You Just Think That You Are Funny.
Oct 28, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, I WIN!, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, P.O.E. Biz, Ranteriffic, bitch
Well then.
I guess someone told me, didn’t they?
I am going to do the following things in this blog:
1) Blow a teeny bit of smoke up my own ass.
2) Rant.
Someone said this to me. A person who I don’t speak to. Someone who does not have the repertoire with me to just make a joke like that. So she was seriously saying that she 1) did not think I was funny and 2) that I think that I am funny but that I am really not funny.
Um.
(This is the blowing smoke up my own ass part.)
Actually, I AM really funny. Like, HA HA funny. I pride myself on making jokes and poking fun with the people that I care about. Shit, even people that I don’t really care about. I love to laugh. It makes me feel good when I can make another person chuckle/giggle/snort when they are having a bad day.
I said in return to this unsolicited statement: “Oh I am funny. I know that much is true.” (good one, right?)
(and then the rant.)
For someone who doesn’t even know me to say that all of this time that I have spent confident in my funny demeanor has been just me in my own head … is … fucking offensive and totally uncalled for! Especially given the context of the conversation, the fact that not a single person in it was even acknowledging her presence OR the fact that … really?? No one even asked her.
What I think is funny is that sometimes … more often than not lately … people assume that I am the one. The one who won’t stand up for herself. The one who will just smile and nod and take someone’s shit. The one who will be talked to like she is half of a person.
The one who will get cut off on the motherfucking freeway and NOT pull out my legaltopurchaseatWalmartifIamover18 shotgun and point it directly at their motherfucking faces while still doing 75 on I405.
All I am saying is that I may or may not have pulled my Walmart shotgun out on a bitch for less.
I get that not everyone will like me, that not everyone will always think that I am awesome. Bitch you are the least liked bitch in the establishment. How do you like THEM apples? Huh?! HUH?!?! How about next time though, recognize game? Because what I look like on the outside has no bearing on the venom that comes from within my Wicked little soul.
I will run motherfucking circles around you. While making motherfuckers laugh. SIMULTANEOUSLY.
SAY SUMPIN!
If someone gave you $1,000 and asked you to kill a butterfly by burning it alive in the flame of candle, would you do it?
If a genie granted you 3 wishes, what would you ask for?
Do you watch porn? How would you react if you walked in on your significant other watching porn?
Tags: confrontation, inappropriate, rant, rude, venom, wicked, work
October 29th, 2009 at 01:43
I would not burn a butterfly. Not even for a grand. I will, however, kill every godforsakenmotherfucking spider that I see.
If a genie granted me three wishes….I’d ask for a new vehicle with third row seating. My car is MAYBE 6 months away from taking a royal shit and Dan’s car, nor mine, will hold the entire family now. I’d ask for a nice new house in Cali too. And for all my bills to be paid. I’ve got about 7k in debt. It’s not much, but I would like to not have it. It would make me feel better to not have it.
And…if I walked in and caught Dan watching porn, I’d be shocked. For a guy, he’s not all into watching porn. I’m into watching porn. He’ll sit on the computer and I’ll flip back and forth between two different SkinAMAX channels watching porn/almostporn. Fuck. I watch porn even when he’s NOT in the room. I don’t give a shit. He hasn’t ever watched me masturbate though, even though he’s seen my toy collection. I just wouldn’t let him. I’m fucking weird about that shit. I don’t know why. Then again, it’s not like he’s ever come right out and said…hey baby, I want to watch you masturbate. I donno. Men are dumb.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 09:55
I cannot wait to be bad debt free.
October 29th, 2009 at 02:32
I can’t believe how rude people can be. I don’t see why people find it necessary to offer negative opinions about people they hardly know.
No I would not kill a butterfly for a grand… but like Justice, death to all spiders.
3 wishes.. 1.job security, make me permanent already.. 2. to not be a tenant anymore, to be able to buy this home from my landlord, and be debt free.. 3.fertility issues be gone
Yes… and I would probably join them in watching it, have some fun.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 09:56
I agree.
Watching porn together is a good time.
October 29th, 2009 at 04:25
I would not burn a butterfly.
I need a drink.
And I can’t for the life of me figure out my goddamn timeshare. That would be one of my wishes. To go back in time and undo this timeshare. I dunno about the “points” timeshare, but I know goddamn well that the “weeks” system was a helluva lot gappy when being explained.
I wish Donnie wasn’t leaving
and I would wish this job thing I am trying to line up that takes YEARS to prep and after tons of paperwork that I could actually get it and it work out for us
I have watched it, and I have walked in on it. I have accepted he has a problem (reason being he downloads it constantly form the net. Like every day for hours, downloading it) and there’s not a goddamn thing I can do about it but accept it. My reaction is frustration because porn sometimes leads guys to think real life sex is supposed to be like porn and foreplay is simply licking before sticking.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 09:57
I need a drink too.
Points and weeks are the same thing for the most part.
Real life is so not the same.
October 29th, 2009 at 04:26
Love that Wonder Woman picture.
I HATE it when people offer unsolicited negative opinion about people and things they aren’t qualified to assess.
I’d burn the butterfly. They have no nervous system and feel no pain. A thousand dollars is a lot of money still. I’d feel bad about what I did to get it, but my Karma is pretty good. I would be weary of people who offered me that much money to do something so senselessly destructive.
Wishes: Perfect health; perfect love; perfect security
Porn is ridiculous unless I’m jerking off. Men are so visually stimulated. I have no significant other.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 09:58
I thought you would.
October 29th, 2009 at 04:31
You’re funny and you entertain me, so you are good in my book.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 09:59
(heart)
October 29th, 2009 at 04:46
Methinks people think I am also the one… when I am, most emphatically, not. And they’re all about to get the smackdown. Call me names all you want, but affect my pocketbook and I’ll beat a bitch down. Watch me call out ALL the shit now. I always win, I don’t know why they persist in starting shit.
I wouldn’t burn a butterfly. Not for a grand. Maybe for ten… maybe…
I’d wish to be debt-free, own a home with a big backyard, and for a return to focus on service and not profit.
I’m not big on live action porn. Mags are all good tho. If I walked in on it I’d prolly join in the watching and instigate making our own instead.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:00
I just really like amateur.
Oh I know you arent the motherfucking one.
October 29th, 2009 at 05:15
Gah, no, I couldn’t do it. I’m trying to be all “it’s just a damn butterfly” which shouldn’t matter but I could not hold an innocent creature in my fingers and burn it to death. Especially one as purty as a butterfly.
3 wishes: 1)financial security. I don’t need millions but I want a house and a car that is paid for and to never work again just to pay the bills. Lemme have at my dream that I work out in my time, in my way, without money worries. 2)a safe and secure future for my children 3)my depression cured
Porn doesn’t do a whole lot for me but I wouldn’t be offended. It’d most likely be a non-issue, unless I felt neglected and found s/o whacking off to another chic, I’d be pissed. But if things are good and I’m in the mood, I’d join and steer it toward other activities.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:01
(heart) on all of it.
October 29th, 2009 at 07:11
I could not burn a butterfly. I have lit spiders on fire, they scare the crap out of me.. can we say lighter and aerosol can?
Three Wishes: 1) A house free and clear. 2)A decent job I don’t want to be rich I just don’t want to have to struggle damnit. 3) Safe future for my family and best friend
I don’t really watch porn, I find it funny most of the time so I’d probably just sit down next to whoever it is and ask them “whatchya waaaatchin?” and see how they react lol
LivingWicked Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:02
I find porn funny too.
October 29th, 2009 at 07:38
you are funny, hilarious, even. knock ‘em down.
i would burn a butterfly, but now that i’m reading the rest of the comments i feel like an asshole for not even thinking twice about it. everyone else acts like we’re talking about a puppy here.
three wishes: 1) health 2) wealth 3) happiness
i love porn. i watch a lot of porn. i watch porn with significant others. i don’t care if significant others watch porn. if i caught them, i’d probably giggle because regardless of how either of us feels about porn, it would be a little awkward.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 09:54
I would burn one too.
October 29th, 2009 at 10:19
What I find funny (and it’ ain’t her) is that, initially, I thought when you said you weren’t “the one” I thought you meant you weren’t “the one” that was here to save the planet. In the past week or so, I REALLY got it…and then gave you credit as I used the phrase elsewhere. So the funny part would be me being the dipwad.
A thousand dollars to burn a butterfly…You know, it honestly depends on how easy it is for me to meet my babies immediate needs at the time the offer is made. If he’s hungry and cold; light that candle up!
Geenie wishes….that’s a bitch of a fuckertwat right there! In every movie and story I’ve read there is always something that goes horribly wrong.
Porn…Haha! Hell, I almost wrote porn the other afternoon, but then zee boy woke up and there was no time to get it drained from my brain onto paper. With Keith, I just don’t like finding secret stashes. I don’t care if he watches it, I just want to know where it’s all at.
October 29th, 2009 at 10:58
I think you’re funny. I thoroughly enjoy how you put words to blog. Bitch is insecure. Maybe you get too much attention.
I’d kill it for $1,000, but I’d feel bad about it. Does that count as good points?
I like watching porn together, but not the porny porn…more like “real” life, “natural fucking” porn.
October 29th, 2009 at 11:01
p.s. I’m wanting to watch some light fetish porn just to see some sick fucks…I mean, there’s even a fetish for vomit. Really? (I don’t want to watch vomit fetish porn though…just to clear that up).
October 30th, 2009 at 12:27
Dayum, can’t you ask me if I’d burn a cockroach alive for $1,000? Why it gotta be a butterfly? No, I couldn’t do it.
November 6th, 2009 at 09:53
wait… are you the one?
haha sorry couldn’t resist… and personally I think you are f’ing hilarious! so yah. but I think people that AREN’T funny are the ones that don’t get the good humor. Like my humor. I am f’ing funny. But some people don’t get it. That’s not my problem. They just aren’t funny. Their loss.
If someone gave you $1,000 and asked you to kill a butterfly by burning it alive in the flame of candle, would you do it? FUCK NOOOOO!!
If a genie granted you 3 wishes, what would you ask for? 1) no infertility problems 2) hubby to quit smoking 3) a good job for hubby in denver so we could move HOME
Do you watch porn? How would you react if you walked in on your significant other watching porn? Yes. Has happened several times, and it isn’t a big deal. Guess I don’t understand the question.