TMIThursday: No. I Farted.
Aug 12, 2009 All Things Charli, Current Events, Family, Parenting, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked & D Quotables, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs…
Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
Since last weeks TMIT was record books nastay… I will give you all a break and make this week a little more mildsalsastyles.
The focus in the Wicked house is getting Charli out of those MFing expensive ass diapers. D’s mission, if he chooses to accept it … is to potty train Mini Me.
Just like with Xavier, we have kinda let her let us know when she was ready. I didn’t want to give her a “potty complex” or anything. (Parents out there know what I am talking about) Potty training is serious business. If you start too early, issues. Start too late… you end up with a 35 year old living in your basement, addicted to free internet porn sites.
I am serious. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. (Pun TOTALLY intended)
Annnnnnnyway. Now she is 2 and has expressed potty interest. We have had several potty successes. We have also had several … ahem… mishaps. We have tried the pull-ups. No bueno. She considers these bad boys to be big girl diapers.
So D has had enough of the coddling. He goes, buys Charli some pretty Dora the Explorer panties. She is all excited about wearing them. Little does she know … these are NOTHING like the big girl diapers.
This afternoon, as I sat here wondering what in the hell I was going to TMIT about … My phone rings.
D: (sounding stressed the hell out) “Where are the other panties I bought your DAUGHTER?”
Me: “Uhhh the washer?”
D: “You didnt start the clothes. She used up all the other ones.”
Me: “Damn, really?”
D: “Yeah man. She pooped, and then tried to hide from me!”
Me: “She hid?”
D: “Yes. I was starting to freak out because I couldnt find her and then I come around the corner and there she was.”
Me: “She was avoiding you”
D: “I KNOW. SO then, when I asked her, Charli did you poop she goes: No. I farted.”
Me: “HAHAHA.”
D: “She sooooo didnt fart. I could see the bulge.”
Me: “So she pooped, hid while sitting in shit, and then LIED about it?”
D: “Yeah dude.”
Me: “She is not going to be easy to potty train.”
D: “Fuck. I already know. Shegetitfromhermama”
Me: “I hate you. Thats why you cant find any panties and have a fistful of 2yo shit.”
D: “Dtone”
Click Buzz.
Fucker.
AND THEN:
Me: (for the 50th motherfucking time) “Charli do you have to go potty?”
Charli: “Idonwanit”
Me: “Lets try to go before dinner, k?”
Charli: “K”
4.2 seconds later
Charli: “Donepottymommy”
Me: “Are you sure?”
Charli: “WASHHANDS!”
Me: “Fine.”
2 minutes later: I am making her plate for dinner and I hear the sound of liquid hitting the floor. I look for overflow. Nothin. So I come around the corner… to a puddle of pee on the floor.
She had peed. In her high chair. And it seeped through the motherfucking cracks and onto my floor.
With that, does anyone have any stubborn 2 year old potty training tips? Please and thanks in advance.
Any potty training horror stories?
Tags: 2 year old, Parenting, poop, potty training, terrible two's, tmithursday
August 12th, 2009 at 20:05
We had a time with Lex, when she started taking her diaper off and pooping in the corner because she didn’t like the way it felt, I bought her panties and then Schedule schedule schedule. I finally began taking her to the potty every hour, No lie. After the first 10 days we went to 2 every two hours. If she didn’t want to go, at her alloted time she sat on the potty with her pants/diaper on. She came to the potty with me when I had to go and sat on her potty. She went to the potty when Daddy had to go and sat on the potty. We also bought the plastic panties. We sat on the potty before we went anywhere. For a long time she was afraid of the toilet so I had to flush it after she left the room (she would literally run from a flushing toilet).
Keep her on a schedule, potty when she wakes up, and it will happen. 3 weeks will be hell but the accidents will get less and less.
Jen Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:09
Oh, the plastic underwear covers work pretty well too… they didn’t really help Ethan in any way but they minimized the mess. Just strip them off in the bathtub and the mess isn’t everywhere.
Heather G Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:15
yeah the plastic underwear was more for me to save her pants and my furniture. I took off her underwear and would toss it into the clean toilet with bleach or a bucket with bleach water. The really bad ones got tossed in a bag and into the out door trash.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:24
She literally wants nothing to do with it.
We cant find the plastic ones anywhere. I like the every hour business. I think we will try that.
Jen Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:25
I found plastic ones at Wal-Mart. Also try eBay.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:30
We looked at Walmart. And God damnit. If I have to order mfing plastic training pants on EBAY I am gonna be pissed.
Heather G Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:31
I worked in a daycare for a few months, we had them all go every hour whether they needed it or not, and after lunch, after snack, before and after outside play. We had little checklists/spreadsheet for every hour and the before and after. It worked out for all the kids except the ones whose mothers still had their 3 year old in pull ups.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:33
they are like little puppies.
August 12th, 2009 at 20:08
I have no advice. We went cold turkey from diapers to underwear because Ethan would hold it ALL DAY just to go poop in the pullup at night. It took 5 days and about 10 nights and he was done. My OCD child can’t stand being dirty or stinky so he HATED not going in the toilet.
He also would not use his potty chair – had to use the toilet. Maybe (if you haven’t already thought of this) get a Dora ring that sits on the toilet seat, and a step stool? We got a Bob the Builder one for $10 at Home Depot (and actually still have it, I think).
I think Ethan’s daycare literally took him every 30 min for pee and just the repetition was enough to get it through his thick skull that THIS was where he should go! I’ve heard girls are easier than boys, but so far Ethan has been the exception to every rule out there having to do with development.
Jen Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:25
OH and here’s a TMIT for you. When Ethan was in a corporate daycare in Phoenix (vs. a home daycare) they were not allowed to throw away underwear, even if they had an accident in them. So when Ethan was first getting the hang of this, they would send home a pair of underwear in a plastic bag WITH THE POOP STILL IN THERE. They wouldn’t even scrape the poop into the toilet. OMG nasty. I finally told them just to throw the really bad ones away.
And an EVEN NASTIER story: Fast forward to Ethan having been successfully potty trained for about 6 months. His daycare director was doing room inventory and couldn’t figure out why the cubby area in Ethan’s classroom had such a bad smell. So he started going through the cubbies and found that one of the above mentioned bag-o-poopy-underwear was IN THE BOTTOM OF ETHAN’S CUBBY BOX. And had been there for – you guessed it – about SIX MONTHS. He informed me that evening when I picked Ethan up that he “took the liberty of throwing them away for me.”
LivingWicked Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:32
Oh that is so disgusting. And also kind of embarrassing.
Jen Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:38
well, it wasn’t MY fault they didn’t tell me that he had an accident! LOL And I never looked in his cubby, I just handed them stuff and they dumped it in there. Poor kid with a stinky cubby
LivingWicked Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:56
LivingWicked Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:26
Yeah we skipped right over the chair and did the ring. She has had a Dora ring for like 6 months now.
I feel for you with Ethan. Hopefully this means that he will be an easy adult…?
Jen Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:40
*snort* Right. We can dream. I’m going to be lucky if I survive Kindergarten at this point.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 20:56
…. well …
Good luck with that!
August 12th, 2009 at 21:05
I have no advice. I didn’t potty train my daughter, my exhusband did. He happened to get laid off at the time, so it worked out. I have no patience. If she wouldn’t go in the potty, I would get mad. I do know that we went cold turkey on the diapers. No pullups, just panties. I like Heathers advice about the every hour though, that sounds like a good plan.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 21:19
Yeah D potty trained Xavier. He is doing a great deal of the potty training with Charli because he is at home with her all day.
I am going to work on the every hour thing.
August 12th, 2009 at 21:05
My brother used to be afraid of the toilet. And at our old apartment, we only had one bathroom upstairs…and he would be afraid of going up there alone so he’d be playing a video game and all of a sudden we’d just smell it.
Good times.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 21:19
Nice.
At least he didn’t like, wipe it on the wall or something.
Anne Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 05:56
THAT happened several times at a school I worked in! Oddly enough; a few years after I left that school to work at another — and a specific family enrolled at my new school — it started up all over again! Hmm….
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 10:14
HAHAHA.
August 12th, 2009 at 21:48
Good was easy. She decided one day at about 18 months that she wanted to use the potty. She never looked back and had only 2 acccidents. Evil on the other hand spent 6 months “trying” and still not using it on a regular basis. I know the dora panties were cool, Evil had them too, but what we ended up doing was letting her pick out the ones she wanted (Snoopy) because she didn’t want to get them dirty. We still had a few accidents, but the need for my child to not get the panties she picked out dirty was huge!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 21:57
Hmm. That is an interesting thought. Thanks. I will talk to D about it.
August 12th, 2009 at 23:54
That’s some funny shit. (pun totally intended). I had Sis potty trained at two. The boys took WAY longer. I skipped pullups with the first two and was successful. With Nate, I did the pullups because we’re in a rental and I wanted to save the carpet, what a MFing disaster that was. It only delayed potty training. I was OVER it and I only used them at bedtime.
My sister though, the crackhead that she is…Still had her daughter in diapers at three and a half and would bitch a blue streak ANY time that Tiara shit. I finally had fucking enough. I went to Walmart and bought her FIFTY pairs of panties in various colors/patterns and told my sister to put a bucket in the bathtub. If she pisses through 25 pairs, FINE. At least you don’t run out. WASH them and there are plenty for the next day if you don’t get to them. My explicit instructions to her when I mailed the package out were “DO NOT PUT A DIAPER ON HER AGAIN, Dumb bitch.” Tiara opened all the packages herself and had a panty party trying them all on, one after another. Diapers went FLYING out the door after that and it was DONE.
My Advice? Buy more panties. Take her with you to pick them out. Let her open them herself. Eventually ‘wet’ will be gross. Make her take her panties AND clothes off herself and put them in the basket or whatever that’s in the tub. Then make her pick out a new pair and re-dress herself. Eventually she’ll catch on. Buying 50 pairs of panties will STILL be cheaper than the cost of diapers for the year.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 09:10
You are a genius.
This is why I <3 your FACE. You are such a good mom.
August 13th, 2009 at 04:12
Fuckin Picard is always the first to give up. I have no idea about a 2 y/o. Would a cork work?
Just A Girl Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 06:14
I’m so making babies with this man.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 09:11
I know, right? Picard is a pussy.
Cork?! HAHAHA.
August 13th, 2009 at 04:40
[...] WickedCourtni’s TMI Thursday: No. I Farted. [...]
August 13th, 2009 at 05:25
Justice is a genius.
My oldest was just stubborn enough to refuse to go (I swear JUST to spite me) it took bribing the twerp. And using those 5-layer thick white training underwear (they contain the mess WAY better) and the plastics over. it was rough. I hunted around, and while a couple people say you can find em at Target or Walmart..(I don’t remember the last time I saw them there) looks like they are mainly found on Amazon or other online shops. (Tho another route would be the cloth diaper covers.. would serve the same purpose and make her all bulky and wantemOFF)
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 09:22
I really do NOT want to have to buy these plastic things online.
August 13th, 2009 at 05:41
Oh my, girl, I have so been here. I can deal with babies but never again could you get me to potty train. Not for a million. My youngest was the toughest child to train. She would go to sit on the potty – even asked for it – but wouldn’t do anything until she got up and then would go in her panties. The workers at her daycare were not paid enough to deal with her issues. She was 3 years and a few months before she finally got it. My only advice is to hang in there and be consistent. She’ll get it. You could be bald by that time but she will get it.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 09:34
Thank you for the vote of confidence.
April Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 10:15
… you’re welcome?
I actually second Justice’s advice. This is pretty much what it took to get mine trained but I didn’t have anyone telling me to do this shit until I had torn out several handfuls of my own hair.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 10:17
that was aimed at the “you could be bald at that time” comment.
August 13th, 2009 at 05:50
Haha! Oh, sure, when I ask for tips I get fecking crickets chirping!
So far, Perrin sits on the potty at night before bath…with a “NO poop” report when it’s time to get in the bath. Duh, it’s because he now poops to wake himself up too damn early in the morning! He has one set of Cars underpants and one set of Thomas the Train that we just picked up because he was fascinated. He pretty much insists on following me into the bathroom now and actually pays attention to what I do; so now to find his rhythm.
The one time I did catch him pre-morning poop; he sat on the potty but didnt’ poop, decided it was time to get up but something told me to stick his neked azz in the tub… where he pooped standing. It was a shock to him and funny to me.
I’m scared.
Anne Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 06:53
I suppose it doesn’t help that Keith just put a pair of big boy pants on Perrin’s head… and Perrin thought it was great fun!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 09:55
Ugh. Potty training is stupid. I officially hate it.
Anne Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 14:09
I don’t know yet if I hate it; but I’ve absorbed Justice’s suggestion of something close to 50 pair of underwear. Right now, he’s only got 3 pair of 2T-3T and 3 of 4T. If we were to jump in right now; we’d be woefully unprepared.
August 13th, 2009 at 05:55
no advice….see, looking at that pic of you and her on FB and having kept my nephew this past weekend, I was reconsidering the no children stance and then I hear a story like this and smile and think ‘DAMN I’M GLAD I HAVE NO KIDS’!!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 09:55
WHATEVER!
August 13th, 2009 at 06:16
You are GREAT birth control.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 09:55
Blah. I wish I had someone like me to be great BC.
August 13th, 2009 at 07:01
Good luck is all I can say
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 09:56
Thanks….
August 13th, 2009 at 09:08
I am seriously dreading potty training my kid, even though I can’t wait to stop having to wipe his ass.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 09:56
Gr.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:11
just a lurker coming out from the shadows..but had to comment about this topic.. I know every kid is different yada, yada, yada.. but my daughter (will be 3 in sept.) showed a little bit of interest just after she turned 2.. that lasted for a few days and then she just refused (like screaming every time i even said the word “potty”). so i just said f it… she’ll decide when she wants to go. so… about 3 months ago she woke up, took her diaper off and said she wanted to go pee on the potty. and has been doing it ever since. she only had two accidents and that was on the first two days without a diaper. my advice would be just to wait it out a little while.. that’s what worked for us. Good luck though! (sorry that shit was so long)
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 10:13
I have been kind-of thinking that. If, by the end of the weekend, she isnt showing progress… then we are going to do this I think.
Thank you for the input. I appreciate it.
(and, have you seen the other comments? This is totally NOT too long.)
August 13th, 2009 at 10:30
OK, this is gonna sound REALLY immature but…One of the reasons I have not rushed to procreate is because I am DREADING having to potty train someone.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 10:40
HAHAHAHA. I wont judge.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:49
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
There is a part of me that wants to say “Charli: 2, D&Wicked:0″… but that would just be wrong…. so I won’t.
Wait.
Damn.
Squish Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 10:51
All I can think of when I think of potty training is Look Who’s Talkin’ (Two?) where the kid’s scared to death cause his friend told him there’s a monster in the toilet… I’m no help, I know… but maybe you laughed? maybe?
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 11:59
You are an asshole. But I love you.
Yeah. I laughed. Dammit.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:49
oh my god. I hate laughing at such misery but MAN that was awesome! And horrible! Conversation btwn you & hubby was hilarious! I can tell you both are soul mates b/c otherwise no one could possibly have that honest of an exchange, lol. I don’t have any tips but maybe this is why I had a friend w/a 5 yr old in diapers?
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 12:00
oh hell no. NONE of that. She is gonna ding dong ditch those diapers.
August 13th, 2009 at 12:34
Haley hated the little potty seats so we just got her a stool and she did her thang in the big potty. But we got her all sorts of encouraging things to put in the bathroom (i.e. a chart with stickers, an “I’m a Big Girl” potty book that had a little flush button, and a trophy that said “Potty Champion” and we put her name on it for when she went a month in undies). She also LOVED flushing so we’d only let her flush after she went potty and we got her special soap to wash her hands after. I think the every hour technique is the best, bar none. Also, I’d have her go before bed, then wake her up before you go to bed, when she gets up, before and after breakfast, etc.. just make her live on the potty. I’d have Haley naked at home too, she didn’t like pee running down her leg and it saved in dirty undies. Good luck!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 13:40
oooh naked. I like that idea.
D and I were talking about the whole reward system for her. I think that she is definitely going to need that. Xavier was like a week, and he was done.
August 13th, 2009 at 12:54
Oh, my goodness I laughed pretty hard and it brought back serious memories. My children are 21 and 17 so it has been a long time for potty training issues but I do remember the agony. Unfortunately, it is time consuming and takes a lot of patience AND many many trips to the bathroom. I swear we felt like we lived in bathrooms and even when we went out we kept panties/underwear on the kids, no pullups, so in restaurants and stores we were running to bathrooms, my poor husband, he had to deal with any gross ones. Pull Ups, confuses the little ones and if you put them back in diapers when you leave the house that confuses them too, you just have to go for the long haul and visit a lot of BATHROOMS!!!
But, then they grow up and you think, “hmmm. potty training wasn’t sooo bad compared to getting them through High School.” You will get throught it and move on to the next stage!!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 15:32
Ohhhhhhhhman.
Why do I feel so horribly unprepared for life?
August 13th, 2009 at 13:09
LMFAO!!!!!!!!! Omg! I am crying here! Sorry but that was AWESOME!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 15:37
Its cool. I will just laugh at you when it is your turn!
Cassi Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 17:16
Ok… I suppose that is only fair.
August 13th, 2009 at 13:56
HAHA!! No. I farted. TOO CUTE!!
My dad potty trained me without even knowing it! What’s his secret? He pooped with the door open, and I quickly caught on!!
A TMI comment for a TMI post!!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 21:06
HAHA. That is AWESOME. I <3 TMIT comments!
August 13th, 2009 at 18:09
My experience was awhile ago, both my kids were comming along fine when the person i left them with 1. my siter and 2 the yougests babbydaddy, spanked them for making a mess. wtf? threw a big ass wrenchin the proceedings, cause then they just start holding it out of fear of getting spanked.
remeber, the psyche shit comes from being “frustrated” so…just try not to let em see ya sweat 
stupid asses.
so no matter what you do, some shit will go wrong. jsut do your best and be patient, they’ll get it
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 21:06
This is wonderful advice.
August 13th, 2009 at 18:38
Ahahah, poor D. He has quite a mission on his hands.
Both my kids used to love to go and hide in corners to poop. The minute I couldn’t find them I knew exactly why.
Girls are easier than boys to train, in my opinion anyway. With M it was all about puching the “I’m a big girl now” angle. She was out of diapers by 14 months.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 21:07
That is crazy. I have heard it the other way. Charli is difficult with everything… so … yeah. This will be no exception.
August 13th, 2009 at 18:51
Sass decided it was time to go to the potty when she was about 18 months old. It was too early. She didn’t comprehend. But, within two months, she had completely figured out she did NOT want to PEE ON THE PRINCESS. She loved Dora, but had no problem with peeing all over Dora. I think we had three packages of undies…like 15-20 pairs. She used those for over a year before needing the next bigger size. I did the same thing as Justice and made her change herself. And, one week, I told her if she went ALLLLLLLL week without a potty accident, she would get a new toy. She picked out the toy and went 8 days without an accident.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 21:08
I am confident that once she gets it… she will be fine. I think that this whole potty business is just an interruption in her day.
HER POC Time. HAHA.
August 14th, 2009 at 01:49
When I have my little kid, I wanna know when is the exact time to potty train him/her because I don’t want an adult attaching himself/herself to my basement for years.