TMIThursday: SBDBJ
Jun 24, 2009 Masturbate-able, Sex, TMI Thursday's, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked & D Quotables, Yum... or Lack There Of., love
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs… Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
Alright, lets get right to it.
Once upon a bunch of BJ’s ago, D was having my Wicked Special. We had been drinking (duh) and fooling around for several hours. (This was back when we had time for foreplay… pre-kids… etc.)
So I go down, fondling and licking and doing the things that us girls do during BJ’s.
He starts to squirm a little. The typical pre-cuminyourmouth squirming that boys do. So I go at it harder. And wetter. I play off of his squirmy self and sexyimgonnacumsoongirlymoan noises.
And then he came. Hard. Like convulsions.
There I was, trying to be all post-bj-lovey on his penis when it happened. A funk so awful that my nostrils cringed.
That motherfucker SBD WHILE HE CAME IN MY FACE.
D: “I tried to clench it in!”
Me: “You didnt try hard enough, apparently. I am disgusted.”
D: “Babe. I am sorry.”
Me: “You farted. In my face. While you came. And I had to find out about it afterward.”
D: “At least it happened at the end.”
Me: “Are you kidding me? How does that benefit me?!”
D: (heh) “I guess I am the only one who really benefits here.”
Me: “Right. You are an asshole.”
D: “I would kiss you but… you taste like nut and smell like ass.”
Me: “I fucking hate you.”
D: (Leaning in for a kiss) “I was KIDDING!”
Me: “Whatever.”
And we lived happily ever after…
Tags: bj, fart, SBD, TMI Thursday
June 24th, 2009 at 22:12
Oh sweet jebus!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 22:22
I know, RIGHT!?
June 24th, 2009 at 22:26
You are way too generous to him with your bj’s anyway. Did you get him back with a fart of your own next time?
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 22:29
What can I say? I love giving head.
I have only farted in front of D one time. And that is because he was tickling me so hard that I had no choice.
Real ladies dont publicly fart.
meghan Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 09:04
Ok this is hilarious gross but, hilarious…
And the whole 10 years Jamie and I were together he never heard me fart…he used to always tell me “One day you are just going to explode” lol
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 09:05
Like you were just holding it in or something . HA HA HA
June 24th, 2009 at 22:47
Oh for the love of……bleh.
Still, I am laughing.
And true….real ladies don’t publicly fart. Everrrrrrrrrrr.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:03
June 24th, 2009 at 22:49
Sitting in a computer lab in school about 10 years ago with my then girlfriend. She shifts in her seat and I hear the sound of a fart. So I ask her.
“Did you just fart?”
She just keeps typing and says “no.”
I look at her for a moment to see if she will crack a smile or anything. Nothing. She just keeps working.
“Well I just heard a fart.”
“No you didn’t.”
Enjoying this women-don’t-fart game, I press on.
“How can you deny I just heard you fart?”
She stops typing and looks at me.
“Because that sound didn’t come from my butt, stupid.”
And I sat there looking at her like a was a 5 year old at a magic show.
Tallulah Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 23:24
….and now I’m instantly brought back to Rav’s blog on THAT subject. *groans*
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:04
HAHAHAHAH I REMEMBER THAT BLOG! LMFAO.
June 24th, 2009 at 23:07
So. Apparently my daughter inherited IBS from me. And so, one night my stomach decides to revolt and bloat up full of air. So, as Gunny is down there working his magic, um, my stomach decides it’s time to relieve pressure.
“babe you gotta stop”
“am I doing something wrong?”
“no just…move, move now”
I push him out of the way and move away from him and unfortunately farted loud enough to make it sound like there was a tuba hiding in my bowels.
Thank God he loves me enough to laugh at me as I die of laughter from embarrassment.
me: Um, I think we should just cuddle. I’ll cuddle with you.
He rolls over and grabs my hand as we fall asleep laughing.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:04
Ahhh the joys of being married. HA HA HA HA!
June 25th, 2009 at 04:51
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And you’re right. Real Ladies Don’t Fart.
.-= Squish´s last blog ..I Don’t Wanna Grow Up… =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:04
No they sure dont.
June 25th, 2009 at 06:07
Ew! I’d be so pissed.
.-= Taylor´s last blog ..Remember when…? =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:04
I wasnt happy, that is for sure. HA!
June 25th, 2009 at 06:09
HAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
It’s official. You. Have. Made. My. Day!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! YOU ROCK!
(totally dying here, hahahahaha)
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:05
I am so happy to oblige.
Cassi Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:08
June 25th, 2009 at 06:10
oh and now that my convulsive laughter is over, i notice that my comment luv is NEVER showing my “last blog” anymore. What the hell is that about!??!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:05
I think it asks you to check a box first below before you comment.
Cassi Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:08
yeah i tried that… something isn’t working right on my end probably
*sigh*
June 25th, 2009 at 06:13
That is NOT okay. Except for the part where he said “you taste like nut and smell like fart.” THAT is the best thing I have ever heard.
.-= Miss Tricky´s last blog ..Closing up windows and opening doors… =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:06
HAHAHA. He is so great with words I tell you.
June 25th, 2009 at 06:14
OMG! *speechless*
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:06
HAHA!
June 25th, 2009 at 08:09
yuckkkk. one time my ex did it while we were spooning..he thought it was hilarious that he farted on me. i kind of just wanted to beat the crap out of him haha
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:14
Kindof you should have.
June 25th, 2009 at 08:29
omg. I do not have sex on days where I’m having tummy issues JUST because of this. I will go out of my way to make it CLEAR that my tummy is having an issue. Which is completely cool because unfortunately, Dan has the same kind of tummy issues that I do.
Usually the meds that I take are enough to combat the evils of gas, but they dropped my regular stuff from the formulary and have me on a new one…and on top of pregnancy OMFG. All it took was twice and all my ladyness was GONE. And the first time would have been prevented had my stupid fucking kid not blurted out to the entire world AND Dan who was outside smoking “OHHHHHHHHHHHH GROSSSSSSSSSSSSS Mom just vibrated the couch with her FART”. I laughed and then cried. The second one an hour later just could not be prevented. And they didn’t stink. Just obnoxiously LOUD. I was all WTF!!! And Dan looked at me and I just started laughing and couldn’t stop to say excuse me at all. It was too fucking funny.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:53
That is so cute that you fart in front of him.
I … just cant. I never have and until I am old and senile and just dont give a fuck… I probably never will.
June 25th, 2009 at 08:33
Dude. I’d have hit him. And spit it back in his face. ‘Cause that’s how I roll.
.-= Jaime´s last blog ..A Jumpstart Gone Wrong! (February 11, 2008) =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:53
HA HA HA. Really? Would you have?
Jaime Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 12:25
Indeed. Without stopping to think it over, too.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 12:29
Another reason why I love you.
June 25th, 2009 at 08:36
Aw… how coincidental is this? I blogged about the same topic, but from the male point of view. And in the usual, graphic Sebby Story Telling way.
God bless TMI Thursday.
The world needs more girls like you! …
.-= Sebastian´s last blog ..The blowback 69 =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 08:54
Well then I must go read.
I know right?! This is quickly becoming my favorite blogday of the week.
*blush* you are the sweetest.
June 25th, 2009 at 10:38
This is both TMI and the sweetest thing ever. I was hugely pregnant, we were “up river” staying in a one-room cabin with a bunch of people in bunks, on the floor, everywhere. It was just quieting down, everybody’s getting ready to go to sleep and I’m shifting around, trying to get comfy in this narrow bunk with husband and my big belly and **ooops** about blew my undies off. Slight pause, (shocked silence) and my husband says “excuse me.” Much laughter and ribbing of hubby follows. Everybody knew who did it in the morning, because I couln’t resist telling my friends how gallant my husband was.
My knight in shining armor for sure!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 10:39
That is too freaking cute. <3
June 25th, 2009 at 13:13
You literally stole this post out of my mouth. Where do they get off?
(Gettit??)
P.S. Diggin’ the new digs!
.-= LiLu´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: WAR PAINT. =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 13:17
I TOTALLY gettit.
Thanks babe. I am lovin’ it as well. We are in transition.
June 25th, 2009 at 13:27
But seriously, would it be better to let it out quietly or go ahead and blast the fucker in your face super loud? i totally would have started laughing my ass off.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 13:44
All I wanted was a considerate FYI.
A “Move your face I just farted”
Is that too much to ask?!
Stephanie Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 18:38
I’m totally trying to imagine a dood saying that. Holy snortablefest. I wonder if my husband would gimme that kinda consideration. I mean, I doubt it since he still blames a fart on one of the dogs, and has even tried to blame the cat for a killer.
You are absolutely correct.
You should dutch oven him for that.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 22:35
HAHAHA. I should.
Hmmmm.
June 25th, 2009 at 16:34
I’d be seriously pissed off!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 22:35
I wasnt happy. That is for sure.
June 25th, 2009 at 20:13
I am loving all these TMI’s. I had a friend {I swear it wasn’t me…really} who totally farted when her BF was down there. Sadly she farted before she got HERS. I would’ve been mortified…
LivingWicked Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 22:36
OH. My. Wow. HAHAHA. Suckie.
June 26th, 2009 at 03:43
*snort* OMG…I laughed so hard, I think I may have farted! Of course, no one is here with me, so I guess it’s okay by WIcked Rules!
Pregnancy should be a waiver, just saying.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 26th, 2009 at 11:05
Agreed.
June 26th, 2009 at 04:53
Effin’ men…I wonder if he’d have felt the same way if you’d have farted in HIS face…I mean, come on, that’s pure, unadulterated funk!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 26th, 2009 at 11:05
RIGHT.