I Can Always Depend on My Momma.
Jul 14, 2009 Family
I wrote about my dad a couple of weeks ago. Funny story, I didn’t think to mention it to him. Not because I was hiding it or whatever … but because I just didn’t think that it really mattered to him that much. This could put our relationship in a nutshell. We both spend a great deal of our relationship fighting the fact that we adore one another. I don’t know why. We just do.
I also didn’t post a pic of him in my last blog. I bet he would shit a big fat brick if he knew I was about to post one right now. Heh.
Nah. I won’t piss him off like that. 10 years ago… maybe.
Anyway, with a dad blog comes a mom one too. I have thought a lot about what I might write about my mom. As I have gotten older, I find more similarities with her than my dad. I remember always hearing “you are just like your dad” when I was growing up. I am, but there are a great deal of things that are my mom.
1) The look. When we were growing up and we were fucking up, all my mom had to do was look at us and we knew we better shut the fuck up or it was on.
2) Road rage. Not so much anymore (for her) but I remember several times when my mom would practically fly through the window at someone.
Like this one time when we were on our way to school and this dumb bitch in a mini-van cut my mom off. There my mom was, screaming at this broad, tailgating her until we both stopped in front of “The Crash” (the smoking spot at my school) and proceeded to rush the drivers side, open the door and all you could see was my mom from the shoulders down. Her head and neck were inside the car, telling her alllllllllllllllllll about herself. Then she got in the car, smiled and asked me not to tell my father about the incident.
If I wasn’t sooooooooo stoned… I would have been mortified. Instead I was laughing my ass off.
Pretty sure I told him.
3) Sappy-ness. My mom is a crier. I am a crier. And it is worse now that I am older.
4) Lack of a filter. I think this comes from both of my parents… but specifically my mom. She will tell a bitch to fuck herself with a smile on her face.
My mom and I are friends. But she is my mom. It isn’t the mom-daughter friendship where the line of respect fades with time. I know my role. Dont get me wrong, I push buttons. I always have and I always will. But, I respect my mom for the fact that she brought me into this world. (she may say she can ‘take me out’ but she is a damn lie) I love that she always tells me the truth. I respect that when she has advice, it not only comes from the heart… it comes from experience. I love that I can trust my mom, and that I have built this trust with her that she trusts me back. It wasn’t always that way, and I would say that the worst feeling in the world was to have my mom tell me that she didn’t believe me.
I reach to her when I need to cry.
She knows that I am a good mom, and offers advice when she thinks that I need it. NOT to simply hear herself speak.
My mom respects my choices as a parent.
I know that she would defend me if she truly believed that I was innocent, and she would still love me if she knew that I wasn’t.
My mom eats her steak well done. Like, beef jerky well done. And she smothers that shit in ketchup.
She used to eat her food on a lazy susan. none of it could mix or touch.
My mom used to model.
She falls asleep when she watches movies. 98% of the time.
She has a weird infatuation with Rod Stewart.
She L O V E S her grandkids. Like groovy kind of love styles. And her son in law.
She always calls me Charlie Brown. <-- no clue why.
My favorite memory with my mom was when she met me in San Diego and rode the carrier back up to Seattle. She roughed it (with a lot of anti-nausea medicine) just like we did, flirted with the Chiefs in the galley… and wooed them with her famous potato salad. For the next year after she rode the ship, my Chiefs bugged me about my mom, trying to get her secret recipe to either have me make the potato salad or so they could have their wives do it . (They also dug her tits I am sure). I couldn’t believe that she came and spent that time with me. Not because she was a non-engaged mom or anything, but because 1) she hates flying 2) she gets motion sickness and 3) her and my dad rarely spend more than 24 hours apart.
That is the other thing about my mom … my parents … they are the most devoted people to each other. I haven’t met another couple who truly love the way they do. They compliment each other. There weren’t always rainbows and butterflies either. They have fought to have the deep connection that they do today. That depth that people fall asleep and dream about. The same depth that I fight for on a daily basis with D.
My dad had what my parents are. My mom did not. She grew up in a broken home with several step fathers. Her example of what a healthy relationship should look like was like night and day to what my father had with my Nana and Papa. My dad really committed to what he knew was what marriage was, and held my mom accountable for it, every step of the way. She is such a strong woman, and I think that she owes a lot of that strength to my dad. Not because he controlled her or whatever… but because he didn’t give her the opportunity to walk away.
I respect their marriage a great deal because of that fact.
My mom is one of my hero’s. She is a wonderful, feisty, honest woman and if I can be half as wonderful as she is… I would be content with it. I don’t know what I would do without her.
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Oh. And. Heh. Yeah. I still love to irk his ASS at every opportunity.
Anything about my mom you would like to know more about?
Do you have a special mommy memory? (doesn’t have to be about your real mom… sudo moms are perfectly acceptable)
What flavor of ice cream would you be?
July 15th, 2009 at 00:06
I have a special mummy too … and my Mummy had a special Mummy … it just runs down that line of the family I think.. I think my Mum is amazing really… don’t get me wrong, she has her faults and has made some really big mistakes over the years but all in all she’s amazing… My Mum helped me move to New Zealand when I felt I needed to, and then again to London, and when my relationship went pear-shaped, she brought be home again… She is probably the strongest person I know.. you wouldn’t necessarily pick it.. because she’s gentle… and she’s a lady .. she doesn’t swear, like ever… I think that in 30 years I have heard her use the word fuck 3 times…. and only after many hours of antagonisation from different people… she just doesn’t like it … but no matter what life throws at her, she doesn’t crumble… I’m sure she does privately, but she just carries on and does what needs to be done… She had to give the Eulogy at both of her parents funerals, as well as that of her younger Brother, she looks after her sisters, even though she is the youngest, when my Dad left her, she never waivered, she never said a bad word against him – at least not in english, I suspect she and my grandmother said more then a few bad words about him in polish while in front of us, but we never knew and that’s the point. Her Mummy was beloved… my beloved Babcha… there really are no words that can do justice to what a special woman she was, she was sweet and kind and so very strong, which I suppose is where Mum gets it from, she took no crap from anyone, and she loved us Grandchildren so much… she was the best cook in the world, she was born in Ukraine, separated from her family during the war when she was just 15, survived a work camp… an amazing woman… My Mum and her Sisters and Brother took her back to Ukraine in 1990, by that time it had been 50 years since she had seen her family.. an amazing thing they were able to do for her . I have and have had amazing women and mother figures my whole life… and I am thankful every day that I am just like my Mother in so many ways and I did not inherit the nasty nasty streak that runs through my Dad’s mother and the women from her side of the family…
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 08:42
I dont think you have a nasty streak in your body.
Kylie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 14:11
I’ve seen first hand the damage that can be caused by nasty and bitter people… my Dad’s mum as much as I love her has a real nasty streak and is someone who holds a grudge like you wouldn’t believe, I’ve never seen the point and just think it must be utterly exhausting to be her sometimes… she has toned things down in the past few years… but it took an almost 3 year estrangement from me (the adored first Grandchild) and my sister to make her realise the hurt she can cause… and even now, what she and my Grandfather did to cause that estrangement while forgiven can never been forgotten…
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 14:15
I agree that it has to be the most exhausting feeling in the whole world to be so negative and bitter.
I used to be that way. I am so god damn glad I am not anymore.
July 15th, 2009 at 04:14
I have a blog about my mom too, too much to say about her to put in a comment….there are several mommy moments for me, one or two might even be defining moments of my life.
I’d be Vanilla, cause I am!!! LOL
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 08:42
I love Vanilla ice cream.
July 15th, 2009 at 05:22
The relationship with my mother is difficult. I don’t hate her, in fact I have a great deal of respect for her and certainly now as a mother myself, a lot more understanding of why she did the things that made me resent her for a great deal of my young adult life. To my dismay, I’m too much like her so I get it. And I still resent her a bit for not giving me the tools to be a better mother myself. But I also take that responsibility on my own shoulders and am working every day at being a better mother. When I fail, it’s easy to blame her but ultimately I have to own my choices. Our relationship is strained. We don’t fight but we rarely speak and when we do it’s mostly small talk. I have no desire to share the intimate details of my life and I definitely never ask for advice. I used to, quite heavily, but then I realized that her advice comes from strictly “how will this benefit me”. So I just don’t. But I do know, deep down, that if push came to shove she’d be there for me.
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 08:43
I have a few friends with moms like that. They have since adopted my mom.
I am sure you can too if you like.
July 15th, 2009 at 06:27
I miss my mom…you know some of the story and even though I only spent 2 years with her before she died, my favorite memory of her was when she, my sister and I went to the beach for Memorial Day and she chased us around in the sand. (I got one of the worst sunburns ever that day.) My sister had snapped a picture of us running around on the beach like a couple of kids, but to this day I have no idea where that picture is, and God knows I wish I had it. That was the only picture I had of her. *sigh* But through all the ass-whippings and getting beer bottles thrown at me, I knew my mother loved me no matter what. She was there when her grandson was born, and even though she didn’t live to celebrate his first birthday…
damn…I can’t.
…I did laugh when I saw you had went ahead and posted that pic of your dad. That is so like you.
As far as ice cream flavor, I would be…mint chocolate chip. Random, I know…but that is one of those “love it or hate it” flavors. And that is just like me. Love me or hate me.
.-= Zandria´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: That Which Is Lost…Will Be Found Again… =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 08:46
I am sorry you miss your mom babe.
July 15th, 2009 at 08:08
One of the reasons having kids scares the crap out of me is that I know I could never be HALF the mother mine is.
.-= LiLu´s last blog ..The Internet Makes Me Laugh in My Pants =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 08:46
I beg to differ.
July 15th, 2009 at 09:23
I definitely cry a lot more now as I’m getting older than I ever did as a teenager. Like… a LOT more.
.-= Jaime´s last blog ..Effing Carrot Top. =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 09:31
you sap.
July 15th, 2009 at 10:09
my favorite mom memory..
is when, in the midst of the traumatic time immediately after Ex’s death.. and all the drama that flew immediately after..
my mom..
in all her 5 foot glory..
nearly came THROUGH the phone., absolutely indignant that some peeps would be placing the blame on me and kids…
and asked if she needed to come out and TELL some people about themselves..
and this is (only a part of ) why i <3 you somuch. everytime you use that phrase.. or any version of it.. you give me a flash of MY mom. in all her badass momma bear self. and it makes me smile
i have no clue what kind of ice cream i'd be…
maybe strawberry,… cuz that's Hubby's fav. *wink*.
.-= Jody´s last blog ..Hard Choices =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:13
Sometime it is necessary to exude mommy gangster.
I <3 that your mom and mine know when to hold em and know when to fold em.
July 15th, 2009 at 11:14
Everyday, I work at trying to be as strong as my mom is and has been. Because if, one day, I get over my reluctance to have kids, the best I could ever do for them is to be what she is for me and my brother.
.-= f.B´s last blog ..when i was a Bugle Boy =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:14
This just made me melt.
There needs to be more men out there in the world like you. I hope my son speaks about me that way.
July 15th, 2009 at 11:59
I love these blogs.
My mommy and I have a love hate relationship.. . she was gone for a good part of my growing up. . . and loathes my father greatly. . . but as I get older and she learns more about who I am we are finding a middle ground. I will always and forever be a daddy’s girl because he was there. . . and it pisses me off that she did so many amazing things that I wish she could have passed down to me. . .but I love and respect her none the less.
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:15
<3
It is a feat within itself to have the ability and strength to get it. Not necessarily agree with it, but GET it nonetheless.
Good for you.
July 15th, 2009 at 13:21
No shit – your mom looks like a blonde version of my mom in that little white dress. I”ll have to see if I swiped that pic of mine the last time I was home like I meant to….
I love that she calls you Charlie Brown almost as much as I love that you have no idea (really?) why.
And the pic of your dad and charli made me squee. out loud. people stood up and looked at me funny.
Squish Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 13:23
And I’d be Orange Sorbet. yes.
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 13:33
Yeah I really don’t know where it comes from. I suppose I could/should ask.
Did you observe his enjoyment? /sarcasm. heehee
andddddddddddmmmmmmmmmmmsorbet.
Squish Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 13:56
you should. I am intrigued.
Just sayin.
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 14:00
Maybe I will then.
July 15th, 2009 at 16:49
Awwww! *insert warm fuzzies here*
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 17:52
*heart*
July 15th, 2009 at 17:08
I speak to my Mom almost daily.
We get along… now. She once was the villain in my story.
Best not to dwell on the past.
Chocolate with Reese’s Peanut butter cup chunks.
LivingWicked Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 18:30
I agree on the non-past dwellong
July 15th, 2009 at 17:54
I love your line about giving advice because it’s important. My mom definitely gives advice because she wants to hear herself talk. And to make sure you know you did something wrong. It’s annoying and I learned very quickly after having Ethan that I only called Mom with a question when there was NO ONE ELSE who could answer it. As in, even Parents Anonymous couldn’t answer it. LOL
It was so good to see your mom and dad this past weekend
I think that Mom tries her best to keep a very jaded view of them and I have let that get in the way of enjoying their company and staying in touch with them.
Jen Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 17:55
Oh, and I would like to be raspberry sorbet
Fat free but VERY ADDICTING.