‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
Dec 1, 2008 Random, Thoughts and Perceptions
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.
Late for work.
X missed the bus.
My coffee was gross.
The sweater I just bought made me feel like a chocolate striped whale.
My computer crashed 3 times.
Didn’t get to go to the gym at lunch because I worked through lunch because I was late.
Mad at D. Why? Because he has a penis. If you are reading this, and have a penis… chances are I hate you too.
I have officially self diagnosed myself with PMS, given the above listed things. Specifically the last one. When Mother Nature and I meet in the boxing ring once a month, D is usually the one who is dodging the blows. Not that bitch. She stays over in her corner, cackling at my crampy bitchy CUNTY disposition. for 3 weeks and at least 2 days of my PMSisode, I kinda feel sorry for him. Then again, he is a moody mofo himself… so I am pretty sure he deserves a boxing match a month. AT LEAST.
Anyway, back to this bitch Mother Nature.
I would like to kick the shit out of that bitch. I mean really kick her fucking ass. Ol’ School style. Meet her at the bike racks with 35 surrounded by a bunch of other pmsing bitches screaming ‘fight! fight! fight!’ while I bitchhandle her to the ground. I would have Rach hold my necklace and earrings ’cause if it got to the point where I needed my girls to jump in on it, she would already have a pre-planned stash spot for the goods. I know this because that is how my bitch rolls. All premeditated and shit. And she wants to kick the shit out of Mz.Nature her damn self. If the timing was right, she mighta been the instigator in the fucking first place.
I wanna pull handfuls of her hair out.
I wanna bite her.
I wanna curb stomp her face.
I wanna straddle her neck with my crotch and punch her in the face repeatedly.
Mother Nature is the bitch that I mean mug at the mall. Or anywhere I go where she is all up in my business like she does. Nosy bitch. Nosy meddling fucking bitch. Who does she think she is anyway? I bet, if all of us women got together and jumped her skank ass she would leave us alone. If we just backed her ass in a corner and let her know that we were not gonna put up with these cramps anymore. No more moodyness. She can keep the bloated uncomfortable bullshit. No more man hating… (actually… … … I wont fault her for that one.) I am taking a stand against that bitch Mother Nature, and if she doesnt comply with my requests… I am going to kick the shit out of her. Plain and fucking simple.
Mz.Nature, if you are reading this… I suggest you take some time to really think about who you are fucking with here. We are some emotional, moody, cranky bloated bitches. We are stuck between a diet rock and a chocolate covered salt lick hard place. It isnt fair what you continuously do to us on a monthly basis. Does my name even remotely sound like Eve? No. It doesnt. I dont even like apples all that much, and sure as hell wouldnt have eaten that shit if I were her. If it were a chocolate covered pretzel, maybe. But an apple? Pfft. Ya’ll coulda kept that shit.
Take your tampax and always maxi pads and shove em up your old raggedy cobweb havin’ ass.
The End.
What would you like to add to this hateblog addressed to Mother Nature?
What cravings do you have when PMSing?
Are you normally a man hater? Or just an imonmyperiodgetyourpenisawayfrommebeforeicutyou man hater?
Is there anything you need to rant about today?! Here is the place to do it, and leave laughing. 
Tags: always, chocolate, fight, hate, maxipad, mother nature, period, pms, rant, tampax
December 1st, 2008 at 23:36
I don’t love hurting during the three to five days a month that I have my period. It bites and it makes me hate all things penis. Um your hatred towards mother nature scares me and I don’t want to get on your bad side. So I would just like to say that I would help you kick her ass if need be.
I’m actually pissed that men get to pee standing up on road trips. Just a little unzip and bam they got it done clean and clear. Women have to squat and it gets everywhere as the woman goes tumbling down the hill cuz they got a little off balance. What? It’s not like that’s every happened to me or anything. That is my rant.
Dizzy Girl’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 09:02
Dont be scared. I wont kick the shit out of you. Ever.
December 2nd, 2008 at 03:53
lmao!
I feel your pain girl. I’m ready to fight her too after her horrible timing. I had a hilarious PMS craving though, chocolate ice cream with potato chips crumbled in it.
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 09:16
That sounds more like a preggo craving. LMAO
LivingWicked’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
April Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 09:26
I know! I get crazy cravings. I avoid fast food at all costs but PMS brings out the fat girl in me, like right now all I can think about is a greasy Sonic Burger and even greasier tater tots. The potato chips in ice cream was pretty odd and later after I woke up from my PMS/carb induced nap, I was like, oh that’s nasty, how did I eat that??? lmao
That nasty bitch showed up yesterday just as I was about to finally get my freak on after a long dry spell.
Not happy with the bitch. She had 5 days while I was home off work to make me miserable and she waits til THEN. fuck.
April’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 09:43
If another bitch mentions a motherfucking cheeseburger.
Mmmm TOTS.
LivingWicked’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
April Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 09:52
cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger
I better step off before you kick my ass too. lol
<<< feeling feisty
April’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 09:56
AH! You better duck! LMFAO!
LivingWicked’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
December 2nd, 2008 at 05:47
You’re not alone.
I hate her so much that I had surgery to remove that cranky ass, nasty bitch from my life. Too bad she’s coming back, with a vengence. I can’t win lol.
Stacy’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 09:17
She is a stalker. A psycho “REE REE REE” stalker. LMAO
LivingWicked’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
December 2nd, 2008 at 06:54
Awwwww, does Wicked need a hug? lmao
I really don’t have anything to rant against today.
I’m not a fan of Mother Nature either, especially since I have NEVER wanted kids. That monthly visit does me absolutely no good!!!!
However, I have never hated guys during my period…It does make me a little bit more jumpy at uppity women though. lol
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 09:18
Dont make me put you in line for bitches ima fight this week. LMAO.
Oh yeah. That sucks balls. It is like serving a life sentence for a crime you didnt commit. HAHAHA
LivingWicked’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
December 2nd, 2008 at 07:39
Ooooo, there’s about to be a fight!!
I would like to add the whole boobs hurting like a mofo’ thing. Everytime…I think I’m pregnant, but haven’t even had sex, so I know I’m not, but fuck, it hurts!
I crave everything, burgers, fries, fried shrimp, cereal, watermelon, you name it, I want it.
I’m am I’monmyperiodleavemethefuckalonewithyournonbleedingoncemamonthhavingass.
pecosa’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 09:19
Yep. Are you about to break a nail too ???
Yeah I totally forgot about that one. Good mention.
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHA
You made a bitch want a burger. Hmph.
LivingWicked’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
December 2nd, 2008 at 07:43
*snort* I love this one…and feel it, bigtime! You know I wrote my “love letter” to Mother Nature on the same subject last year. She is not very nice to me. In fact, she treats me even worse than she does you. She also drives up the stock on all Ho-Stress products. This, coming from the girl who was in a fetal position from the bitch’s pain on Thanksgiving morning.
Carol’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 09:20
OH HELL NO. She isnt just fuckin with me?!
SHE IS FUCKIN WITH MY GIRL TOO!!?!!
That is it. She is getting curb stomped.
LivingWicked’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
December 2nd, 2008 at 10:04
I never comment, huh? Well, regarding my wife and her little visit from the “demon” (her name for it, not mine)…… she does get mad at every little thing I do, but she loves the penis even more during that 5 day window every month. She plays with the penis quite a lot every other day of the month, but those five days she really wants it. Who am I to complain? I am one happy man, and she gets well taken care of too.
How’s that little story?
kevin’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 10:27
HAHAHAHAH!!!!
I swear. It is so 50/50 with the ‘wanting it’. Some love it, some dont.
Me, I think D has finally understood the look he gets when he tries to get down.
December 2nd, 2008 at 10:41
I have an alien with an icepick in my belly, I’m eating Midol like candy and I hate anything with a penis today…and probably tomorrow too.
Irish caught on quick and has offered to make me Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup for dinner. And even in my gratefulness there is an edge – that wants to yell at him for placating the crazy bitch he lives with now instead of really caring that I FUCKINGHURTLIKEHELL and then I have stop myself from crying which just makes me angry all over again.
I also HATE shitty cell phone reception.
And I want Oreos. DoubleStuft.
As far as Mother Nature… Why give me a faulty uterus – which everyone says won’t be capable of carrying a child – and still put me through this menstral crap? I’m not using it. It’s broken. I’m not ever GOING to use it. So why must it leak? Really, I’d be okay with a dusty uterus. Go ahead and dry it the fuck up. Maybe then I could convince them to take it the hell out…
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 10:52
We are on the same page then. HAH.
I would rub your belly and your feet. And paint your toes a pretty eggplant color. And dip your double stuffed in milk. And kick Irish out of the house to go pick tomatoes to make that soup fresh. And bitch about it after.
Love you.
LivingWicked’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:34
I don’t have much to rant about today but I know how a bad cup of coffee can ruin the whole day.
Mother Nature and I do not get along. It’s crazy every month I get bitchy for no reason and Mark gets afraid of me. He’ll say “I think it’s time for you to start pretty soon.” and I’ll just give him this evil glare. I don’t know why it pisses me off so much when he says that.
Gracie’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:50
Because he isnt supposed to be siding with that bitch. HA HA HA!
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:52
“We are stuck between a diet rock and a chocolate covered salt lick hard place.”
BWAHAHAHAAAA!!!
You just described my last week. And now I have a party to attend post-bloat, and I am NOT fucking happy about it!
Ummm…can we take it easy on our girl Eve? The snake made her do it ya know, and I’m certain he had a penis!
Karri’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:52
Stupid penissnake. I hear that the penissnake is the most venomous of the snakes.
LivingWicked’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
December 2nd, 2008 at 14:37
Amen.
Tessa L. Castro’s last blog post..‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
LivingWicked Reply:
December 2nd, 2008 at 15:20
Heh.
December 2nd, 2008 at 17:32
uhm that bitch is right here at my house too..so when you get done kicking the shit out of your’s…she’s got an evil twin down south…mkaythx….
I hate her to the point some times I’d love to take a coat hanger and yank out her stopping point..yanno???
love you girl…moody. CUNTY. PMSin and all *MUAH*
December 3rd, 2008 at 00:51
I think someone needs to invent a chocolate, salty dipped valium to subdue Mother Nature.
What gets me the most is the extreme surge of energy I get the day right before my period. It’s Herculean! I swear I sometimes think I can bench-press my car and feel great.
Its just the hormonal times of the month period that get me. Ovulaton is no picnic either. I am either wanting a day-off for sex or am experiencing the same surge of energy I get the day before my period.
UGH!
Christy’s last blog post..Showered in Thought
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:06
Oh shit dude…I needed this blog today!!
Fuck Mother Nature with her stainin’ my good fuckin’ panties with her not comin’ on the right godamn day ass. Mother fucker I gots a fuckin’ calendar and it was three weeks ago that you showed your unwanted ass up. Three!! Not. Four. Know how I remember?! Because it was my fuckin’ ANNIVERSARY!!! This is not the Ground Hog Day Pussy Express. You are not allowed to poke your head out decide it’s not period day and then come back in another week or so.
I really did like those panties. Sigh.