’ll get over that hill when it gets here… For now he’s a man of steel. =)
I’ve never keyed a car… we’ve picked up cars and moved them. That’s hilarious.
Never nude in public.
Watching people pour peroxide on deep cuts, my dad sliced his finger open at work yesterday(he’s a chef) and came home and I watched him do that and RAN out of the bathroom when it started bubbling up and ugh ew ew.
November 5th, 2009 at 07:45
oh. don’t get me hot. I’m about two seconds from keying a bitches car RIGHT now. This ugly twat that now owns the reserved parking space next to OUR reserved space, where we park Dan’s car….His car is an 06, but it is HELLA clean. Like he OCD’s on that damn car. He was shampooing the floor boards last night clean. Now, I have three kids, but we always have the child safety locks on, because neither of us trust the kids to not watch their doors to ding other people’s cars. Anyway, Sunday we went somewhere and Dan and I noticed two or three dings in the side of his car, with creamy white paint on them where someone’s car door had hit right above the tire well, which, geeeee…lined right up with the door and the car next to us. So on monday, when we were headed out to Blockbuster to get new movies, we see the bitch. I asked her, from the driver side of the car as I’m getting in, if that was her car and if it was her reserved parking space. Then I asked her, NICELY if she could just be careful with her car doors because we’d noticed there was a few dents where her door had hit the car. APPARENTLY THE CUNT DIDN’T GET IT, because YESTERDAY, when Dan was cleaning out the trunk and getting the car all nice and clean for ‘the baby’ (or so he says), he noticed there were about SIX NEW DENTS with HER PAINT ON THEM, ALL UP AND DOWN THE SIDE OF THE CAR that LINE UP WITH a WEAR MARK WITH HER DOORS! Not only on OUR car, but EXACTLY MATCHING THE CAR ON THE OTHER SIDE OF HER TOO!!! Dan fucking LOST IT. He went to the office and asked if we could get her apartment number so that he could talk to her about it and get her insurance information since some of it is substantial damage and they told him they couldn’t give the info out and to call the police. FIVE HOURS LATER, the police tell us it’s a civil issue. We told the officer we didn’t WANT TO CALL THEM, that we wanted to deal with it privately, but management wouldn’t let us because of privacy issues. Anyway, short of building a case against her and miraculously knowing where she lives to serve her with small claims, THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO. I want to punch that bitch in the face, because she was ASKED NICELY, and then obviously, intentionally did the shit again. But I’m not really that confrontational, so I figured she needed to be keyed instead LMFAO.
I’ve had my boob out in public. While I was breastfeeding. But that’s as nakid as I’ve ever been.
Oh, and I wanted to say too…my grandfather died when I was four. He was 45 I think. My grandma had a boyfriend after that. Then she moved to Ephrata and lived with Ernie (her next BF) of like 10 years before he died too. She’s had a few bf’s since then. My grandma that died recently…she was married and greatgrandpa died in the 70’s, like 76 or something. She lived with her bf Henry until he died like three years ago. And my mom’s mom, She’s been married and divorced twice, then she was with Mike for as long as I could remember. Like starting in 1983 or something, until he died in 1994. Last October she just got married again, to a guy that she’s been with for more than 10 years. Anyway, Each and every one of them have loved deeply the passing spouse…but have found some way to keep plugging along. The first grandma…she still mourns the loss of my grandfather. To this day, the thought of it makes her cry….It’s never okay, or right, that someone leaves you that you cherish that deeply….but somehow you find a way to make the best of it <3
November 5th, 2009 at 09:04
Have you ever keyed anyone’s car before?nope..have WANTED to, but nope
Have you ever been nude in public?what do you consider public?
What is something that makes you cringe?idiots speaking like they know
November 5th, 2009 at 10:00
I always have a tendency to ponder the what if’s way too much.
Have you ever keyed anyone’s car before?- No, I’ve wanted to, but then I always think how it would suck if anyone did that to me, so I refrained.
Have you ever been nude in public? No, I think I need to change this though, haha
What is something that makes you cringe?
hearing the word pussy. I don’t know why, I’m no prude but everytime I hear it I cringe.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:37
1. No.
2. No.
3. Bad grammar. Poor or improper use of punctuation.
November 5th, 2009 at 22:55
that was really deep. i feel so incomplete because outside of family and one friend,there isnt anyone i have to cherish. or maybe i dont see it. either way,thanks for posting it,i really like it.
November 6th, 2009 at 06:28
I’ve been on the edge of tears for weeks. Not the one or two that slide down your cheek occasionally when you’re feeling sentimental…..cleansing, sobbing tears. This just brought it on. I’m glad I’m here by myself this morning. Just needs to happen. I’m mourning a different kind of death here – it’s slow and it’s painful as hell.
I have never keyed anyone’s car. I have indeed been nude in public….naked, in fact…..no, nekkid, in fact. Sex on the beach is a beautiful thing until the Beach Patrol puts you in the spotlight. Jumped naked off a railroad trestle once.
Dog poo. Dog poo makes me cringe.
I love you, Courtni. Aching to get my arms around you.