A Blog About Parents: Part 1
Jun 23, 2009 Family
My parents specifically. At Squish’s request.
This is an intro kinda to who they are in relationship to me and how we got here.
I am still pondering what specifically intrigues her about my parents … other than how freaking awesome they happen to be. Mostly anyway. I didn’t always think that they were though. In fact back in the day, I used to think that my parents were the strictest, dumbest people on the planet to ever live in the history of parents.
‘Used to’ being the key phrase.
My parents and I have an interesting relationship. I know now that when I don’t like something that they have to say… I politely with an attitude say good bye and hang up or leave. Usually when I dont like what I am hearing it is because they are telling me the truth. I am going to eventually want to hear the truth, but sometimes my dad chooses to shove it down my throat at the most inopportune fucking times sometimes. I love that with us, what you see is what you get. I don’t have to lie. I don’t have to pretend that everything is wonderful. If they want to drop by, I don’t feel like I need to rush around and make my house pristine. It might just be fucking messy. And if it is… they don’t judge me for it. My parents just kinda get it. And me. They get that I am pretty much not going to front about shit, and that, no matter what… I am always going to be me. I love that my parents have just accepted and embraced me for who I am… and not try to mold me into something that they think I should be.
Because of the above, I can say that I am blessed. And mean it. I know this because when I talk to other people about how they have to hide a part of themselves in order to please their parents … I have had to bite my tongue … because I am confused as to who in the hell these parents think they are for making their kids lives such turmoil that they can never really be themselves around them?
If you were to ask me who I am more like … my mom or my dad … I would have to say my dad. My dad and I didn’t really begin our relationship until I got back from boot camp. When I was little, I was all about some “daddy’s girl”. Even as a teenager, I knew that with just the right tone… I could pretty much get what I wanted. When it was good it was great. When it was bad though, ask anyone who was around us back then. It was bad.
I remember one time during one of our biggest fights, my dad and I were in each others faces. We were yelling. I am sure I told him to fuck himself. If I would have had the ability to step out of my body to see what I was doing, I probably would not have been in my dads face like that. With no fear. No capacity about how my father (have you ever seen my dad?) could have broken my little 16 year old ass in half if I said just the right (read: wrong) thing to set him off in that moment.
And believe me. I tried as hard as I could to make my dad the purplest piece in life as often as I could. Did I pick fights with him? Yep. I sure did. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it was because as much as I knew that he could knock me cold the hell out with one punch… he never would.
This also leads me to my next thought. The reason I never fought with my mom this way was because she would knock me out. And she did. It only took once. I don’t remember what I said, but it was something to the effect of calling her a “bitch” and/or “fuck you” during a disagreement. She hauled off and slapped the shit out of me.
I am pretty sure that the only time I ever cuss at my mom in an angry moment now is when we are on the phone. And even then. My mom has a mean left hook. I am not really trying to fuck with her.
So I am frustrated with this blog and I am going to end it here. Squish, if you are out there… I need some direction. What intrigues you? What do you want to know? I could go in so many ways… and because of that I am not even sure if this blog even makes sense.
Do you want to hear more about the parents? If so, what?
What kind of relationship do you have with your parents?
If you could pick celebrity parents, who would they be and why? (They dont have to be a couple)
June 23rd, 2009 at 22:30
Well, you know my mom. We have a tense at best relationship. We didn’t speak for 2 years after Dad died. Then I lived in Phoenix for 5 years. So we are just starting to get to know each other again… probably since the separation/divorce. Having kids helps – if anything, it gives me an excuse to talk to her (or vice versa). But she is very judgmental and that sometimes is more of a hinder than a help. (Read: She gets on my nerves and I don’t call her for weeks because I just don’t think about it.) I can handle a couple days at a time, and then I need my space.
Your parents crack me up. And for some reason I think I have witnessed a smaller version of the left hook…. holidays maybe? Will have to think on this more.
livingwicked Reply:
June 23rd, 2009 at 22:39
…. yes I do …. ahem …. know her ….
(not sure how else to address that….)
Do you know how much I adored your dad?
*sigh*
I dont know if you getting to know her is a positive for you… but it is good for the kids.
My parents are my heros. Them and Nana and Papa. And your dad.
.-= livingwicked´s last blog ..A Blog About Parents: Part 1 =-.
Jen Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 17:38
I think my dad and I were just starting to have a decent relationship when he died… now that I think about it, as soon as I left the house things got better LOL
Did your mom tell you I’m stoppin by on my way home from the Gorge in July? Picking up the stuff that they were storing for me that belonged to Nana and Papa.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 21:09
My dad and I started to have a relationship after I moved out too.
You and he were a lot alike like my dad and I are.
Yeah she told me. You stop by the day we get back from Vegas.
June 24th, 2009 at 05:10
Much like the description of your dad, I am the one in the family that can say anything to anyone. It is rather nice. They know if they want unadulterated truth (not necessary from an adult) I give it to them. Though, some times I wish I had one of those fake families, so I could bitch about having to drink the cheap scotch, because the butler forgot to pick up the 20 y/o goodness.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 07:18
As I get older, I am becoming that person too. He has gotten subdued in his old age.
Scotch is for pussies anyway.
June 24th, 2009 at 05:50
Yes, I want to hear more. Sorry if this is already common knowledge, but are you an only child? (Some people are offended by that ? – I don’t think you act like an only child, but I can’t recall any posts about brothers or sisters!)
You said that you and your dad really didn’t have a relationship until after boot camp – what changed? Did you feel like he respected you more b/c of your committment or did you respect yourself more?
Do your parents have a good relationship with D? Was there every someone you dated that they totally hated and told you to get out of it?
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 07:20
I have a younger brother. He is 7 years my junior.
I will have to think about the second question a little bit. That is a loaded question that could probably fill an entire blog.
Haha… Do they have a good relationship with D… Yeah. Now they do. This relationship is a long time coming though. Lotsa turmoil.
prettylittletangents Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 07:47
Ha ha, sorry for the loaded questions
I am very interested in family dynamics and combined with what you’re getting your degree in, I figured your thoughts/perspectives on why things happened the way they did would be very interesting. I didn’t mean to be so nosey!
Like you, my relationship didn’t begin with my dad until I was almost out of college. When I was a kid, he was “mad dad” and ruled our house like it was a dictatorship (a military lifer and all). He couldn’t understand why my siblings and I talked to my mom and hugged her, etc and not him. Hmmm, let’s see! But I think our relationship began b/c both of us recognized that I was an independent person. It’s not perfect, but it’s definitely more comfortable.
ps – love the new look!
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 07:51
No, don’t sorry! This gives me a little bit more direction as to how to approach blogging about my parents. Ya know?
You aren’t being nosey. Not even a little bit.
My dad definitely didn’t do that kind of house running. I think my mom ran the house a bit more than he did to be honest. I think I am going to try and blog time periods … and specific stories that I remember as a kid.
Thanks. I was getting tired of the old one.
prettylittletangents Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 07:53
Good call on the specific stories – especially the ones where your dad turns purple – I get a kick out of those
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 08:11
Oh man. I could gauge how mad he was by how red/purple he turned. HAHA.
June 24th, 2009 at 08:13
The Travoltas seem like great parents. I wonder what it would have been like to be one of their kids.
I don’t really like to examine my relationship with my parents.
I guess the best way to put it is, when we were growing up, the only thing that seemed to matter was behavior. Other than that it only felt like I was important to them when they decided to step out of their own lives for a minute. My intellect wasn’t acknowledged, nor were my accomplishments. I’ve never cursed out my parents, and the worst thing I got slapped for was calling my mom a hypocrite.
TO be honest, I don’t think my parents really knew what to do with me, and I was so hurt and angry that they didn’t try to get past those walls. I always felt like… an accessory or… a nuisance… the only people who accepted me for who I was were my grandparents. My parents always made me feel like I was a reflection of them… or… the ultimate live-in step child, even to my mother, because she didn’t stand up for me, and I wasn’t allowed to stand up for myself. I could never live up to their expectations and I was a really good kid. Eventually, I stopped trying.
We are OK now… we get along pretty well now that I don’t live nearby, but this was painful to muse on.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 08:22
I would say that calling your mom a hypocrite is probably as bad or worse than calling her a bitch or something. I know my mom would have probably slapped me too.
I think that you are gonna be that much better of a mom than yours was to you, honoring Lexa’s accomplishments the way that a parent should.
I wonder if priorities were different then compared to now as far as parenting is concerned. I dont feel like my parents were as interested in that part of things as I plan to be as a mom.
Or maybe we appreciate it more because we never had that. I dunno.
June 24th, 2009 at 08:39
I have shit for parents. That’s a whole long post in itself so I won’t even get started. But your parents sound amazing and yea I’d love to hear more because I’m finding that I know jack-shit about being a good parent to my own children thanks to the fine examples I had for myself. I need to know what good parents look like. And not the June Cleaver type cause that aint happening.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 08:54
My parents were FAR from the Cleavers.
I am happy that this was interesting for you and other people… simply because I was having a hard time writing this. I dont know why.
I bet you are a better parent than you give yourself credit for.
June 24th, 2009 at 08:39
I love hearing your stories… no matter what they revolve around. It’s great that you and yours have such an .. honest open relationship.. I still have to filter my conversations and interactions with my family through a ‘Mormon’ filter… it makes things.. odd sometimes.. but i respect that they believe yadayadayada… but because of their beliefs.. it puts a haze on my ‘disbelief’.. ya know? but I get along more with my mom now, as we have more in common now than when i was younger. (and my dad is totally a complete hypocrite… and doesn’t see it at ALL) heh. so that’s kinda strained atm.
As for celebrity parents? i dunno.. but it’d be someone music oriented..
or funny. what about Steve Martin? Stevie Wonder? Bill Cosby! bwahaha.. Carlos Santana.. just to be exposed to that kind of musical brilliance… on a regular basis.. would be heaven.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 08:56
My mom was disowned from the Mormon religion for dating a black man. HA.
Bill Cosby would partially be my dad. We might argue though… because it seems like he would want to always be right. I would maybe say that Rosanne and Dan might be my parents too… but they were really similar to my real parents so that wouldnt be fair.
June 24th, 2009 at 08:53
I have a great relationship with my dad. He’s one of my best friends in the whole universe! My relationship with my mom is different. I tolerate her because I love her, and I’m not bitter toward her anymore and I forgive her for all the things she’ll never realize. I don’t go out of my way to spend time with her like I do with my dad, but when I’m around her I make sure to let her know how much I love her.
.-= Jaime´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Invisible Friend =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 08:57
I love you.
Jaime Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 09:00
I love you too, Courtni.
.-= Jaime´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Invisible Friend =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 09:12
(heart)
June 24th, 2009 at 09:15
My dad and I have a strange relationship. Mostly because I would never consider letting him in because I carry so many resentments (still, even after all the forgiving I’ve done without being asked) about my birth mom. And also, because he’s not the kinda guy that GETS close with anyone. It’s just the way it is. Dan and I both called our Dads on Fathers Day at the same time. I basically said Hi dad (hi honey) I just wanted to call and tell you happy father’s day. (Thank you) I love you (I love you too) bye (bye) and Dan talked to his dad for another 10-15 minutes.
My mom and I are WAY different. She’d never, at this age, think to smack the shit out of me cause she knows I’d jackslap her right the fuck back. She accepts the fact that I am occasionally rude, crude and socially unacceptable. We aren’t afraid to call it when one or the other of us is being bitchy. She knows a lot about me, but there are some things that I keep personal. I have no problems sharing everything gory detail here with my friends, but not so much with the people in my real life. Dan is, and has only ever been, the only exception to that. Even moreso than Doug ever was.
I wouldn’t want celebrity parents. Asside from the pull of the money factor in the direction to WANT them, my parents already aren’t here for me enough when I NEED them. I get no attention from them at all. And YES I am bitter. My sister the fuckup gets everything and commands attention. And I sit back and say WTFE while still being irritated. I wish she still lived in Idaho so that she wasn’t hogging all grandma’s time. Between her, doing family placement with the kids and her job, my mom has no time for anything else. She can’t even get a minute to clean her house, let alone spend quality time with her OTHER grandkids. Which is exactly why I’m deeply considering moving to California with Dan when the time comes. If we only see eachother once a year, we’ll probably appreciate eachother more. Or not. Whatever. At least it won’t be raining liquid depression from the sky and I will finally be far away and SAFE enough to feel content.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 09:23
It might be a good thing for you to do so… however I have known you forever and I know how much you bitch about the heat.
Just saying.
I think that the dust is gonna settle with your sister soon babe. You just gotta ride the wave and let her have hers. You are being the better person in the long run not pitching a fit like you know she would do if the script was flipped…
Justice Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 11:40
Believe me. I am requiring central AC and a pool. Not up for debate. haha
And yeah, she would pitch a fit. She did before when she lived there. Wahwahwah come see me. wahwahwah you see her kids allllllll the time wahwahwah. Slapaho.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 11:42
<3 slapaho.
June 24th, 2009 at 13:57
I’m not a fan of my parents… they make promises they don’t/can’t keep and blame everyone but themselves for the fallout of the bad decisions they’ve made…and continue to make.
I think that’s why your parents fascinate me… because they do seem to be very “what you see is what you get.” Aware of their limitations and not under any false sense of obligation – so I *know* their love for you is real. I can feel in your words that YOU know you are loved… and I am wondering how you bridged the relationship gap… I don’t think my relationship with my parents ever recovered from my teenage years.
I am interested in what you and your dad did when you were growing up. What was it that drew you to him moreso than your mom? How did they handle you choosing to be in the military? What did they do for your 16th birthday…and then your 21st?
…I have a tendency to adopt my friends’ parents. I’ve already decided that the Teridactyl’s mom is coming dress shopping with me when the time comes, instead of my own mom.
And from the bits and pieces of your parents I have gathered in your blogs – I think if your parents were here I would adopt them too.
.-= Squish´s last blog ..I Don’t Wanna Grow Up… =-.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 14:02
They would/will adore you. My parents were the adopters of the stray friends I had with shitty parents that didnt give a damn about where they stayed or how long they were gone.
Thanks for clarifying what you wanted. I will get to it.
Love you.
June 24th, 2009 at 14:16
I wanna hear more about when you met D, found out you were pregnant with X, why you joined the navy. LOL. I’m greedy, I wanna know it all!
If you were not your daughter, how would you describe your parents as people?
I myself have always had a rough relationship with my Mom…basically right up to my wedding this year. I lost touch with my dad when I was 4. I wonder “who” he is now and if he’s happy and healthy.
LivingWicked Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 14:18
Good to know. I will blog all of this great info.
Thanks for the feedback.
How are you 2 now that the wedding is over?