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Posts Tagged ‘question’

Like everyone else that has trouble sleeping, I have a lot of time at night to lie awake and wonder about things. I decided to get a few of them off my mind by blogging them here, so that way YOU can lie awake at night and wonder about them. If you actually have an answer to any of these mysterious questions, please fill me in in the comments!

Why do people always leave the “59Fifty” stickers on the brim of their baseball caps? Is that like leaving the tag on the Beanie Baby or something? Does it lose value if you take it off? Or is it more like “accidentally” leaving the price tag on your new designer dress? (Seriously, who does that anyway?) Is it just so people know that you overpaid for a stupid little hat that probably cost $0.34 for some Mexican toddler to make? SOMEONE TELL ME.

Why are bathtub doors more expensive than shower doors? I mean, they’re smaller so they technically use less materials, and yet they cost about 30% more in every style at Home Depot. Add this to the list of things-that-cost-more-in-miniature, like sexy underwear and dogs.

What’s up with Coach handbags lately? Every one I’ve seen is uglier than the last! Are the designers just making bets with each other now? Like, “Hey, let’s make this ugly shit-brown bag and just put a giant letter ‘C’ right here, and then this vinyl puke-green shape next to it. Someone will buy it.” And then the other guy goes, “I’ll do you one better. I’m just going to make a poop in this handbag, and put the ‘C’ logo on it, and people will be lining up to buy it.” Now look, I like handbags as much as the next girl, but if you’re going to charge upwads of $500 a pop, at least make them something I’d be willing to be seen carrying around!

Why does every single clothing company have different size guidelines? I’m sick of having to know my size for each store I go to. I thought the point of having clothing sizes was that they were supposed to be the same across the board? I need a cheat sheet whenever I go shopping, like “Okay, I’m a New York & Company medium, but an American Eagle large… I can wear medium tops at the Gap, but I need large pants…” GUYS JUST PICK A STANDARD SIZE PLZKTHX.

Do exotic dancers get a union? If so, how do they elect a union rep? I’m guessing a wet T-shirt contest, but mind you that’s just a guess!

Also, why do we need to call them exotic dancers? What’s wrong with “stripper”? I mean, no disrespect, but it’s just faster to say! And when I have boobies in my face I have a really hard time remembering to be PC!

Why do muffin tops taste so much better than the rest of the muffin? It’s not just the extra-baked part, it’s like even the cakey inside is sweeter on top. Also, I saw “muffin tops” for sale in a bakery and seriously, what’s the difference between a muffin top and a scone?

Still on the topic of muffins (sort of), why do some women call their bellies “muffin tops” where the pop out over the tops of your pants? To me it seems sort of counter-productive. I grab my belly to complain about it, and then the phrase “muffin top” pops out of my mouth and suddenly all I can think about is food. Mmm, muffins.

Cottage-cheese thighs, though? Not so appetizing.

There should be a list of foods it’s cute to compare your body parts to, and then a list of foods it’s disgusting to compare your body parts to. No confusion that way. I mean seriously, a guy comes up to you in a bar and says  “You have a peachy bum” (Okay so it’s never happened to me, but it MIGHT, you know, someday) do you smack him or say “Thank you”? We need an agreed-upon list we can reference when and if this ever happens. Always be prepared, I say.

And the last thing on my mind for today, is thongs. The underwear, not the shoes. I keep seeing things with satin ribbon, with strings of pearls, with soft fuzz in the back. Is it just me, or is WHATEVER your thong made out of going to be uncomfortable as hell? It doesn’t matter what the material is, does it? It still feels like you’re flossing your buttcrack with sandpaper by the end of the day. RIght???

Okay, guys, your thoughts? Do you have an answer for any of these questions? What keeps you awake at night? Share your musings with me!