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Posts Tagged ‘nightmares’

OK class! Time for show-and-tell! I want to hear about the craziest, weirdest dream you’ve ever had.

I’ve had a lot of really strange dreams, but I think this one I had a few weeks ago takes the cake. I’ve forgotten some of the details, but I’ll try to give you the gist of it.

So I was working as a security screening agent in an airport. For some reason, part of my job duties required that, in between looking at X-Rayed images of baggage, I had to go into a room filled with bureaus and dressers and clean them with a lint roller. I was performing just such a duty when someone called my name to come back out to screening. I set the lint roller down on the floor, and blood started pouring out of it! I freaked out and hid it in one of the drawers, and went out to start scanning bags.

The next passenger I had to scan was a midget, and he had a speech impediment, and seemed… well, simple. Mentally handicapped? Whatever, I’ll come out with it: He was a retarded midget. He stood on his tiptoes and told me that he knew my secret. He then revealed that the lint roller was actually… get ready… a midget Japanese ambassador in disguise, on an undercover mission.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Shouldn’t she have realized, at this point, that it was a dream?” And the answer is, yes, I absolutely should have. But I didn’t. Instead, I freaked out. Then the midget (the one I hadn’t inadvertantly killed) said he would keep my secret if I quit my job as a screening agent and became a maid for the airport instead. I agreed to his terms, but the guilt weighed on me. Especially since that blackmailing midget seemed to be flying in or out every day, and he always dropped some hint about what I had done. Eventually, I came to a double conclusion: that I couldn’t live with the guilt of what I had done, and that the midget was too retarded to keep my secret for long, anyway.

So, I called Japan on a pay phone, and miraculously, the Emperor or whatever they have over there answered! I told him what had happened, and he told me…

Not to worry about it, because the lint-roller-midget-ambassador was going to be executed anyway, because he had had an illegal abortion a few months ago.

And that, folks, was the craziest, weirdest dream I ever had! Now it’s your turn.