She pins up her hair and stands in front of the mirror deciding what to wear. Her hand immediately goes to her stomach as she turns to check herself out in the mirror.
“Bloated” she thinks and puts on the dress that makes her feel frumpy but hides the gut.
She looks down at herself and then back to the mirror. The girl staring back at her has confidence in her eyes so why cover that up by dressing down?
Off goes the cover-up and she slips the dress over her body.
It fits her perfectly, hugging her in the right places. Her hand smooths the fabric over her stomach, which, surprisingly, isn’t sticking out noticeably.
She turns around, focusing on every ‘flaw’ she sees. “What if I get a wedgie? You can see it.”
Then she says “Forget it. I’m wearing this dress. I look good.”
She slips on her flats but eyes her favorite pumps in the suitcase.
“I’ll stand out if I wear the heels” she thinks and then realizes that’s the voice of the girl who used to be.
She isn’t afraid to stand out.
In face, she thrives on it.
Off goes the flats and on goes the pumps.
She stands tall, ready to go.
Walking out the room, she hears someone say “Nice shoes” and she replies with a grin.
“Thanks.”
She walks into the club and ignores her surroundings. She’s ready to dance and have fun tonight. Anyone looking at her might think that she’s a stuck-up woman but all she really wants is to let loose.
So she does.
If you watch her, you’ll see her with a smile on her face, dancing and making faces at her friend to make her laugh.
Her eyes light up every time she smiles.
And then you see her commanding the attention of 6 guys at once, joking with them and making all of them laugh by making the most ridiculous faces she can make while ‘dancing’.
At the end of the night, she’s smiling from cheek to cheek. Her heels are worn down but her dress is still perfectly in place.
If you saw her that night, you won’t forget her.
The confidence doesn’t lie in the blue dress and pink pumps. It comes from within and she won’t mind sharing her sparkle with you.
You can have a piece of it but you can never take it away.
***
I will have a good recap of my weekend at the beach soon. In the meantime, check out an awesome new project…Who doesn’t love postcards? I know you do so go here now!
First of all, if you missed yesterday’s post, check it out here (It’s pretty awesome and positive)
You might not guess it but I’m pretty shy.
…
Stop laughing.
…
OK, seriously, stop.
Let me explain.
I cannot approach people IN PERSON. Online? Sure. I’ll find something in common with them but in a room full of people, it’s usually hard for me to go up to someone and say “Hi, my name is Jordan” because I usually say my ‘real’ name which causes people to do a double-take and go “What?” which makes me even more nervous.
And when I get nervous, I babble. A lot. And I hate babbling, so it’s easier not to approach people but then people think I’m a b*tch because I seem stand-offish.
My life is clearly very complicated.
The thing is, when I do open up and make a connection with someone, even if it’s just for two minutes, it changes my attitude and I seem more approachable and the rest of the event is a breeze.
This kind of attitude makes it difficult for me to make the leap, step out of my comfort zone and go to events where I don’t know anyone, except from Twitter, especially if a group has hung out before.
Last night, I stepped out and stepped into a world of laughter, inspiration and positivity.
If you’ve never been to an nGage event, I encourage you to check them out and attend the next one. I met some amazing people last night, including (finally) Ms. Rasberry AKA Paparazzi, Jaguar Princess, Ms. Parker (and her lovely mom) and of course, C-Natra who finally inducted me into his #TweetPack. I met a lot of other people and it was interesting to have people go “DCPrincess? Oh yeah, I know you.” (Excuse me?) but I forget the impact of Retweets on Twitter and how social I am on there.
I hope that I was just as social and warm once I finally got over my self-doubt.
(I still haven’t gotten the hang of exchanging business cards or talking about work.)
Stepping out is good for me. I’m going to keep doing it, even if I find myself drowning in self-doubt because nothing like taking a risk to liven me up.
But y’all better believe me when I say I’m shy. I mean it.
Stop laughing.
So what are YOU going to do to step out of your comfort zone today? This weekend? This week? This month?
I am looking forward to a weekend of being at the beach with one of my best friends and enjoying the sun and being disconnected from the world.
Do one thing that makes you smile and don’t forget to smile at a stranger. Trust me, it’ll be appreciated whether they realize it or not.
Some days, you just wake up with the intention of taking on the day, regardless of that weird dream you had which made you uneasy.
You turn up the music, push your boyfriend out the door and set out to conquer the day.
I’ll be honest. It hasn’t been me lately but today?
Today is my day.
I am not sure which switch went off in me but I’m finally getting back to my normal self. The “Take No Prisoners, You Can Do Anything” self. The girl who jumps in and asks questions later. The girl who is ready to take the world by the balls.
I may not be at the top of my game lately. I get that. In fact, some people have chosen to identify my behavior as ‘rude’ because I was withdrawn and distanced myself from friends.
A good friend put it best: “It’s not personal, it’s just having to pick up all your pieces before trying to hold them together in front of other people.”
This is me. Finally having picked up some of my pieces enough to feel confident enough to show myself again.
I’ve been working since I was 16 and I’ve always been afraid of not having a job. After I moved out last year, my biggest fear was losing my job and having to move back to my parents’ house.
So when I lost my job, I freaked out but something in me was stirring.
With the help of my amazing boyfriend and the best support group a girl can ask for, I finally realized what it is I want.
I don’t want a full-time office job being someone’s assistant (Unless it’s PR/Communications and I am LEARNING.)
I’ve always wanted an internship but not being your usual college student, I never had the opportunity. To be honest, my parents just didn’t understand.
They still don’t but this is my life.
So I have a new career path. New goals. Renewed DRIVE.
It’s OK to start up small. It’s OK if I don’t have a full-time job as long as I can make ends meet and I am HAPPY.
I have a full-time job building a lifetime of memories.
I have a full-time job going after my dreams.
I have a full-time job kicking ass at everything I do.
The rest?
The rest always falls into place.
***
So, AS I WAS WRITING THIS BLOG, I got a call from one of the internships I applied to this morning. I can’t give the full details until I meet with her on Tuesday but I got a phone call from an amazing woman who has one of the coolest jobs ever! She told me that I am at the top of her list for internship and if we mesh well on Tuesday, I will be trained by her current interns during that day.
Since I lost my job, I wake up everyday wishing I could get away. I feel like I need to just get out of town for a while and recharge.
Find my center.
One of the hardest things has been not having a car and being able to go for a drive or run errands when I feel like it. The Boy leaves for work at 7-8 am and doesn’t get home until 7-8 pm. Kind of sucks and it sucks even more since he’s the one with the car. Feeling trapped is an understatement. Of course, I know that DC is a great city to explore and you guys made great suggestions on my last post but between the heat and the need to apply to jobs constantly keeps me away from planning daily trips around the city.
True, I have been dying to visit the museums and enjoy myself in the city and always complain that I have to work but why couldn’t I have lost my job in September when it’s nice and cool? I know, that just sounds wrong but you know what I mean.
Of course, I also haven’t been working out…I mean, this morning was the first time I worked out in a month and I say ‘worked out’ in the loosest sense of the phrase. Slowly though, I’m coming back to life.
Like grocery shopping. When I open my fridge and am greeted by beer (Mostly the boy’s, I don’t really drink when I’m at home) and milk, with some leftovers, it doesn’t inspire me. So this weekend, the Boy and I went grocery shopping and the fridge is now full of veggies I am excited to use in new recipes. I am not a foodie by any means but I do love cooking. Something as routine as grocery shopping helped me get one more piece of my old self back.
Yesterday, when I went to my parents’, I found my high school yearbook and aimed at finding my center. It reminded me that while I’ve come a long way since then, the friendships have lasted through it all. Two of my best friends are still in my life and reading the things they wrote at the end of our senior year brought tears to my eyes.
Finding my center lies in remembering what matters.
One of my best friends, Jackie, has been feeling the need to get away as well so we’re taking our first road trip (and we’ve been friends for 10 years!) this weekend and hitting the beach for two nights. I am promising myself to be as disconnected as possible this weekend and enjoy myself, as well as my time with my best friend.
Sorry if this post was a little rambly. I’m trying to do my best to get back to my writing but I’m a little rusty and all over the place.
How was your weekend?
Give me some road trip tunes!!
What is your favorite thing to do on/near the beach? We’ll be staying on the boardwalk in OC, MD.
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