Popping My TMI Thursday Cherry: “Fuck You Like a Whaaaa?”
Apr 1, 2009 Friendship, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Relationships, Sex, TMI Thursday's
So, because of an informal challenge, and because I have lived my life in a whirlwind of TMI… I am jumping on the TMI Thursday bandwagon.
Ready, Set, GO!
Once upon my old ass, I was allowed to go on my very first camping trip without parental supervision. I had to beg and plead to get my parents to allow it… but they finally caved. I am pretty sure that I left out the fact that I was going on this trip with my smokin’ football playing boyfriend.
*GASP!!* (who does that?!)
So we go to this kick ass location over the mountains. It was 6-8 of us rowdy drunken teenagers, with loud music and a lot of pot and alcohol. As soon as you could say “Freedom” we were commencing to getting wasted, some of us double-fisting bottles of Strawberry Hill Boones. (Who is old enough to remember those days of underage debauchery?!)
I don’t remember much, other than that there was a huge hill that we ran to the top of and rolled down several times, the group of about 20 campers at the campsite next to ours, and the fact that hunky football boy and I had yet to have sex. Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the fact that it was just him and I in a tent. Alone.
*Queue Porn Music*
So we are all sitting around a campfire, drunk off of our asses. I may or may not have taken another illegal substance other than the previously mentioned 2… but again, I have little memory of details. (alcohol and age dont mix I swear) HFB and I start making out all over the place, and before I knew it, we were stumbling back to our tent and ripping each other’s clothes off.
I did not consider the location of 1) our campsite and 2) our tent in the campsite. We were dead center of the campground. Our site and our tent.
We fell out in fits of giggles at the fact that the only condoms that *I* (not him, douche) brought were brightly colored ones. We argued (loudly, apparently) at which color to use… finally (loudly) deciding on the red one. (which, really looked hot pink when it was stretched out… I do remember that.) And then it happened. I, like the good little sex pistol that I was, flipped over into the infamous “face-down-ass-up” position.
And then… out of nowhere…
“FUCK ME LIKE A FOOTBALL PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!”
First, complete silence.
Second, a sporadic snort and giggle.
Then, the ENTIRE campground burst into uncontrollable laughter. Like, ROARING laughter.
What do I do? (Do you really have to ask???) “Well!? What are you waiting for??” I demand.
So he did. (He knew what was good for him.) Well, I dont really know what fucking me like a football player is… but I do know that he fucked the ever living shit out of me.
And it was goooooooooo oooood.
It was a live porn show for the campground. I was 16. Right. The next day, sober… (only for a hot second before I realized that in order to endure the humiliation that my mouth YET AGAIN caused me…) I was mortified. After a few bottles of Boones, I laughed right along with them. The remainder of the weekend random people all over the campground would shout the famous last words… “FUCK ME LIKE A FOOTBALL PLAYER!!!” into the night, echoing out into the air.
And… of course I never lived it down. I run into old friends who werent even THERE… and they still call me out for it.
*sigh*
So there it is. My very first memorable TMI moment. Be prepared for more where that came from.
To read other kick ass TMI posts, Visit LiLu. She always links them on her post. PQ posted a great one today as well.
Have you ever publicly humiliated yourself in a moment of sexual arousal?
What is your most embarrassing or funniest sex moment?
Tags: Boone's, camping, condom, drunk, football player, humiliation, Sex, tent, TMI Thursday's
April 1st, 2009 at 22:01
how bout the time i had sex in my front yard in a car and my mom was in the living room..awake..
p.s. your tmis are HELLA funny.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 22:03
Did she find out???
April 1st, 2009 at 22:02
please note it was like 3 am!!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 22:03
oooooooooooooooooooh!!!
dani Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 22:05
yeah she and my sister tease me about it ALL the time.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 22:08
ha ha ha! you little slut-face!
dani Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 22:10
it turned out being a one night stand
i learned not to listen to guys BS haha damn guy told me we were two peas in a pod!!! i fell for it :’( serves me right for bveing a whore bag right? 
LivingWicked Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 22:13
Oh he TOTALLY played you. That sucks, but it is also kinda funny… not gonna lie.
dani Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 22:14
agreed
no hurt feelings here. shit happens. better to be able to laugh at it later.
April 1st, 2009 at 22:09
Um, I THINK that you can testify to my TMI moment. A house full of 12 women heard *EVERY BIT* of my first “I kissed a girl and I liked it” experience. And then some. I have not one single regret ; ) But I’m not sure what THE definitive phrase for that would be. ; )
This is an awesome write, as always. You’re so talented and amazing that I’m not thinking “oh how embarrassing!”, I’m thinking, damn, she can even make a NOT great experience sound great ! YOU ROCK !
LivingWicked Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 22:14
I sho’nuff can!!!
Um, I think the word that came to my mind was “Diddle”
Thanks babe. I really appreciate that.
Tanya Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 22:16
YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT is the word ! ; )
LivingWicked Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 22:17
*giggle*
April 1st, 2009 at 22:44
I am cracking the fuck up right now!!! How do I not know about this?!?!?! And yeah, I remember Boones. Holy shit! How we ever drank that crap……uuugh!
Alrighty you want TMI…you got it! Which story to pick??? Ok…..
My boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner and we drank a bit too much. On the way to his place I gave him a hummer so good he couldn’t drive *takes bow* and he kept telling me to stop so he didn’t get pulled over.
I wasn’t havin it!!!
So I started to strip in the car. I was going to get that fucker to pull over! Well, he kept saying we’re like 2 minutes away and wouldn’t stop. So neither would I. I’m naked all over him, pussy in his face etc. We pull into his apartments at like 7, summertime, still light out. He gets out of the car and I decided to lock the doors and masturbate to fuck with him.
Wont pull over for me, I wont get out for him!
He’s standing outside the car telling me to c’mon. I’m like nope. All up in the window, wasted, diddling my middle. Finally I’m like ok, ok. So I open the door and since I had the doors locked the car alarm went off. Lights flashing, interior light on, horn honking, me naked and an at least ten guys standing there.
The group of guys had been talking when we pulled in. But when they heard my bf trying to get me out of the car they started paying attention to me and my “show” rather than talking. I was so fucking wasted I was almost half dressed when I got out of the car and walked up to the door like, “yup, that’s right bitches!” Until the next day when I realized those guys……his friends. They tried to give me shit the next day but I was like hell no! You guys WISH your girlfriends were slutty like me! You should be high fiving him, not giving me shit! Didn’t live that one down for a long ass time. In fact, my nickname was Nudie for a while.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:09
HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I AM TOTALLY CALLING YOU NUDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 02:33
I love you even more after this story. Fuck now I cannot stop laughing.
Ah, Boone’s, yes I remember that stuff well. I have embarrassed myself many, many times. How about one time when I was drunk, from Boone’s most likely, and hooked up with a guy that I’d had a crush on since like forever and we’re getting it on LOUD in the other room and my ass barfed all over the poor guy. Neither of us were ever the same.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:10
How long did the relationship last after you barfed on him?
April Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:11
um…30 seconds?
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:14
*snort*
noooooooooooooo kidding.
April 2nd, 2009 at 04:47
I was friends with this one girl for several years and one night we got high and had sex and man we laughed all the way through it. It kept occurring to us what we were doing and we’d just burst out laughing “Holy shit, dude. We’re doing it!” “Right? What the fuck!” Its actually a good memory.
Publicly, I don’t remember anything embarrassing. Anytime other people caught me with someone, i was too busy to care.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:10
I have done that before. Just totally cracked the fuck up… not at each other, but because weed does that to you sometimes.
David Reply:
April 4th, 2009 at 03:48
She was really beautiful… I wanted her so bad at the moment, but we’d been through so much together, I kept looking down and seeing that face that I shared so many adventures and laughs and tears with and then would be very aware we were naked and that my chocolate was in her peanut butter and we’d laugh like it was the funniest thing ever. We fucked for hours and it never totally stopped.
April 2nd, 2009 at 05:11
hahahahahahah GREAT blog.
And Boone’s is still a step up from Tango.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:11
Thanks!
Yeah. It really is.. Tango is NASTY.
April 2nd, 2009 at 05:36
Oh my lord. I AM SO SAYING THAT TO B TONIGHT!!! The picture of Data just made my freaking day.
You are linked, my love
Thanks so much for playing… and congrats on losing your cherry!!!
LiLu’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: Buzzcuts for Everyone! (And Every Thing…)
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:12
Oh man. PLEASE blog about his reaction. That will be some funny fucking blog material right there.
April 2nd, 2009 at 05:43
Boone’s Farm….ha!
awwww fledgling naughty Wicked….
Miss Tricky’s last blog post..Is nothing sacred?!?
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:12
Boone’s Farm created many drunken moments in my teens.
April 2nd, 2009 at 06:14
Strawberry Hill will make any moment a TMI moment. Damn, thanks for taking me back to my underage days…
justjp’s last blog post..If you have a weak stomach, don’t press forward…
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:13
You are welcome.
April 2nd, 2009 at 06:27
Nope, none of those for me!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:13
Not ONE?!
Cassie Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:18
nope, not one!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:28
wow. i would have thought that you would have had SOMETHING random that you at least screamed out during sex.
Cassie Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:34
no, I don’t scream!
I told you I was a boring lay!!! LOL
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:45
Whatever.
April 2nd, 2009 at 06:42
Hmmm… the only incident that I’m ever embarrassed over happened last August. I went to a drinking party having already drank a bottle of goose & a bottle of SoCo…. and some other unmentionables were smoked before too. Got to the party and drank a WHOLE lot more. I was wearing a brown mini skirt and a cute little bra & shirt. Yup. No drawz. I passed out on the couch in the main room with probably another 200+ folks around. When I woke up, I learned I sleep with my legs w i d e open.
I sincerely doubt that one’s going away for a while.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:14
OH. MY. GOD.
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spread ‘em.
STC Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:15
Uh… yeah. And they do NOT let me forget I showed everyone the “pastrami”. Bad thing is they don’t want me drinking with them no mo
*
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:29
OH!
That totally sucks. You really made an “ASS” out of yourself. ROF
April 2nd, 2009 at 07:18
This is why I love you. I seriously just cried laughing at that. I’m definitely gonna say that to D later.
Just A Girl’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: In the park after dark
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:14
I am so happy you got a laugh.
I am off to read yours. WOOT!
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:16
since I haven’t done the sexy-time yet, I’ll share something else. I keep having these incredibly erotic dreams and masturbating on the phone in my sleep with my Sambam. . . It’s just . . . I moaned a name that wasn’t hers the other night, She laughed about it I died and wanted to cry a little lol
Am so going to tell someone to Fuck me like a Football Player eventually in my life.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:29
She wasnt mad?
You would. HAHAHAH!
Dre Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:38
it was a mutual friend. . . that she knows I’d never actually touch, cuz he’s a dog. I can’t control my dreams yo! haha.
I SHALL!! It’s my mission. .
Dre’s last blog post..Musing.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:40
And then BLOG that shit. HAHAHAHAH!
Dre Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:43
Just for you.
Dre’s last blog post..Musing.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:43
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<– special!
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:29
omg that is hysterical! thanks for sharing!
Hannah-Lane’s last blog post..spread the vomit
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 08:32
Thanks for reading!!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 10:43
When I first read it, I thought it was him asking you to fuck him like a football player! I was like “poor thing! it’s her first time and her boyfriend is gay!”. But it’s funny both ways
I mean, I snorted! Thanks for the TMI!
prettylittletangents’s last blog post..If Your True Love Didn’t Endure…
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 10:45
OH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
That would have been BETTER TMI!!!!!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 15:00
Great story.
And, um, obviously there’s just something about camping. Because the only time I’ve ever been, I had more sex than I’ve had in any single 3-night span since. You know what helped? Thunderstorms outside each night. Well, that and the bourbon.
f.B’s last blog post..kibbles and sh*ts
LivingWicked Reply:
April 2nd, 2009 at 15:09
It is the fresh air and being out in nature.
Bourbon makes panties magically fall down. I know. I have been there.
April 3rd, 2009 at 09:22
You funny.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:05
*gigglesnort!*
April 3rd, 2009 at 12:26
LMFAO!!! OH MY GAWDDD!!! hahahaha I am laughing so hard I can’t think… I will have to think if I have one… LMAO!!! yer so funny!
xoxo
Cassi’s last blog post..Parking Failure
April 3rd, 2009 at 15:34
Holy mother of God….that was hilarious! I lol’ed.
Well, actually, I lmao’ed…but yeah. That’s priceless.
Well done, indeed!
Jen’s last blog post..Life Lessons From The Phantom Tollbooth