Arm Wrestling With Apologies
Apr 12, 2009 DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Plunges, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
You wanna know what is awesome?
Being able to admit fault.
I think that the ability to take a step back and re-live a moment that you may or may not have had a part in, admitting your fuck-ups, and then moving on is an attribute that many do not possess. I think it is because it is easier for people to blame shift and make excuses. It takes a strong individual to really have the balls to stand up and say “My Bad” or “I apologize for my part in this fucked up situation” and truly be genuine about it.
I hate forced apologies. That is why I rarely apologize. No shit. In the almost 10 years that I have been with D, I have made pro-active apologies (meaning me initiating them) maybe 20 times. And we fight a lot. We used to anyway… like, we went 2-3 years at the beginning of our marriage fighting on a daily, even hourly basis. Many fights that I initiated.
Did I initiate the apology after? Nope.
In fact, if you know me… I will do pretty much everything EXCEPT apologize. And when I have, they have almost always been in a card that has a pre-written “I’m sorry” inside of it with some cute animal with sad eyes holding a heart on the front. D has a shoe-box full of them.
This is more of an “Old Wicked” trait than a new. I am better at owning responsibility then I used to be… so now if I am truly at fault, and I know it… I will throw out those horrid words.
“I am sorry.”
Blah. Old or new, past or present… I would rather eat my arm off sometimes than utter an apology.
But I do it. I suck in all of the reasons why I don’t want to, I brush the cunt off of my shoulder that is insisting that whatever bitch thinks they deserve an apology from me can suck it… and I just plunge into that moment of humility.
A heartfelt apology means so much to someone who truly deserves it.
That is all I’ve got today folks. Hope you are having a great Sunday evening-slash-Monday morning.
So… Do you struggle with apologies?
Do you try to do other things to avoid apologies? What?
What is the hardest apology that you have ever had to suck up and own?
Tags: apologies, argument, awesomeness, blame shift, excuses, humility, i'm sorry, marriage, plunge
April 12th, 2009 at 19:18
I apologize TOO much…ya know, for things that aren’t even really my fault?
I’ve learned to sort of take a step back and realize that it’s not always my responsibility. This is a conversation I have too often:
Friend: *something about something bad that happened to them*
Me: I’m sorry.
Friend: It isn’t your fault.
Me: Yeah but still.
I’m the same way with things at work…and around my house. I feel like SOMEONE should take responsibility for things going wrong and I’d rather be that someone than have things hanging in the air.
Though I’ve gotten better at realizing that in personal relationships, it’s not always my fault…and I don’t have to apologize just to soothe someone’s ego. Sometimes…it’s OK to take a stand.
I guess you and I are kind of opposite…Maybe we can find an ‘apology’ balance.
<3
PQ’s last blog post..Songs of Lily, Chapter 7
LivingWicked Reply:
April 12th, 2009 at 19:44
You TOTALLY do that. I feel like we have that exact conversation like on a weekly basis. I love you for caring enough to say you are sorry… regardless of if you do or do not have anything to do with the reason a sorry is even needed.
A sorry balance is needed. I just need to stop being so proud and say it when it is needed to be said.
PQ Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 07:06
We also have the conversation where you tell me you want to come through the computer and smack me upside the head.
Good times.
PQ’s last blog post..The Big Bad Entertainment Bundle of Joy — Movies
Cassie Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 07:18
yeah, but you prolly deserve that conversation……………….just sayin
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:21
She seriously does. Lots.
Cassie Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:23
I really don’t know about it….just feeling confrontational today!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:24
You?! No way!
Cassie Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:33
right?!?!?
That NEVER happens!!!
I’m never sarcastic, either!!!!! hahahahahahahah
OK–I’ll stop my nonsense on your blog-space now!!! lol
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:35
I <3 your nonsense.
Cassie Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 11:01
awwwwwwwwww, but you might one day regret saying that!!! LOL
April 12th, 2009 at 20:49
If I am not 100% sure I am right, I keep an open mind. This bypasses most situations where apologies are necessary. But when I am at fault, I have absolutely no problem apologizing. It is far easier for me to do so than to not.
I once had a newspaper editor scream at me, “Crockett, never apologize without a court order!”
Heh.
Don’t see the big deal about admitting being wrong. I love to learn.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 12th, 2009 at 22:02
I love to learn too. I just dont love to admit when I am wrong.
David Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 04:54
if mine and someone’s opinions on what is correct are presented, it becomes an opportunity to seek out the correct answer. Arguing over it would just be a waste of time. But also, this makes it much easier on the ego if proven that they are right. Because you were never adamantly wrong.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 07:00
I like to argue.
Cassie Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 07:18
NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, NOT YOU!!!! THAT SURPRISES ME SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!
hehehehehehehehehehe
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:21
Bitch.
Cassie Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:24
ummmmm, NO
ok, ok….I can admit that!! hahahahaha
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:34
hahahahahahahha!
David Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 19:30
I think I achieve by not arguing close to what you achieve by doing so.
April 12th, 2009 at 22:39
I guess I’m a lot like PQ. I apolpgize even if I know I did nothing wrong. You stump your toe- I’m sorry. You get into it with a friend- I’m sorry. You yell at me for saying I’m sorry- I’m sorry. (not you in general but you get my meaning). Its a bad habit and I can’t help it. And the really bad part is that most of the time I could care less about the things I say I’m sorry for. The kicker- if I really do something to offend or hurt someone else, I’d rather die than say I’m sorry.
Any shrinks in tha house?
LivingWicked Reply:
April 12th, 2009 at 22:50
It is like a comfort phrase. You know how some people say “um” or “like” … you know? It is almost as if it is a bad habit. Like biting your nails or something.
April 12th, 2009 at 22:42
I definitely apologize too much, even when its probably not necessary. That way whatever the situation is – its done & over. Ya know? Like the old Wicked – it seems to be easier to write it in a card/letter/email or what not. But to suck it up and drop the ‘S’ Bomb in person – def much harder – but shows a lot yes.
you are a strong woman – and you only get stronger everyday, in many ways! 
LivingWicked Reply:
April 12th, 2009 at 22:52
Yeah. It is waaaaaayyyyyyy easier to tell someone in writing than verbally. I try to do the right thing… but sometimes, well… I guess not even the strongest are perfect.
April 12th, 2009 at 22:55
hardest apology was the one I gave to you. hands down.
livingwicked Reply:
April 12th, 2009 at 23:21
i am really glad you did.
livingwicked’s last blog post..Arm Wrestling With Apologies
April 13th, 2009 at 02:24
I am one of those peeps who apologizes to people who just broke a finger nail and are in pain; or can’t find the last paper clip they *knew* was on in their desk three seconds ago. There are a handful of people in my life that bark at me regularly for doing that…. I don’t think I’m going to stop because it’s a part of who I am and how I believe the world should roll — more empathy, please!
With that said, big fights are a tad bit different. When Keith and I (or my mother and I… my brother and I…I think that’s the short list in full) throw down it will usually be a day or two before I see where I might have been wrong and apologize. It will take longer in times when I am quite certain that nothing is going my way and I grow quite tired of always being wrong; never good enough… I will get to a point that I will stop apologizing and start believing I’m worth more and won’t give up the fight…. Like with the fuck faces at Best Buy a week ago.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 06:33
That is a good point. I guess it is fair to say that when fighting with someone close to me… it is harder to apologize than it is with like co-workers or bosses.
April 13th, 2009 at 04:38
hmmmmm, the hardest apology…….prolly having to apologize for something that I did, but that the person I did it to thought was someone else. I was getting away scot free, but I couldn’t let them be angry at the other person.
and yeah, I’d rather chew my arm off as well!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 06:34
See!?
That sounds like it would be a difficult apology for sures.
April 13th, 2009 at 06:46
hmmmmmm….
I’ve gotten better lately about making simple straightforward apologies. I still hate getting them. I guess that’s my apology issue….I almost never let anyone apologize to me. I take two things deadly serious: promises and apologies. I choose words very carefully because a promise from me is intractable. If I mess it up or if so many other things in my life change and I have to break that promise I will choose the words of my apology just as carefully. I strive to always apologize for what I am really sorry about and not just leave it at “I’m sorry.” The good news is that the more careful I am with promises the less I have to apologize for. Now if I can just get Mr. President to stop his PQ style of saying “sorry” for everything…….sometimes I’m just being a smartass brat to be funny-if he goes and apologizes then I look like the asshole. Not cool.
Miss Tricky’s last blog post..According to Him…
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 06:59
I am the same way about receiving them. I hate a shallow apology. Not cool.
His PQ style of saying sorry… hahahahaha! Right!?
PQ Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 07:05
Dang, I got my own style?!
Suhweet.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:22
Duh.
April 13th, 2009 at 07:14
I am for sure one of those people that apologizes for EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that is wrong in someone’s life. Hell, I found myself apologizing to my ex-fiance who is unhappy with his life right now because he left me and his family and now he regrets it.
I’m too nice to a fault, and I have tried to be hard and be a bitch but, it’s just not in me. Ask PQ our Im’s mostly consist of I’m sorry..no I’m sorry…lmao.
I’m finding lately that my life is filled with much less I’m sorry and more with postive things…
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:23
Doesnt it feel so much better to not be sorry for something all of the time?
PeeEss I would slap the both of you in those convos. Just saying.
Meghan Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:48
Yes it does…lol
And….lmao..sometimes I want to slap myself and I know PQ does too she’s just to nice plus she would probably apologize for it later…lmao
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:55
YEAH SHE WOULD.
April 13th, 2009 at 08:55
It’s hard admitting I’ve made a mistake, but I usually try my hardest not to blame someone or something else on my faults. I try and own up to my faults before mistakes even happen, so that I can recognize when and where an apology is needed.
Just today: I put my Eggo waffles in the toaster oven 5 minutes before leaving the house, and then left the house and left them there, toaster oven still on 300 degrees. My sister called me from her lunch break, she’d gone home (and it’s a good thing!) and called me because the house smelled like burning cinnamon.
Oops. I feel so bad! I apologized and even though she laughed it off with me, they were in the oven for a freaking hour. I feel so bad. I could have burned the house down. So I’ll be apologizing for the rest of the day. Sincere, heart felt apologies. Because I dumb.
Jaime @ Fast Times’s last blog post..Epiphany
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:23
HAHAHAHA! You prolly should have apologized Ms. Waffle Burner!
Jaime @ Fast Times Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:35
I did! Like five times in less than two minutes!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 10:37
April 13th, 2009 at 11:11
DUUUUUUDE. What’s with everybody wanting to apologize so much?????
I want to be RIGHT too much to apologize…..it’s like a small I WIN, every time I am!! LOL
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 11:16
Amen.
April 13th, 2009 at 11:29
I’m a total softie. For like twenty minutes I AM ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS AND THERE IS NO WAY I AM EVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN AND I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID ME LIKE THAT, HO!
Then I completely forget and am all “BTW, what are we doing for dinner? You wanna order something?”
I am not sure if this is a blessing or a curse. Just so long as I get dinner.
LiLu’s last blog post..I Can Handle "Manic", But What the Eff Is This Monday
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 11:44
RIGHT!?
pee ess: i totally do this.
David Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 19:32
Cute.
April 13th, 2009 at 14:31
I think it’s harder for me to apologize to those I care about the most than it is to dish out an apology to a casual friend. You’d think it would be the opposite. We should all think about how we feel when we’ve been truly wronged though….and the other person doesn’t apologize. I have been through it and never want to make anyone feel that way. As hard as it may be, I’ll suck it up and do what’s right.
I don’t like being wrong….more than that, I hate knowing that I’ve hurt someone somehow (though I’d never do it intentionally).
I’m sorry I haven’t been around – I had to take a little break to heal. It was just entirely too painful to try to sit here at this damn computer. I missed you and your Wickedly thought-provoking blogs.
LivingWicked Reply:
April 13th, 2009 at 15:09
Dont sorry honey. Sometimes you really just gotta do you. That is the most important thing.
April 15th, 2009 at 13:03
Oh, Court…we’ve talked about this one. It really makes me smile to “hear” you today on this one, especially.
I am pretty good about apologizing and doing it with some genuine humility. That said, I think someimes, saying sorry and apologizing TOO much for things that really arent our faults is what leads to the feeling that maybe they DONT mean as much. i don’t know. That’s just my take.
You are lucky and blessed that D has survived with only two apologies a year from you! LOVE you!
LivingWicked Reply:
April 15th, 2009 at 23:01
I am lucky. Cause I would have left me already.