TMI Thursday: Not My Crotch Crust!
Apr 29, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friendship, Parenting, Random, TMI Thursday's, Yum... or Lack There Of., bitch
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs… Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
I have heard in several conversations in my life a phrase similar to “sometimes they need a little guidance on how to appropriately clean down there…” in reference to adolescent girls and their vag-area.
(yeah. I am going there yet again)
I always feel like I have a puzzled look on my face when this conversation comes about once in the big fat less than 5 times I have found myself in the exchange of it because I don’t ever remember my mom sitting me down and teaching me the ropes on how to properly clean my snatch.
Do you?
Anyway, on to the nasty of the nast.
When I was about 15-16 years old, I had the party house. One of my girlfriends at the time, we will call her Trina, had it out with her mom and ended up staying with us for (what ended up to be) a couple of months.
I knew that she didn’t have a lot, so whatever I had I shared with her. We went to the same school, worked at the same job and had most of the same friends so it worked out pretty well.
For the most part.
After a couple of weeks, I noticed that she had been wearing a lot of the same clothes. I offered to let her borrow stuff, and for the most part she accepted… even though our styles differed a bit. She also did not take care of her stuff as well as I did, so if she borrowed a shirt, I kind of didnt want it back from her. It ended up stained, over worn, and stretched out beyond recognition.
Call me a snobby bitch, but I dont think it is too much to ask to get something back the way it left my closet. Just saying.
Anyway one day after school, my mom calls me down to her bedroom.
Mom: (holding a monistat box and a pair of black jeans between 2 fingers in a disgusted manner.) “Hey baby… so I was grabbing stuff from out of your bathroom to make a full load of laundry and I stumbled upon these…”
Me: (pointing to the box) “What is that for?”
Mom: (pointing at the jeans) “It is to help you out with this!”
Me: (leaning forward) “To help me out with what?”
And then I saw it. *shudders*
On the inside crotch area of these jeans lived a kind of green crotch crust that cannot be described into words… and makes me wish today that I had premonitions and knew I would blog about this very moment so I could take a picture and visually torture the entire lot of you. It was thick and more than one shade of green… and this crunchy organism had cocooned itself within its green crotch-crusty nastiness.
I jumped back a little, swatting the infected jeans from my mom’s hands.
Me: “Those did NOT come from my bathroom!”
Mom: “Yes they did!”
Me: “Those are NOT MINE Mom!”
Mom: “Well if they aren’t yours…”
Mom: “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!”
Me: “I cannot believe you thought those were mine!”
Mom: “Well?”
Me: “Well!”
So we … erm … disposed of these jeans in the proper hazmat manner. And left it at that.
If my memory serves me correctly… the jeans were replaced with non contaminated ones… and well, that nasty bitch had to go. I think my mom totally played the bad guy in the reason she needed to take her green vagina home for her mom to deal with.
Did she have the talk with Trina? The world may never know. All I know is I never ever mentioned that shit to her or anyone else really … well … not until now.
Heh. Enjoy the rest of your breakfast.
Does this spark any TMI’s for you?
Anything to add?
Do you remember being taught to wash….. or did it come naturally?
Tags: adolesence. mom, crotch, crust, friends, green, jeans, yeast infection
April 29th, 2009 at 22:21
Can you imagine my mom sitting down to have this conversation with me? Never. Never in a million years. And I think we both would have died from humiliation.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 22:25
OMG.
HAH.
Right, yeah so that is a big fat no then.
Can you see my mom’s face in this situation? LMFAO!
April 29th, 2009 at 22:34
EWW. Still not as disgusting as the drippy afropussy. I do NOT remember being taught ‘how to wash’. But I have learned, now, how NOT to OVER wash. ROTF.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 22:41
yeah I have learned about overwashing. hahahahahha!
April 30th, 2009 at 01:44
Yea… I can’t say that I remember my mom teaching me how to wash properly either.
I fear I’m going to regret asking this but… overwashing?
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:08
According to GYN’s some women are over sensitive ph balance wise. If you ‘overwash’ then you have the potential to get a bacterial infection.
April Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:18
Oh, yea I knew I was going to regret it. Btw, I mean regret it as in – well don’t I feel stupid now.
I knew you could have that issue with douching which is why I don’t but I didn’t know that some of us were so sensitive that even washing could do that.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:32
Yeah… I have had to learn the hard way. At one point I was getting a bacterial infection every month. My doc was finally like… okay… something is wrong. What are you doing?
When I told her she goes… yeah I suspected that you were too clean…
Flora Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 18:07
lmfao, too clean????
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 20:56
It is truth!
April 30th, 2009 at 04:23
UGH!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:09
(my job here is DONE!)
April 30th, 2009 at 04:37
recovering from throwing up in my mouth a little
don’t recall the “how to wash down there” convo. i really thing the only guidance was to wipe front to back and not the opposite!
prettylittletangents’s last blog post..Outfit Update
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:09
Yeah, we did have that conversation too. that is VITAL!!!
April 30th, 2009 at 05:10
ewwwwwwwwwww. never had a problem with UNDERwashing. ever.
Squish’s last blog post..But I’m NOT One of THOSE…
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:09
I wouldnt (from your last blog) imagine that you would. HAHAHAHAHA@
April 30th, 2009 at 05:39
Somewhere, there is a boy (or a guy who used to be a boy) that got lucky one night, probably at a house party where these things kind of happen in a dark out of the way(ish) place, who woke up the next morning thinking to himself “Damn that was great”, until he looked down, at the horror, of what used to be his pride & joy, now a shade of green that a) no talk with any dad ever prepares you for b) is certainly never talked about in any health class environment, c) possibly overheard in a locker room once but quickly ignored cause that kinda thing couldn’t possibly REALLY happen to someone, now said boy is thinking, or really trying to think but it’s hard to think with all the screaming (both in his head and at the top of his lungs), honestly wondering if he could take the pain involved with boiling his junk in bleach, and what if didn’t help?, or jumping off the roof right now? and, if he gets up to walk to the roof – will it fall off? and would that be a bad thing? and when will the damn screaming stop?
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:10
Is this a familiar story for you? LMFAO!!!!
Svaha Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:25
No, I was one of the concerned boys who woke up wondering why his friend was screaming.
Then I was one of the boys laughing his ass off at his friend, hoping to scorn and shame him into never letting something like this happen to him again. But it did, that friend was pretty much a fucktard.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:35
So your friend had regular screaming fits then?
I had a friend like that. She was a big fat hoe and she wondered why she always ended up naked on some random dudes porch.
April 30th, 2009 at 05:40
Wow, holy shit…. I would have fainted at the sight of it… and my breakfast doesn’t want to stay in… : (
Porkstar’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: Where is (his) Waldo? *****NSFW*****
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:12
hahahahahahaha… I would say I am sorry… but I really am not.
April 30th, 2009 at 06:18
My mom is a nurse. She told me one day the worst thing I could do for my body is to douche because “our uteruses and vaginas have a natural cleansing process” Just like that.
I also remember her giving my sister some monistat when she kept wearing tight ass jeans and douching.
Needless to say, if I have an issue, it’s from being too clean, and I take my ass to the dr if there is a problem, not to the douche aisle.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:13
Yeah… douche’s are no bueno. I learned the hard way.
April 30th, 2009 at 06:34
EW that is so nasty!
Cassie’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: Honeymooning
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:14
April 30th, 2009 at 06:39
That is messed up! Straight up.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:14
Are you scarred for life? HAHAHAHAHA!
April 30th, 2009 at 07:02
I would think that if your vagina was angry enough to make that much of a mess you also be in enough discomfort to justify an emergency room visit.
Miss Tricky’s last blog post..I love you. Can you leave?
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:14
I absolutely agree with this statement. 1000000563600%.
April 30th, 2009 at 07:08
um eww.
nope, never had that talk with my mom…I think a clean cookie is something that most people just prefer…you know, to the green crusty cookie that your “friend” Trina obviously had. You’d think a clean vag just comes naturally to people.
so yea, eww. and I’m glad you don’t have a picture.
Hannah-Lane’s last blog post..“bodily fluids” just sounds dirty
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:17
It was hard to be friends with her after… I am not gonna lie.
I loved using my mom as the bad guy in the “why I cannot hang out” excuses.
April 30th, 2009 at 08:46
she probably died from it. soulda gave her the monistat.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:50
Not my problem.
April 30th, 2009 at 08:48
I knew it. here are autopsy pics. http://www.usm.edu/healthservice/New%20Folder/Chlamydiafemale2.jpg
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:50
Nope. Not gonna do it.
beau Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:55
you soooo did it. especially since all you have to do is hover over the link. lol
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:56
nope. nope. nope.
beau Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 08:59
you know you did it.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 09:00
I did not. I will not. Sam I am.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 09:03
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGWHYDIDIDOIT
beau Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 12:09
nice green crusty vagina
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 12:14
I will hate you all day for this.
Flora Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 18:13
that picture made me throw up a little in my mouth – ewww nasty!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 20:57
I KNOW!
David Reply:
May 1st, 2009 at 12:02
Looks like someone shot the eye out of a werewolf.
April 30th, 2009 at 10:11
Whenever some ho pisses me off now, I’m just going to say, “She totally needs to take that green vagina home.”
And just watch the faces…
LiLu’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: The Toilet Won’t Take Any More of Your Shit
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 10:15
HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! If you add “Crusty” to it … methinks you will get a better face response.
Just sayin.
April 30th, 2009 at 12:31
I actually do remember my mom teaching me how to wash down there. It wasn’t a big deal. My TMI story, however, is….so fucking gross! Just like yours…….eeeewwww!
Ok, I had a similar sich happen when I was younger. There were 11 girls (and one guy) living in a house (gretchen’s moms). We all shared clothes and most of us worked together….at Mc Donald’s…LOL. Anyhoe, one of the girls wore my work pants and I didn’t realize it. The next day I was running late, grabbed them and put them on. I was working a couple hours before I took a bathroom break. No BS, I pulled down my pants, sat down and almost puked. This bitch had worn my pants with no panties (at least I hope that there were no panties involved) and there was white/green/yellow caked, crusty funk all over the crotch, running down the inner thighs, etc. I ran to the phone, called Gretchen and had her bring me new pants. Needless to say, this girl never got her ass in a pair of any of our pants again. The ones I had on, those fuckers went into the dumpster, like immediately. And trust I went home and over cleaned my cooch…so fucking gross that I wore that shit for two hours!!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 12:37
Oh. My. GOD.
Did you tell her about herself?? Because that is so god damn nasty. SO NASTY.
Lisa Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 13:34
These days I’d tell her about herself. But then I didn’t. I was young so I just told everyone else.
I still get so grossed out when I think of it.
Another time I walked in her room to see if she wanted to go have dinner with us. I didn’t notice her bf’s hand moving under the covers for a few. Then I was all, oh, oops….sorry. She’s like “no, that’s ok we’ll come.” He gets up and walks past me to go wash the funk off his hands. The smell when he passed me was almost worse than wearing those pants. Almost. *shudder*
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 13:38
Ick.
April 30th, 2009 at 18:14
WOW!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 21:03
hahaha!
April 30th, 2009 at 19:46
Oh HELLLLLLLL no! Damn nasty funky pussy hoes! And the nerve of her to wear your clothes knowing damn well her shit wasn’t right! Arrgh!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 30th, 2009 at 21:03
Right!?
May 1st, 2009 at 05:40
*shivers*
I’ve never had a convo with my mom…but I have had that conversation with Sass. Trust me, even the cleanest little girls can end up with “funky monkies” after being on antibiotics twice. So, yes, she was VERY concerned with keeping the cookie clean and freah. But not “too Fresh”.
LivingWicked Reply:
May 1st, 2009 at 10:31
I am one of those. Now I have to be very careful, or antibiotics are needed. Boo.
May 1st, 2009 at 12:07
Little boys are right. Girls are nasty.
Also, most of us boys like cleaning our stuff.
Feels good and sometimes has a happy ending.