The Best Part of Waking Up
Oct 21, 2009 All Things X, DUH, Family, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms
Lets just start off about how I am not a morning person.
Lets also mention that I became a morning person today when I was on the 9-year-old-ass-whooping-prowl bright and early at 7:30 am PST.
Oh I know you all want to know what happened. It is okay. I won’t tell anyone that the sadist in you is begging you to not feel sorry for Xavier right now and that is okay. I don’t feel sorry for him one iota.
This morning, as usual, I woke him up to get in the shower. Then, I crawled my cranky ass back into bed to make it look all normal and shit. He, of course, was unexpecting and bought it. He took his shower, and began to go about his 9 year old, getting ready for school business as usual.
Not today Xavier. Not the fuck today.
So I pop up and out, following him to his bedroom all smirky-face like.
X: (looking back at me) “What?”
Me: “What do you mean ‘what’?”
X: “Nothing.”
Me: “Oh not nothing my friend. Drop the towel.”
(God damnit I wish I had a picture of his face.)
X: “Why?!”
Me: “Really? You have to ask?”
X: (face crunching up into a omgsheisgonnawhoopmyasscryface) “Mom nooooooo!”
Me: “Xavier. Drop the towel.”
He drops the towel. I then proceed to bend his naked 9 year old self over his bed, police-elbow-in-the-back and whoop his bare ass off of his body. He wailed like no ones business, and then I went back to bed.
What a great start to my day. I gangstered the fuck out of the rest of this day. It truly was the best part of waking up … and I mean that from the bottom of my icy fucking heart.
Why are you looking at my blog with that face? Are you upset that I find sick pleasure from morning ass whoopins? If so, are you new? If you knew anything about me as a parent, this comes with a great deal of build up. Ass whoopin’s are earned. I don’t just whoop ass for the sake of doing so. I do it to make sure it means something. So yeah, you are God damned right there is pleasure there.
I am considering waking this little shit up with morning ass whoopins for the duration of his punishment.
Say I won’t.
Also, I have a TMIT (Shot out to Lilu) for you. It is not my TMIT (thank god) but I was forced to be a part of it today at lunchtime.
Wanna hear it? Hear it goes.
Today on the way to lunch, I had to stop on the 1st floor to pee. It literally hit me when we got on the elevator. So I walk into the bathroom and enter this conversation:
Random Girl: (IN THE FUCKING STALL) “Hi I would like to place an order for pick up.”
(Pause)
Random Girl: “I would like the super nacho’s please … mmmhm … chicken … uhh no … I do not want sour cream. … Mmmmhm extra cheese please ….”
And then, as if it doesn’t get any grosser, she pushed and some poop hit the water.
Random Girl: “Can I get the total?”
Me: (silently LMFAO) “FLUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
Oh yes the fuck I did flush the toilet while she was on the phone. I hope they heard the echo too.
Who in the motherfuck thinks about what food they want to eat while taking a shit? Really? Like … is it just not possible to make that call before or AFTER you poop? I just do not understand the phone talking while going to the bathroom as it is, but ordering food?! REALLY?
Ugh. Bitches are nasty. N A S T Y. I washed my hands rrreeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaalllly slow too so that she had no choice but to face my Wicked self.
The end.
What is your MOST forbidden fantasy?
Do you like to cuddle after sex?
Would you rather have sex with a regular sized guy and a small dick or a midget with a big one?
Tags: ass whoopin, bed, folgers, mommy, Parenting, punishment, sleep
October 21st, 2009 at 22:55
Morning naked ass whoopin’s.
Your wickedness is strong.
I’ve known people who EAT on the toilet.
Forbidden Shmidden. I wanna fuck a nun.
I do like to cuddle sometimes. Other times I don’t. Post-coital women aren’t always cuddly. Maybe I’m weird for thinking that.
I would rather not have sex with a guy regardless of stature or size of phallus.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 23:04
It is quite strong.
Um gross.
Interesting. Why a nun?
Did you know that post-coital is more common in men than women?
bethany Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 23:52
I’m not a huge cuddler… I’m more the “AGAIN!” type… ;oP
But, seriously… it depends on the guy and his cuddling techniques… my ex-husband was SO hot (temperature wise) and so sweaty that the last thing I wanted when we were done was a cuddle…
Other men, are far more attractive afterwards, which is probably a good part of the reason he’s an “ex”husband.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:44
AGAIN! AGAIN!
October 21st, 2009 at 23:49
I totally called the whole talking on a mobile phone thing on Tuesday, but ordering lunch just takes it up a whole other notch… Kudos to you for flushing…. geeez… She couldn’t wait for that conversation? Really? Five whole minutes, max?
;o)
Forbidden fantasies take a long ass time to write up, and my body is in a LOT of pain… but, oooh – listen:
http://bit.ly/4nFh4h
November 17th… I gotta wait until November mother fucking 17th for that…. No, I’m not anticipating it.. no, this isn’t a form of foreplay….
(You believed me, right?)
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:44
I absolutely did NOT.
October 21st, 2009 at 23:50
Peee Essss Still waiting to find out about the $10. (Bright side for you: there may be another ass whoopin’ in it…)
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:45
Pee Ess me too.
October 22nd, 2009 at 04:24
Of course you flushed the toilet! what was she expecting you to sit in your stall and wait till she was done talking? fuck that mess. I know girls in my school that go into the bathroom to talk on their cell phones, HELLO, we’re in college stand in the hall furchristsakes no one’s gonna say anything. And so I may answer these questions later, however I’m running late tootles dahling <3
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:45
No I flushed it BEFORE I even peed. Just to be an a-hole.
October 22nd, 2009 at 04:24
First of all…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH at the early morning ass whoopin!!!! nope I don’t feel sorry for him at all!! hahahahah
and yes, BITCHES ARE NASTY!!!! ewwwwwww
What is your MOST forbidden fantasy? don’t know that I have one that would even remotely be considered ‘forbidden’??!?!?!?
Do you like to cuddle after sex? HELL NO…EFF ME and then get he EFF OUT!!!
Would you rather have sex with a regular sized guy and a small dick or a midget with a big one? a midget with a big one….HELLO WEE MAN!!!! LOL
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:46
What is your biggest fantasy then?
October 22nd, 2009 at 04:30
mmmmm nachos….
Just A Girl Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:46
That’s what I was thinking…
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:46
You beezos are nasty.
October 22nd, 2009 at 05:39
haha @ morning ass whoopin’
As I was reading, I thought nacho girl was talking to herself, pretending to order nachos while taking a shit. I still don’t know which scenario I find more disturbing.
I work with guys that will answer the phone or continue their conversation while in the bathroom and it really grosses me out. Not to mention, how freakin’ unprofessional!
erm. Well my forbidden fantasy is forbidden because the idea is totally offensive to me when I’m not climbing the walls horny but when I get that way, my masturbation fantasies tend to drift toward gangbangs. And the longer I go without sex, the more aggressive the men in the fantasy get. I dunno.
I’d love to cuddle after sex but I can’t remember the last time I did.
Midget. Especially if he’ll cuddle me after.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:47
That is a weirder thought.
I <3 gangbangs.
April Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:57
I know.
Which is why I felt like I could share without judgment. Have I mentioned that I love that about you?
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 17:47
You have. and ditto.
October 22nd, 2009 at 06:29
Sooooooooooo you’re not gonna tell us what he did? I’ll own my nosy, morbid curiosity lol.
My forbidden fantasy is now pretty basic. Girls. /sigh the things we give up for love.
I cuddle all the time. Before sex, during sex, after sex, without sex… I’m a cuddler.
I am terrified/horrified/completely-inappropriately-AMUSED by all things midget. I couldn’t have sex with one. Ever. I’d insult him with my laughter before he even got close enough to start, and even if not, i’d be entirely too creeped out by the massive dong on the wee little man to be aroused.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:49
(I did in yesterday’s blog)
I would cuddle with you any day of the week.
Me fucking too. I am totally freaked out by all things mini person.
Squish Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 18:33
Totally missed yesterdays blog. Don’t think I even checked the internet at all yesterday now that I think about it… off to remedy that…
October 22nd, 2009 at 07:17
lol that is SO weird..i realize this has NOTHING to do with your blog but you seem to have good judgement when it comes to…men. so i need your womanly advice on something..i realize i should probably follow my first instinct,but im afraid im too scarred from past experiences to know what it is i want to do.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:49
Email me.
October 22nd, 2009 at 08:08
i’m sitting here trying to giggle and type all quiet like, cause dan is like two feet away from me…heh. I hate bitches that talk in the bathroom PERIOD. And actually, as of late, noisy pee-ers irritate me too. Their bladders are fucking huge and full and I don’t fucking HAVE that because there is a miniature person parked on my fuckingshit.
I’m a cuddler. unless it’s HOT. like hot summer sex. then i’m like ewwww. hot. getthefuckoffmenow. i think im mostly a cuddler tho cause i’m ready for more in like…five minutes.
women tell men that size doesn’t matter. but it does. just as much as knowing what to do with it MATTERS. given the option, i’d probably tie them both to a chair and masturbate. small guy probably has an inferiority complex and THINKS he’s kingkongdong. and midget man probably is trying his best to make up for his small stature. given his height…his penis would probably be down to his knees just to keep up.
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:50
I totally have a mental image of a mini person with a leg long cock.
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:22
1. I don’t have a forbidden fantasy.
2. Yes. I exist to cuddle.
3. And neither. I only want to have sex with my husband. And I get a thrill knowing he’s the only man I’ll ever sleep with again. <3
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:50
Aww @ 3.
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:59
[...] Living Wicked’s The Best Part of Waking Up [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 13:03
Oh, I LOVE you for this. Lord knows I woulda done it too. *vom*
LivingWicked Reply:
October 22nd, 2009 at 15:50
RIGHT!? Nasty cee u enn tee.
October 22nd, 2009 at 18:42
I laughed my ass off while reading about X’s ass whoopin! Especially when you talked about his face, I totally pictured it.
I think I love you a lil bit more after hearing about you flushing the toilet. I’d have waited for her nasty ass to come out of the stall too. My ex bf’s brother used to microwave a SNICKERS for breakfast and eat it while he took his morning dump. How fucking foul is that?!?!
Forbidden fantasy? It’s usually stuff where I’m unaware or not willing and become willing. Always with lots of people, boys and girls. Pretty much gangbang shit.
I’m usually not much of a cuddler unless it’s with someone who smells good, is comfy and not sweaty. Cuddling is more about feelings to me and since I’m a total ho there aren’t many people I have ever felt that way about. But when I’m in that frame of mind I like it. Never to go to sleep though. I call bullshit on every TV show that has people waking up in each others arms. So fucking uncomfortable!
Since I finally saw a midget dick (no, not in person) I have to go with the regular guy with a small dick. I just don’t think I could ever fuck a midget. I feel bad but it kinda gives me the creeps. Imagine fucking one that sounded like one of the munchkins. :\