Business as Usual.
Aug 9, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Family, Friendship, Parenting, Random, Relationships, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
It is one thing for someone to tell you that they saw a grown man break down on one knee and actually seeing it for yourself.
Saturday was the memorial service for my new friend. Tarable and I went and paid our respects. The magnitude of the love that Steve had surrounding him was intense. The service was standing room only. When the mic opened for anyone to pay their respects or share a story about him, the number of people who truly loved him was amazing.
I had a moment at the service where I felt my chest tighten and seeing his handsome face up on the projector hit home for me. It wasn’t until his best friend spoke about him … and broke down … that I lost my composure. It didnt help seeing his beautiful daughter’s heart on her sleeve … and hearing her mother … so broken … so lost … it was hard to see such raw emotion.
A great service ended with a celebration afterward at the bar he DJ’d at.
I met people who were so close to him that I hadn’t met prior to … but most likely would have met anyway. It is funny how when you really connect with someone, even after just meeting them hours before can make you feel like old friends. I hope to see them again, on more positive circumstances next time.
I thought that I had maintained my sob-fest really well. I am a mess of emotion lately anyfuckingway … so I try to avoid as many snot-fests as hormonally possible. In public anyway.
And then I went home to my happy, unknowing-of-my-day family. A “mommy” screaming bum-rush from my kids and dinner. A kiss and a smile from my D. It was business as usual. So … I embraced my “mommyyouweregonealldaywemissedyou” greetings with a super mommy-gangster forced smile, changed into my comfy clothes … and was absorbed by my couch.
And then, I lost it. Like, uncontrollable … tears streaming down my face … snot rags … tryingtohideitsomykidswouldntseeandmakeitworsebyhuggingmebuttheydidanywayand … madeitworse … lost it.
Partially because my new friend that I barely knew but wished I knew was gone. Partially because all week I have been Tarable’s rock. Mostly though, I saw that 7 year old beautiful baby girl up there, trying to be so strong … and her momma … so lost and so heartbroken … nevermind whatever it was that they had … or didn’t have.
Her emotions were real.
So coming home to business as usual struck a cord. Whatever her business as usual was, was taken from her in a motherfucking instant. Mine could be taken from me just as easy. And, (not that I am going to sit here and dwell on that forever or anything,) in that moment of my perfectly imperfect normalcy … in the hugs and loves … I could very well have been standing up there with my babies … Xavier trying to be the strong one … lost … and broken.
So maybe my tears were because I am so thankful that as of today … I still get to appreciate my business as usual. Maybe they were tears of relief and gratefulness. Maybe … they were because, just as Steve lived as if he were invincible … or “Superman” as it was quoted at his service … D does too. And I think that I reminded myself that I need to remind him of how quickly we can be taken, at the hands of someone less careful and responsible as we are.
For now though, I am going to learn the lesson that was put before me and thoroughly enjoy my family. I am going to always let those closest to me know that I love them. Even if we are at odds with one another.
Whatever yours is, make sure you are aware of what business as usual means to you. It would be tragic to realize that you lost it before you even knew it was there.
Have you learned any valuable lessons lately?
What did you do this weekend?
Share a funny story or something. I need to smile.
Tags: business as usual, death, Family, friends, funeral, Parenting
August 9th, 2009 at 19:41
I don’t have words. Here’s a hug though. . .
LivingWicked Reply:
August 9th, 2009 at 19:42
Thanks, you.
August 9th, 2009 at 19:44
It’s not a story but more like a visual. Picture my 5 year old singing that damn Pitbull song (calle ocho) and knows every Spanish part. (He goes to a bilingual daycare… so… he knows the words but not what they mean!) He was mumbling the words to himself through Target and I didn’t realize it until a Hispanic guy looked at him, and then looked at me with this shocked look on his face. LOL
This weekend was a purging weekend… sorted through lots of stuff and got rid of almost all of it. And I started a blog.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 9th, 2009 at 19:44
You should prolly link me. Just saying.
Jen Reply:
August 9th, 2009 at 19:46
I don’t think I know how to do that. I can barely get pictures in it. (In fact, I don’t think I can do that either.)
LivingWicked Reply:
August 9th, 2009 at 19:47
You can always email me with blog-related ??’s.
It is easier than you think. What are you using? Blogger? Blogspot?
Jen Reply:
August 9th, 2009 at 19:49
wordpress. I started it last night so not much there yet. We’ll see if I can stick with it – I kinda suck at journaling.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 9th, 2009 at 19:53
I did too. It is addicting.
This is a WP blog, so I am in the know about what to do to make it work.
I will email you some free-theme websites.
August 9th, 2009 at 19:47
lets see my lesson? dont let people smoke outside on your deck while you are asleep..roommates dont like that. dont let your friends free load at your place for days a time..ESPECIALLY when you have strep throat and really cant take the time to baby sit their immature asses..luckily nothing that bad came from it,but now im kind of on “probation”. this weekend i worked and went to a (dont laugh) n64 party. as for funny story..lets see..weds night i got reallly drunk off of vodka (i NEVER drink vodka so i have 0 tolerance to it..) and made it alll the way home (40 min drive) without puking. i kid you not,the second i pulled into my parking lot,it was like oh nooooo. needless to say,i was glad they had brought the plastic bags despite me saying i didnt need them. im also grateful for the stale cheetos i had ate at the party haha. what can i say 2/5 times i cant hold my alcohol
oh and another funny story,i went to mardinis in snoho,not even really drunk at allll and got cut off because i was dancing crazy. i was just high off the music and the energy. oh well,i didnt need (anymore) booze to have a good rest of the night. the end,now your turn. xo.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 9th, 2009 at 19:48
I <3 your tangents.
August 9th, 2009 at 22:02
I packed my apartment up like a mad bitch this weekend. I threw shit away that should have been thrown away Y.E.A.R.S. ago. I also gave my exercise machine to a woman in ‘desperate need of weightloss’ before her wedding. Sad she didn’t need the dress, cause I would have given her that too for a really good deal. Lord knows I won’t need it any time soon. Although…apparently there has been some family discussion that he IS going to one day. Whatever. Not enough benifits to me right now to actually do it. I’d prefer a five year engagement to a rushed wedding.
The baby is doing better. She’s still in the NICU, but she’s digesting food through the feeding tube now. They said she’d probably be there a week or so, and it’s already been three days, so who knows.
I went garage saling yesterday and got the cutest bassinet that’s blue and white and that I’m soooo pumped to use. I wanted one every freakin time I gave birth and just never managed to find one. The best thing is that I only paid $8
I got Nate two pairs of pants and three shirts for 50cents each for school, and sis found five pairs of pants in this big garbage back of crap my sister was getting rid of, for school too. Tiara barely wore them, cause my sister always buys her pants skin tight and forgets that she’s got the badonkadonk butt so they don’t fit her very long. She has NO CLUE how to clothes shop for a child. Whatever. It means Nate needs a couple more pairs of pants, Caleb needs a few, and they all need a few shirts. Cut my school shopping almost in half minus shoes and supplies.
I executed some sweet revenge on Dan’s sister and I didn’t even have to be bitchy about it. Apparently Dan told his mom about the cops showing up here the other night and she got on the phone with his sister, who proceeded to CALL MY PHONE. She doesn’t have Dan’s number after the shit she pulled having his phone shut off and my having to get him a new phone on MY plan. Anyway, I saw her name come up and answered all sweet and nice “Hello” and she’s like “Blahblahblah it’s Missy” I’m all, “Yeah I know” and she’s all “What’s up?” I’m all, “What do you mean, What’s up?” and she goes “Come on, I talked to my mom, she told me what’s going on. Mind you, Dan is standing RIGHT THERE and KNOWS who it is, and I say “GOOD. I’m HAPPY FOR YOU. Seeyalaterbye” and hung up on the bitch. She called Dan’s mom crying about it LMFAO. I told Dan that he better make sure that IF he calls his parents to tell them I’m in labor, that bitch of a mom he has better not call his sister cause I will call the police or security and have that bitch pulled of the hospital by.her.twat.hair. Still. It felt good to piss the bitch off, and I didn’t even really have to be MEAN to her. I could have been so much cuntier to her and blown up about how MY LIFE and MY KIDS were none of her fucking business. But I didn’t. Cause I’m too cool. *smirk*
Today we had Raelynn’s birthday. Paula, our baker, made her the cutest strawberry shortcake cake with frosting sculpted straberries on top and edible glitter. She was so happy. And my mom got her this dressed up piggy bank full of money and $15. She’s convinced we need to go to walmart RIGHT THIS MINUTE. LOL
/distraction
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:20
Also, I am going to be there in the delivery room so…. Does Wicked gotta CHOKE a bitch?
YAY for the finds. That is kick ass. I <3 sweet deals like that.
Justice Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:33
Not if I choke her with the ambilical cord first.
I’m going to NOT have my name put in the registry, so that while we are there, if anyone calls for me, they won’t be able to reach me through the hospital. Dan and I will have our cells and people can find us that way. And I’m also going to let the charge nurse know that I HAVE this issue, so that they will not let anyone in, unless they call us for approval first. Someone would HAVE to stop at the desk and ASK for us to find out what room we are in. They’d have to specifically have spoken TO us for that information, and as long as my name is flagged, I don’t think they usually give that info out. Baring that, I’m not afraid to get security.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:54
Word.
August 10th, 2009 at 00:06
Compared to what you experienced this weekend, the pain in my heart in this moment seems insignificant. The painful lesson I am continuing to learn is that people can say they love you…and yet discard you for being WHO you are, who you have always been. And, if my truth is that love is unconditional, then those people could have never truly loved me. That applies even more to my ex, who happened to have left me six years ago this very weekend.
I digress. Lost my job, had surgery, recovered enough to enjoy good company this weekend. Lots of laughter, warmth, joy and that REAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that I am blessed to have in my life.
FUNNY….I had Sass and my niece in the tub. I wanted a pic because they were so doggone cute. Sass, in her amazing Sass-like comdedic glory says…
“Okay, Mamacita….but keep our nippies out of the picture.”
Nippies. It cracked me up. I’ve never said that…and the way she creates stuff continually brings joy and laughter.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:21
That was a much needed laugh. (Nippies)
HeeHeeHeeHee.
Carol Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 19:05
Nippies. Nippies.Nippies.
Methinks it will be even funnier come winter time.
Nippy Nippies. *snort*
August 10th, 2009 at 03:46
I had my nose stuck in a book all weekend. I started and finished The Time Traveler’s Wife… and I am in love with Henry and Clare. I want to bottle them up and keep them forever.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:23
I need to read this book. It is on my list.
April Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:36
I’d love to send you this one. I rarely keep books I’ve read.
IslandBlue Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 10:55
I keep trying to get people to read this book. It’s my favorite fiction ever. I got totally wrapped up with the characters and I seriously tear up every time I read it.
August 10th, 2009 at 05:23
I haven’t learned anything new lately…I was with children all weekend….sorry, no funnies
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:23
Not even kid funnies?!
Cassie Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:51
nope, sorry..the kids were more lovey-dovey than funny this weekend!
August 10th, 2009 at 06:21
Huggy-huggy-hugs to you!
This weekend I bonded, and tried to re-evaluate what I want out of life. It didn’t work very weel though because I just kept thinking about how I already had all of the important stuff.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:24
(hugs back) <3
Awww. Who’d you bond with? Prez-face?
August 10th, 2009 at 07:24
It’ll make you smile, but not in a haha way.
I resolved my feelings for KT. This weekend was a real wake-up for me.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:26
I am so glad that you did. He is a douche.
August 10th, 2009 at 07:34
*Hugs* … I’m usually pretty vocal,but I never know what to say at times like these. I think the thing that scares me the most about dying is the fact that I will end up leaving those that I love behind. I experienced the loss of a father figure at a young age, so when you started talking about your friend’s daughter, I felt so bad for her. A child should never have to experience the pain of such a loss.
I’m sorry I’ve been MIA, but my work PC has been acting assy lately so I haven’t been able to read many blogs. That irked me to no end. BUT….I came home from work this morning and read your book, and girl…you did the damn thing! It was great, and I can’t wait for the next one!
And here’s a funny for you (it’s kinda long):
While walking to work, a woman passed a pet shop. The shop owner kept the door to the shop open, and on this day, there in the doorway was a cage that held captive one of the most beautiful parrots the woman had ever seen. On this particular day, she stopped to admire the parrot, which cocked its head at her and sqwauked loudly. Frightened, the woman jumped back and resumed her walk.
The following day, the woman took the same route, and again, the parrot was sitting in its cage watching passerby. Upon seeing the woman, the parrot cocked its head, and said,
“Hey, lady!”
The woman stopped and slowly looked in the parrot’s direction.
“You’re ugly.” The woman walked off in a huff.
This continued for several days, until the woman finally grew tired of the parrot’s teasing and complained to the owner. She was satisfied with the owner’s vow to remedy the situation.
The next day, the woman cruised down the sidewalk to work, and as usual, the parrot was on his daily perch in the cage outside the store. He regarded her for a moment, and said,
“Hey, lady!”
“Yes?”
The parrot cocked its head and regarded her for a moment.
“You know.”
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:28
Number 1: Thank you. *blushnshit*
Number 2: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. LMFAO.
August 10th, 2009 at 08:11
I’m still working on the fact that I learned that Gatorade can expire. But I’m also trying to figure out how they found so many creeps and weirdos as millionaires on that show, Megan Wants to Marry a Millionaire (or whatever). I didn’t know dudes could be that creepy and still successful.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 08:30
That broad is like… the dumbest broad I have ever seen. And she totally knows it.
So, does that make her a genius?
August 10th, 2009 at 09:08
I have learned that my first thought/reaction is STILL to run away with no excuses or explanations and never look back. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet.
This weekend I went and tried on jeans. And went grocery shopping. And cuddled with Irish and Ginger and had time with TeriMichelle and ignored my roommate as much, and as best, as possible.
I has no jokes or laughs… but apparently the dentist I’m trying to get does: http://www.aspiredental.com/meet.html
Squish Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 09:32
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 09:48
OMG. That guy is hilar.
August 10th, 2009 at 10:36
I’m so sorry to hear about your new friend, taken before you had more time together. It sounds like a beautiful and heartwrenchingly touching service. I cry too when I see other people break down. There is no WAY you can not if you have even the slightest bit of heart.
Funny story, I dunno. I posted a list of “omg-I’m-dying-in-the-bathroom” rants I found here: http://spleeness.blogspot.com/2009/08/and-this-is-why-i-do-not-eat-off-floor.html
But not sure if that will make you laugh or cry!! Just don’t be eating or anything if you take a look.
Thx for sharing…
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 19:12
<3 Thank you for sharing with me. I appreciate the laugh.
August 10th, 2009 at 11:08
I learned that even really big projects will get done eventually if you don’t give up.
I finished a roof this weekend! Okay, I didn’t do it by myself and it’s taken two weeks to complete but it’s done and I was there, every day, scraping off shakes and tarpaper, picking up shakes and tarpaper and hauling to dumpster or burn pile, hammering on new shingles, cleaning gutters. And the weather co-operated, which is a BIG deal in this part of the country.
I hurt too much to go to the gym for two weeks but we saved about $4-5 grand, so it’s totally worth it. It’s done, life can go back to normal and I may have clean laundry again someday. Yay!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 19:13
Truth. You gotta do it yourself. I am proud of you! WOO HOO!
August 10th, 2009 at 19:10
Aw, hugs. Sometimes you just need to cry and let it all out. It makes you feel better, yes?
I have no funny stories to tell you. I’m sorry. I’ll link something if I find something though…
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 19:13
Thanks, you. <3 <3
August 10th, 2009 at 19:14
Im just glad that you are part of my business as usual.
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 19:16
Awww. Honey. Thank you for saying that.
August 10th, 2009 at 20:09
Ok, funny for the weekend… this will continue on TMI Thursday, but I’ll share part of it here..
My friend who has been dying to go to her first gay bar did on Saturday night. She was in shock and awe at the drag show and told me there was no way they were guys. A friend of hers who was in the show (she didn’t know it) came over when he heard it, and went back to his “man voice” to ask her if she wanted a feel as proof. She turned about 50 shades of red!
LivingWicked Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 20:22
OMG SO FUNNY.
August 11th, 2009 at 03:08
I have been AWOL with the kids and the hub. In the middle of no technology, where ones mind can run free. I recently opened my heart, and soul to “him” and it has helped me. I still question alot but in time maybe i will hear the answers.
My nephew has 2 months left in his treatment center and he will be clean for a year. He chose that path, but the addiction part runs deep in the family lines, So we have to keep our hearts and fingers crossed that he will stay clean. He’s just 21!
I am trying to come up with words to write to the local paper, the speak out so to say. We had another 3 underage, local kids die due to an accident. http://www.newszap.com/lifetype/post/12/238
This is how they were said goodbye to. http://www.newszap.com/lifetype/post/8/262.
We have lost so many young ones to drinking and driving, drugs, and just plain stupidity on their driving and the way they are thinking.
I’m scared for mine that is getting up there. I talk to him daily, and hope that he listens. And sees from what he has been witnessing around us.
Sry hun for your loss<3