My Dysfunctional Office Space
Jan 6, 2009 Random, Relationships, Thoughts and Perceptions
Office chemistry trips me the fuck out.
There is this broad in my office who is as slutty as they come. She will leech herself on to the nearest douche-sicle, married or not… until they have to evict her from the house she built underneath their collective nut sacks. It is more pathetic than it is comical… but it is still fucking funny to watch nonetheless.
There is another breezy that I work with who cannot pull it together and figure out what teamwork is all about. Everything is a negative annotation. Dont suggest a motherfucking thing that doesnt work for her, because she will gripe and cry and moan until she gets herself out of it. Yeah, that special attention and treatment she is clearly not getting at home.
My least favorite is Ms. Nosey. She cannot keep her face out of gossips ass for 1 second. What is most annoying is that she tries her hardest to bring me into the dook-shoot with her. If I didnt need my paycheck so bad, I would tell her that I think she needed to bitch up and get her own life and stay out of everyone elses. And if she cant do that, at least keep her shit digging off of my desk because I am not interested.
Dont get me wrong. I appreciate juicy office gossip like most of us do on occasion. However, it really depends on who is dishing and how often to decide whether or not i 1) listen or 2) give it any after thought. The above mentioned bitch gets zero gossip cred with me.
The 3 some that I am convinced fuck on the regular that are joined at the pubic hair. They smoke every 15 minutes. Do the math. How much work actually gets accomplished if you are smoking every 15-20 minutes? None. So what? We pay you to smoke with your fuck buddies?
The fuck stick on my team who thinks he is better than everyone. Like, literally. I am pretty sure he is not that cool.
The cliques that eat, drink and fuck together. They also stab each other in the back as quick as they become besties.
Mr. MyDaughterIsSickEveryOtherDay. Please. In all the kids I have ever been around, this family has to be the most succeptable to colds in the history of forever. I think that he was at work 1 week out of the whole month of November. Dont start in on ‘what if she has a serious issue’ bullshit. Because she doesnt. His excuse? Daycare. Daycare is the root of all sickness in the world. Psh. Sorry. I just dont see a kid being that sick that much. Furthermore, if my kid kept getting sick at daycare, I would be looking for a new daycare.
Who am I in the office? I am a mouthy bitch that doesnt really like to be bothered. I am exactly the same in the office as I am at home. At the gym. In my underwear. At school.I have pretty shoes and crack jokes as much as possible. I dont work enough. But when I do, I get shit done. I hate meetings. I dont go to training. I dont kiss anyones ass. Thats me. I like to watch and listen… and observe.
Who are you in your office?
Do you have office drama?
W
What is the dynamic in your office environment?
Check out PQ’s blog today: http://thepqnation.com/blog/2009/01/puppy-love-cute-or-dangerous/
Tags: gossip, nosey, office, office slut, rumors
January 7th, 2009 at 04:01
Okay, I’m starting with sick kids and daycare. If you want the short version, I agree that — if he’s telling the truth — it’s time to get a new spot to drop your tot.
Now, the longer version: The nine months that Perrin was in daycare, he was constantly sick — cold, flu, ear infection after ear infection. For the first five months of his life, none of these were an issue. For five or six months after he left daycare, he was a healthy child. In the past couple/few weeks we’ve fought a tenacious ear infection; and he’s been taken care of at home. When I was working, I was POSITIVE that he was only getting sick because of other snotty noses during his day. Now I get it a bit better — he’s a kid and he gets sick just like everyone else. What I also get — many children really don’t care if they have a cold and really don’t need a whole heaping extra slab of coddling. A little is fine; but to miss work almost everyday? Really? How does a lack of income ~> groceries and a solid roof over the head make his daughter any better? How can he continue to affordcare without cash?
Who am I in the office? I used to be the social butterfly that would hop from room to room, fully intending to pretend my workload didn’t exist. Those were my teaching days. In a regular office…I was always the front door gal; the brick wall with a painted on smile. I always knew more than anyone imagined and couldn’t — or wouldn’t — dare let on.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:45
You never dare let on the knowledge you possess. It could seriously backfire.
The last questions you asked really baffle me. I guess I am one of the lucky ones that we can have D home with Charli. I wouldnt accept it any other way.
Anne Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:56
Aside from the fact that my little ray of light is refusing to nap right now; I like being home with him; BUT I also wouldn’t think twice about putting him back into daycare should I find myself employed again. Yes, my mom is available to watch him during the day free of charge, but I get some semblance of quality with a certified organization. Translation: I know he won’t be eating McDonald’s everyday; totally blowing off nap time; watching t.v. instead of acquiring actual skills and fresh-air play. He’ll have a real day to babble about if he’s in daycare.
I’ll also admit that — if money flowed freely — he might be in daycare now; at least a couple days each week to free up some sanity for myself. I love him, but somedays 24/7 is just not for me.
I absolutely get where you’re coming from and respect it; but I can see the value in getting my son time from home as well.
…….
Haha! Dude, I just totally tangent-ed in your blog.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:02
I definitely agree with proper balance.
We are massaging the thought of D working 2 days a week or so, with Charli being in a small, in-home daycare.
We will see if it is possible. It might do D some good to get away for a few hours a couple days a week.
You tangent away babe. I love them.
January 7th, 2009 at 05:22
I think I’m the new quiet girl in the office. Everyone’s curious about me…or something.
I have made a couple of good friends though, that I can relate to. The only two allowed on my facebook, etc. Other than that, I work directly with the President, VP of the company in addition to my two bosses so I don’t have much time to linger around. Besides, there are already a few characters I don’t like and thank god we have a big office so I don’t have to deal with them.
Remember Vivian on Legally Blonde? The uptight bitch (Who later turned out to be alright). Yeah, definitely have one of those. I swear she gives me a dirty look every time she sees me and I don’t think I’ve seen her smile once.
Other than that, everyone else seems OK so far but I don’t plan on mingling a lot to find out. I’m SURE that there’s office drama and if I need to find out, I can just ask one of the girls…
But honestly? I really don’t care.
PQNation’s last blog post..Puppy Love: Cute or Dangerous?
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:46
‘Vivian’ is a hater. That is why she mugs you. She sees you as competition, which is a clear sign of insecurity.
PQNation Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 12:15
Competition for what, I don’t know. We don’t even work in the same department.
PQNation’s last blog post..Puppy Love: Cute or Dangerous?
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 12:23
Just in general. It doesnt even matter. You are probably cuter, and more likeable.
January 7th, 2009 at 05:37
“Who am I in the office? I am a mouthy bitch that doesnt really like to be bothered. I am exactly the same in the office as I am at home. At the gym. In my underwear. At school.I have pretty shoes and crack jokes as much as possible. I dont work enough. But when I do, I get shit done. I hate meetings. I dont go to training. I dont kiss anyones ass. Thats me. I like to watch and listen… and observe.”<———-fits me too a tee, welllllll….except for the pretty shoes bit!!!!! LMMFAO
Thank you so much for havingthe foresight to write my answer for me!!! hahahahahahahahaha
except I have to add that I am that one that will try EVERYTHING to NOT do something I think is stupid….even if it is office policy. THAT fact has gotten me into more shit than you’d imagine!!!!
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:47
I just pictured you in your underwear, mouthing off at someone.
ROF.
Cassie Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:51
ummmm, wouldn’t have to worry about mouthing off if I was in my underwear…….everyone would run outta the building!!! LOL
Mary Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:51
Actually, I’m sure there’s a picture just like that on her MySpace page, so you don’t even have to get a mental picture.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:53
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH!
*runs off looking for it.*
Cassie Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:56
there are NO undies pics on Myspace!!! they’d have to shut the site down
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:03
CASS DID YOU BREAK MYSPACE?! IS THIS WHY THEY HAVE BEEN HAVING SO MANY ERRORS!?!?!?!?
ROFFFFFFLMAOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cassie Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:11
YEP….it was me….I just wanted it all to myself…..me and 20,000,000 other ppl!!! hahahahahahah
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:30
*snort*
January 7th, 2009 at 06:15
In my office I’m the quiet girl who does her job and doesn’t take shit from anyone. I don’t disturb anyone, I stick to my cubicle (unless I’m walking over to visit Mike or use the LGR), but when something pisses me off or if something goes wrong and I know who is to blame I tell it like it is. I don’t let people get away with shit. I’m not afraid to talk to management (management in my office pretty much ROCKS!) when I have an issue. Other than that I’m just a girl that reads when it’s slow and does her job better than anyone else.
I’m also the Star Wars nerd.
Jaime’s last blog post..Begging Your Pardon!
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:47
OOOH I HAVE A STAR WARS NERD IN MY OFFICE!
His wife got him a light saber thingy for christmas.
Cassie Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:52
I’m a Star Wars Nerd too! whoooooo hooooo
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:53
Why am I not surprised… HAHAHA
Mary Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:56
I’m a Star Trek nerd. I had a ST Communicator with sound effects on my last desk. The fucking bitches who packed up my office when I got laid off broke it.
Mary Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:56
Cunts.
Cassie Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:00
I do not know why reading you ’saying’ this almost made me fall outta da chair!!!!!!
Mary Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:03
I love that word. I like using it as an adjective even more.
“don’t be cunty.” and stuff like that.
but, i reserve it for the real cunts. that’s why you’ve never heard it.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:19
Oh I use cunt as much as possible.
Anne Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 12:37
When really frustrated, I like to spout off, “Cunty whore, slore hound stew!”
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 13:03
WOAH! HAHAHAHAHA!
Anne Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 13:04
I’m endlessly impressed with what just happens to roll off my tongue.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 13:08
Me too, ‘cept when Charli repeats it.
GAH!
Jaime Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 14:59
We have lightsaber duals in my office when we can, as well as Nerf gun wars. Also, Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back is my favorite movie of all time I think.
Jaime’s last blog post..Begging Your Pardon!
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 15:01
Oh I love your dorkiness.
Jaime Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 20:29
I have an overabundance of it!
And as soon as I play D&D I can head straight for Nerdom!
Jaime’s last blog post..Blah Blah Boring Blah Blah Blah
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 22:13
i used to play d&d.
January 7th, 2009 at 08:15
I work in a small office, a small construction office and I am the only female.
It’s good. I like it there. My boss is really easy going 90% of the time and my coworkers are really cool. The only time I really miss having other women around is at the company Christmas party. I stand around like an idiot not sure who to talk to or what I would even talk about. But then I have a few margaritas and I stop caring.
As for office gossip. It doesn’t exist. Office drama? none. During our busy months I spend most of the time in there alone and when they are there, it is just getting stuff done. I’ve had a few tiffs with one of the project managers because he can act like a real ass at times but those get squashed pretty quickly.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:48
I would love an all male office. I hate dealing with bitches.
Mary Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:54
I hate to say it, but that’s the key. No other females around.
In theory anyway.
At my last job, the male COO was a picky, anal, shit-stirring, morale-sucking bitch.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:20
was he gay?
Mary Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:22
No. Just an asshole.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:27
I had a gay COO once who was just like that. Really, he was a female in a mans body. Catty and ALL that.
January 7th, 2009 at 08:17
When I’d work… I was the one that busted my butt to do my job as well as I could, a competition within myself if you will, could I beat my numbers from yesterday? Could I beat my best? I was also the one that everyone hated, cuz I DID do my job and didn’t give a shit about the petty bitchy spiteful shit going around. Bitches even tried to get an HR lawsuit pressed on me for being racist (cuz I ignored the people I had nothing in common with that I didn’t have to interact with… ) My manager let me in on it, I went to head of HR with a pic of my oldest. She laughed, got the nonsense dropped, and actually started a suit on my behalf (without me knowing about it) against them for harrassing WORKING employees and undermining the workplace. roflmao.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:49
Oh wow. Yeah. That is kick ass. You dont find an HR department like that anywhere very often.
January 7th, 2009 at 08:58
When I worked, I was the bubbly bouncy girl that was friends with every freaking one. I goofed off a lot because my work for the day was always finished an hour after getting to work that morning. I was also the crazy girl that became OCD during her pregnancy and remained that way even after the baby was born. I’m the one that made sure all the papers were perfectly lined up with themselves in the printer. I’m also the one that my boss came to when she needed to solve a problem or find something that was missing. I was the one person that knew everyone’s drama first because I was the bitch quietly listening in the background, ninja style. However, the gossip never came from my lips because I was also the beezo that HATED when people would talk shit about their co-workers personal problems. And lastly I was the intimidating bitch that all the new employees hated because I knew my shit. We weren’t doing rocket science and so I was not the one to waste weeks on training a person. If you hadn’t learned the job within a week then I had no use for you and you had better go have someone else baby step you through your job because I am not the one to hold hands and coo with. I pretty much didn’t get messed with because a) I had a huge group of friends. b) I did my job. c) i told your ass off if you fucked with me.
hahaha… I even chased a big fat bitch down the hallway last year because she told me Lyssa was a bastard. Wouldn’t have choked a bitch too if security hadn’t stopped me and pulled me off her. I played a lot more than I worked though. How could I not when there wasn’t shit else to do? Arthur and I danced, sang, and did all sorts of crazy shit a lot. It was a fun time.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:50
Uhm. that is when you go to HR and file suit to get that bitch fucking fired. That is the way you choke a bitch in the office. Take her motherfucking paycheck and put it in your pocket.
I can see you as the goofy one. HAHAHAAH
Dizzy Girl Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:15
Oh she did get fired even though I chased her. They called it provocation.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:26
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Were you pregs when you chased her?
Dizzy Girl Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 11:49
LOL!! No. I’m not that ghetto. I had just come back from maternity leave.
I did try to scratch out the bitches eyes though.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 12:04
You ARE that ghetto. Dont lie.
Dizzy Girl Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 13:31
*gasp!* Me? Ghetto?? I am shocked!
HAHAHA If I had been pregnant I would have still chased the bitch. Maybe I would have ran a little slower… but I would have still caught her.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 13:37
You would have waddled. HAH!
January 7th, 2009 at 10:19
she CRIES?!! WTF?
I was laid off in August from a place I’d been for 8 years. It took me 4 years to figure out that locked in my office was the best place for me. I miss my office. I picked out the tile on the floor. I had maintenance remove the fluorescent lighting and used incandescent bulbs and the big, ceiling-to-floor windows. I hung pictures and children’s artwork. I covered my bulletin boards with fabric and purple trim. Everyone said my office felt “cozy” and “home-y”. That’s the ONLY thing I miss – the office.
It took me a while to be able to tell people that if they had a problem with their manager or coworkers to take it to HR – that my office was closed to that.
The double standards – smokers get to take a 15 break every 30 minutes to feed their addiction, but the rest of us couldn’t get on MySpace or roam around the office in a daze for 15 minutes multiple times a day.
The nepotism.
The sexism.
The favoritism.
UGH. I miss none of it.
I’m working for my friend’s husband until I find something permanent. I’m in the office alone right now. I work with two men – older and mature. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted because I don’t have to guard myself against office idiots. I don’t have to censor myself. I guarantee whenever I land somewhere new, I will take with me some hard-learned lessons. I will NOT let myself be pulled into that crap ever again. EVER.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 10:53
Yeah, she CRIES. It is really really annoying.
Corporate bullshit is the WORST. I cannot wait til I get my degree together and get out of it. Counseling world, here I come.
January 7th, 2009 at 11:56
I work with all men and the drama is out of control!!!!
I have seen and heard it all!.
We have also had the company hoe
She was bangin four different guys here and one was married. The funny thing too is thatshe was trying to act like none of it was going on but we all knew, she probably shouldnt have let all of them take naked pics of her on there cell phones. Dumd hoe!
We have had guys miss work for days and we ended up finding them at there crack dealers house. We have had three cop cars pull in the parking lot and bust one guy for beating his girl and doing all of there coke (yeah she told the dop that!)
I have been called the little pitbull of the office. I am little and I dont take there shit so I guess they are right
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 12:06
No way. Really?
Um. Wow. Where in the fa la la do you WORK?!
I wanna see your BARK vs. your BITE!
Denise K Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 12:18
I work for a Telecommunications company and they guys here are a whole different breed!!!
I have heard them call me a bitch under there breathe a time or two but it doesnt bother me at all.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 12:24
Smack a bitch.
January 7th, 2009 at 12:59
I’m the “knows everything, so go ask her” girl… I kid you not…
I’m also the, “can do most things better than the other people, including grammar,” so hate her on principal because the head important guys prefer her to do the work, because she won’t send out an embarrassing email full of spelling or grammar errors… (I’m not talking about spelling… I’m talking about grammar errors that in a professional document do not look good…. OBVIOUS grammar errors…)
bethany’s last blog post..Momma’s Boys – Chanukah and Christmas
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 13:04
Oh man. This is why I <3 spell/grammar check.
January 7th, 2009 at 14:10
dysfunctional.
Not to bust your balls. I am the world’s worst, no doubt in typos and misspells.
I get the job done at work. I am the one who the bosses come to to solve problems or to help clarify something. But I’m not an ass kisser or a joiner.
LivingWicked Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 14:15
Oh. Blah. You know I cant spell. I am surprised Q didnt get in my ass about that HAH!.
January 7th, 2009 at 19:28
I’m always the one who stays late and never says anything because I’m technically supposed to get OT pay. I can’t stand to stop in the middle of a task so I’ll sit and hold it until I literally might pee my pants. And then I get up to go and find something else that needs to get done. I stress about a budget I’m not in charge of or responsible for. I hug my office supplies because they make my job easier and more efficient. I’m a stickler for details and I don’t ask for help because I want things done right. I take on extra projects when I don’t really have time and beat myself up if I forget something.
In short, I’m a psycho. I’m also well liked and respected so I guess it’s worth it.
T’s last blog post..My Dog Ate My Buttplug and Other Christmas Stories