Check It Out

Posts Tagged ‘cat’

Remember those creepy dolls from when we were kids that would cry if you shook them, or leak water from their crotch when you stomped on them?

Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about; maybe you didn’t have to abuse your dolls to get them to work properly, but my cousins and I always had the generic knock-off dolls, and they required very strict parenting in order to live up to their full potential. Anyway, remember those dolls? Looking back, you probably think they were pretty creepy. Well, in the words of that song by a group apparently called Bachman-Turner Overdrive (Thank you, Google) b-b-b-baby, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

I submit for your examination, Exhibit A:

This is a set of plush dolls that you can apparently buy in Japan, and on Amazon when they’re not sold out. They come as a set and retail for $40-50. In other words, that’s some fancy shit. Can you imagine being tucked into bed with these when you were a kid? This is an example of where potty-training by positive reinforcement has gone WAY too far.

Get ready, because Exhibit B is a very disturbing image, imho:

From China (or perhaps Japan again, I’m not so good at identifying the characters) we have another appallingly misguided attempt at a body-function educational toy. I’m not even sure where to start on this one. It’s a baby, growing pubic hair and some kind of funky ankle hair. I wonder if it’s a one-time use toy, or if you can yank its hair to make it grow and shave it all off again, like that Barbie whose hair you could yank and cut to the tune of four feet.

The jury will now direct its attention to Exhibit C:

I’m not sure what this toy is actually called, because I can’t read Japanese, but it’s basically a game of Russian Roulette, except instead of a bullet, plastic feet come out and kick you in the head. Needless to say, if this happens, you lose. I guess if you buy this game, being kicked in the head is the only reasonable course to take from there, anyway.

Exhibit D at least deserves an honorable mention for the concept:

At first glance, this is any old beach ball with a vaguely creepy religious message emblazoned across it, kind of like the lame favors they give out at Vacation Bible School (because when I think vacation, I for sure think Bible!) The thing that strikes me is that it’s a beach ball. Are kids supposed to think they’ll be able to walk on water while they play with this? I hope they test it in the shallows first.

And now Exhibit E, for your consideration:

This toy is called “Sixfinger”, and it is apparently supposed to look like a finger that can write like a pen, shoot missles, and who knows what else. I don’t really understand why this toy finger does all these things, but I can tell you, looking at this picture, a finger wasn’t the first thing that came (ha) into my head. Tell me I’m not the only one, here.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please view Exhibit F:

I present to you: Facebank! Yep, that’s what this is supposed to be. A bank. Look, I was never a very brave kid, I’ll admit, but I can’t be the only one who would have been completely terrified to stick my hand in this thing’s mouth. I’m not sure I want to know what you have to do to the thing to get your money back out of it? I hope it doesn’t involve the Sixfinger.

And at last, we have Exhibit G:

That is not a real cat. It is a toy robot cat. It has been programmed to act like a real cat, except without the puking and hating you. It purrs and rolls over, and just generally looks at you in a creepy, dead-eyed way. They have a version on toy shelves here called “Fur real” friends, and let me tell you, walking past a toy aisle and having that thing reach a paw for you is seriously creepy.

That’s all for today, but I saw so many creepy toys that I may have to return to this topic some other Wednesday.

What’s the creepiest toy you ever saw/owned?

Also, side note: If anyone knows how to make it so that I can align text and images side-by-side without having the next paragraph of text ride up to be alongside the first picture, please let me know! I tried for so long to make my comments next to the images, but the text and images wouldn’t stay lined up the way they did in my preview.