YGWM Friday & Oooooooh Xaaaavierrrrrr! (Etc.)
Jun 18, 2009 All Things X, Etc., Family, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch
TGI MF F to you all.
Welcome to my own special regular Friday blog where I open the ‘floor’ to give you all the opportunity to cuss out whomever royally pissed you off this week so that you can let it go and truly enjoy the weekend.
That is all we really want to do right?!
Dear POE,
I have been a part of many organizations. I get that with every big deal signed, there is a level of ass kissing metrics that have to go along with it. I really do get it. But I have never, ever had this level of juvenile hand holding in a group of adults. Ever.
What gets me is that your selling point in my interview was the fact (and I remember that it was repeated across the 3 people who separately interviewed me) this establishment prides itself on zero micromanagement. That, we are all adults and it is not a babysitting organization.
Tell me, what would you refer to this as then? Nannying? Adult Care?
I call it babysitting. Like with a motherfucking baby monitor by your ear so that you don’t miss a single motherfucking breath taken.
There are ways to go about what you are trying to do without handcuffing us all and making us feel like we are trapped in little boxes full of ticky tacky.
I am just saying.
Dear Gym Rat,
1) your Nike napsack on your back is not cute. It doesnt hold your water. Wanna know how I know? Because you kept “dropping it” on the floor so you could bend over and pick it up in front of the personal trainer that all of the ladies at the gym drool over every single day.
2) He is out of your league. Shit, he is out of my league.
3) if you aren’t going to work out, then leave. You doing circles around the cardio area made me nauseus and furthermore you were wasting paper towels too. You werent even using the cardio equipment that you wiped down. I am no tree hugger and even I know that is plain ignorant and wasteful.
4) You need to be working out because you are not cute. Neither is the way you switch your hip in front of the aforementioned PT. I am pretty sure I watched him throw up in his mouth the last time you shook your nasty booty in his face.
Bottom Line: Not cute. Not one iota. So knock it off before you catch me on an outwardly bitchy day and I tell you about yourself.
Dear Tarable,
I miss you.
Dear KittyFace,
I want them to come home too. Tripping me and breaking my neck isnt going to make them come home any fucking faster. GET OUT OF MY BUSINESS. BLAH.
Alllllllso as promised I am gonna in a nutshell call X’s out.
He ‘found’ $50 in his pocket. After further investigation, he did not actually find it in his pocket. He stole that shit from someone who it was given to as a graduation gift.
Right.
1) He did come clean about it.
2) He apologized to those who he affected by doing it.
3) Kanisha gave me the best idea for creative punishment ever: He will wear a sign that reads “I am a thief” one day when we have a bajillion errands to run. I may also make him write a couple of sentances to carry with so when people ask him questions, he will have something to answer with other than “I dont know”. We will see.
Kanisha rules. The end.
Lastly, before the Friday Eye Candy, I just want to say that I truly appreciate all of my friends. The ones who listen. The ones who let me cry. The ones who let me be a cunt when I need to be one. Especially the ones who respect me and understand me. I am finding thorns in my friend-bush and I am frustrated and confused as to how to help our friendship grow into pretty flowers.
I dont know. I just needed to put it out there in the universe. It helps me clearly figure out what I need to do.
And now. Friday’s Eye Candy is:
Paul Walker. His piercing blue eyes make my naughty bits tingle a lil’ bit. A lot bit actually. My favorite are pics when he has a bit of a scruffy face. Like this one:
Mmmmmmmmmmm.
Feel free to email OR comment me with Friday Eye Candy suggestions.
Now it is your turn. Its MAIL CALL BITCHES!
(Pee ESS: Happy 1 year anniversary Lilu and B!)
Tags: Friday Eye Candy, open letter, paul walker, rant, tgif, weekend, work
June 19th, 2009 at 00:15
Dear Courtni,
Where did you find that B&W pic of me at the ocean… Oh wait. That isn’t me. My bad. I didn’t look at the face close enough.
Dear Sweaty Girl,
So you are really cute at the show tonight with your boobs trying to escape from that smocked floral tank. And the way you kept letting your hair hit my neck while we were dancing. But did you really have to bend over and grind your junk on my junk. Sugar, I don’t even know you. Now apologize to my confused penis.
Dear Water,
I’m sorry I so often neglect my love for you. Nothing ever tasted as good as you do. Next time you see me drinking a Cherry Coke, walk up to that bitch, scratch it’s eyes out and tell me I’m your ever-lovin’ bitch and then pour yourself down my…. okay. That’s just starting to sound weird.
Dear Girl I Use To Babysit,
You have great taste in music. You are smart and artistic and are super cool. You used to be one of my favorite little kids ever. But I do not think your papa would dig me talking to his hot 17 5/6ths old daughter. Or you inviting me to hang out when you turn 18.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:12
Dear Confused Penis,
Awwww.
June 19th, 2009 at 03:09
Dear Courtni,
I’m sorry that you’re feeling hurt where you should be feeling love. I hope the thorns are removed from your garden with as few pokes as possible.
Dear Diaper Trash,
Your stench is my driving force in getting zee boy potty trained. I scrub you down with Pine Sol every other day and you still stink to high heaven. As soon as I get what I want, I am kicking your azz to the curb.
Dear Child,
Thank you for finding my missing shoes. I never thought to look nine inches to my left.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:13
Kids are like little sleuths, finding the things that are right under our noses.
Anne Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 13:38
Also, at this moment, I’m wondering exactly what you mean by, “….The ones who let me be a cunt when I need to be one. Especially the ones who respect me and understand me.”
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 15:29
I mean by it that, above all, agree or disagree with whatever decision I make… or dont make for that matter, they respect me and understand that I will be the first to admit if I made the wrong decision.
June 19th, 2009 at 04:00
Dear Arsehole SUV driver,
You might think it’s fun to sit right on the arse of a learner driver at night in heavy rain but I assure you it’s not.
Please back the fuck off
Dear Mr Bus Driver,
See above..
Dear Cold Rain,
Please leave us be here on the coast and move inland, you are needed more elsewhere.
Dear Joe who interviewed me yesterday,
I would be really good at that job, you really should offer it to me, Please and thank you.
Dear Courtni,
For Friday Eye Candy I would like to see Colin Farrell.. because mmmmm… and his accent makes me week…. also .. the boys from Supernatural are quite yummy …
thank you and goodnight…
Have a good weekend…
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:19
Yeah Joe! Offer her the damn job.
June 19th, 2009 at 04:18
Dear Tuesday…HURRY THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!
the end
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:20
Poopy dogs and Texas, right?
Cassie Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 10:00
well, for PART of the leg of the trip anyhow!!!
I’m going to Montana!!!
I will be bringing my poopy dog to my mom’s in Texas!! LOL
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 10:18
OH! That is right. YAYYYYYYYYYY TRIIIIIIIIP!
June 19th, 2009 at 05:50
Dear hot manager,
I’ve been working at this job for a year now. An entire fucking year! That’s longer than most of the other workers lasted! I’ve been there longer than almost everybody. And I know I’m a good worker, I sell more shit and make more people happy than the other retards that work here. When you asked me if I was staying for the winter I said yes. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PROMOTE HER AND NOT ME?? I’ve been there longer than her and I’m a better worker than her! This is completely unfair to me and I’m suspecting that you promoted her because her brother is higher up in the system. Asshole. Thanks a whole fucking lot. I was planning on staying at this job but maybe now I’ll just quit and you’ll be left with her pathetic ass. –Taylor
Thanks, Wicked
It was nice to get that out of my system. And, yummmm. Eye candy.
Taylor’s last blog post..Who is this christian guy anyways?
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:22
Maybe it is because he is fucking her?
I would quit. Fuck all that.
You are welcome.
June 19th, 2009 at 06:02
I think I had something to say but then I got to those last couple pics and…What?
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:22
Right.
June 19th, 2009 at 06:20
that picture just made make the “giggity, giggity” noise.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:23
I know it did. Mmmmm.
June 19th, 2009 at 06:23
Dear know it all co-worker:
I know my job & I know it well. I have a great relationship with my customers and I dont need you questioning me. I do things the way they work for me….NOT YOU. So please, keep your face outta my work and focus on your own!
PS: Your brown nosing to the boss is really getting annoying!
-Donna
Dear Courtni:
Your awesome! Keep up the good work!
- Hugs! Donna
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:23
This reminds me of a similar co-worker from your past….
LMAO.
DonnaY Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:29
Oh lordy….you know it!!!
I would also like to add:
Dear Step Dad:
You sorry A** piece of S**t. How dare you treat mom that way! After 25 years of taking care of you and raising YOUR children, this is how you repay her? I can and will, only hold my tongue for so long! Just you wait.
Your ex- step daughter
Donna
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:32
Ooooh. Dont mess with DUNNA.
DonnaY Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:37
Dunna no be a rock THIS time!
June 19th, 2009 at 08:11
i wish i could find my paul walker
haha
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:24
RIGHT!? HE IS SO FINE.
June 19th, 2009 at 08:41
Dear Cold Sore,
I hate you with a passion. You’re taking up my entire face with your blistery-gross red and peeling-skin-ness, and I do not approve. I wish you would GTFO. Please.
Dear Extra 15lbs,
I can feel how much you hate me and I hate you, too. I wish you, like my Cold Sore, would GTFO. I hate you in my life, taking up my pictures and making me feel insecure.
Dear Friends,
I hate having to drive more than 30 minutes to anyone’s house. Call me a bitch (seriously, it’s OK) but I hate driving long distances alone, especially when I don’t know where I’m going. Be thankful.
Jaime’s last blog post..I LOVE…Fridays
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 08:50
YEAH! GTFO!
June 19th, 2009 at 09:32
Friday Eye Candy Suggestion:
Ryan Reynolds with no shirt. Funny and Fine? Oh that lucky ScarJo!
http://ryanreynoldsfan.net/gallery/displayimage.php?album=topn&cat=18&pos=2
Dear Family Reunion:
I don’t want to come to you. There I said it. There are only about five people in my mother’s family I would like to see, so why do I have to put up with the rest of you? And? Why am I paying a thousand dollars for the privilege of flying on two planes, sleeping on someone’s floor and then driving three hours, on the Freakin’ Fourth of July, to this party? Not to mention all of my vacation time for the summer! (I’m too polite to mention that).
So, please just keep the drunken drama at the entertaining level this year, and let’s not cross over to that scary place that only alcohol-fueled hillbillies can go. My daughter is at an impressionable age and she knows I’m related to you nutbags. But seriously, thanks for at least being at the beach this year, so at least I have an escape from the crazy.
PS: And Ma? Thanks for the emotional blackmail that ensured my attendance at this little hoe down.
PSS: Hubby, thanks tons for manning up and accompanying me to this gig, NOT! I’ll be thinking kind thoughts of you when someone I’m related to is hitting on me at the barn dance.
IslandBlue
Thanks for the rant space, I’m enjoying your blog a lot!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 09:43
I ALMOST picked Ryan Reynolds. Almost.
(also HOE DOWN?!?!?!? <—LMFAO) Good on.
I am enjoying you enjoying it! How did you find me?
IslandBlue Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 10:54
I think I found you from SMUK or Yo Mama, who I found from the Blogess. A bunch of funny chicks!
I am not even kidding about the hoedown. My mother’s family is from Kentucky, relocated to Washington and Oregon. There will be hoes and they will be gettin’ down.
Calgon take me away . . .
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 10:58
Hmm.. I have never heard of any of them. Can you link a bitch?! I am always looking for funny.
HAHAH. You need a secret squirrel cam to capture footage.
IslandBlue Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 13:20
Okay, I have no idea how I found you blog, other than desperate clicking on any old crap instead of working, which is so BORING. But these chicks are worth reading and I have put you in my faves with ‘em:
http://steammeupkid.blogspot.com/
http://yo-mamasblog.blogspot.com/
And the queen of snarky, dysfunctional, inappropriate and laugh out loud funny:
http://thebloggess.com/
IslandBlue Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 13:26
Oh, and Family Reunion? I forgot to add that one of those inbred cousins better have some weed, or somebody’s gonna be cranky! I just can’t drink that much anymore.
Thanks, IB
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 13:30
Bwahahahah.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 13:29
I am really flattered that I am in your faves.
Seriously it is always so cool to meet new readers who think like I do. Or at least laugh at what I think about.
I hope you stay.
June 19th, 2009 at 09:36
Dear Office:
When I started here April 23, 2007, I was told that my cubicle was a temporary affair, and that I would have an office soon. Every other MSO has an office due to the confidential nature of our work. My control point has told me it’s ridiculous that I’m dragging my phone outside the door and standing outside in the rain to have a conversation with HR. I am the laughingstock of all the other MSO’s because I am in a cubicle. People lack respect for my position because without an office, I’m not viewed as a REAL MSO. That being said, how the FUCK are going to give away the office I was promised in our remodel to someone you haven’t even hired yet? That position’s predecessor didn’t have an office, so why the fuck should the new person have one?
Sincerely, your pissed off financial officer
Dear Office (2):
Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is the real world, right? So why are you complaining about any & every thing that makes your world less than perfect? Maybe you live in Delusionville, but you deal with co-workers & others in the campus community that all live in the Real World, so please contain your comments & complaints to things that can realistically be addressed in the Real World. I cannot help you because you don’t like the way the sun comes in the window over your desk. You have a window. I cannot help that you took a month to tell me that your printer was requesting service and has now stopped working because you ignored it. I will do nothing to speed up the shipment of the parts you should have requested when the printer first displayed that it needed them! Your inability to take responsibility for your office equipment is not my fault. Live with it. I cannot help that you don’t like being in the same office space as your co-workers and want to be back with the other part of the department. Our office has been spread out for years. You are now experiencing how the “other side” has lived for years. Be a fucking grown up and stop complaining. You don’t like it, find another job. And you. Stop trying to do my job, then tell me to fix it when you screw it up. Thanks.
Sincerely, NOT the complaint desk.
Dear Sinjin:
Really, was that necessary? You’re the one that wants the benefits of being a boyfriend. You claim bf status when it’s convenient to YOU. I have never claimed that you were my bf. So if you want to be my bf when it’s convenient to you, why can’t I now want the same? I asked for you to kiss me occasionally. It hurts me that you give me a quick 3 kisses on your way out, but that the kisses I NEED, you are incapable of giving. As in physically HURTS me. We’ve compromised on other things, so why won’t you compromise on this? And when I comment on it, telling me that sucking your dick and giving you ass is all you need is not an appropriate response. I won’t say I’m hurt, but I will say I’m confused. I think this is something we need to discuss before we move in together. You get ass when you want, I get kisses when I need. Fair enough???
Sincerely, your “homieloverfriend” as you call me.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 09:45
Damn. Feel better?
Oh, and BoyToy. Shit or get off the pot before I drop kick you into next week.
STC Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 09:51
lol I felt better after drinking all yesterday afternoon!
lmao I would LOVE to see you tell Sinjin that!!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 09:57
I totally will.
June 19th, 2009 at 13:17
Dear Family,
What difference does it make when the furniture gets moved? I have been talking about this party I’m having for 4 or 5 weeks and the closing isn’t until next Friday. It will get moved when it does. The end.
#5
Dear Courtni,
I love and respect you. I hope I don’t confuse you. We definitely need catch up time. xoxox
Cherie
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 13:29
Yeah Family. Get out of her face.
I know you do.
I love you very much.
June 19th, 2009 at 13:39
Dear Asshole who lets your kid run behind the counter next to the hot ovens and thinks it’s hilarious: Fuck you. I am not getting paid to make sure that Jr. doesn’t burn his face off. IN FACT it would serve you right if something happened to little mini-Asshole. (though I will run over and stop him putting his hand *in the fucking oven* just because it’s not his fault he was given such horrible parents)
Thank you.
P.S. You should totally have Henry Cavill be you Eye Candy one Friday. I would love you forever and ever and ever!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 13:47
LMAO@ the little mini-asshole. HAHAHA
I need to know who this man is. Brb.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 13:48
oh he is not the weirdo looking one on Twilight.
I just may accommodate.
Hannah-Lane Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 14:14
I’m hoping he’s not associated with Twilight at all. He’s the zexy one from the Tudors…yummmm!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 15:31
He is both. And super hot.
June 19th, 2009 at 15:23
Dear Medical Insurance Company-
Fuck you bastards. All of you. I’ve been on this perscription for TWO YEARS. Read it. TWENTY FOUR MONTHS and you JUST NOW decided to ditch it off your formulary so it’s no longer covered. I’m 4 months pregnant and it’s one of the only digestive/intestinal medications that I can take and you MF’ers take it off the formulary. FUCK YOU. I hate you. I hope you all get strangled by the cords on your retarded 50 line phones.
Seriously, The pregnant bitch with the fucked up tummy situation.
DearSkankAtThePharmacy-
I hope your hair all falls out for not having my shit ready. I was on the phone with the nurse at 12:06 when we talked to your bitch ass. I got there at THREE THIRTY!!! The entire drive and ferry ride from Bremerton and my fucking shitty substitute for a tummy medication wasn’t ready YET!!! Twenty more minutes my fucking ass. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Dear Devil Spawn. How dare you embarass me today at the naval hospital. Your ass is grass. No cookies, popcicles, treats or snacks for two weeks. Veggies. That’s it.
MOM
Dear Nurse lady Rita – Thanks for bearing with me through the tears and getting this shit sorted out. Including the lead on free prenatals since my persciption plan ALSO dropped THOSE off the formulary.
Dear last cupcake. If you are still sitting there in an hour….ur mine.
Dear Courtni- I fucking love you and I’m so glad you, a tribe member, are going to be there when this baby comes.
<–floored.
<3
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 15:33
Oh how I love your open letters.
And you. I love you and cant wait to be there and we need to talk about that. I still owe you a pedi.
<3
Justice Reply:
June 20th, 2009 at 15:15
pfft. what’s to talk about. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll have a schedueled induction about 38 weeks. I kinda like those better than 3am water breakage and whoops we’re here on the floor board of the car on the way there. Nate was an induction. My water broke and an hour and 46 minutes later he was there. So hopefully it won’t take long
June 19th, 2009 at 21:23
Happy Friday to you, too, WC! (This is kinda long!)
Dear Full-Time Job,
Suck it. Today was payday; I left my part time job at 1pm after working 13 straight hours between FT and PT jobs, and come here to pick up my paycheck. I walk through the door and the office manager shrugs her shoulders at me and says they don’t have check paper to print the checks on. Uh, WTF? Payday is every other fucking Friday, has been since the company’s inception. No, y’all don’t have the money to pay us. Be straight up about it, and don’t wait til the day of payday to let people know and then decide to give us this pathetic story about not having anything to print the checks on.
I basically drove 20 minutes out of my way in 100 degree heat in Friday afternoon traffic with a 1/4 tank of gas and NO A/C to pick up a check that is not even ready yet. I COULD HAVE BEEN AT HOME, IN BED. Instead, I have to go back to my part time job and wait for my other boss to come back to the office to get my other check (thank God there IS another check) so I can get food and put $2.60/gallon gas in my car. Total hours of sleep after a 13 hour shift and 4 more hours wasted on waiting for my money and spent running to the bank before it closed? 3 FUCKING HOURS. How many hours until I can close my eyes again? Another 13. Thanks a fucking lot.
Signed,
Your disgruntled employee
P.S. Thank you for scraping up the money to pay us. I didn’t know how I was going to explain this one to my landlord or the people who are holding the lien on my car.
.-= Zan´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: The Launch of the Crotch Rocket… =-.
Zan Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 21:26
Oh, and that pic of Paul Walker made it ALL BETTER…thank you for that!
<3
.-= Zan´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: The Launch of the Crotch Rocket… =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 22:28
Paul Walker would make that better. For sure.
And, that fucking sucks. Sorry you had to deal. This is yet another reason why I want to have the ability to punch people in the face and not get into trouble.
Zan Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 22:31
Thank you…I’m just glad it got taken care of, or else I would have punched someone in the face, and trouble be damned!
.-= Zan´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: The Launch of the Crotch Rocket… =-.
June 20th, 2009 at 12:36
I know I am late with this but when have I ever been on time for ANYTHING? Yah… not that I can remember.
So here is my TGI-MF-F:
Dear lunatic asshole neighbor,
If you yell at your dogs ONE MORE TIME for barking or be a complete DOUCHE and HIT THEM AGAIN for BARKING EVEN THO THAT IS WHAT DOGS DOOOOO, you sorry sad excuse for a human being, then god help me I will go over there with a baseball bat and show you what the fuck it feels like to get hit! KAPEESH?
Signed,
The Bitch next door who is fed the fuck up with your shit
Then I want to say… I am SOOOO sorry you are feeling “thorny”. It’s a terrible feeling and I totally know what you mean. I am getting rid of some shitty thorns as we speak and I can’t say it is an easy job. *sigh* Even tho I am a gazillion miles away… I am here and remember… I totally <3 you babe. xo
finally… as far as the eye candy? thank you… and num num num num!
June 20th, 2009 at 20:48
omgah omgah omgah i think i might have found my paul walker no joke!! fingers crossed!!
June 22nd, 2009 at 16:36
Awww, thank you SO much, darling! You are too freaking sweet.
.-= LiLu´s last blog ..There Are No Words. =-.