This is Why I am Anti-Starbucks + 1 Open Letter = Friday
Jun 4, 2009 DUH, Fitness Forward, Ranteriffic, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked & D Quotables, Yum... or Lack There Of., love
This morning in the drive thru of Starbucks
(which, if you knew me is UNHEARD of for me to ever do because true Seattle-ites have baristas who are small business owners and we pay them to make cheaper, better coffee … instead of padding the corporate executive pockets… but I am really broke right now and received gift cards… and am in need of coffee… so a bitch gotta do what a bitch gotta do.) D and I experienced probably the dumbest broad on the planet.
Like, the duuuuuuuuuuuuuumbest.
I was also reminded as to why I love my husband. I was also reminded of the fact that we are not morning people. So leave the chirp at the door bitch.
Dummy: “HI! Welcome to Starbucks! What can I start for you?!”
D: “A tall, iced, quad, skinny peppermint latte please.”
Dummy: “An iced Venti latte?”
D: “No. A TALL (pause) ICED (pause) QUAD (pause) skinny peppermint latte.”
Dummy: “Okay a tall iced skinny peppermint latte. Quad shot?”
D: “Yes. And a grande white caramel mocha. Iced as well.”
Dummy: “Did you want white chocolate or dark chocolate?”
D: (looking at me, irritated.) “Isnt a white mocha a white mocha BECAUSE of the motherfucking chocolate?”
D: “White chocolate.”
Dummy: “I will have your total at the window.”
D: “This bitch cannot be that dumb.”
Me: “It is us. Of course she can be.”
So we pull up to the window. We waited for like ever before she opened the window and handed D out a VENTI motherfucking LATTE. D looks at me and I look at this bitch. Like, looooooooooooooked at this bitch.
Have any of you NOT seen my look?
Me: “This is like a gallon of coffee. It is like 3 servings of coffee for me.”
D: “Do you want me to have them make you another one?”
Me: “No way. I dont want her head to explode. It is too fucking early for all of this.”
Dummy: “So what are you guys going to do today? Have anything fun planned?”
D: “Not anymore. Apparently our plans have changed to drink a shit load of unasked for coffee for the remainder of the morning.”
Dummy: (looking puzzled as I am fucking DYING laughing) “I dont understand what you mean…”
D: “Offfffff course you dont.”
Me: (snort)
1) The coffee was nasty. But this is not a surprise. This is day 2 of gift card funded beverages. Both days were fucking nasty.
2) I couldnt even finish HALF of this coffee. I dont need 46y742q3 gallons of coffee to get me through the day.
3) Starbucks is NOT the business.
Dear Nosy Co-Worker,
Yes I blasted your ass yesterday. I am tired of your big fat nose in everyones big fat business. Your ‘joke’ wasn’t really a joke… you were being a fucking cunt so that you could finally be invited to the gossip session. Guess what? No one wants you to be in it. You meddle like a mother in law and I am so sick of every time I get off of the phone having to hear your fucking comments about some business that isnt yours.
Stop asking everyone but the person you are asking about about their business. Knock it the fuck off.
So yes. I told you about yourself. Bluntly and matter-of-factly. Yes I did tell you to MYOB and I also told you about your mouth. I am also pretty sure that I told you about how your joke was inappropriate and hurtful and if it was in fact a joke, that you would have sent it to the person it was about and not to everyone EXCEPT for her. Pretty sure.
So your huffy pouting isnt effective. In fact, survey says: “WE LIKE YOU BETTER WHEN YOU SHUT UP AND POUT.”
I do not feel sorry for you. I will tell you about yourself again if necessary.
Respectfully,
Cunt-ni.
Happy Friday Friends!
Do you have a drive thru funny to share!?
And, just like every Friday… Purge here in open letter format so that you can enter the weekend and fully enjoy it!
P.S. FFC:
I am doing so well with eating. I have cheated here and there but have made smart choices. (I had 3 fries and a strawberry yesterday) I haven’t weighed yet this week but I will this weekend when I go to the gym.
I am struggling with working out right now. But, finals slash this quarter are pretty much over so I will have plenty of gym time and a full month to work the fuck out. 7 days of exercise plus SB = good to go for Vegas.
How are you doing?
Tags: barista, coffee, drive thru, south beach phase 1, starbucks
June 4th, 2009 at 20:18
nope, no drive thru funny. I avoid going to ANY drive thru, because I worked fast food for five years and if I would have acting like some of the snotty bitches act, my boss woulda canned me!!!
and I know that one day I’m going to snap one day and pull a bitch thru the window!!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 20:35
I feel the same way about pullin’ a bitch through the window.
June 4th, 2009 at 21:23
Ugh I hate Starbucks. I’m a Dutch Bros kind of girl… and there are three on my way to work.
And here is my letter:
Dear Supervisor,
Make up your goddamn mind. Either you want me to see clients all fucking day long, or you want me to do paperwork. I can’t do both. And putting me on a “Performance Evaluation Plan” is not going to make this happen, either. Listen to your minions, and hire a couple more fucking case workers so I don’t have a caseload of over 200 clients that are about four steps away from either going back to jail or back to the state hospital.
And one more thing. Giving me the most high risk, suicidal, cutting, driving to the 217 and Denney overpass and debating whether to jump or drive off, manipulative, dependent, BORDERLINE client in our program right now doesn’t help things either. Especially when you want me to talk to her EVERY FUCKING DAY. Just sayin.
Sincerly,
Exhausted, Overworked, and Underpaid Minion.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 21:36
I have never heard of Dutch Bro’s.
I have my own little stand by my house. The one where she sees my car and starts my regular.
Yeah. Fuck all of that. Stupid Supervisor. I say tell the attention seeker to go ahead and do all of those things. Tell them I said that we are all tired of hearing about them ‘getting ready to’ do some shit. I am kidding. Kinda.
Jen Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 21:43
Oh believe me, I have said it. “I can only talk to you about coping skills so many times; you are the one that has to make the choice of whether you are going to continue this behavior or put effort into feeling better. Nothing I say is going to keep you from harming yourself if you want to do it.” Problem is that she was just released after 13 months in the state hospital, and wants to either die or go back to the hospital. And neither one is an option right now :/ otherwise my ass is unemployed. And that would be bad.
Dutch Bros is an AWESOME local coffee stand in OR and WA… way cheaper than most places and the coffee isn’t too bitter. I have my favorite guy at my stand but I mix it up so he can’t start a drink for me before I get to the window
LivingWicked Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 21:47
What was she in SH for? Mental stuff?
What is your regular drink?
Jen Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 21:57
MDD Severe w/ Psychotic Features, Dependent PD. Multiple severe suicide attempts, including driving her car off the overpass mentioned above during rush hour and even tried to hang herself while in the SH. One of the most depressed clients I have ever had, hands down. (can you imagine being on the freeway, stuck in traffic, and you see a car teetering off the edge of the overpass? that’s what she did. TWICE.)
Lately anything iced. Dutch Bros has a drink called Milky Way (mocha w/ caramel) that I like blended. Eggnog lattes are awesome during the holidays. I need stuff in my coffee, though, not just plain ol’ coffee.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 08:52
I dont like plain ol coffee either.
Try a funky monkey. White chocolate, kahlua, peanut butter and banana.
June 4th, 2009 at 21:31
Uggg. I really need to check into your SB links but I love, love, love carbs and I’m scared thats gonna be a no no. Right now I’m addicted to sweet tea. Stupid southern sweet sweet tea.
Dear DBD,
Grow up.
That is all.
And I dont get the starbucks lingo so I never stop there (Venti huh? Quad wha?)
TGIF!!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 21:39
Dude. I love carbs so much. And it IS a no no. I thought it was gonna be hard but I feel amazing since being on it… and it is not a forever thing. If you do it right… you will re-introduce carbs after about 1-2 months.
HA HA HA! It totally is a culture.
June 5th, 2009 at 02:28
I mess with the starbucks people on PURPOSE.
i dont know the lingo and don’t need to. rofl. I am doing ok.
I go rarely… and only because there is one inside the Target I go to.
I walk up and tell the girl ‘I need the biggest white chocolate whateveryou call it with lots of cream’
They ALWAYS say back ‘would that be a ‘whatever the lingo is i don’t friggin know’
and I say back with all kindsa DUH in my voice “is that the biggest white chocolate whateveryou call it with lots of cream?’
chicky behind the counter “yes”
me: ok then”
sometimes she tries not so subtle ways of making me say the lingo. lol its kinda funny. cuz i refuse to.
Cassie Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 04:18
if you want to REALLY stump them…just walk up and say…I want a cup of coffee. I did that once and the chic behind the counter’s brain started to fry!!! LOL
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 08:53
I am hip to the lingo.
Cass… HAHAHA!!!!
Jody Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 09:21
Well, you better be hip to the lingo.. up where you live and all. lol.
One day you should do a real world translation guide for us ignorant folks. lol
That would be hilarious.
(Oh, and I thought of you today whilst I was off shoppin.. )
Jody’s last blog post..On that kind of a high
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 09:53
That would be so funny.
WHAT DID YOU BUY?!
Jody Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 09:57
shoes among other things.
thought of you cuz there was racks and racks of little girl cutesy stuff on clearance.
massive clearance. i got some stuff 95% off… and then another 15% off what I DID pay. it was unreal lol
Jody’s last blog post..On that kind of a high
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 09:57
SHOESSSSSSSSSSSSS.
Jody Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 10:10
black pointy toed (holy hell some that don’t hurt!) ankle boot heels for me.. retail $49. purchase price? 76 cents. no shit.
soft black ankle boot nub heel for daughter.. retail $39.. purchase price 74 cents. no shit.
Jody’s last blog post..On that kind of a high
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 11:23
I need to see a picture.
Jody Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 12:25
posted on facebook.
your highness
*duck and runs*
LOL
Jody’s last blog post..On that kind of a high
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 12:41
hahaahah
June 5th, 2009 at 04:45
I may be back for an open letter later… depending on how it goes at work today…
But if not, I wanted to say I was here. That is all.
Squish’s last blog post..Shittiest Day Ever
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 08:53
I love ya babe. Try to have a better day.
Squish Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 09:08
Dear Humming Coworker:
Shut the fuck up. Seriously. It’s annoying and I can hear you over my headphones. While we are at it, you’ve already told me you read my blogs, so I know you know why I am not talking to anyone today, so STOP FUCKING ASKING HOW I AM DOING.
</3
Squish
Now I’m better.
Squish’s last blog post..51 Weeks
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 09:09
HA. I hoped you would be back. I have a feeling that you might be back again later.
Squish Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 13:10
lol You are right…
Dear SameHummingCoworker:
You do NOT get to blame ME for getting in trouble for yesterday’s bitchfest when you did JUST as much bitching as I did. I will NOT let you make me feel guilty, and I will NOT apologize. You do NOT get to pin the blame on me to ease your conscience.
>_<
Squish
Dear New Boss,
SERIOUS kudos for finally talking to the whole team about our TEAM issues, rather than assuming it’s Squish-is-the-evil-harpy-queen. You get cookies on Monday. Maybe. If I am still on this team and not demoted back to another one. Then you get a steaming dump on your desk. Choose wisely.
<?3
Squish
Squish’s last blog post..51 Weeks
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 13:15
dear Squish.
<3 X’s INFINITY.
Cassie Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 09:26
hey Squish…how you doing??????? lol
June 5th, 2009 at 05:00
Cunt-ni? Priceless! I’m sure you’ll see that co-worker’s lower lip in full pout today.
Good job on the eating well. Once you have more time to go to the gym you’ll get in the habit and it won’t be so hard – no worries on that front. I’ve been getting back in my routine (read: I’m so effing sore all the time), but it hurts so good and with a little tan, I like how I’m looking again. Keep it up, Darling!
prettylittletangents’s last blog post..Fixodent…and forget it?
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 08:55
Dont you love that!?
Oh I will be there. I am so freaking excited to start working out. And with SB, it will fall off.
June 5th, 2009 at 05:59
I love you best when you are cranky.
Miss Tricky’s last blog post..Forgotten Bottom. A story of my awesome.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 08:56
*heart*
June 5th, 2009 at 08:05
I HATE when they ask things like that. “What are yall doing today? Anything fun planned?” None of your biznass, hooker.
I’m doing ok on the diet. I may or may not have eaten some unauthorized bacon on some jalapenos last night. Hehe
Briana’s last blog post..Vending Machine Repair Lady
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 08:57
RIGHT!? Bitch GEOUFMYFACE.
Bacon in small quantities is okay.
June 5th, 2009 at 08:05
There is nothing funny about fucked up coffee. Nothing.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 08:58
Nope. Not even a little.
June 5th, 2009 at 08:58
Drive Thru Funny (it’s not MINE, but it still makes me laugh! I watch it all the time…):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uwY3sjqYX0&feature=channel_page
Jaime’s last blog post..I LOVE…Fridays
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 09:02
YESSSSSSSSHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jaime Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 09:23
Every time I watch this it’s magical.
Jaime’s last blog post..I LOVE…Fridays
June 5th, 2009 at 09:59
Um hi, I love the SHIT out of Starbucks. They make me super happy. I might go get a frappucino right now just because. There’s a Starbucks in the lobby of my building and I love the people that work there except the bitchy gay guy. And I’m not a morning person either but I lovelovelove how perky they are. It makes me happy.
As far as open letters go:
Dear BossIWroteAboutYesterday,
Fuck off.
Thanks,
Me
Just A Girl’s last blog post..You want TMI? I’ll give you TMI…
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 10:07
If you had my barista’s coffee you would hate Fuckbucks too.
June 5th, 2009 at 10:40
Now I kinda wanna go to Starbucks with you at, like, 7:30am. It’d be HILARIOUS.
“You meddle like a mother in law”
How on earth is this not a rap song yet?
LiLu’s last blog post..Maybe It DOES Have To Do With How Dorky I am… And That’s? Okay.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 11:39
Anything with you at 7:30 am would be hilarious.
Right. It would be almost as good as Im on a BOAT.
June 5th, 2009 at 13:22
Dear Leader of the CeeUNextTuesday Group -
FYI – Calling the cops on me because I used some colorful verbage in the direction of my child because she didn’t RUN to get my phone so that the ringing wouldn’t wake up my sleeping, phnemonia suffering boyfriend because I couldn’t haul my fat ass up off the ground because I am pregnant….was just pathetic. I’ll make sure I report your ass to CPS next time I witness you striking your child for not playing with his friend. I’d like to know the real reason behind his broken arm.
I ever so kindly asked the officer if it was ILLEGAL for me to swear. He said no, it’s not. I asked him if he’d like to inspect my children to make sure they were well. He did not. I asked him if there was a problem. He said no. Didn’t take my name, nothing. Just left with a smirk. So FUCK YOU, YOUDIRTYFUCKINGCOPCALLINGWHORE.
The pregnant bitch that says FUCK A LOT.
livingwicked Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 15:13
no.she.did.not.
livingwicked’s last blog post..This is Why I am Anti-Starbucks + 1 Open Letter = Friday
Justice Reply:
June 5th, 2009 at 15:54
oh.yes.she.did.
Dan and I are still going “REALLY!?” to eachother. LMFAO
June 5th, 2009 at 16:33
Love these.
I don’t drink coffee.
I’ve got a few drive thru stories. None I have the energy to tell at the moment. Because I’m going to write a letter.
Dear Family get together,
Stop luring me to your house and not telling me you invited all of my old shitty friends I purposely do not talk to. The ones that you started hanging out with after I realized what cuntbags they are.
You hated that girl when I was dating her. But when I couldn’t take anymore of her shitty attitude and lying and got her out of my life, she miraculously becomes one of your few best friends. She has a nice body. I really miss those tits sometimes, but I have no idea what the fuck you see in her.
The big gay man is funny because he is bitter and riffs off of everything. Otherwise he is posing or lying. He also takes without giving, steals from his friends, doesn’t have a job and lives off his parents, and stalks straight guys later referring to them as exes. He once was a friend, but there is a reason I cut him loose. Wise up.
That guy I can’t even stand to be around. The sociopath who belittles everything and everyone, but me. He adores me while putting you all down. So he can play the guitar. We are here in Nashville. We can all play the guitar.
The rest of the chain-smoking, alcoholic fuck-nuggets I got tired of. Hang out with them if you want. Just don’t call me and invite me over and surprise me with these pieces of shit or you will find me playing video games and leaving early instead of “coming outside and being social”.
ah. Love you, Court.
June 7th, 2009 at 11:38
And that is how EVERYONE in Texarkana acts. Or they just f’ing IGNORE you even tho you are a customer. This is the stupid people capitol of the world. I bet that Starbucks chick is from here. lol I hate Texarkana. *sigh*
Cassi’s last blog post..Optimism returns!!
June 9th, 2009 at 22:21
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