YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Oct 15, 2009 All Things X, Family, Friday Eye Candy, I WIN!, Parenting, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, You've Got Wicked Mail
Sup Bitches?
I don’t really know what else to say about this week but I will tell you that I am really fucking glad that it is Friday right now.
How about you?
Right. Happy motherfucking weekend. You know the drill. Purge your week in the form of an/many open letter/s so that you can jump in your weekends and enjoy them to the fullest. K? K.
Dear You,
I think that you are funny. Funny like “Really?” funny. I know what you want. I know what I want. So lets just do it already. Whip it out and lemme see it. K? K.
Just saying.
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Dear Baby Jesus,
Do you hate me? Is it your life mission to hurl individuals at me who have this preconceived notion that I am the fucking one, when in fact I am actually not.
Is it that you are one of these individuals? Do you think that I am the one? Because, Baby Jesus … I am in fact NOT the fucking one. I promise you.
You know who else is not the one? Tarable. I am about to find you, Baby Jesus and beat some sense into your infant sized body if you do not fix this incessant problem with the individuals assuming that I am the one.
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Dear Friends,
I miss you dearly. Each and every single one of you. Once I figure this out, I will make it up to each of you. I promise.
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Dear Kanisha,
Jax is not yours. I wish that you would just bow out already. He told me 5 minutes ago to tell you that he has had about enough of you harassing me about this wild made up story in your head that you and he have some sort of relationship going on when he and I are obviously in love.
I am sorry. You definitely will receive an invitation to the wedding. You dont even have to bring us a present.
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Dear Xavier,
Really? I mean … really?!
I am unsure who lied and told you that it would ever be appropriate to say “Suck my penis” but it is not. Ever. Like ever. I don’t care who said it first. Like, not even a little bit.
So, I want to allow you an opportunity to pick your soap. Because you are about to eat an entire fucking bar of it.
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Dear Husband of Mine,
Thank you kindly for that 3AM business. I am so happy that you took my advice and shaved your face because 1) I would have stood firm in my “your hairy fucking face wont go near my vagina stance and 2) I would have unfortunately had to have grown my legs/vag out in protest of the beard you thought was cute.
I know you know I was serious because you shaved.
I win!
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Dear Pedicure,
I fucking love you.
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Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd for the Friday Eye Candy. This one was by request.
Channing Motherfucking Tatum.
Do you talk dirty during sex or are you quiet?
Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others.
As a man, would you rather wake up to find you have grown nonremovable D cup breasts or that your testicles have disappeared?
October 15th, 2009 at 23:15
ha… no dirty talk lol…
ha, wake up with D cup boobs? id be happy. my chest is already a 38DD.. i wanna be smaller.lol…
LivingWicked Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 11:21
I think a D cup might be a blessing for you then. Sheesh.
October 15th, 2009 at 23:23
Don’t you wish you knew? heh. I used to be super quite, but Dan has kinda pulled out the vocal in me. We waift a little, depending on how we are feeling. If we are more on the ‘love making’ level, we’re both more quiet. But if it starts off as a ‘fuck me’ session…there is hair pulling, ass slapping, smacking, dirty talking…mmmhum.
Masturbate. Pee. Pick my nose. LOL
I will never BE a man. My penis will always be where I left it. And my toys usually are too.
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Dear SilverLake Teachers and office staff.
Fuck you. i told you he was the demon seed. the devil spawn. and to keep a chair in the principal’s office with his name on it. you must have thought i was joking. quit acting shocked when he does dumb shit. and get the goddamned scissors off the desks. you were tempting him to get pissed off at you and carve into the desk today. it’s your own fault. don’t get me wrong. he’s still D.O.A. every toy is out of his room. he is grounded there for at LEAST the next week. no tv. no games. no goodies or treats. nothing special or fun. The End.
Dear Dan. I love our frank and blatantly honest conversations. I’m glad that I can tell you the truth about shit about how i’m feeling, about the past, about US and still feel okay with it and not feel judged. I love you.
Dear little baby. Thanks for the giggles last night in the bath tub. Your antics and reactions to dripping water on the outside of your bubble were priceless. HOWEVER, I am not happy with the several rounds of hiccups you have each day. Not fun. Love mommy.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 11:22
Ew. Baby-in-the-tummy hiccups are NOT fun.
October 15th, 2009 at 23:53
The eye candy is PURE TORTURE!!!! That blue jean pic is making me tingle in my naughty places. But….I’m sure JAX will fix that for me.
What? BRING IT.
We’re taking sex polls now? I’m unpredictable. Depends on my mood and how great the pre-game action was. RIGHT NOW IT’S NOT A TOPIC I WANT TO DISCUSS OR EVEN THINK ABOUT.
Double D boobs. Definitely. I love boobs.
Dear Dane Cook,
I want my hour back. Seriously – if I had bought a ticket for that I’d have beat your ass. You suck.
Dear Hormones,
What the hell? Seriously. WHAT. THE. HELL.
Dear Pneumonia,
Get the hell out of my house.
Dear Ex Cowboy Cheerleader,
Yes. We are lauhging at you.
Dear Sex,
I miss you. Come home soon.
Dear Wicked,
I love you.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 11:23
When were we not taking sex polls?
Dane Cook? Huh?
Dear Lullah,
Ditto.
October 16th, 2009 at 00:12
So, those pics of Channing made my lack-of-sex horniness even worse… until I got to the one of him in his underwear. You’d think someone would have realized that he needed a sock down there or something.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 11:24
Maybe it is just the angle… No?
October 16th, 2009 at 04:15
I’m quiet. 99% of the time anyway.
pop zits lol.
And I’m with Toni on the Channing in the whities issue.
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Dear CoWorker:
Fuck right off. Seriously. I am over it. I don’t care if you cry anymore. Or if you are sorry. Or if you want to ’still be friends.’ I don’t even care if you stay on my team or leave. I asked to be left alone in the mornings. You refuse to do so. I told you to escalate things to me or our boss, and you refuse to do so. Your insecurities and inability to say ‘No’ due to those insecurities are no longer any concern of mine. Do your fucking job, or go the fuck home. I’m no longer listening to you whine or cry about it or moan about how you are trying and want to be better. Accept who you fucking are and deal with it. I don’t get paid enough to be your fucking therapist.
</3
Squish
Dear Irish,
Thanks. A whole fucking lot. Enjoy sleeping in.
-SleepyStabbyCrabbySquish
Dear Danny Green and the Cavaliers,
NOT COOL. Get over it already and be healthy tomorrow when I drive to Dallas to see you play for the first time ever. Please?
Thanks,
Squish
Dear Bauer,
You sooooooooo don't get to go potty THREE TIMES during the night anymore. Prepare to meet your kennel when we go to bed. I'm over it. I love you, but I'm exhausted and you're a bad influence on Ginger.
<3
Mommy
Dear CafeDownstairsMan,
I get here between 630 and 7 AM. Waiting til 830 for you to get here and open so I can order breakfast is not in the best interest of my coworkers' health. I tip well…can we please work out some sort of deal? I need that Monster and sausage/egg/cheese sammich.
Please?
Squish
Dear Weather
Fuck you.
Squish
*deep breath*
Dear Wicked,
*SMOOSH*
<3
Squish
LivingWicked Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 11:27
I love : SleepyStabbyCrabbySquish
The end.
October 16th, 2009 at 07:07
Dear Math,
K+i^-s=s/m*y+a^-s/s
Dear Husband,
it’s not fair that you have to leave again. Not at all.
Dear grandparents,
I loved your visit! But g-pa, Fox news? Really? Because all of the other news stations are communist?!? HAHAHAHA!
LivingWicked Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 11:29
I am sorry he is leaving again.
October 16th, 2009 at 09:57
Dear Bad Mood,
GTFO. Srsly. I hate feeling like I’m going to rip someone’s face off every second of the day.
Dear Dry Skin,
If I use lotion, you’re supposed to GO AWAY. Just in case you didn’t get the effing memo.
Dear Husband,
I miss you. You better come home safe and sound, in the same condition you left in OR ELSE.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 11:29
I am a bad friend. I am sorry that I didnt read the blog about the wedding.
Jaime Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 11:30
You’re not a bad friend, silly. You have a life, you know! <3
October 16th, 2009 at 11:33
Dear Wicked,
Every time I see “Dear BabyJesus” and or “I am not the one” in your blog, I crack the fuck up. Thank you for making me smile when I am having a seemingly boring Friday.
Lots of Love,
Dre
Virgin. I’m gonna bet on quiet. lol
Umm, I wouldn’t …. ok I can’t think of anything lol OH! ok I leave the bathroom door open when I pee when there’s no one in the house that’s about it lol
Dude! what man wouldn’t want his own D cup boobs to play with!?
October 16th, 2009 at 11:35
Do you talk dirty during sex or are you quiet? What is this SEX you speak of??
Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others. walk around butt-assed naked
As a man, would you rather wake up to find you have grown nonremovable D cup breasts or that your testicles have disappeared? I don’t want breasts anymore…so you can have my testicle.
October 16th, 2009 at 18:46
See when you do the Friday Eye Candy, I lose all reason and forget all the things I was planning to say in the blog and all i begin to think is YUMMMY COME TO MAMA!
Do you talk dirty during sex or are you quiet? don’t talk dirty but my mind is talking LOTS of nastiness
(and for the record, D cup is SMALL! Try luggin around my DDD’s for a day or my G’s prior to surgery, thank you very much. humph)
Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others. ??
As a man, would you rather wake up to find you have grown nonremovable D cup breasts or that your testicles have disappeared? Boobs
October 17th, 2009 at 10:06
thank you sooooo much Courtni! that really made my week!!! He is so flipping hot! You can have Jax cause Channing is MINE!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I’m pretty quiet during sex. But I’ve been told different.
Dear hubby,
get over it you did it! I want it! you had 3 before me, doesn’t mean I don’t have a choice to have more than one!
Dear Wicked,
I miss you lots!
Dear work,
I’m pretty sure I’m the only one there with a little kid. Let me open so I can spend more time with her. I miss her. And i hate feeling like I’m being a bitch to her cause we’re always rushing. I won’t hesitate to quit if things don’t change SOON!!!