TMIThursday: Rock the Boat
Aug 26, 2009 Out of Wicked's Mouth, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, TMI Thursday's, Yum... or Lack There Of.
Hello my TMIT gluttons for punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs…
Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
Once upon an ocean blue, (read: yes this is another Navy story) I traveled the world. Well, I traveled the Western Pacific. But whatev. I traveled to several awesomely kick-ass countries and drank entirely too much alcohol while doing it. Being in another country means that you get to follow their laws as to what under aged was when it came to being at the bar.
I could see over the bar stool. Sooooooo I was good.
When we arrived in Hong Kong, we had to anchor a certain amount of miles off shore because we were a nuclear vessel. (I know right?! I am kind of a big deal.) We had liberty boats that were hired to take us back and forth from ship to shore. The awesomer you were, the less time you had to wait to get on one. I was a cook. Which means I paid the boatswains in pizzas and baked goods to have head of the line privileges.
What relevance does this have to my story? It means that I rode to and from on the boats that the big wigs rode on. All of the division officers… the commanders… their boat was also MY boat. And, it ruled because I got to party with them.
So this one time… I got off the boat super early in the morning. I had baked all night, and it was my Friday so I was ready to get off the ship for my 3 day liberty. I had already packed, found my hotel… yadda. So we all go, and I immediately get my drink on. I was hammered from the time I left the boat until I can’t even remember when. Sadly, when it was time to go back, I didn’t consider the fact that my boat … the one I was bragging about earlier … was the boat that I would be on. Wasted.
Picture a ferry-like boat. Rows of seats, packed to the brim with all of my shipmates … trying to get back on the ship and prepare for our next deployment. Picture me, on this boat … hammered … quickly realizing the fact that this boat and my NUCLEAR VESSEL were 2 completely different kinds of sea legs. We were 3rd in line. Meaning there were 2 other liberty boats in front of us to unload before it was our turn. While we waited, we began to rock.
Back and forth. Baaaaaaaaaaaack and forth. Back and fooooooooooooooooorth. Back annnnnnnnnnnnnnd forth. Back and forth.
I held it. I fought the bile. I tried my hardest not to focus on the rocking. But when that final wave hit, I was defeated.
I jumped up, hands over my mouth and bolted for the door. I pushed my way through people and through the heavy door and onto the bow. Or, I tried to anyway. My division officer was standing in the narrow walkway right by the door smoking a cigarette. She was blocking my ability to get to the edge.
I couldn’t tell her to move. If I did, I would have puked in her face.
I thought that the universal sign for I am gonna puke is 2 hands over the mouth and wide eyes. No?
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. So I let it go. All over her open toed Chanel sandals. And her leg.
When we made eye contact, she laughed.
“Feel better?” She asked.
“Yes Ma’am” I sighed.
“You owe me a new pair of shoes.” She laughed as she took a drag of her cigarette.
I don’t know if she was joking or not but you can bet your ass that with my next paycheck I bought her a pair. I was just grateful that she didn’t make me go see the Captain.
Happy TMIT! As always, feel free to share a similar or non-similar TMIT of your own.
August 27th, 2009 at 03:22
[...] LivingWicked’s TMIThursday: Rock the Boat [...]
August 27th, 2009 at 03:31
Excellent! Puking on the boss: Always a privilege. Puking on the boss who has the ability to slap you into the brig: Well, that takes super balls or super liquor.
When I was in college there was a bar that had these life-sized plastic pictures of Wonder Woman and Superman on the bathroom doors to mark easily for the drunken college student which bathroom was for which sex. I projectile vomited a solid stream of cheap beer and pizza chunks all over Wonder Woman. Just couldn’t make it that extra ten steps to safe puking. According to my friends (who got kicked out just for being with the chick who dared to puke on Wonder Woman), the whole bar cheered, but the owner kicked us out anyway while yelling something about how “Ya don’t puke on Wonder Woman, dammit!” From then on, every time I visited that bar, the owner would say something like, “If you puke on my Wonder Woman one more time, you’re barred for life.” I think he must have been having mile-high club fantasies about WW’s invisible plane and Wonder Sex while he jerked it right on “his Wonder Woman” when the bar was closed. And you?
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:04
That is a great story. HAHAHA.
David Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 09:21
I bet it grossed him out because he would lick her picture when the bar was closed.
August 27th, 2009 at 04:16
hahahaha I have only puked twice after drinking…both stories are far too long to relay here, but both are DOOZIES! lol
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:05
I bet. LMAO.
August 27th, 2009 at 04:41
I once puked in a toilet.
True story.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:05
Oooooooooooooh. Rebel.
August 27th, 2009 at 06:38
She’s a good egg. I wouldn’t have been laughing so much as shanking.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:16
HAHA. Shanking doesn’t get you a new pair of shoes.
August 27th, 2009 at 07:20
I am not so much a pukey drunk, but one time I had waaaayyyyy too much to drink and don’t remember much of the night after like my 10th shot but I woke up the next morning in a strange hotel, next to a strange guy who I had puked all over I’m guessing while attempting to fuck him. I quickly grabbed my shit and got the fuck outta there.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:17
It was more the rocking than the alcohol.
AmyDame Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 13:34
Yea, I bet it was the rocking in my case too ;o)
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 14:24
HAHA. I bet it was.
August 27th, 2009 at 08:29
I would have hurled as well. I almost hurled just reading this.
“Back and forth. Baaaaaaaaaaaack and forth. Back and fooooooooooooooooorth. Back annnnnnnnnnnnnnd forth. Back and forth.” = BLARGHHHH
That is soooo lucky that she laughed it off though and didn’t report you to the captain!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:18
I know. I can tell you that is wasn’t the only time I should have been reported and wasn’t.
August 27th, 2009 at 09:04
Dude, if you ever puked on my leg and shoe I would probably puke on you right back.
I’m just sayin’.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:18
HA. Yeah.
August 27th, 2009 at 09:39
LOL, thus more reasons to love you!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 10:18
August 27th, 2009 at 11:11
oops! But it DOES make for an excellent story! I puked on my best friends shoes the night of her wedding…I didn’t buy her new ones though b/c it was kinda her own fault.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 11:47
HAHAHAHA. Well, if it isn’t your fault… LMAO
August 27th, 2009 at 11:39
so. . .one night I went out with the hubbs and one of his random whiney friends. We were pretty wasted by the time we picked up his friend and we all decided to go to the strip club. . . where I continued to get way to wasted. . .evidently I smacked a strippers arse (she kept putting her cellulite in my face) and shortly after we were told we had to go home. . .*looks around and whistles.* I dunno why. So as we were driving home, the whiney guy in the back who was drinking and getting free lap dances (courtesy of us) had his window rolled down. . .and I warned him that I was going to throw up like 4 times before I did but he didn’t roll up his window. . .so as we are driving down the freeway I start vomiting out the window. . . and it flew in the back window and all over him. oops.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 12:14
GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
August 27th, 2009 at 12:02
She was totally not joking. And she still tells that story to this day. I know this because I would be!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 12:17
hahahahah. right!?
August 27th, 2009 at 12:31
HAHAHA remember when i puked in the back of your friend’s car in joe kinsella’s driveway? love the ren n stimpy pic. perfect visual.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 14:25
What friend? I totally do NOT remember that.
Shane Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 17:12
uuum. i dunno man. maybe it was marilee. maybe it wasn’t a friend’s car at all, maybe it was YOUR car. that was so long ago and i was sooooo shitfaced at that point.
August 27th, 2009 at 12:48
HEHEHEHE!! Be glad that was ALL she said. She actually sounds quite cool!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 14:26
She was. I learned a great deal from her.
August 27th, 2009 at 13:09
hahahahaha!! I can’t believe she didn’t flinch in horror. She sounds totally awesome in my book. And yes, the universal sign for impending puke is just as you described.
I LOVE that picture of Ren & Stimpy.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 14:26
Doesn’t that pic fit PERFECTLY?
August 27th, 2009 at 15:31
I got so hammered in college that on the way home from bar hopping everyone but me wanted to go to the all night burger king. So they left me in the car like a drunk dog to go get food…
…extreme nausea after my shots, beer bucket, more shots and getting kicked off one stage for not putting my drink down while singing American Pie with 25 of my closest drunks, then almost kicked out of a bar for a full blown crashing pilsner glass toast that cracked both glasses…
…I yakked, all over the back seat. Climbed into the front seat before everyone got back and apparently tried to tell a car full of people ‘It wasnt Meeeeeeee’…there are 5 other people in this car *erp* I didnt do it!’
What an asshole! Theres so much more to this…I should really write it out and post it on facebook!!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 21:21
You totally should. I wish you had a blog.
August 27th, 2009 at 18:30
You lucky bastard! When I was in, one time a bunch of us got drunk at the barracks, then later went to the hospital galley to eat. I dropped my Kool-aide off my tray, and the fucking NOD (stupid bitch LT) runs over screaming, “You’re Drunk, Corpsmen Adams, aren’t You?!”. I said, “Hell Yes, ma’am!”. I wasn’t in uniform or on duty, and it was the weekend. It was my time, fuck her! So, guess who shows up in our clinic first thing Monday morning? She’s trying like hell to get my LT to write me up. Instead, our Nurse LT just tells her she’ll take care of it. After that cunt leaves, LT says, next time you’re drinking, make sure to stay clear of that crazy bitch.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 21:21
Wow. Dang.
August 28th, 2009 at 09:48
The last time I puked it was in the Hospital. Fruit Juicy Red Hawaiian Punch probably with Barium for the X-Rays. When the Next shot of Demerol came, I projectiled into a little pink plastic container made for that purpose and it splashed out so far that they didn’t even think to look and clean the walls five feet away and seven feet up. I sat there for a week looking at the red stains and marveling at the human bodies way of saying getthisthefuckoutofme!
I love your stories, Courtni. Perfect blend of having lived and being able to write.