Poop Soup
Jan 25, 2009 Family, Parenting, Random, Thoughts and Perceptions
Oh Xavier… (shakes head)
He may not look like me, like, not even a little bit… but that little shit did get one thing from me: Foot in Mouth Syndrome.
I can remember several things that my momma used to tell me when I was growing up… but the one that still rings in my ears, even as an almost 30 year old woman with kids of my own is “You have got to think before you speak!”. Even today I slip up with my verbal poop soup.
And when I realize that I have just dished out an unwanted serving of it… there goes my mom’s voice in my ear. “You have got to think before you speak!”
Blah. I feel old right now.
Tonight, after an amazing Sunday dinner slaved over by *yours truly*, Xavier started in with his jokes. Lately, his love of his own stand up comedy routines consume the house. To the point where he doesnt know when it is time to knock it the fuck off.This one, however, took the cake.
To save you time and confusion(the confusion is mostly on my part), I will just jump right in to the conversation.
X: (yelling over our ghetto washing machine) “blahblahblahblah fat”
Me: “Did you just call me fat?”
X: “No! I said something about the cat!”
Me: “I dont believe you. I cant believe you would call me fat!”
X: “I swear I didnt call you fat. You arent just fat, you are fat AND skinny at the same time!”
Me: “Fat and skinny? That is not possible, Xavier.”
X: “Yeah it is mom, fat and skinny at the same time is called chubby. Duh!”
Me: “So I am CHUBBY?!”
X: “Yeah, but dont worry. Tara is chubby too!”
I am dying at this point. Lisa is cracking the fuck up on my couch. That is, until Xavier proceeds to name her the 3rd in the 3 ChubSkateers. So I call Tara. If you werent already aware, Tara and Xavier are bf/gf. When I tell Tara of this chubby talk, she says that she has officially broken up with him.
You would think that X would have left it at that. Nope, the poop soup is free flowing at this point. He snatches the phone from me and says: “Tara, you know you are chubby! Admit it!” He then is surprised when she hangs up in his face. HA HA HA! The clincher, is when X realizes exactly how far down his throat his foot is… and turns on the waterworks.
As he runs off crying, talking about how I hate him, and think he is a bad kid, I blurp out “Next time maybe you will think before you speak!” I swear, I never thought I would say it. Sadly, I dont think that this will be the last time I do.
*sigh*
What is the one thing you hated hearing as a kid from your parents?
Have you ever put your foot in your mouth? What did you say?
Have you been a victim of FIMS? What was said to you?
