TMI Thursday: Smell My Finger
Apr 15, 2009 Out of Wicked's Mouth, Relationships, Sex, TMI Thursday's, Wicked Wisdoms, Yum... or Lack There Of.
So I am going to bet a great deal of my paycheck that the contents of this blog will make even the strongest of stomachs will churn.
Consider yourself warned.
In my early days of freaky – deaky Wicked, I chased as much vagina as I possibly could. One might have considered me to be a closet lesbo. In fact, I am pretty sure that it was the consensus of all of D’s friends.
(one of our really good friends actually purchased me a strap-on for Christmas one year. He presented it to me with a speech.)
Anyway, D ran into this broad that he had met years ago. He had tried to hook up with her back then, but they ended up just becoming good friends. Anyway, she started coming around to party with us… and after a great deal of alcohol, she revealed that she was also bisexual.
I immediately turned my radars on.
Was she flirting?
Did she seem like she wanted to makeoutwithmyvagandmore?
Was she laughing with me or at me?
We are about to find out.
One night, we all were meeting up at a party. She came to my house to get ready, and as we were all leaving out, asked did I want to ride in her car? I, of course, did the polite thing and accepted her offer… assuming that I would be one of a few piled into her vehicle.
That’d be a big fat no. It was just the 2 of us.
We stopped to pick up liquor, even though she and I had already been heavily drinking before we left… (PSA Break: Dont Drink and Drive) ... and next thing I knew we were pulled over on the side of I-5 all over each other in the front seat.
She had amazingly full lips. I remember her kisses were soft but aggressive at the same time. I dont really remember her removing my pants, but I obviously was not protesting. She went down on me expertly. I had assumed that she was new to the whole girl-on-girl thing like me but it was obvious that she was a professional.
After I came, and I came HARD… I eagerly went to return the favor. I will remind you that I had not really been with that many women before at this point.
The pants come off. “Woah. She has hair down there.”
Panties. Off. “Hella hair. Like Don King in a headlock… Damn.”
My fingers attempt to mashetti through the forests of her pubic hair… only to reveal a milky white substance against her brown skin. “Hmmm…”
So I go for it. Yes. I did. Stop for a minute and get past that part of it. Ready? No? Okay I will wait a second longer.
Alllllllllrighty then. Moving on.
1) I felt put on the spot
2) I was not sure if it was or was not normal… nor did I smell any fish…
and
3) I was not fully comfortable with sexual discussions at that point in my self discovery.
As soon as the lips were spread though, the funk commenced to burn the hairs out of my nostrils. And I could not bring myself to put my mouth on it. Her vagina looked like a bowl of sour cream dip. And, my lips and tongue took a stand. They refused to have any part of the creamy party favorite that was located between her legs.
“Wicked, what did you do?”
“Did you tell her about herself?”
Unfortunately, I was not who I am today. So no. I did not tell her about herself. Instead, I banged her. I made up some excuse about the gearshift and steering wheel being in the way and how we should probably get going… and banged her til she came. *shudders* All over my fucking hand.
I could not wait to get to a Costco sized bottle of Dial.
As we were driving to the party, I started to ponder whether or not I was being unreasonable. I mean, I hadn’t really put my face in that many vajays at that point… maybe I was being picky…? Maybe some people had drippysnatches like she did. Maybe she was made to look like the appetizing centerpiece of a snack table at your cousin’s wedding shower.
And I was determined to find out.
So we walk into the party. She was happy as a (I cant help it) clam yapping her flap to everyone there. I, however was on a mission. I pulled 2 of my closest guy friends aside and shoved my fingers under their noses.
“Does this smell like a normal vagina!?” I demanded
The raw looks on their faces gave me my answer.
That bitch’s vagina was naaaaaaaaaaaaaaasty.
Happy TMI Thursday People!!!
Do you have any SEX related TMI’s to share?
What would you have done? (make sure to put yourself in my younger, inexperienced and naive at the time shoes)
Tags: car, chips, girl on girl, go down, I-5, party, Sex, sour cream dip, TMI Thursday's, vagina
April 16th, 2009 at 00:57
This is, quite honestly, MY NEW FAVORITE TMIT OF ALL TIME.
I am thisclose to handing over the crown. Mostly because of the angry little redhead picture that made me snarf my coffee.
I’m not even drinking coffee.
*Curtsies* I will henceforth share the title of TMI Queen, my love.
LiLu’s last blog post..Dealbreakers: They’re Not Just For Relationships Anymore.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:01
*blush*
I am so flattered and will graciously accept the sharing of the title.
*curtsies back*
April 16th, 2009 at 02:13
Ewwwwwww.
I assume you learned to test the waters before you dove in after that experience?
how does a woman even let it get that bad? Again. Ewwwwwwwwww.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:02
Right!?
I am not a frothy individual… so I guess I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt?!
April Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:17
LMAO @ frothy
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:23
mental imagery at its finest.
April 16th, 2009 at 03:58
I fold. That’s it for me.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:03
You fold?! Like, no TMI for you anymore fold?
Miss Tricky Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:35
I don’t think I can compete at this level.
Miss Tricky’s last blog post..Here’s a little nothing…
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:41
hahahahahhaahhaha!
April 16th, 2009 at 04:04
I love it! This is a TMI ABOUT a TMI! The fact that you made the guys participate in the fun…LMAO.
Hillbilly Princess’s last blog post..TMI Thursday-This one time, at band camp…
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:04
Well I needed to be sure! Who better to seal her fate than mansluts!?! LMFAO!
April 16th, 2009 at 04:39
That’s fucking nasty.
Having one yourself, you still couldn’t tell that was a no go zone? No. Not judging…
There is a woman I have yet to go down on though we have screwed many times over the last 10 years. She just simply has the wettest pussy I have ever been in contact with. No smell and she even tastes good, but going down on that would just be too much… (my magnificent imagination is drawing a blank).
She has never once complained. I know she is satisfied when done, but is this still horrible on my part.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:06
Well I think it was more of a shock factor. Like, I know what mine smells like… but I guess I was unsure of if everyone elses was as wonderful as mine was…. if that makes sense.
Too wet… That is a first for me on the man side. Most seem to love the extra moisture.
David Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 17:19
The fucking felt great…
But seriously wet. Ropes of it wet. Holy shit wet.
April 16th, 2009 at 04:41
That my friend was HYSTERICAL. I give you kudos (YEAH I SAID IT
for saying hey, this isn’t right, lemme go find out if this shit is normal or what. And I swear I can see the look on your face and the guys when you posed this query.
Hahahahaha
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:08
I wish I had a camera. Seriously. They looked like they put their noses in a gallon of sour milk.
Heh.
April 16th, 2009 at 04:42
HURL!
No sex TMIs for me!
AND…..I wouldn’t have been in that position to begin with, soooooooo……….
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:08
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! Right…
April 16th, 2009 at 04:57
Gross.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:10
I know.
April 16th, 2009 at 06:41
“drippysnatches” is never a good sign. Big round of applause!
JustJP’s last blog post..Things that make me go ewww
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:08
Thanks!
April 16th, 2009 at 06:56
omg omg omg that’s probably the most foul thing I’ve ever read. your poor hand! how did you not vomit on the spot?
Hannah-Lane’s last blog post..do I have a sign on my forhead that says “come tell me about your vagina”?
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:09
I dont know how. I think survival mode kicked in. I needed to get out of the car without making more of a scene than her vagina did.
April 16th, 2009 at 08:44
That’s just foul…Ew I can’t even say anything on that ……
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 08:50
No!? LMFAO!
Meghan Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 09:21
I want to wash my hands lol…… And yeah I’ve never heard of a guy saying it’s too wet….. And I gotta agree with Justice that’s totally hot lol
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 09:30
It is totally hot. D says it all the time when he goes down on me. Mmmm.
Meghan Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:39
Why would this conversation start to get me aroused…lmao
Not the whole sour cream drippysnatch TP clingon conversation…lol
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:41
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuureyafreak!!!!
Meghan Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:11
A freak yes….that kinda of freak no!!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:04
bwaaaaaaahahahahahahahah!
April 16th, 2009 at 09:11
I probably would have vomited just from the stank and intoxication. Appologized profusely and never spoke to her again…AND told D all about her stanky coochie.
Reading through the comments…OMFG Too Wet?! Seriously!? LMFAO. Dan has never complained about the excess moisture. Nor has anyone else.
I’m really super glad that I shave….no afropussies in these parts. And it’s really hot when he says on baby I love the smell of your pussy LMFAOOOOOO
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 09:29
no afropussies!? LMFAO!!!!
April 16th, 2009 at 10:12
LOL. You KNOW what I’m talking about. 1970’s poon with so much hair that you can’t find the opening to the vajay. With TP clingons. This is cousin to afrocock. Where it doesn’t matter how big the cock REALLY is, you can’t find it under the hair ball. And the accompanying stank that gets trapped in the hair….*HURL* I’m going back to pray to the porcelain goddess now.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:28
TP clingons?! GROSSSSSSSSSSSSS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
April 16th, 2009 at 10:34
That is seriously gross. Beyond even. I read this first thing this morning and I’ve still got nothing. I can’t really see past the image of me vomiting.
As for the “too wet”. LMAO! That’s funny. When I first started having sex I thought it was bad to be wet so I really didn’t want to do it at all.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:46
It is never bad to be wet. It is the kind of wet you are that could pose a problem.
Like … sour cream dip wet. ACK!
Dizzy Girl Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:55
GAGGING…
I assure you. I would never have sex if I was exuding baked potato toppings. As a matter of fact if that nastiness WAS going on, my ass would be kicking it at the doctors office waiting to get cured from the same foul infection that your girl must have had.
Eeew… If she had like a yeast infection and you would have went through with going down on her, would you have gotten thrush or yeast face? I’m so checking out WEBMD.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:00
I would not have gone through with it. Not after the funk commenced.
Smell never lies. If it stinks, it is bad. The end.
April 16th, 2009 at 11:23
Wow…simply…wow…my mouth is still agape…wow…
Is it bad that I have a similar story? However, it involves a “drip” with a bit of a red tinge…yeah…
…maybe I should start a blog.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:29
I think that a great deal of MEN have had some sort of similar experience to this… but arent willing to put it out there.
Maybe you should start a blog. When you do, come back and tell me so I can go read it.
ZanTx915 Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:47
I wouldn’t even know where to begin…lol…
I will give you the short version (or try to):
My fuck buddy had been trying to do a threesome with him for the longest, and I finally said, “why the hell not”, and set him upon the task of finding a suitable girl. *sigh* The girl he picked was okay in the looks department, but she was cool and she was down for it, so I told him I’d give it a go.
We went back to my place and I proceeded to get as inebriated as possible in preparation for this, my first experience with a woman. My guy friend went to the store to allow us to “get better acquainted,” so she and I lay across the bed and chitchatted and felt each other up. I was nervous, so when my stomach started feeling a little queasy, I just took another sip of liquid courage and kept on trucking. As she and I got closer to each other, I started to smell a little odor, you know, like B.O. I remembered that she’d driven down from Dallas, which was 4 hours away, and told her she was more than welcome to take a shower so she could “freshen up.” Problem solved, right?
Wrong.
Ole’ girl got out of the shower and came back to the bed, and I *still* could smell it, whatever “it” was, albeit faintly. FB came back from the store and it was all systems go. I gave him head while she went down on me, and I was a little put off by the fact that while she had *claimed* to know what she was doing, she didn’t know shit. Strike one. All the while, the smell was getting stronger and stronger, and I literally felt sick to my stomach. I gagged on his dick a couple of times, and he figured that was my way of letting him know I was ready to switch up. She was to give him head (selfish bastard) while I went down on her.
Nothing doing.
I wasn’t going down there. So I played the “shy role” and they pretty much shrugged and went on about their business. I lit a cigarette (to kill the odor…am I the only one who smelled that shit?) and piddled around in the dark while they got their fuck on. They finished up and he motioned for me to take over, but my mood was long gone and I told him I was good and flipped on the lights. I walked over to the bed, and…
…there was BLOOD, everywhere…
…all over my sheets, all over him, all over…all over.
I’m feeling nauseous now even as I type this, because I know I’d have beat the shit out of her had I unknowingly gone down on her while she was on her period. I know that things can happen, but the odor was bad enough–she had to have smelled herself, right?–and now she was BLEEDING? WTF?!
She was embarrassed, and apologized profusely. Surprisingly enough, my murderous rage did not manifest itself, and I waved her off and proceeded to sanitize my bed and bedroom. I later found out from him that he hadn’t smelled anything because he’d indulged in some…ahem…recreational activities that temporarily killed his olfactory nerves. I still don’t see how he didn’t smell it, because my whole apartment was funked the fuck up. Ugh.
Needless to say, I never saw her again, and I talked to him on occasion, but he and I never hooked up again after that. I refer to him as “stinky dick.”
flora Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:53
lol @ this. Did not gross me out as much as Courtni’s did though…But still eeewww. See the smell is always the tell for whether to stick it in your mouth or not…
ZanTx915 Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:56
“The smell is always the tell”
I am sooo using that from now on! Can I? Please?
Yeah, Courtni’s was baaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddddd…especially since she brought the guys into it!
Flora Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:09
Feel free! It’s how I decide what goes in my mouth – just saying…
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:44
OMG Z THAT IS SO FUCKING WOW. My smell used to get enhanced when partaking in recreational activities. So that makes zero sense to me. Apology or not… cum feels different than blood. Can I ask how you found my blog???
Flora, LMAO @ the smell is always the tell. HAHAHAHAHA
ZanTx915 Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:51
Exactly! I could smell America when I indulged in that particular activity! Lucky for her, I didn’t that particular night. I don’t know how the hell he could have even tried to sit up there and make excuses for her…he said the extra stimulation from aforementioned activities made his nose become clogged up and that is why he could not smell it. Wtf-eva…and yes, cum feels very different than blood! I linked to your blog from LiLu’s…I live for TMI Thursdays!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:04
Well I hope to see you around more often!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:04
also, LMFAO @ “I can smell America”. Well put.
ZanTx915 Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:12
Oh, yes, you certainly will!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:13
YAY!
April 16th, 2009 at 11:47
Courtni, I’ve never gotten physically sick from reading a blog (it usually takes a lot to make me nauseous) but let me praise you for being the first to make me physically ill. Nasty! That was just plain old gross. I’m almost at a loss for words. Ewwwww! Oh, and your comment about the “funk commenced” is totally me because I smell everything *EV.ER.Y.TH.ING.* before it gets put in my mouth, and if it doesn’t smell good then it doesn’t get past my lips – just saying…
Thanks for making me lose my lunch!
Flora
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:02
I dont know whether to feel bad or crack up. HAHAHAHA!
April 16th, 2009 at 11:56
Okay this is the second TMI post I’ve read today that literally has me gagging. Actually this one has me gagging worse than the first one. EWWWWWWWWWWW!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:03
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
April 16th, 2009 at 12:00
Ugh. Why can’t bitches just wash? I mean, everyone smells/tastes different but it shouldn’t just be a FUNK down there. I would have puked just seeing all kinds of crazy pubes and ran away.
Just A Girl’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: The Emo Edition
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:03
Like ran down the freeway screaming?
Just A Girl Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:22
It’s totally likely.
Just A Girl’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: The Emo Edition
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:26
I could totally see this happening.
April 16th, 2009 at 12:02
Ew. nuff said.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 13:03
hahahaahahahahahahahahahah
April 16th, 2009 at 14:34
I just threw up in my mouth a little.. *gag*
Cass’s last blog post..Around Arkansas [Photo Blog]
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 14:36
heeheeheehee
Cass Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 14:54
lmao!!!
Cass’s last blog post..Around Arkansas [Photo Blog]
April 16th, 2009 at 15:37
I honestly don’t know what to say. I think I’m going to stop dining while reading TMI blogs for a while.
I think i’m going to stop eating for the rest of the day.
Or reading TMI blogs today.
Or stop doing both at the same time.
or…
lol that was funny and disgusting
Porkstar’s last blog post..Round table conversations with mr. TMI, a.k.a my father.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 16:46
I like the last one.
April 16th, 2009 at 15:55
OMG I KNOW THAT GIRL!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 16:47
hahahahahahhaha!
April 16th, 2009 at 15:56
Ok so now Im gonna go back to the first half of this blog and masturbate. Thx.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 16:49
you would. lmao!!!!
LivingWicked’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: Smell My Finger
April 16th, 2009 at 19:09
oh and next time you need to know if its just jogging cheese or if she is “poppin fresh” dig some earwax out of your ear and stick it in there. If she screams then she has an infection. Tell her to stop letting him put it in her vagina after its been in her ass. If not then just put some plastic wrap over it and eat it.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 20:36
This was literally like 6 years ago. I am much more seasoned.
April 16th, 2009 at 19:10
WIN!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 20:37
WIN ! what?!
April 17th, 2009 at 08:50
…so much for eating my lunch after reading this one!
yuck. yuck.yuck.
now that you are “more seasoned”…would you even hesitate to tell someone they may have an issue? i wonder if some people even realize what is going on with their own bodies.
no sex tmi’s for me, my dear.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 18th, 2009 at 01:04
I absolutely would. She needed to be told.