Love the One Your With, Etc.
Nov 5, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friendship, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, P.O.E. Biz, Relationships, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
I met up with a client today to finalize some paperwork. She told me that she would rather meet me in person than do business over the phone.
Word.
I am really pretty and well dressed so I was totally fine with that suggestion. Since Tarable and I carpool, she rolled her pretty ass along with.
This woman I met was the cutest old lady ever. E V E R. Walking into her house was like walking into my own grandmothers house. She reminded me of my grandmother. From hair to nails to laugh to her house full of trinkets. Tarable broke down in tears because it was a reminder of her grandmother … which curbed my emotions about my grandmother because I obviously went into mommy-mode. My grandmother passing was more of a relief than anything. I have talked about her before, and most of you know that she and I were quite close. But when you watch a martyr deteriorate slowly in front of you … it is a relief to see them pass and finally be with the man that they were waiting to meet in heaven.
That client, as well as another one that I talked with this week have both recently lost their spouses. It put me into that reflective mode where I attempt to picture my life without D. I know. It is not healthy to dwell on those thoughts, nor is it fucking close to what I should be doing to live positively.
Regardless. When a person talks about the loss of the person who they spent a great deal of their life with, it makes you really think about your person. The one who (insert Al Green) … no matter good or bad … happy or sad … you have chosen to spend a great deal of your life with. D is my person. And, past the bullshit … and the annoyances … I genuinely enjoy my life with him. He is my other half. The one who completes me.
Corny or not, I cannot imagine my life without him in it. In fact … cannot isn’t the correct word. WILL NOT is a better use of my vocabulary. I will not imagine him not here. Because if I do, I feel like a part of my heart is gone and I don’t like that kind of speculation.
I get that it is bound to happen eventually. I would rather us go together. Like a bittersweet symphony or something. Where we have our good-bye’s and make love one last time and we tell each other everything we never said but wanted to. That moment. Where we finish all of the unfinished business with each other and then hold hands while we make our final destination to heaven. Together.
No? Fuck you. Let me have my moment.
Tarable made such a wonderful statement tonight, as we left my client’s house and I had expressed my moment of reflection, imagining how I would live without D in my life.
She said: “You have 2 choices. Either move on and live life without him or go with him.”
As much as I wanted to punch her in her “I am right” fucking face right then … she was right. I am not going to not live life because his time to go was well before mine … and I am not going to die from a broken heart. I am going to die kicking and screaming and swinging at what death looks like to me in that moment.
All in all, this is a winded blog about how death makes me uncomfortable. Experiencing it first hand or through someone else’s experiences … it makes me uncomfortable. And sad. And reflective. And it makes me really appreciate all that is my person. Or my people. Kids, besties, hubbies alike. I appreciate their laughs. Their smiley faces. I even appreciate their flaws.
In regard to my life partner though. My spouse. My hubby … I appreciate that so much more than anyone else because when the house is quiet … and it is just he and I and the 4 walls … I know that every moment is an important one.
Even if that moment is when he assumes that I want to have a conversation with him while he is mid-dump.
Because THAT is how I roll. (I dont. Ever.)
Wicked Thought for the Day: Cherish and appreciate your people because one day they won’t be people anymore. They will consist of photographs and memories.
Also, I would like to just mention that it is not at all appropriate or fucking funny to twirl a person’s panties around like a flag in the office if you are trying to have a discreet intimate relationship. Apologize. Immediately.
K?
Have you ever keyed anyone’s car before?
Have you ever been nude in public?
What is something that makes you cringe?
