TMIThursday: A Vat of … Vomit?
Aug 5, 2009 I Forgot to Tag, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, TMI Thursday's, Yum... or Lack There Of.
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs…
Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
I am going to warn you. This TMIT is fucking nasty. Like, Naaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sty. I am not proud of this, however if I am going balls to the wall with TMIT… No holds barred, right?
Aight. Consider yourself warned:
In the Navy, I was a cook. In the Navy, in order to save money and cut costs… the bootcamp cooks prepped.
If you know me, you know that I do not like mayo (read: I would get shot in the face if the person holding the gun told me that in order to not get shot in the face, I would have to eat mayo) Yeah. It is that serious. Anyway, the mayo didn’t come in pretty little jars like you have in mommy’s fridge. It came in 50 gallon FSA vats.
(cringe)
So one night, after a long day slaving for unappreciative fucking officers in the Officer Mess, I went to our normal hangout spot. (read: a dirty apartment where all of the underagers drank at) As usual, I got completely hammered. The drink of choice back then was Alize (which I would almost rather get shot in the face if I had to drink it again to save my life … a l m o s t). I had been pre-purchased a fifth of that tropical nastiness and a couple of deuces of Mickey’s Ice. Oh bitches I motherfucking went there. Which I finished. Like a (stupid fucking idiot) pro.
Fast forward to 5AM. Drunk, on maaaybe 2 hours of sleep. I stumbled into the galley. On my list of things to prep for the day was tartar sauce. Enough tartar sauce to feed ALL 3 MESS HALLS.
YAY for Fish Friday! SIKE.
So the recipe requires 1 50 gallon vat of mayo, split into 2, sweet pickle relish, garlic powder, onions and a pinch of dill to taste (read: skip that shit because I am not tasting this fucking shit)
/sigh.
So picture me, wasted. Stirring this nasti-ness together. Gagging at each wafting moment. Holding in the vomit. TRYING to keep it together. I was doing a good job until 6AM hit and the air turned on. I was attacked by a facefull of mayo-relish smell, and I fucking lost it. It = the cheeseburger, Mickeys Ice and all of the Alize just marinating in my stomach.
One good heave-ho. Inside the tartar.
“FUCK!” I said to myself. Or maybe it was out loud. I dont remember. I was totally panicking.
My Sr. Chief came whistling his fucking ass around the corner, demanding me to hand over the tartar not 3 minutes after the hurl-event.
What did I do?
“I just need to add a dash of dill… to taste.”
And I did. I was the asshole who served the pukey tartar sauce. I am like a scene straight out of the movie waiting.
Did I feel guilty then? Maybe a little.
Don’t judge me.
Tags: cook, fish friday, navy, tartar sauce, vomit
August 5th, 2009 at 19:40
Ahahahahaha! I remember this story! Ewwwwwwww!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 5th, 2009 at 19:42
*curtsy*
August 5th, 2009 at 19:54
OMG I am never eating at a restaurant again unless it’s clearly straight up veggies, straight up meat
LivingWicked Reply:
August 5th, 2009 at 19:57
Or, you will never look at tartar sauce the same again.
August 5th, 2009 at 20:00
OH. MY. GOD.
This was like the car wreck on the freeway in Phoenix that involved 16 cars and 3 Lifeflight helicopters. Can’t help but look but it’s the most horrific thing you’ve ever seen.
Seriously the most disgusting thing I have ever read in your blog. Congratulations
LivingWicked Reply:
August 5th, 2009 at 20:02
Like I said. I am NOT proud of it. But it happened, When you are 18 you dont think about things like health codes. LMFAO.
August 5th, 2009 at 20:07
Thank god I don’t eat tartar.
Also, my mom used to make my brother eat his vomit ALL the time.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 5th, 2009 at 20:09
Um that is torturous. And foul. And, kind-of genius.
PQ Reply:
August 5th, 2009 at 20:10
It was when he was a baby. Well, like 2
August 5th, 2009 at 20:18
I want to thank you for that story. Cause now I won’t eat for a week.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 5th, 2009 at 20:28
You are so very welcome.
August 5th, 2009 at 20:20
Oh ew. I can’t believe you did that. I guess I would’ve done the same thing. Can you imagine? “Umm, I actually can’t give you that because I just threw up in it.” *gag*
Happy TMI Thursday!!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 5th, 2009 at 20:45
My point exactly. ESPECIALLY because I was underaged and not supposed to have been drinking/drunk on the job.
August 5th, 2009 at 21:46
Its official. I can never eat tartar sauce again. In fact, I think I may use this story in my diet. You know, every time I wanna eat- read this blog! lmao
LivingWicked Reply:
August 5th, 2009 at 21:57
HAHA. You are welcome.
August 6th, 2009 at 03:19
[...] Wicked Courtni’s TMIThursday: A Vat of … Vomit? [...]
August 6th, 2009 at 04:21
yet one more reason for me to never eat that shit!!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 08:14
HAHAHAHAHA!
August 6th, 2009 at 04:30
It might have actually improved it. Chunkygrossnastiness = tartar sauce anyway. Irish needs to read this.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 08:15
Maybe so. I will never know.
August 6th, 2009 at 04:50
Makes me even more glad that I can’t eat it. Noo witty comeback to this onne, I’m trying not to puke myself right now, for the same reasons… too much to drink and greasy food at 4:00 this morning.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 08:16
That is the worst feeling. When you know you are gonna… but trying really really hard not to.
Bret Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 15:12
Of course the hangover that lasted until 5:30 this afternoon didn’t help either… I still don’t remember how much I had to drink last night, all I remember was we went out for Carey’s b-day… WOW! I think we ended up bar crawling across two counties, because I came home from a bar down the street, and I started 15 miles away. (28 bars in between)
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 16:01
oh man. you know it was a good night when…
August 6th, 2009 at 04:51
I almost returned my breakfast this morning. That would’ve sucked for everyone in the office since I already ate my breakfast.
Well done.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 08:17
That WOULD have sucked, however it would have made for epic TMIT.
August 6th, 2009 at 05:11
Oh, gross. And I love tartar sauce. Damn you.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 08:18
HAHAHA! *curtsy*
August 6th, 2009 at 05:17
Oh God! I may never eat tartar sauce again.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 08:18
I am only helping you out.
August 6th, 2009 at 06:38
Hahahahaha you are SUCH an asshole and I love it!
I, too, have made more tartar than I ever want to remember. Oh, the days of restauranting…
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 08:19
You know you would have done the same thing. HAHA Which is why I love you so.
August 6th, 2009 at 07:17
OMFG, I’m so thankful that I don’t like tarter sauce!
But my sick ass was still laughing, ahahahaha
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 08:19
hahahahaahahahha!!!!!!!! YESS!
August 6th, 2009 at 07:33
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! i thought that was where the story was going but i just couldn’t believe it!!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 08:20
Believe it.
August 6th, 2009 at 07:55
uh. holy shit. perhaps i’ll be skipping lunch today.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 08:21
Might be a good thing. Or, just avoid creamy, yet chunky substances.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:11
What is more disgusting, the fact that I read this, and then read it a second time to Dan and then went straight to the kitchen to eat pico and chips….or the fact that I still like tarter sauce?
Dan said he’s got stories. LMFAO. I was like, GREAT! Now the two of you will be in the delivery room swapping nasty stories and I will be laughing this baby out haha
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 10:42
That you still like tartar sauce after this.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:44
OMFG! I knew there was a reason not to like Tartar Sauce – which I can’t stand by the way – but this was over the top in grossness. I crown you the Queen of TMIT!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 10:52
HAHAHA! I shall graciously accept the honor.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:48
I, too, hate mayo Everyone thinks I’m crazy. I even stopped eating at my favorite restaurant when I found out their signature dish had mayo in it. In fact, I hate it so bad, I convinced my husband never to eat it again, either.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 10:52
It is the foulest thing in the history of foul.
August 6th, 2009 at 12:35
Glad I don’t like mayo or tartar sauce or fish sticks for that matter…. So glad… ;o)
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 13:22
HAH. Me too.
August 6th, 2009 at 15:05
*stomach gurgles* i have not been allowed to eat since last night…but i am pretty sure my dinner will be delayed to allow for the chunkage visual to dissipate.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 16:00
Sorry…
August 13th, 2009 at 14:54
[...] Sometimes those stories are sexcapades gone wrong, sometimes they’re about barfing into your coworker’s lunch. Really, it can be anything so long as it is funny and/or [...]
August 13th, 2009 at 14:58
This post was too damn good not to link it in my TMI thursday rant. So, take that as a compliment. Inside a rant. Oh heck, you get the point!